Film: Get Him to The Greek (2010)

Blu-Ray

Review: This is a sort-of sequel to "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", this time centering on Aldous Snow, the rock star played by Russell Brand, from the first film. Jonah Hill plays a new character, a music executive who must escort the British singer from London to Los Angeles for a comeback concert at the Greek Theater. Wrangling the hard-partying musician turns out to be harder than herding cats as the normal journey is turned into an out-of-control road trip filled with sex, drugs and alcohol.

Quotes:
"What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect."

"Would you like me to take the Chiswick Roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?"
"What is this, fucking Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay."

"If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass."

"You've been mind-fucked before?"
"I don't think so."
"I'm mind-fucking you right now."
"You are?"
"Can't you feel my dick fucking your mind?"
"No, I can't really feel anything."
"See? That's it. That's the art of it. I'm mind-fucking the shit out of you."
"Well I hope you're wearing a condom cause I have a dirty mind."

"I labored under the myth of monogamy for several years with Jackie and it was pointless."
"So you only slept with Jackie?"
"No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy."

"We're gonna fuck these two girls."
"I just got out of a relationship."
"Was your ex a blonde or brunette?"
"Brunette."
"Blonde it is."

"Aaron! Where the fuck are you? I'm gonna kill you! Smiley face."

"Nothing you say makes any sense, I understand that now, you're just a fucking junkie and you're smart so you make your insanity sound good but its bullshit."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Inception (2010)

Blu-Ray



Review: While Christopher Nolan still struggles to film coherent action scenes, he is much improved in this mind-bending thriller. Inception is a film about a thief, Leonardo DiCaprio, who steals valuable information from his victim's memories by sneaking into their dreams. Swayed by an offer to clear his name, he takes on his toughest job, planting a false memory so deep into his target's mind that they think it is their own.

Quotes:
"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

"Why are they all looking at me?"
"Because my subconscious feels that someone else is creating this world. The more you change things, the quicker the projections start to converge on you."
"Converge?"
"It's the foreign nature of the dreamer. They attack like white blood cells fighting an infection."
"They're going to attack us?"
"No. Just you."

"It would have to be a 747."
"Why is that?"
"Because in a 747, the pilot's up top, and the first class cabin's in the nose, so no one would walk through. But you'd have to buy out the entire cabin. And the first class flight attendant..."
"I bought the airline... It seemed neater."

"If I get on this plane and you don't honor our agreement, when we land, I go to jail for the rest of my life."
"Complete the job en route. I make one phone call from the plane. You'll have no trouble getting through Immigration."

"Great. Thank you. So, now we're trapped in Fischer's mind battling his own private army, and if we get killed, we'll be lost in limbo till our brains turn to scrambled egg."

"What's happening?"
"Your subconscious is looking for the dreamer; me. Quick, give me a kiss."
"They're still looking at us."
"Yeah, it was worth a shot."

"I can't stay with her anymore because she doesn't exist."
"I'm the only thing you do believe in anymore."
"I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hangover (2009)

Blu Ray


Review: A hilarious Bachelor Party movie where three friends wake up the next morning in a trashed hotel room and the Bachelor is missing. With few clues, they have to retrace their drunken steps through Las Vegas as they try to track down their missing friend before his wedding the next day.

Quotes:
"To a night the four of us will never forget!"

"Did you have to park so close?"
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I shouldn't be here."
"Why is that, Alan?"
"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese."

"Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."

"We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?"
"I think the cop car part's pretty cool."

"Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"
"Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a bad ass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart."
"I think he's mean."

"I'll tell you another thing - 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit."
"Come on Stu.
"No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan."
"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."
"It's also illegal."
"It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden."

"We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence."
"I say we delete it right now."
"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?"
"Yeah it's in there!"
"Guys, one time. Deal?"
"Deal!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: A euro-thriller of a disgraced journalist and troubled hacker who team up to solve a cold-case mystery. I read the book after seeing this movie first and I thought it was a great adaption. Another excellent movie by David Fincher.

