Film: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is my favorite Mike Meyers movie, it is better than "Wayne's World" and "Austin Powers" and his father character has some of the best lines ever.

Quotes:
"Dad, how can you hate 'The Colonel'?"
"Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smart ass!"

"Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!"

"HEAD! PANTS! NOW!"

"We've got a piper down, I repeat, the piper is DOWN!"

4 out of 4 Stars

Film: Sneakers (1992)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Uh, could we maybe just go back to the "they might kill us" part?"

Review: This is a fun thriller with a good ensemble cast.

"Cattle mutilations are up."
"Don't."
"Sorry."

3 out of 4 Stars

Film: Snatch (2000)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Do you have anything to declare, sir?"
"Yeah. Don't go to England."

Review: This is a great movie about English gangsters. One of my favorite scenes is the quick edited flight between New York and London. Brad Pitt is hilarious as the unintelligible Gypsy.

"A bookie's got blagged last night."
"Blagged? Do me a favor, Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the fucking language, and so far nobody seems to speak it."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: Sixteen Candles (1984)

DVD: Anamorphic


"No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food."

"Just answer me one question."
"Yes, you're a total faggot."
"Ha ha ha. That's not the question."

Review: This is my favorite John Hughes' movie. Great writing, great acting and great soundtrack. I saw it a million times on TV before I finally saw it unedited on DVD. Anthony Michael Hall is at his peak form in his movie.

"Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies."
"I better get my magnifying glass. Ha Ha Ha."
"Oh, and they are so PERKY."
-----
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up."

4 out of 4 Stars

Film: Singles (1992)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Are my breasts too small for you?"
"Sometimes."

Review: This is a movie set in the Grunge Scene in the early 90s. This movie is nothing special but it always hooks me in when ever I catch it on TV.

"I think that, A) you have an act, and that, B) not having an act is your act."

"So I'm not an Amazon woman?"
"You're from the high plains, Janet."

3 out of 4 Stars

Film: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

DVD: Anamorphic


"You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand?"

Review: Before this movie I thought Steve Carrell was a decent character actor but wouldn't be able to carry a whole movie, but I was wrong. This movie is frequently hilarious as it intelligently satirizes all the conversations guys go through as they try to figure out women, sex and love.

The movie feels a little bloated at times but maybe that is because I have only watched the longer unrated cut. The theatrical version might have cut some of the funny but unnecessary scenes.

"You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!"

"I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think."
"Where is she now?"
"Oh, she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but Hey, that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody... But that's love, man."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: Blue Streak (1999)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit."

Review: This is Martin Lawrence's best movie in the starring role. It feels allot like a 'Beverly Hills Cop' for the 90s, in a good way. The movie has a very funny concept and Luke Wilson does a good job as the straight man to Martin's ex-con masquerading as a police officer in order to retrieve his stolen diamond.

"Don't you ever get all up on this thing?"
"I don't think I've ever gotten all up on anything, sir."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

DVD: Anamorphic


"It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told."
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."
"Now it places the lotion in the basket."

Review: This is one of the best thrillers ever made. What makes this movie so unique is the how much you care for a crazy cannibal.

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Baghdad Security Plan

I have been a bit frustrated by news reports on suicide bombs in Baghdad recently and Mohammad at Iraq the Model expressed my views on this exactly.

If we look at how the media handles the situation we'll find something like this almost everywhere;

Dozens killed, scores wounded in attacks suggest failure of security measures…

It's as if the speaker here wants to only emphasize the defect in security measures in a way that honestly angers and disgusts me.
When shall they realize, if ever, that we are dealing with brutal crimes against humanity, a genocide against the people of Iraq? Why don't people talk about the cruelty of the crimes and expose the obvious goals of the terrorists behind the crimes?

Yes, why doesn't the media? I wish I could believe that they are reporting on the defects so that security can be improved but instead it seems that they are just trying to sell the idea that providing security is impossible so we might as well just give up. Don't we know that Iraq is about to erupt into full-blown Civil War at any moment? You would think reporters would be embarrassed of writing articles entitled, "Is Iraq on the brink of Civil War?" every few months? They have only been prematurely predicting it for the last few years.

Mohammad asks tough questions in another section of his post.

Where are the media when terrorists use chlorine poisonous gas, acids, and ball bearings to kill and hurt more and more civilians in utter disregard to all written and unwritten laws, ethics and values?
I understand it's the duty of the media to practice scrutiny over the work of governments but isn't it equally their duty to expose criminals and their evil deeds?

