Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Film: Pushing Tin (1999)

 VUDU: Streaming

Review: Entertaining film about two feuding air traffic controllers, played by John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton, who move their competition at work into their personal lives. Written by Glen and Les Charles, the creators of Cheers, the story captures the stressful work environment and crazy personality types who control the busy skies over New York.

"Ed, can you take that Delta?"
"No, I can't take the Delta, my airspace is finite."
"Uh-oh, Ed's going down the drain."
"I am NOT going down the drain."
"Oh yes you are. It happens every time you use the term 'finite'."

"Now are you going to give me a vector or am I going to have to find New York by the smell?"
"Oh, all right. Sparta 753 turn left heading zero-seven-zero, maintain two-thousand till localizer. Cleared ILS runway four."
"ILS runway four. Hey, let's have dinner some time, Control. I want to see if you are as ugly as you sound."
"OK, as long as I can find a place where we don't need shoes. Now will your pig be dining with you or will you be sleeping alone?"

"Sir, will you please sit down! The Captain is in control of the plane!"
"Oh, you think the Captain is in control? Now THAT would really scare me!"

"I'm personally going to see to it that you go down in flames!"
"Negative, United. That was not to you. Not to you!"

"If you ever want to sleep at night, don't marry a beautiful girl."

4 out 5 Stars

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Film: Superbad (2007)

DVD: Anamorphic

Review: Probably the last great high school comedy in the tradition of "Weird Science", "American Pie" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". No movie in that genre has topped it since. It follows the day-long adventures of two best friends, Seth & Evan, who are trying to score alcohol for a party thrown that night by a popular girl at school. The movie is just full of their hilarious conversations as they prepare for the end of their senior year and their futures at separate colleges next year. Their nerdier friend, McLovin, almost steals the show after he spends the rest of the movie with two incompetent police officers when he buys alcohol with a new fake ID.

"You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site."
"Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern."
"Right, I didn't realize that."
"Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?"
[Shakes Head] "Not for me."

"Fuck, man! Tonight is a night that fucking is an actual possibility."
"You just sound like an idiot, you're not gonna be able to sleep with her, man."
"No... dude! I don't want to talk a lot of shit. OK. But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least, I'll make out with her. Two weeks, hand job. Month, blow job. Whatever, whatever. And then, I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj."

"You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!"

"Look at those nipples."
"They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get."
"Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day I want to live in."
"You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton."

"I got it; it is flawless. Check it!"
"Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?"
"McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be, an Irish R&B singer?"
"Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there."
"And you landed on McLovin..."

"Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with their fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year old's do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?"
"Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID. It'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"
"... I am McLovin."
"No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!"

"Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube."

"I heard she got breast reduction surgery."
"What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift."
"She had back problems, man.  It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical."
"I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move."

"How old are you McLovin?"
"Old enough."
"Old enough for what?"
"To party."

"Yeah, why don't you just wear what you wore to school?"
"No, I can't do that. I can't let Jules see me in what I wore to school. It's completely unbecoming. Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam!"

"Fogell, I don't understand why you we're smoking cigarettes with those cops."
"Because I fuckin' rule?"

“She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in or around her mouth!”

"I am gonna give you the best Blow J ever... with my mouth."

5 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Film: Sicario (2015)


Review: This is the first film that I ever saw from the French-Canadian director, Denis Villeneuve. He transformed this genre action thriller into a work of art that combines the great acting of Emily Blunt, Benicio del Toro and Josh Brolin with the beautiful cinematographer of Roger Deakins and tension-filled music of Icelandic composer, Jóhann Jóhannsson. Emily Blunt plays an FBI agent who is roped into a high-stakes cross-border mission to take on a Mexican drug cartel after she uncovers a house full of bodies in Arizona.

"What's our objective?"
"To dramatically overreact."

"What am I doing here?"
"What you're doing here is you're giving us the opportunity to shake the tree and create chaos. That's what this is! In the meantime, just sponge everything up you see. Learn! That's why you're here."

"Nothing will make sense to your American ears, and you will doubt everything that we do, but in the end you will understand."

"Advisors like Matt come in, they stir the pot, they cause the criminals to react and make mistakes. That's how we build cases against the individuals that actually make a difference in this fight. It's when they're nervous, when they stop trusting their crews, when they move their money. These are all opportunities to strike. And that's the purpose of people like Matt."

"I just tried to have sex with my hitman."
"Nah, he's no assassin. He just wanted to know what you know. They're after us, not you."

"You know what the beauty is of you being so beat to a pulp? 'Cause no one's gonna notice a few more scratches."

"Medellin refers to a time when one group controlled every aspect of the drug trade, providing a measure of order that we could control. And until somebody finds a way to convince 20% of the population to stop snorting and smoking that shit, order's the best we can hope for. And what you saw up there, was Alejandro working toward returning that order."
"Alejandro works for the fucking Colombian Cartel."
"He works for the competition. Alejandro works for anyone who will point him toward the people who made him. Us. Them. Anyone who will turn him loose. So, he can get the person that cut off his wife's head, and threw his daughter into a vat of acid. Yeah. That's what we're dealing with."

"Don't ever point a gun at me again."

5 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Film: Mystery Date (1991)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9

Review: I was a sucker for these types of date movies when I was young and it still holds up.  Ethan Hawke plays Tom, a young man who has a crush on his next door neighbor but is too shy to ask her out. When his sophisticated older brother comes home from law school, he sets Tom up on the date with her and provides him with his ID so Tom can take her to a popular bar. The date quickly goes sideways when Tom finds a dead body in the trunk of his brother's car and the target of the cops and his brother's unsavory associates in a case of mistaken identity.

"Well, fine. Well then I'll just go over there and say, 'Hi, I'm Tom and you don't know me, but I've been spying on you for a couple of months now and I am finding you very attractive in a very real, very hormonal way.' And then she'll slap me silly."
"There are worse things in this world than getting slapped by a beautiful woman, you'll see."

"Alright, now the only problem with glasses is that they tend to fly off when a woman slaps you. Just don't flinch, you take it like a man, come off it smiling."

"You like lingerie, Tommy?"
"Well, I've really only read about it."

"We spend hours making ourselves look completely different, and then we go into some dark place where we really can't see each other anyway, and then we drink so we don't know if the other person is really interesting or just seems interesting 'cause they're pretending to be interested in the person that we're pretending to be."
"Uh, right. So I guess there's no getting around it. We're gonna have to lie to each other."