Quotes:
"Your report is light in another area. His personal life. Anything you chose not to disclose?"
"Nothing that warranted inclusion."
"Does that mean yes or no?"
"I think what Miss Salander means, and I agree, is that everyone has a right to a certain amount of privacy, even if they are being investigated."
"Not in this case. I need to know anything about him I might find unsavory, even if she doesn't."
"He's had a longstanding sexual relationship with his co-editor of the magazine. It wrecked his marriage but not hers. Sometimes he performs cunnilingus. Not often enough, in my opinion."
"No, you're right not to include that."
"I know."

"I need your help."
"I'm... doing what?"
"Officially, assisting with my memoirs. But what you'll really be doing is solving a mystery by doing what you do so well. Your recent legal mishap notwithstanding. You will be investigating thieves, misers, bullies, the most detestable collection of people that you will ever meet. My family."

"Harriet. Ah. She was bright, curious, a winning combination in any person."
"And beautiful."
"Yeah."
"Something happened to her?"
"Someone in the family murdered Harriet, and for the past forty years, has been trying to drive me insane."

"I am not a child."
"No, you are not. But you were. And between then and now, you were committed to the locked ward of St.Stefan's where you continued to display violent aggression. And you failed to adapt to four foster homes, arrested twice for intoxication, twice for narcotics, again for assault, smashing a bottle into a man's face. And it's not even that long ago. You may have conned Mr. Palmgren into thinking you have changed, but when I'm looking at this, not to mention the way you're looking at me now, I don't think you have. So the good old Mr. Palmgren days are over. Starting now, you will be given a monthly allowance. You'll provide me with receipts for you expenses and if the numbers don't balance, I will have to assume the difference is going to drugs."

"Your boss, Armansky... yeah, he tells me you only do jobs that interest you so I suppose I should be flattered. You gonna sit down? He also says that you're the one he goes to when the job is, um, sensitive. That's the word he used, sensitive. I'm gonna use, illegal, becuase that's what it was when you hacked into my computer. No, I'm not gonna do anything about that. I could, but I won't. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell you a story and if it entertains you, maybe you'll decide to help me research further. And if not, I'll do the washing up and you'll never see me again. Here, you should eat that."
"What kind of research?"
"Lisbeth... Oh, can I call you Lisbeth? I want you to help me catch a killer of women."

"Let me ask you something. Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them. You knew something was wrong, but you came back into the house. Did I force you? Did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is. And they always come willingly."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Hall Pass (2011)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9



Review: A return to form for the Farrelly Brothers. A very hilarious movie of two husbands played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis who receive a Hall Pass from their wives for a week off marriage.

Quotes:
"Hey, honey. We better get a move on. We gotta meet up with Fred and Grace soon."
"No, I know, I know. I'm trying."
"How long do you think you're gonna be?"
"Uh, 45 minutes. Less, if you help with the kids."
"No, 45 minutes is good... I'm kidding. A joke. Okay, come, on. Bath Time. Time to scrub some backs and clean some cracks."

"You gotta be kidding."
"What?"
"You just checked out that girl's butt."
"Who did?"
"You did. And it's rude."
"What? Do you think she noticed?"
"I noticed."
"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just spacey tonight, honey. I'm sorry."

"Look at those meatheads checking out Missy."
"What, do they think they're invisible?"
"Hey, I thought you said Fred isn't a gawker?"
"He was standing right there. I can't let him know I know. It's take all the fun out of it. Oh, God, he has this stupid move where he looks back and waits for the girls to pass so that it seems like he couldn't help but notice her ass. It's pathetic."

"Have you ever considered giving your husband a Hall Pass?
"A what?"
"A Hall Pass. A week off from marriage."
"No."
"Wait a minute. Are you saying let them go out and cheat?"
"I'm saying, give them a week off from marriage. Look. Most married men have very foggy memories of their single days and they begin to believe that if not for you they could actually be with these other women."
"That's Fred."

"The way I see it, husbands are like a couple of cats. They're completely domesticated, and the first time you let them out they're so paralyzed with fear they'll come running back inside."
"Yeah. But we're not talking about cats, we're talking about dogs!"