It's frustrating to see the media turn a blind eye to the nature of the crimes and open fire on an honest endeavor to restore peace to a bleeding nation. I'm sure the terrorists are pleased by the coverage. Why not, when their crimes are being portrayed as successful breakthroughs against the efforts of Iraq and America it's likely motivating them to keep up the killing.

I bolded what I think are Mohammad's most important points. I know reporters are normally cynics but why do they seem to give the terrorists the benefit of the doubt while harshly criticizing any attempt to improve the situation in Iraq.

Every exploded bomb inflicted on Iraqi citizens is reported as a great victory for the terrorists while every raided car bomb factory is ignored or treated as an expose on how the informant was probably tortured like in the recent New York Times article entitled, 3 Suspects Talk After Iraqi Soldiers Do Dirty Work.

Film: Sideways (2004)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: This is a great movie by one of my favorite directors. I loved Thomas Haden Church in this movie, but I have been a big fan of his from the TV shows of "Wings" and "Ned and Stacey". Great Dialogue with excellent chemistry between all the actors.

Quotes:
"This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere."
"And get your bone smooched."

"If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot."
"No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!"

"Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Okay? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry... passion fruit... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese..."
"Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries."

"Quaffable, but uh... far from transcendent."

"You know, can I ask you a personal question, Miles?"
"Sure."
"Why are you so in to Pinot? I mean, it's like a thing with you."
"Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Short Circuit (1986)

DVD: Non-Anamorphic


"Ooooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby."
"Will you grow up?"

Review: This was one of my favorite movies when I was growing up, but I have always had a soft spot for robots and Number 5 was my favorite. This is a funny movie but I was devastated when they blew up Number 5 at the end.

Favorite Scene: Number 5 putting the box over his head and shaking when he feared he was to be disassembled.

"What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?"
"Nun soup?"

"We'll be killed!"
"Disassemble?"
"Yes, disassemble all over the place!"

4 out of 4 Stars

Film: The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank."

Review: Morgan Freeman always seems to play the same kind of character, but damn he does it well.

"One day, when I have a gray beard and a few marbles rollin' around upstairs, that's when they'll let me out."

4 out of 4 Stars - EPIC

Film: Shallow Hal (2001)

DVD: Anamorphic


"You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp."

Review: This is the best of the second-tier Farrelly Brother's movies, their fourth best movie. Jack Black is great and the movie is very funny.

"I like 'em real young. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first "Sports Illustrated" layout?"
"You're looking for a young Paulina type?"
"Well, that face, but with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Heidi Klum's beams would do. And her teeth. Or, ooh, that Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers. But she's a tad muscular. Uh, actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too, if she had a better grille. Like, uh, Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did "Grease 2". But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. Kinda like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. You know what I mean. Someone like that."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: Se7en (1995)

DVD: Anamorphic


"This guy's methodical, exacting, and worst of all, patient."
"He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!"

Review: This along with "Fight Club" is Brad Pitt's best movie. I think that this movie is on even par with "Silence of the Lambs" as a dark thriller.

"You're no messiah. You're a movie of the week. You're a fucking t-shirt, at best."

"This isn't going to have a happy ending."

4 out of 4 Stars

Film: Scrooged (1988)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"The bitch hit me with a toaster."

Review: I always debate if this movie is good enough for my collection. I love Bill Murrey and some of the scenes are wonderful, but I think the story is too loose and gets a little too sappy at the end with his long monologue.

You could almost skip this movie and watch the superior "Groundhog Day" instead. Bill Murray plays the same type of character going though the same character arc with a funnier story.

I will keep it for now, but may give it away to someone who appreciates it more.

"No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl."

2 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: Schindler's List (1993)

DVD: Anamorphic


"My father was fond of saying you need three things in life - a good doctor, a forgiving priest, and a clever accountant. The first two, I've never had much use for."

"This is very cruel, Oskar. You're giving them hope. You shouldn't do that. THAT'S cruel!"

Review: An intense movie that deserved the Oscar for Best Picture. Inspired me to visit the locations from the movie in Krakow, Poland in 2003.

"Power is when we have every justification to kill, and we don't."
"You think that's power?"
"That's what the Emperor said. A man steals something, he's brought in before the Emperor, he throws himself down on the ground. He begs for his life, he knows he's going to die. And the Emperor... pardons him. This worthless man, he lets him go."
"I think you are drunk."
"That's power, Amon. That is power."

4 out of 4 Stars - EPIC

Film: Scent of a Woman (1992)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Ah, that's amazing."
"Well, I'm in the amazing business."

Review: This is a great movie. It plays with the emotions so well that you forgive all the strings that it is pulling.