"...all because your loins led you out tonight."
"It was not my loins! I was... curious."
"Ah! In women, curiosity is an urge that springs from the loins."
"What, and not in men?"
"In men, everything is an urge that springs from the loins."

"That was awesome! We were almost killed!"
"Well, the night is still young."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, August 02, 2020

Film: The Shining (1980)


Review: I finally saw this classic movie about a caretaker in an isolated hotel in the mountains who goes crazy during the dark winter months and tries to kill his family. Since I am not a fan of horror, it took me a long time to get around to it. Like all of Stanley Kubrick's films, it looks beautiful with amazing performances by the actors, led by Jack Nicholson.

"I don't suppose they told you anything in Denver about the tragedy we had in the Winter of 1970."
"I don't believe they did."
"My predecessor in this job left a man named Charles Grady as the Winter caretaker. And he came up here with his wife and two little girls, I think were eight and ten. And he had a good employment record, good references, and from what I've been told he seemed like a completely normal individual. But at some point during the winter, he must have suffered some kind of a complete mental breakdown. He ran amuck and killed his family with an axe. Stacked them neatly in one of the rooms in the West wing and then he, he put both barrels of a shot gun in his mouth."

"Do you like this hotel?"
"Yes, I do. I love it. Don't you?"
"I guess so."
"Good. I want you to like it here. I wish we could stay here forever... and ever... and ever."

"Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me, and it will then take me time to get back to where I was. You understand?"
"Now, we're going to make a new rule. When you come in here and you hear me typing... or whether you DON'T hear me typing, or whatever the FUCK you hear me doing, when I'm in here, it means that I am working, THAT means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?"
"Good. Now why don't you start right now and get the fuck out of here? Hm?"

"God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my goddamned soul for just a glass of beer."

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

"I just wanna go back to my room!"
"Well, I'm very confused, and I just need time to think things over!"
"You've had your whole fucking life to think things over, what good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?"
"Please! Don't hurt me!"
"I'm not gonna hurt you."
"Stay away from me!"
"Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in!"

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in."

"Here's Johnny!"

"Larry, just between you and me, we got a very serious problem with the people taking care of the place. They turned out to be completely unreliable assholes."

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Film: Wonder Boys (2000)

 DVD: Enhanced for 16:9

Review: This well-written movie takes place over a wintery weekend in Pittsburgh as an English professor, played by Michael Douglas, struggles to finish his second novel while dealing with the end of his marriage, his girlfriend's pregnancy and a suicidal student. Robert Downey Jr. is great as his New York editor who arrives to check on the progress of his novel.

"Why did you keep writing this book if you didn't even know what it was about?"
"I couldn't stop."

"Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog."
"I had to! Didn't I?"
"Couldn't you have just pulled him off me?"

"I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason he should've taken two in the chest."

"So there it was. Somewhere in the night, a Manhattan book editor was prowling the streets of Pittsburgh; best-selling author at his side, dead dog in his trunk."

"Grady, you know how in class you're always telling us that writers make choices?"
"And even though you're book is really beautiful, I mean, amazingly beautiful, it's... it's at times... it's... very detailed. You know, with the genealogies of everyone's horses, and the dental records, and so on. And... I could be wrong, but it sort of reads in places like you didn't make any choices. At all. And I was just wondering if it might not be different if... if when you wrote you weren't always... under the influence."
"Well... thank you for the thought, but shocking as it may sound, I am not the first writer to sip a little weed. Furthermore, it might surprise you to know that one book I wrote, as you say, 'under the influence,' just happened to win a little something called the Pen Award. Which, by the way, I accepted under the influence."

"Naturally you have copies."
"I have an alternate version of the first chapter."

"You didn't happen to call our house last night, did you?"
"I think I might have, yes."
"What do you think you might have said?"
"I think I might have said I was in love with you... He told you?"
"He told me."
"And what did you say?"
"I said it didn't sound like you."

4 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

My Movie Ratings System

The five star system is my favorite way to rate movies. A four star system has no easy selection for an average movie and a three star system is just too simplistic for me.

5 Stars - A masterpiece of its genre. The direction, acting, music, design, special effects and story are firing on all cylinders to create a perfect film.

4 Stars - A great movie with a few minor flaws, like a weak subplot or distracting castmember. Sometimes an average movie with one genius aspect to it (thrilling plot, an award-level acting performance, or amazing chemistry between the leads, etc.) can earn it 4 stars.

3 Stars - An average movie, worth a watch, but forgettable afterwards. It still works despite flaws like a clichéd story, uneven pacing, predictible mystery or unfocused direction. Some films burdened by unfair expectations or too avant-garde at the time may need to be seen again before they can be appreciated. Films that get better with repeat viewings can move up the rankings over time and vice-versa.

2 Stars - A bad movie with enough redeeming qualities to keep me watching. It has an entertaining actor or the story has hooked me enough to get to the end despite bad acting, shoddy special effects, plot holes or weak action scenes. (This rating includes the "So Bad it is Good" films.)

1 Star - A horrible film, so bad or boring that I fall asleep, walk out or fast-forward to the end so at least I can get some closure.

(Most of the films in my collection are at least 4 or 5 stars. The only exceptions are three star films I own for nostalgia reasons. I loved them when I was younger, but they may have not aged very well. There are also a few films that make it due to one amazing scene, like the Christopher Walken/Dennis Hopper scene in "True Romance" or the Europe sidetrip in "Rules of Attraction".)

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Film: The Flamingo Kid (1984)


Review: This film stars a young Matt Dillon, who plays a recent high school graduate who gets a summer job at a Long Island Beach Club in the early 60's. While working as a cabana boy and playing gin rummy with his buddies, he falls under the influence of a rich club member who convinces him to skip college and go into sales at his car dealership. It is a good movie about a young man trying to distance himself from his working class family and neighborhood as he grows used to his new surroundings. Hector Elizondo is great as the father struggling with losing his son as well as Richard Crenna playing the smooth-talking mentor to Jeffrey.

"Where is he?"
"He's using the facility."
"I don't know this boy, Phil. He could be doing anything in there."
"What do you think he's doing? You think he's stealing soap?"

"Come on, let's go for a spin."
"In this?"
"No, you don't drive this on the road. It's got no windshield. You get bugs in your teeth."
"Oh, yeah. Sure."
"You ever hit a bug going 180 miles an hour? Believe me, it's not a thrill. For you or the bug."