"What about those two? Why don't you go bang them?"
"Or maybe the hostess. Someone should definitely jump her bones."
"Guys, attempt to be cool. You know, we've got the whole week, so we'll get there, we'll get there."
"Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best place to meet hot horny women at?"
"What are you thinking, Olive Garden?"
"What do you want, hot pussy or all-you-can-eat breadsticks?"

"I gotta go home and poo."
"Now? Why don't you just back one out here?"
"Ooh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a bath afterwards."

"Maybe we should call the girls and ask them to come home."
"Wait a second, you want to quit?"
"Fred, come on. We're not the same guys we were fifteen years ago, when we were single. We've changed."
"No, YOU've changed. All you're thinking about is yourself."
"Fred, I don't care! I'm exhausted! I want to go home! I miss my wife and kids, okay?"
"No, no, no, no, no! Let me explain something to you, okay? If Maggie and Grace find out that we can't get laid on our own, they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid! Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Blu Ray


Review: Compared to my enjoyment of the first film, I had the opposite reaction after the second Hobbit film. Instead of just adding new material to the original story, the film's writers started to make major changes to the original plot that spoiled things for me. I could live with small things like making the barrel escape more action-oriented, but plot changes like Thorin abandoning his sick nephew, his heir, at Laketown were too much. Adding Evangeline Lilly's elf character of Tauriel was a good idea in theory but they botched it by putting her into a weird love triangle with Legolas and Fili the Dwarf.

The second most important event in Tolkien's book is Bilbo's encounters with Smaug. While they did a great job with Bilbo's riddle game against Gollum, I thought they dropped the ball with the second. Instead of the perfect dialogue-heavy test of wills from the book, they had an ineffectual dragon pursuing the visible Bilbo all over the treasure hoard. Most importantly, changing the story so that everybody in Laketown already knows about the missing scale on Smaug's belly instead of Bilbo discovering it ruined his critical contribution to the demise of the dragon. After another viewing, I still don't see the writer's reasoning behind the dwarves attempt to kill the dragon at the end of the film. The whole point of them bringing Bilbo along as a burglar was that they could not possibly confront a powerful dragon themselves. I preferred the tension-filled chapter of the book where the dwarves are searching the treasure hall while expecting the missing dragon to return at any moment.

Quotes:
"You've changed, Bilbo Baggins. You're not the same Hobbit as the one who left the Shire."
"I was going to tell you. I found something in the Goblin tunnels."
"Found what? What did you find?"
"...my courage."
"Good... You'll need it."

"Who is this? Your brother?"
"That is my wife!"
"And who is this horrid creature? A goblin mutant?"
"That is my wee lad, Gimli!"

"Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers."
"Or nothing."

"Was that an earthquake?"
"That, my lad, was a dragon."

"I did not come to steal from you, O Smaug the Unassailable Wealthy. I merely wanted to gaze upon your magnificence, to see if you were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them."
"And do you, NOW?"
"Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of your enormity, O Smaug the Stupendous..."
"Do you think flattery will keep you alive?"
"No, no..."
"No, indeed!"

"You seem familiar with my name, but I don't remember smelling your kind before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?"
"I come from under the hill..."
"Underhill?"
"...and under the hill and over the hills my paths lead. And through the air! I am he who walks unseen!"
"Impressive. What else do you claim to be?"
"Luck-Wearer... Ring-Winner..."
"Lovely titles..."
"Barrel-Rider!"
"Barrels! Now that is interesting!"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Blu Ray


Review: Of all the movies directed by Peter Jackson in Middle Earth, this is the only one where I wasn't disappointed right after the first viewing. With the previous Lord of the Rings films, I had to see them twice to appreciate the movies without comparing them to the novels. Instead of having to remove plot points to squeeze the books into the three LOTR films, Peter Jackson had to add a lot of new details to fill out the shorter Hobbit story. For the most part, I thought they did a good job of keeping the new material within the spirit of the book.

Some people thought the Unexpected Party section in Bag End was overlong, but I enjoyed every moment of it as they introduced all the main characters. I thought they did a clever job of incorporating the orc leader, Azog, from the appendices into the film as Thorin's main opponent. Bilbo's speech to Thorin after being reunited outside the Misty Mountains was very touching. The film ended on a good note with the company staring across Mirkwood to the Lonely Mountain in the distance.