Favorite Scene: The Tango

"I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong; I'm not a judge or jury. But I can tell you this: he won't sell anybody out to buy his future!"

4 out of 4 Stars

Film: Say Anything... (1989)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

Review: This is a well-told love story about Diane who falls in love with Lloyd after High School Graduation. She has to learn how to balance her love for Lloyd, an underachiever, between her and her father's big plans for the future. I enjoy the movie, but it's not a favorite.

"Are you shaking?"
"No."
"You're shaking."
"I don't think so."
"You're cold."
"I don't think I am."
"Then why are you shaking?"
"I don't know. I think I'm happy."

3 out of 4 Stars

Film: Saving Silverman (2001)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!"

Review: I laughed my ass off the first time I watched this movie but the second time I just chuckled. This is a funny movie but it might not have staying power. I will have to watch it again in the future to find out.

"You're not gay... you're just confused."
"Yes, I am gay. Oh HEY! Do you wanna be gay with me?"
"NO!"

3 out of 4 Stars

Film: Saving Private Ryan (1998)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I'll see you on the beach."

Review: The most intensive 15 minutes of any film ever. My girlfriend at the time had to walk out of the theater during it, couldn't take it.

Favorite Scene: The Knife Fight. It was so visceral, it made my heart ache.

"Maybe I should go up the middle, sir."
"The way you run? I don't think so."
"Maybe I should go up the left, sir."
"Maybe you should shut up!"

4 out of 4 Stars - EPIC

Film: The Saint (1997)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"My name is Buro Houtenfaust. I was named for a Saint who was a very wealthy man. He had the wine, the women, the songs, the whole bit, and then inexplicably, took a vow of poverty and became a hermit. Ran off to live in the forest, in the nude."

Review: This is a fun little Bond-type thriller with the element of disguises thrown in. Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue's nice acting and chemistry save it from disappearing into obscurity.

"Do you know what the worst part about being you is?"
"What?"
"Pretending to be so bad in bed."
"You son of a bitch!"

2 1/2 out of 4 Stars

TV: Grosse Pointe - Complete Series (2000-2001)

DVD: 2 Discs


"You are so great on the show... even if the fans don't agree."

Review: This was a short-lived series that was an excellent behind-the-scenes satire of teen shows like Beverly Hills, 90210. It concentrated on the comic interactions of the actors and crew members on the Warner Brothers' lot and how this affected their fictional show called Grosse Pointe. I was very disappointed when this show was cancelled after one season with a cliff-hanger ending but I am very happy to own it on DVD.

"Every time I kiss you I think I deserve an Emmy."
"And every time I kiss you, I think, why can't I kiss a girl with breasts."

"Why should I take advice from you? The longest relationship you ever had was in the bathroom stall at the Viper Room."

"I bet they're not making Dawson's Creek go supernatural for Halloween."
"Oh, they are... Dawson's going to hell to save Joey's soul."

"He says he's going to start a whole gay chapter for Johnny Bishop. Just look what they've done for Keanu Reeves."

"I wouldn't go around here bragging about how much time you spend on these scripts, cause guess what? They suck."

4 out of 4 Stars

TV: Just Shoot Me! - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"What the hell is going on here? Dennis?"
"Going on? I tell you what's going on. We're living in a society where human privacy has taken a back seat to the ever watchful eye of big brother. Hidden cameras in our homes? What's next, bar codes on our heads? Shame on you, Jack Gallo. Shame on you and all the other fascists who are chipping away at our personal freedoms, each and every day."
"You stooped my nanny, didn't you?"
"Twice."

Review: Another great season of Just Shoot Me! that ends with Finch getting married to a supermodel. For awhile I thought they would never release another season on DVD.

"Breasts, eight letters?"
"Bazongas, Balloons, Knockers..."
"Seven letters beginning with a H."
"Hooters, Honkers, Highbeams..."
"Now in Spanish."
"Cha Chas, Pinatas, Maracas..."
"Oh, so you basically you spend all your time thinking of synonyms for breasts?"
"I also do bottoms."
"Alphabetically."
"Ass, booty, caboose, derriere, endzone, fanny, glutie-pops..."

"What are you up to?"
"Oh, not much. Jill has a crush on Maya and I'm playing matchmaker."
"Why?"
"Why? Call it a quest... Call it a dream... but if I can be part of, adjacent to, or even hear about two women frolicking in the secret garden then I will not have lived my life in vain."
"That's all very fine and dandy, but despite her fondness for Birkenstocks, Maya is not into women."
"Let me lay a little science on you, Nina. All women are two drinks away from a girl-on-girl adventure."