"The salesman of this world make the money. Remember that."
"Yeah. Yeah. You're right."
"The reason I'm telling you this is I've been watching you. You know what I've seen so far spells?"

"There you are, Mrs. Brody. Straight vodka on the rocks in a wine glass. Is there anything else you'd like me to get you?"
"A gun."
"Well, I'll check the snack bar to see if they have a gun but you might have to settle for a club sandwich."
"Cute, Jeffrey, cute... This is my life. Being amused by a cabana boy."

"There only two important things in living - finding out what you do well and finding out what makes you happy. And if God is smiling on you, they're both the same thing."

"See, Arthur, boys grow up only once. Jeffrey works very hard. Tonight he wants to go to the track with his friends. Let him go."
"Stop it."
"Excuse me?"
"What are you telling me about my son? How can you tell me about my son? This is my son, not yours."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that he was going to go to college, my son, before he met you and got all these silly ideas about selling cars is what I'm saying."

"I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Well, don't do it on my shirt."
"It's your shirt that's making me sick."

"I told them."
"What are you talking about? You told them what?"
"Well, I had to. About you and Big Sid. Your scam. You can't go around screwing your friends, Mr. Brody."

"Summer's over. I'm just standing here watching another ship boxing its compass and venturing out to sea."
"It's nice to know that it can go home if it needs to."
"If it talks nice to the lighthouse keeper, he can always come home."
"Yeah, well, maybe if the lighthouse keeper didn't yell so much..."
"Well, the reason the lighthouse keeper yells... WHAT THE HELL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? YOU COMING HOME OR WHAT?"
"Good. All right. Then it's over?
"Yeah, it's over. Yeah, fine."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Film: Get Him to The Greek (2010)


Review: This is a sort-of sequel to "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", this time centering on Aldous Snow, the rock star played by Russell Brand, from the first film. Jonah Hill plays a new character, a music executive who must escort the British singer from London to Los Angeles for a comeback concert at the Greek Theater. Wrangling the hard-partying musician turns out to be harder than herding cats as the normal journey is turned into an out-of-control road trip filled with sex, drugs and alcohol.

"What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect."

"Would you like me to take the Chiswick Roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?"
"What is this, fucking Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay."

"If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass."

"You've been mind-fucked before?"
"I don't think so."
"I'm mind-fucking you right now."
"You are?"
"Can't you feel my dick fucking your mind?"
"No, I can't really feel anything."
"See? That's it. That's the art of it. I'm mind-fucking the shit out of you."
"Well I hope you're wearing a condom cause I have a dirty mind."

"I labored under the myth of monogamy for several years with Jackie and it was pointless."
"So you only slept with Jackie?"
"No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy."

"We're gonna fuck these two girls."
"I just got out of a relationship."
"Was your ex a blonde or brunette?"
"Blonde it is."

"Aaron! Where the fuck are you? I'm gonna kill you! Smiley face."

"Nothing you say makes any sense, I understand that now, you're just a fucking junkie and you're smart so you make your insanity sound good but its bullshit."

4 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Film: Dinner for Schmucks (2010)


Review: This is a funny movie where Tim is up for a big promotion if he can bring an entertaining idiot to his boss' themed dinner party. Sickened by the idea at first, he changes his mind when he bumps into the perfect guest, a naive man-child named Barry who builds dioramas with stuffed mice. The dioramas displayed during the opening and closing credits are hilarious!

"Have you ever lived among a herd of goats, for months at a time, as one of them?"
"That surprises me."

"You might not like him. I don't like him. I hate him! But we need him. You know? It's like the CIA."
"The CIA?"
"The CIA does some pretty funky, nasty stuff in the shadows, but I, for one, am glad they're there."
"The CIA doesn't invite people to dinner to make fun of them."
"No. The CIA kills people. And I'm getting raked over the coals because of a little dinner."

"I need to be punished. I cheated in class. Don't you want to be my school teacher?"
"I'm really not qualified. I work for the IRS."
"Not tonight..."
"No, all the time. I work..."
"Ok, ok! You work for the IRS and I have been very, very bad. I haven't paid my taxes and I need to be spanked, NOW!"
"Well, that's really not the way it works, you probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest...

"Well, these people invited us here to make fun of us. This is a contest for the biggest idiot... which I nailed!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Film: Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)


Review: A funny movie about an irresponsible father, played by Robin Williams, who loses custody of his kids after the divorce. Desperate to see his kids more often, he dresses up as an older woman to answer an ad placed my his ex-wife for a nanny/housekeeper. Robin's trademark humor along with the slapstick costume changes is very entertaining.

"Look at this! My first day as a woman and I'm getting hot flashes."

"We're his damn kids too."
"Heh, heh, kids say the darnedest things."
"Thank you. Any other choice phrases you'd like to teach our five year old, Daniel?"

"Could you make me a woman?"
"Honey, I'm so happy!"
"I knew you'd understand."

"It's not working. I need to go older."
"Older? You mean like a Shelley Winters older, or Shirley MacLaine older?"
"What's the difference?"
"Some Scotch tape and red hair dye."
"What about Joan Collins?"
"Oh, I don't think I have the strength. But I have some plaster."

"Isn't he fabulous?"
"If you like that handsome rugged type. But personally I prefer short, furry and funny."

"Oh, sir. I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff, Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting. I'll get them, sir. Don't worry."

"I like that Mediterranean look in women. Natural, healthy. Just the way God made you."
"Well, he broke the mold when he made me. He made me very special."
"He sure did."

"Mrs. Doubtfire."
"You're going into the men's room."
"Huh? Oh, so it is. I do need new glasses dear. Sorry."

"Tell me, why would Mrs. Doubtfire be a good host?"
"I'm a hip old granny who can hip-hop, bebop, dance til ya drop and yo yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, March 04, 2018

Film: Sex Drive (2008)


Review: A pretty good road trip movie about a high school virgin who borrows his brother's hot rod to visit a babe he chats with on the internet. Along for the ride are his two best friends, Lance, his more experienced and confidant buddy and Felicia, his childhood friend with who he has a secret crush. James Marsden is the highlight of the movie as the tormenting older brother.

"Hey babe, you wanna party?"
"I'm at a party."
"You wanna make out with us?"

"Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see?"
"Cause we're the shit."

"Ian, you're 18 and you've never had a girlfriend. That's how people wind up getting gay, you know?"
"I don't think that's really how it happens."
"Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
"That's gross."
"You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes Tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it."
"No, you are, your talking about it."