Favorite Scene: Bilbo's encounter with Gollum at the Underground Lake. This was the most important scene from the book in the first movie and they did a wonderful job.

Quotes:
"Good morning."
"What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?"
"All of them at once, I suppose."

"It's just the usual. Summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."
"Funeral arrangements? Oh, up to but not exceeding one-fourteenth total profit, if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?"
"Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye."

"You will have to do without pocket handkerchiefs, and a great many other things, before we reach our journey's end, Bilbo Baggins. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you. The world is ahead."

"Is he lost?"
"Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost... as soon as possible!"
"Oh! We knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses! Safe paths in the dark... SHUT UP!"
"I didn't say anything..."
"Wasn't talking to you!"

"Why don't we have a game of riddles and if I win, you show me the way out of here?"
"And if he loses? What then? Well, if he loses, Precious, then we eats it! If Baggins loses, we eats it whole!"
"Fair enough."

"I want to know. Why did you come back?"
"Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right... I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. That's why I came back... 'cause you don't have one... a home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back, if I can."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit in High Frame Rate (HFR 3D)

While I think "The Hobbit" was a great movie and I enjoyed it more than the Lord of the Rings movies on a first viewing, this is not a regular review of the movie's creative content but more about my thoughts on the new High Frame Rate (HFR) technology that it introduced. I have now seen the movie twice, once at the Standard Frame Rate in 3D so I could watch the movie without being distracted by the new format and then again to experience the HFR 3D. I think I made the right choice.

Since the introduction of sound, film has been shot at 24 frames per second, while HFR has doubled that to 48 fps. As long as the frame rate is over 14 fps, the human eye can not see the individual frames. The higher the number, the smoother the motion becomes with less visible motion blur. Like flipping a picture book at a faster and faster rate.

My first impression is that HFR 3D is much better than the motion-smoothing settings on HDTVs which I hate and turn off. Since the HDTV setting adds extra frames to movies/TV shows that were originally shot at 24 fps, the extra clarity can expose flaws in the makeup, costumes and sets that the director didn't expect the audience to see. But since "The Hobbit" was originally planned for 48 fps, Peter Jackson was able to make sure the level of detail on the makeup, costumes and sets was high enough that the added clarity did not expose these seams. (I still noticed Gandalf's contact lens in one close up though. Ha!)

While Jackson solved that first basic problem of higher frame rates, it created another that I am not so sure I will get used to. The biggest change is that the motion is so smooth and clear, that it feels like you are watching the most expensive, lavish theatrical production ever instead of a movie. If you love a theater experience, you may find this to be amazing but to me it made this epic fantasy film set in Middle-Earth seem like I following along with a talented, well-costumed group of LARPers (Live Action Role Players) running around New Zealand. Instead of being swept up in the movie, I felt like I was the cameraman, actually riding along the dolly track or on the crane near the actors. (This effect lessens the farther the camera moves away from the actors, restoring the filmic look in mid-to-far shots.)

The upside of this clarity is that while actual humans and sets looked too real in HFR, the computer-generated-graphics (CGI) felt just right since the motion blur at the standard frame rate causes problems for CGI characters placed in a real environment. For example, while the sled chase in "The Hobbit" looked cartoonish at 24 fps, it looked like the wizard, Radagast, and his rabbits were actually running across the real landscape and dodging rocks at 48 fps. Matte paintings in the background looked faker though at 48 fps, but that might be from the 3D effect instead of HFR. In one shot, it looked like Bilbo and the dwarves in the foreground were looking at an obvious painting of Rivendale in the background.

For the future, I can see HFR working great for documentaries, nature films, and pure CGI movies like Pixar's, but I don't know if it is the right tool for fictional story-telling where I am trying to suspend my belief with a little movie magic. James Cameron mentioned that he wanted to film his "Avatar" sequels even higher at 60 fps and I can see it looking amazing in that 90% CGI environment.