"Courtney, I don't know what's come over me, I think it's you. I'm just going to be bold. We've wasted so much time already. I just want to take you home, hold you tightly in my arms and together experience a world of possibilities."
"Wow! If by world of possibilities, you mean, the hottest, wildest, oiliest, night of crazy, freaky, monkey sex this side of Bangkok. Then I say, Saddle up Cowboy, you're going for the ride of your life."
"Giddy up."

"I shouldn't have said what I did... and, uh, well, I'm really sorry."
"Well, Mark, it's big of you to admit that. You were a little out of line. C'mon, look at me. I'm cool. All right? I'm not one of those freaky fans... Hi, you've reached Dennis Finch and..."
"Mark Hamill?"
"He He He... of the Rebel Alliance so leave a message, you losers. Ptchooh! Ptchooh! Ptchooh!"

"See, I feel better already. Hey, what was that button for?"
"Oh, that summons the police. How's the lollipop?"
"You don't understand. I'm returning this."
"Someone has to teach you a lesson and I know just the dirty cop to do it."
"But I'm doing the right thing."
"When you get to prison, be sure to knife the first guy you see. Now you'll spend two months in the hole, but they'll respect you."
"What's happening?"
"That's what you're going to say when they corner you in the laundry."

"Hey, there's the bell. What's your card say?"
"Oh Nigel, I'm frightened. Won't you push your head between my bosoms and comfort me?"
"How awkward, but if it says so on the card."
"And my buttocks, Sir, they're so very cold. Won't you cup them?"
"Hey, who's making bogus cards on the laser printer?"
"Oh, you bastard!"
"I never claimed to be otherwise."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Just Shoot Me! - 1st & 2nd Seasons

DVD: 4 Discs


"Oh, I just remembered. You're boring. And my legs work."

Review: This was a great show, a perfect vehicle for the dark wit of David Spade. The rest of the cast did wonderful character work to make it an excellent ensemble show with great chemistry. The episode, "Pass the Salt" with Brian Dennehy playing Finch's fireman father is a classic. The more I watch this show the more it grows in my esteem. When it first aired I enjoyed it but it was always overshadowed by shows like Seinfeld & NewsRadio.

"Ooh, a sex dream. How was I?"
"Absent."

"Finch, the copier's not working."
"Maybe the dark cloud over your head shorted it out."

"He's too old for you."
"Based on what?"
"Based on the number of times the Earth has orbited the Sun since he was born."

"So just forget about her, stop all contact, and get her out of your life."
"Yeah, thanks.......... If you're waiting for a hug, you might want to pack a lunch."
"THAT'S the Finch I know!"

"Your father, huh, I take it there's a problem."
"Forget it, nothing worse than listening to some sad-sack whining about how Daddy done wrong."
"Oh yeah, I know but... HEY!"

"We'll probably wind up at some bar watching TV and not talking to each other."
"You don't talk."
"Well, I didn't come from that Italian, Jewish, Catholic background... or whatever it is you got going."

"Hey Miya. I think I have an idea on how to get you more adventure points."
"I told you yesterday I'm not taking a bath with you."
"Ok, Gotcha. We'll leave that one up in the air, but here is my second idea."

3 1/2 out of 4 stars

TV: Futurama - Bender's Game

DVD: Anamorphic Widescreen


"Bender, were you built without an imagination?"
"What? Don't be stupid, of course not. It just hasn't descended yet."

Review: I am starting to think that movie length versions of Futurama are just not the best way to showcase it's superb qualities. It is best with shorter tightly-paced stories filled with great gags. This latest movie is a good, but not great tale about the monopoly of dark-matter by the Mom Corporation.

"Locker Room: NO Pointing and Laughing"

"Dark matter costs have tripled, so we must reduce expenses. Therefore, we will no longer provide complimentary porno magazines in the lounge."
"Darn it."
"And no more wasting fuel."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Futurama - Bender's Big Score!

DVD: Anamorphic Widescreen


"We're back, baby!"

"What's the secret of time travel doing on Fry's ass?"
"It was bound to be somewhere!"

Review: I have anticipated this first Futurama movie for too long for me to enjoy it the first time I viewed it. I expected every line to be spun comedic gold and when it wasn't, I felt disappointed. I hope when I re-visit it again in a few months I will find a much better experience unspoiled by unrealistically high expectations. Lots of smiles and chuckles, but not the belly laughs I was looking for.

"I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen."

"Finished. I've managed to save the universe and forty percent of your rectum."
"That's all you need."

4 out of 5 Stars