"Oh, fuck. I know you didn't take my car again. 'Cause you're a big giant pussy. That's right. I'm gonna lift up this door, and my big, fucking glorious bitchy Judge is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me."

"You can punch my friend here, but just once."
"Wait what? Come on man!"
"Dude, you slept with his girlfriend!"
"AND he drove all this way."
"...All right."

"I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling.... went to Vegas once.... And buttfucking."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Film: Moonrise Kingdom (2012)


Review: A quirky Wes Anderson movie about a boy scout who runs away with his girlfriend on a small island in New England. Their past is told in flashbacks as they are tracked down by his troop and her parents.

"Jiminy cricket, he flew the coop!"

"What happened to your hand?"
"I got hit in the mirror."
"Really? How did that happen?"
"I lost my temper at myself."

"Why do you always use binoculars?"
"It helps me see things closer. Even if they're not very far away. I pretend it's my magic power."
"That sounds like poetry. Poems don't always have to rhyme, you know. They're just supposed to be creative."

"Sometimes I stick leaves on my hair. It helps cool your head down."
"Hmm. That's a good idea. It might also help if you didn't wear a fur hat."

"These are my books. I like stories with magic powers in them. Either in kingdoms on Earth or on foreign planets. Usually I prefer a girl hero, but not always."

"You can touch my chest. I, uh... I think they're gonna grow more."

"I'm a civil law scrivener. I'm authorized to declare births, deaths, and marriages. You're kind of young. You got a license?"
"I can't offer you a legally binding union. It won't hold up in the state, the county, or frankly, any courtroom in the world, due to your age, lack of a license, and failure to get parental consent. But the ritual does carry a very important moral weight within yourselves. You can't enter into the contract lightly. Look into my eyes. Do you love each other?"
"Yes, we do."

4 out 5 Stars

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Film: Nothing to Lose (1997)

Digital Copy - Vudu (HDX)

Review: A mismatched-buddy comedy about an Ad Executive who is car-jacked shortly after he discovers his wife is having an affair. In his depressed state, he instead maces the robber (who only had an unloaded gun) and takes him on a wild car ride out of the city.

"Where do I start? It's not you. Well actually it is you. Look, I'm just not... I'm not attracted to you anymore. I need space. You kinda... you kinda gross me out. In the beginning it was different. In the beginning, you were better. But then I got to know you real well, and I came to realize... that you're a fat idiot."

"Hey, you ain't one of them desert slashers, are you? Cut a person's body up and leave it out in the desert in little tiny pieces and shit, huh? Oh shit! We are in the fucking desert! I'm in a car with a psycho freaky Jason hack-killer motherfucker! Hey, please don't kill me, freaky Jason. I said, please don't kill me, freaky Jason. I done fucked around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!"

"Hey, is this your wife? Damn! I see why you were upset! Not bad Nick, not bad, Nick! You know, for a cheatin' bitch."
"Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that."
"Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? Monogamously challenged?"

"I'm sure you're a really scary guy. I'm sure that, normally, people just quiver at the very sound of your voice. But, you see, I, I can't see that right now. I... I... I just see a weak, desperate little man... that probably grew up torturing little animals. Some puny, little uncoordinated... can't-make-the-football-team- so-I'll-pick-on-third-graders-and-steal-their-lunch-money... punk, jerk-off bully... that one day wakes up and realizes he's nothing. Just a sad, pathetic, useless, illiterate piece of inbred shit."
"Time to die."
"That just makes you my best friend."

"You can stay at my place, man."
"Thanks. Just for the night."
"What, did you think I was asking you to move in?"

"Now honestly, which one of us was scarier?"
"He was scarier."
"Really? You didn't find what he did as contrived?"
"No, it was scary."
"What part?"
"The 'freeze motherfucker' part was scary and he lead me to believe that if I moved my ass, it might be blown off."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, October 29, 2017

TV: American Dad! - Volume 08 (2011-2012)

DVD - 3 Discs

Review: Another great season!

"Oh, man. Classic 'American Dad'."

"Steve, we said we were gonna be good this year. We're co-presidents of the Good Boy Club. Did that kiss oath mean nothing?"

"Nice girls don't kiss on the first date, Steve. Your mom wouldn't kiss me until our third date. It made the sex on the first two dates very impersonal."

"Steve's at the age where he doesn't care about going to a ballgame with his dad. All he's interested in is girls. He doesn't want ballgames, he just wants to ball dames. Huh? Huh?"

"Class, this is Phyllis. She just moved here from Hoboken. I'd like you all to give her a warm welcome. Now, I'm not referring to the sexual position, the warm welcome of which I am the inventor. The basic nature of the move is... Oh, never mind. Y'all ain't long enough."

"You're really gonna kill five people over $20?"
"Are you really asking that to the guy who just last week killed six people over $19?"

"You're a complicated man, Smith. I would love to do mushrooms with you."

"I think I'm going to ask her out."
"You? You're a three-foot-tall, gray, disgusting piece of shit! Scarlett's an angel. You're a pig. She would never go for you."
"Listen, you, that hurts. I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person, but you... you cracked it."

"Welco... welcome home, space lothario. You might have slept with Scarlett, but I'm wearing your robe. Ha!"
"Hey, that's my pooping robe. I can tell by all the poop on the edges."

"That punch. That punch right there. That's the punch where everything went black and I was finally able to achieve orgasm."

"I have grandchildren? Oh, my God, I can't believe it! I thought my only chance was if Steve got raped by a confused lesbian."

"Steve, I just did a big Trader Joe's run. Pour yourself some unsweetened cherry juice. Maybe have it with some sunflower paste on a flax crisp. There's also a scallop shu mai that tastes like nothing and a mushroom flatbread pizza that smells like nut sack."

"Oh. Dr. Vadgers says my lab work requires more information. He needs to see my boobs popping out of a cheerleading outfit... I know what you're thinking. What is the boob test going to tell him that the butthole test didn't? He's just being super careful."

"You think this fake detective agency with real cases in a pretend office in your father's garage is a joke?"

"So do you like music?"
"Do I like music? No, no, I'm the one person on Earth who doesn't like music."

"Hey Bones, look at this bone."
"I know, but did you see this bone?"
"Where'd you find that bone?"
"Same place you got your bone. It was just sitting here next to this bone."
"Dr. Brennan? Bone call. They said it was important. Something about a bone?"

"Stan, I know you're upset."
"Upset?! I'm just now finding out my daughter might not even be mine. I can't believe it. I mean, I changed her diapers, I fed her, I clothed her, I got her braces, I sent her to college. Holy shit, that guy owes me so much money."

"Damn, I look good in this! Tilda Swinton good."

"Now son, these Mexican callgirls have seen thousands of men. So when they tell you you're the best they've ever had, it's quite a compliment."

5 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Film: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)


Review: This is my favorite Mad Max movie. Charlize Theron plays Imperator Furiosa, a top commander of the post-apocalyptic warlord, Immortan Joe. When she attempts to smuggle his five wives out of the fortress in a war rig, he chases her across the desert to get them back. Mad Max, played by Tom Hardy, starts out as a captive of Joe's War Boys until he joins forces with Furiosa on the war rig. Perfectly filmed action sequences with minimal CGI kept the thrill of the chase going for the entire film. Each sequence tops the one before it.

"Oh, what a day... what a lovely day!"

"It's all here! 3,000 gallons of guzzoline, just like you asked. I'm gonna unhitch the pod, you drop the rocks."
"You said, 'A few vehicles in pursuit, maybe.' We count THREE war parties!"
"Yeah, well, I got unlucky. Let's do this!"

"Hey. What's your name? What do I call you?"
"Does it matter?"
"Fine. When I yell 'fool', you drive out of here as fast as you can."

"Put a bullet in her skull. Stop the rig. Return my treasures to me and I myself will carry you to the gates of Valhalla."
"Am I awaited?"
"You will ride eternal, shiny and chrome."

"Ah, mediocre!"

"Hey, Rictus?"
"You lost a baby brother. Perfect in every way."
"I had a brother! I had a little baby brother! And he was perfect! Perfect in every way!"

"We are down 30,000 units of gasoline, 19 canisters of nitro, 12 assault bikes, 7 pursuit vehicles: the deficit mounts, and now sir, you have us stuck in a quagmire!"

"I like this plan... we could start again, just like the old days!"
"Look, it'll be a hard day. But I guarantee you that a hundred and sixty days ride that way... there's nothing but salt."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, July 10, 2017

Film: Inception (2010)


Review: While Christopher Nolan still struggles to film coherent action scenes, he is much improved in this mind-bending thriller. Inception is a film about a thief, Leonardo DiCaprio, who steals valuable information from his victim's memories by sneaking into their dreams. Swayed by an offer to clear his name, he takes on his toughest job, planting a false memory so deep into his target's mind that they think it is their own.

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

"Why are they all looking at me?"
"Because my subconscious feels that someone else is creating this world. The more you change things, the quicker the projections start to converge on you."
"It's the foreign nature of the dreamer. They attack like white blood cells fighting an infection."
"They're going to attack us?"
"No. Just you."

"It would have to be a 747."
"Why is that?"
"Because in a 747, the pilot's up top, and the first class cabin's in the nose, so no one would walk through. But you'd have to buy out the entire cabin. And the first class flight attendant..."
"I bought the airline... It seemed neater."

"If I get on this plane and you don't honor our agreement, when we land, I go to jail for the rest of my life."
"Complete the job en route. I make one phone call from the plane. You'll have no trouble getting through Immigration."

"Great. Thank you. So, now we're trapped in Fischer's mind battling his own private army, and if we get killed, we'll be lost in limbo till our brains turn to scrambled egg."

"What's happening?"
"Your subconscious is looking for the dreamer; me. Quick, give me a kiss."
"They're still looking at us."
"Yeah, it was worth a shot."

"I can't stay with her anymore because she doesn't exist."
"I'm the only thing you do believe in anymore."
"I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Film: Last Action Hero (1993)


Review: A fun movie about a boy, Danny, who is a superfan of Schwarzenegger films and is magically transported into Arnold's most recent "Jack Slater" film. The film is a fish-out-of-water tale as Danny has to adapt to a world ruled by action movie logic while Jack Slater faces the harsh realities of physics after chasing the villain back into the real world.

"You were in a movie?"
"Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together."

"I thought I was going to die."
"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving, premature ejaculation... and your first divorce."

"Where are the ordinary, everyday women? They don't exist because this is a movie!"
"No, this is California."

"How'd you know there was a guy in there?"
"There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors."

"I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?"
"That's what you always say!"
"I do?"
"Everyone keeps keeps waiting for you to work it in. It's kind of like your calling card."

"May I help you?"
"Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?"

"I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you."

"My hand. It really hurts."
"Things work different here. You can't smash a car window with your bare hand and not have it hurt."
"Thanks for sharing. Couldn't you have told me this earlier?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, December 03, 2016

Film: Star Wars - The Force Awakens (2015)


Review: After the chaotic blandness of the prequels, this new movie brings back the look and feel of the original series with three new charismatic leads. In this new movie, the Rebellion may have beaten the Empire, but the First Order is regrouping from the remnants and threatens the galaxy once again. Daisy Ridley plays Rey, a scavenger girl left behind by her parents on a desert planet who is probably force sensitive. She teams up with an AWOL Stormtrooper to return a droid to the Resistance fighter looking for the missing Luke Skywalker. Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher return as Han and Leia who have parted ways since "Return of the Jedi" over the actions of their son, Ben, to join the dark side just like his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. My only nitpicks are that J.J. Abrams played extra fast and loose with time and distance. Things like spaceships using lightspeed to cross the galaxy in what seemed like minutes or people able to watch Starkiller Base blow up a star from a faraway star system with the naked eye.

"Where do you come from?"
[BB-8 beeps]
"Classified, really? Me too. Big secret."

"Can you fly a TIE Fighter?"
"I can fly anything."

"Okay. Stay calm. Stay calm."
"I am calm."
"I'm talking to myself."

"Watch the thrust. We're going out of here at lightspeed."
"From inside the hangar? Is that even possible?"
"I never ask that question 'till after I've done it."

"Hey, Solo, I'm not sure what we're walking into here..."
"Did you just call me Solo?"
"Sorry. Han. Mr. Solo. I'm a big deal in the Resistance. Which puts a real target on my back. Are there any conspirators here? Like, First Order sympathizers?"
"Listen, Big Deal. You got another problem. Women always figure out the truth. Always."

"Where am I?"
"You're my guest."
"Where are the others?"
"Do you mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea."

"That lightsaber... It belongs to me."
"Come get it."

4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Film: Edge of Tomorrow (2014) Live Die Repeat


Review: This is another great Tom Cruise movie directed by the always reliable Doug Limon. This sci-fi war film combines the repeating elements of Groundhog Day and videos games to tell the story of a un-experienced coward becoming a war hero by reliving the same battle over and over again every time he dies. The practical effects of the battle suit are very well done.

"Griff, I want you to take care of Private Cage."
"What, all day long?"
"Something tells me it won't be that long."

"I'm hit, I'm hit. How bad is it?"
"You've got a hole in your chest."
"Did you just take my... battery, battery pack?"

"Come on! This ship is going to explode! What are you doing?"
"Find me when you wake up."
"Come find me when you wake up..."

"I think I broke something..."
"My back. The only thing I can feel are my lips."
"Now listen carefully. This is a very important rule. This is the only rule. You get injured on the field, you better make sure you die."
"Last time I was in combat, I was hit. I was bleeding out, just not fast enough. I woke up in a field hospital with three pints of someone else's blood and I was out. I lost the power, do you understand? Think we better start over, don't you?"

"Stop! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Stop! Wait a second! You know, I've been thinking. I mean, this thing's in my blood. So maybe's there's some way I can transfer it to you."
"I've tried everything. It doesn't work."
"I mean, have you... you know... tried all the options?"
"Oh, you mean sex. Yep. I tried it."
"How many times?"

"If it's all the same to you, I'm tired, I'm in pain. I'd rather just start fresh."
"Tell you what. Take a few minutes. Coffee's ready. I'll look around for the keys. That's productive."
"Ten minutes."
"And then I'm killing you."

"What do we do now?"
"I don't know. We've never gotten this far."

"Why would we follow him into combat?"
"I don't expect you to follow me. I expect you to follow her."
"That's the Full Metal Bitch."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, June 27, 2016

Film: The Hangover (2009)

Blu Ray

Review: A hilarious Bachelor Party movie where three friends wake up the next morning in a trashed hotel room and the Bachelor is missing. With few clues, they have to retrace their drunken steps through Las Vegas as they try to track down their missing friend before his wedding the next day.

"To a night the four of us will never forget!"

"Did you have to park so close?"
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I shouldn't be here."
"Why is that, Alan?"
"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese."

"Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."

"We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?"
"I think the cop car part's pretty cool."

"Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"
"Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a bad ass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart."
"I think he's mean."

"I'll tell you another thing - 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit."
"Come on Stu.
"No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan."
"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."
"It's also illegal."
"It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden."

"We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence."
"I say we delete it right now."
"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?"
"Yeah it's in there!"
"Guys, one time. Deal?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Film: Jack Reacher (2012)


Review: Another Tom Cruise film with him at his most Cruisiest, the ultra-competent man who saves the day. This time he plays an ex-Army cop who arrives in Pittsburgh to find the truth behind a sniper attack by a former suspect of his. Robert Duvall brings a welcome dose of humor in his first reunion with Cruise since "Days of Thunder".

"There are four types of people who join the military. For some, it's a family trade. Others are patriots, eager to serve. Next, you have those who just need a job. Then there's the kind who want a legal means of killing other people. James Barr was one of those."

"So you were some real hot shit in the Army, huh?"
"I did all right."
"So what does an Army cop do mostly? Break up bar fights?"
"I did what you do pretty much, with one minor difference."
"What's that?"
"Every suspect was a trained killer."

"He called me a whore."
"Is that true?"
"Well, nobody said whore. She inferred hooker, but I meant slut."
"Hey, that's our sister."
"Is she a good kisser?"

"I was in prison in Siberia. I spent my first winter wearing a dead man's coat. A hole in one pocket. I chewed these fingers off before the frostbite could turn to gangrene. These I gave up to avoid working in the sulfur mine. That is how I survived when so many others did not. A man this rare can always be of use. So show me. Show me you are rare. Show me you'll do anything to survive."
"I don't understand."
"The fingers from your left hand."
"Have you... have you got a knife?"
"Did I have a knife in Siberia?"

"Got a car?"
"It's outside."
"My hand, man. They're in my pock... AAAHH! Okay, okay."
"Now look at your friends. Now look at my face. Do you ever want to see me again?"
"No way."
"Am I stealing your car?"
"Use it as looong as you like."

"Helen, are you hurt?"
"Well, she's gonna be if you're not here in one hour. Do I have to tell you how this works?"
"You'll bounce me around to make sure I'm not followed, then walk me into an ambush and kill me."
"Aw, you ruined my surprise."
"Well, I can do one better. I went down to the gun range at Hinge Creek. I got the picture, prints and I'm going to the Feds. The lawyers all yours."

"On second thought, I'd like to kill you. Let's say winner take all."
"Listen to me, you prick. I will kill this bitch if you're not here in one..."
"You think I'm a hero? I am not a hero. I'm a drifter with nothing to lose. You killed that girl to put me in the frame. I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot. Now, this is how it's going to work. You're gonna give me the address and I'll be along when I am damn good and ready. If she doesn't answer the phone when I call this number, if I even think you've hurt her, I disappear. And if you're smart, that scares you, because I'm in your blind spot and I have nothing better to do."
"You got a pen?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Film: 3:10 to Yuma (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9

Review: This is a fun Western about a broke rancher who agrees to help transport a notorious stage coach robber to the 3:10 train to Yuma prison. I enjoyed the verbal battle of wits between Christian Bale and Russell Crowe as the former struggles to fulfill his duty while being tracked down by Crowe's outlaw gang.

"Those are my cattle. I want them back."
"Careful, rancher, that's Ben Wade you're talking to."
"Well, I need them back. They're all I got."
"I don't need your cattle. But I will be needin' them horses. So you don't go doing nothing... foolish. You'll find them on the road to Bisbee."

"Name's Charlie Prince. I expect you heard of me."
"Well, I heard of a balled-up whore named Charlie Princess. That you, missy?"

"You look a little bent, rancher. You come to wake some snakes? You got your horses back, didn't you? And your cattle?"
"Yeah, I got my horses back. But you killed two of my herd."
"Well, they died for a good cause. You know them beeves of yours, they wouldn't have even fed a hungry dog. I tell you what. How much do you get for a day's work?"
"$2 when I hire out."
"Well, there's $2 for a half a day."
"You took up my boys' time, too."
"You're right, I did. Anything else you wanna get paid for, Dan?"
"You can give me $5 extra."
"And what's that for?"
"For making me nervous."

"I was best shot in my regiment. I'll come... for $200."
"You fight for the North or the South?"
"We're Southern in name, but Chicago owned. Fine. $200. Let's go."

"What are you doing out, Dan? You got a family to protect. You're not a lawman. You don't work for the railroad like Mr. Shiny Shoes over there. Your not a Pinkerton."
"Maybe I don't like the idea of men like you on the loose."
"It's a man's nature to take what he wants, Dan. That's how we're born."
"Well, I make an honest living."
"It might be honest but I don't think it's much of a living. You must be hurting bad to take this job."

"Why'd you kill Tucker? Why not me? Or Butterfield?"
"Well, Tucker took my horse. Did you like him, Dan?"
"He told me he burnt down your barn."
"He was an asshole... but wishing him dead and killing him are two different things."
"Your conscience is sensitive, Dan. I don't think it's my favorite part of you."

"What's the quickest way out of the pass? He'll be looking for help to get his cuffs off."
"We're going after him?"
"Well, there ain't no reward for getting him halfway to that train, is there?"

"Would you do me a favor? Don't talk to me for awhile."
"You mean we're still not friends?"
"No. No, we're not."
"Come five minutes to three, we're gonna be a lot closer than you think."

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, April 02, 2016

Film: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)


Review: A euro-thriller of a disgraced journalist and troubled hacker who team up to solve a cold-case mystery. I read the book after seeing this movie first and I thought it was a great adaption. Another excellent movie by David Fincher.

"Your report is light in another area. His personal life. Anything you chose not to disclose?"
"Nothing that warranted inclusion."
"Does that mean yes or no?"
"I think what Miss Salander means, and I agree, is that everyone has a right to a certain amount of privacy, even if they are being investigated."
"Not in this case. I need to know anything about him I might find unsavory, even if she doesn't."
"He's had a longstanding sexual relationship with his co-editor of the magazine. It wrecked his marriage but not hers. Sometimes he performs cunnilingus. Not often enough, in my opinion."
"No, you're right not to include that."
"I know."

"I need your help."
"I'm... doing what?"
"Officially, assisting with my memoirs. But what you'll really be doing is solving a mystery by doing what you do so well. Your recent legal mishap notwithstanding. You will be investigating thieves, misers, bullies, the most detestable collection of people that you will ever meet. My family."

"Harriet. Ah. She was bright, curious, a winning combination in any person."
"And beautiful."
"Something happened to her?"
"Someone in the family murdered Harriet, and for the past forty years, has been trying to drive me insane."

"I am not a child."
"No, you are not. But you were. And between then and now, you were committed to the locked ward of St.Stefan's where you continued to display violent aggression. And you failed to adapt to four foster homes, arrested twice for intoxication, twice for narcotics, again for assault, smashing a bottle into a man's face. And it's not even that long ago. You may have conned Mr. Palmgren into thinking you have changed, but when I'm looking at this, not to mention the way you're looking at me now, I don't think you have. So the good old Mr. Palmgren days are over. Starting now, you will be given a monthly allowance. You'll provide me with receipts for you expenses and if the numbers don't balance, I will have to assume the difference is going to drugs."

"Your boss, Armansky... yeah, he tells me you only do jobs that interest you so I suppose I should be flattered. You gonna sit down? He also says that you're the one he goes to when the job is, um, sensitive. That's the word he used, sensitive. I'm gonna use, illegal, becuase that's what it was when you hacked into my computer. No, I'm not gonna do anything about that. I could, but I won't. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell you a story and if it entertains you, maybe you'll decide to help me research further. And if not, I'll do the washing up and you'll never see me again. Here, you should eat that."
"What kind of research?"
"Lisbeth... Oh, can I call you Lisbeth? I want you to help me catch a killer of women."

"Let me ask you something. Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them. You knew something was wrong, but you came back into the house. Did I force you? Did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is. And they always come willingly."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, February 15, 2016

Film: Hall Pass (2011)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9

Review: A return to form for the Farrelly Brothers. A very hilarious movie of two husbands played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis who receive a Hall Pass from their wives for a week off marriage.

"Hey, honey. We better get a move on. We gotta meet up with Fred and Grace soon."
"No, I know, I know. I'm trying."
"How long do you think you're gonna be?"
"Uh, 45 minutes. Less, if you help with the kids."
"No, 45 minutes is good... I'm kidding. A joke. Okay, come, on. Bath Time. Time to scrub some backs and clean some cracks."

"You gotta be kidding."
"You just checked out that girl's butt."
"Who did?"
"You did. And it's rude."
"What? Do you think she noticed?"
"I noticed."
"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just spacey tonight, honey. I'm sorry."

"Look at those meatheads checking out Missy."
"What, do they think they're invisible?"
"Hey, I thought you said Fred isn't a gawker?"
"He was standing right there. I can't let him know I know. It's take all the fun out of it. Oh, God, he has this stupid move where he looks back and waits for the girls to pass so that it seems like he couldn't help but notice her ass. It's pathetic."

"Have you ever considered giving your husband a Hall Pass?
"A what?"
"A Hall Pass. A week off from marriage."
"Wait a minute. Are you saying let them go out and cheat?"
"I'm saying, give them a week off from marriage. Look. Most married men have very foggy memories of their single days and they begin to believe that if not for you they could actually be with these other women."
"That's Fred."

"The way I see it, husbands are like a couple of cats. They're completely domesticated, and the first time you let them out they're so paralyzed with fear they'll come running back inside."
"Yeah. But we're not talking about cats, we're talking about dogs!"

"What about those two? Why don't you go bang them?"
"Or maybe the hostess. Someone should definitely jump her bones."
"Guys, attempt to be cool. You know, we've got the whole week, so we'll get there, we'll get there."
"Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best place to meet hot horny women at?"
"What are you thinking, Olive Garden?"
"What do you want, hot pussy or all-you-can-eat breadsticks?"

"I gotta go home and poo."
"Now? Why don't you just back one out here?"
"Ooh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a bath afterwards."

"Maybe we should call the girls and ask them to come home."
"Wait a second, you want to quit?"
"Fred, come on. We're not the same guys we were fifteen years ago, when we were single. We've changed."
"No, YOU've changed. All you're thinking about is yourself."
"Fred, I don't care! I'm exhausted! I want to go home! I miss my wife and kids, okay?"
"No, no, no, no, no! Let me explain something to you, okay? If Maggie and Grace find out that we can't get laid on our own, they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid! Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Film: Croupier (1998)


Review: This is first film I saw with Clive Owen in the lead role and it made me a big fan. He plays, Jack, a struggling writer who reluctantly takes a job as a dealer in a London casino after a recommendation by his father. While Jack has the talent and instinct to be a successful gambler himself, he would rather use his skills to watch other's lose while writing about his experience at the casino in a book. When he is offered $20,000 to cause a distraction during a robbery, he is tempted to break his personal hatred of cheats. It is hard to believe that this low-key neo-noir film was made by the same director as Flash Gordon.

"Do you believe in astrology?"
"Absolutely not. But then, I'm a Gemini, and Geminis don't believe in astrology."

"Gambling's not about money... Gambling's about not facing reality, ignoring the odds."
"I must be a fool - I never think about the odds."

"How do I look?"
"Like trouble."

"A wave of elation came over him; he was hooked again... watching people lose."

"Now he had become the still center of that spinning wheel of misfortune. The world turned 'round him leaving him miraculously untouched. The croupier had reached his goal. He no longer heard the sound of the ball."

"He's a good customer."
"A good customer is a consistent loser... but is that what he meant?"

"You didn't recognize the man who attacked you did you?"
"Of course I fucking recognized him."
"You did?"
"I know a cheat when I see one... the man was a cheat."

"Hang on tightly, let go lightly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Film: Feeling Minnesota (1996)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9

Review: Keanu Reeves plays ex-con, Jjaks, who comes home to Minnesota for his brother's wedding and falls in love with the bride played by Cameron Diaz. Since she has been forced to marry the older brother by the local crime boss, she tries tries to convince Jjaks to help her escape town but not before stealing enough money to live comfortably in Vegas. Vincent D'Onofrio plays the older brother who shares a hate/hate relationship with Jjaks and is not about to let his new wife leave him.

"Let's just start this thing up and get out of here."
"I can't."
"Why? Why can't you see? Maybe all this shit happened with me, with you, with your mom dying. Maybe it happened so we would end up together."
"I can't."
"If you leave me here with these bastards, I swear you're a bigger fucker than they are."
"Don't you see? It feels too good. It feels too good! It's gonna turn to shit! I just can't!"

"I'm just saying. Go home one last time and get the money."
"Why, we have a little cash."
"I got fifty bucks stuffed in my underwear and you've got what, enough to spring for this swell place? We left in a hurry, Jjaks. We forgot."
"I know, but..."
"Jjaks, c'mon. We're almost there. Almost. It's like, if I close my eyes, I can see us in Vegas lying by a pool... with water in it. It's always sunny and warm. And guys in white jackets bring us daiquiris and all the food we can eat for four bucks. And all the towels smell like Downey fabric softener. There's no clocks, no bedtime and when I get going there you can come see me perform at night. I'd be wearing big red feathers and one of those things on my head, like crown things, with diamonds in it. When I come offstage I'd be too wired to sleep so we'll make love until morning and sleep until 2:00."

"I spend my whole life trying not to come back here. I always end up coming back here."
"Where's Freddie?"
"Why don't I just put the money back and really never come back?"
"So you and my wife can live happily ever after? That sounds like a really good deal for me."
"We're gonna go at it, aren't we, Sam?"
"Big time."

"How could lie to me about that?"
You ate my ear... You killed your wife... You framed me and you're mad at me for lying?"

"Drop the gun."
"You drop yours."
"Well, I pulled mine out first."

4 out of 5 Stars

Monday, November 09, 2015

Film: The Blood of Heroes (1988)

DVD: Full Screen

Review: This was a favorite of mine when it came out and I was happy to see it held up when I watched it again. In this dystopian sci-fi film, Joan Chen plays a young woman who plays for her local village's team in the only sport left in this post-apocalyptic world. When her team plays a roving team of professionals who visit her village, she convinces them to let her join them after their qwik is injured in the brutal bout. Rutger Hauer plays Sallow, the talented veteran who coaches her as they move from town to town playing the locals. When she learns that Sallow once played for the League in one of the underground cities, she talks the team into attempting a Challenge match for the scouts of the League. Unfortunately, the DVD has a bad transfer and the underground/night scenes are too dark.

"Your qwik is ruined. Can't run anymore. Spoiled... I've got speed. I can run. I'll qwik for you."
"He'll heal. He always does."
"Dog shit."

"Can't pass an old man?"
"I didn't see him."
"You've got to know where everybody is always."
"What if I can't?"
"They'll crush your skull."

"If he was in the League, why is he playing dog ranges in market towns now?"
"It was a long time ago, Sallow was very young."

"You made him leave the League because of a woman?"
"A special woman."
"An elegant lady."
"Sallow with an elegant lady? An elegant lady wouldn't be with him."
"You don't understand. It's different in the League. In the League you are almost one of them. Almost."

"I told you two juggers can't fuck after the game. It's doesn't work unless you like rubbing wounds against wounds."

"Who wants to know?"
"You could have won in 20."
"You look like shit."
"I want a challenge. This is my qwik."
"They'll never accept, not with you?"
"So, he still remembers me?"
"Get out of the Red City. Old burns don't heal like young burns."
"Thought we were the same age, you and me."
"We used to be."
"Long time without a mirror?"

"This is ridiculous, no one comes to these things. They are not contests at all."
"Nevertheless, they can be quite brutal. Much more so than the League games."
"I don't like brutality. I like heroics. I like the blood of heroes."

"You protected him, you asshole."
"Lord Vile, I've broken juggers in half, smashed their bones and left the ground behind me wet with brains. I'd do anything to win. but I've never hurt a soul for any reason but to put a dog skull on a stake and I never will."
"But you didn't put any fucking dog skull on any fucking stake. No challenge has ever gone past the 26th stone. This one won't get 26 more."

"Walk... slowly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Film: The Three Stooges, The Movie (2012)


Review: This movie is a true return to form for the the Farrelly Brothers after several middling films. They melded their trademark emotional slapstick to the classic gags of Three Stooges perfectly. I saw this movie in a theater full of laughing children and except for the inclusion of the dated cast from the "Jersey Shore", I think this movie will hold up as a timeless classic that replicates the original comedy shorts with respect.

"Hey, Onion Head, go on back to the shed and grab the chainsaw."
"Why doesn't Larry go?"
"Cause he's got a headache."
"No, I don't."
"How about now?"
"Yeah, it's coming on."

"Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart."
"And dim of wit."

"$830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks."
"That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes."
"We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk."
"What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print."

"Those three idiots are here!"
"The Kardashian girls? Where are they?"

"Shame on you, Moe, you let your pride ruin everything for us and them kids."
"How dare you accuse me of having pride?"

5 out of 5 Stars