Film: Into the Wild (2007)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is a film about a young man who abandons society after he graduates from college, giving away all his money, leaving his car in the middle of nowhere to wander the country searching for enlightenment. As he makes his way to his ultimate goal of Alaska, the story follows each major encounter where he makes an impression on others or vice-versa. What is great about this film is that even though I would never want to live this lifestyle, Sean Penn did a great job as the director to make me appreciate it. It's a gorgeous road-trip movie from the perspective of a penniless hitchhiker.

Quotes:
"You're an industrious little fucker, aren't cha?"

"If I wanted to paddle down the river, where's the best place to launch out of?"
"To launch out of? Next available is May 17, 2003."
"12 years? Twelve years... to paddle down a river?"

"That poor girl's about ready to vault herself onto a fence post."

"Alaska. I'm gonna be all the way out there, all the way fucking out there. Just on my own. You know, no fucking watch, no map, no axe, no nothing. No nothing. Just be out there. Just be out there in it. You know, big mountains, rivers, sky, game. Just be out there in it, you know? In the wild."
"In the wild."
"Just wild!"
"Yeah. What are you doing when we're there? Now you're in the wild, what are we doing?"
"You're just living, man. You're just there, in that moment, in that special place and time. Maybe when I get back, I can write a book about my travels."

"Mr. Franz, I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one."

"I'm going to miss you when you go."
"I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things."
"Yeah. I am going to take stock of that. You know I am... I want to tell you something. From bits and pieces of what you have told me about your family, your mother and your dad... And I know you have problems with the church too... But there is some kind of bigger thing that we can all appreciate and it sounds to me you don't mind calling it God. But when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines through you."
"Holy shit!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Get Smart (2008)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: A light fun movie that plays to Steve Carell's comedic strengths and Anne Hathaway brings the competence and sex appeal of Agent 99. I always enjoyed the 60's show and this movie did a good job bringing it to the silver screen. There is a strong supporting cast so there is never a dull moment.

Quotes:
"Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner."
"Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads."

"If you don't follow the rules here, then what are we?"
"I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap!"

"Inside there's a pill, if captured it will cause death in nine seconds."
"Great, but how exactly do I get them to take it? ... Not much of a laugher, are you?"

"Am I wearing boxers? For future reference, I usually prefer briefs for their security and peace of mind. Going free-bird is not exactly ideal. I don't like it."

"Are you staring at my butt?"
"No, no, I... I was, but I'm not... I'm staring again."

"Did you see anything while I was dancing?"
"Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you so high."

"How do I know you're not Control?"
"If I were Control, you'd already be dead."
"If you were Control, you'd already be dead."
"Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control."
"That actually makes sense."

"Well, you did your job, so I suppose I can't kill your wife. Although be honest, I'd be doing the sighted world a favor."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I don't know. If you're thinking, 'Holy shit! Holy shit! A swordfish almost went through my head!' If so, then yes."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Idiocracy (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: An extremely funny cautionary tale about our consumerist culture and the future of human evolution. Luke Wilson is perfect as the befuddled Average Joe who is frozen and wakes up in the future to find himself to be the smartest man left alive on the planet.

Quotes:
"Why me? Every time Metsler says, 'Lead, follow, or get out of the way,' I get out of the way."
"Yeah, when he says that, you're not supposed to choose 'get out of the way.' It's supposed to embarrass you into leading - or at least following."
"That doesn't embarrass me."

"The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes that genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections."

"Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them."

"Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno, powered by Jormi Technology."
"Next... Uh, this goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt."
"Hurry up, Asshole! Come on!"
[Beeping]
"Shit. Hang on a second. This one... No, uh... this one goes in your mouth."

"Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES! Carl's Jr... Fuck You, I'm Eating."

"Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING."
"Break it down, Camacho!"
"Number 1: We've got this guy, 'Not Sure'. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than ANY MAN ALIVE. And Number 3: He's going to fix EVERYTHING."

"It started off boring and slow with 'Not Sure' trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, 'Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that.' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation."

"Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool. Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. And there was time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose... ass... it... was... and why... it was... farting And I believe that time can come again!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Grumpy Old Men (1993)

Blu-Ray


Review: A perfect little film with great chemistry between the two comedic superstars, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. The winter setting perfectly complements the long-running cold war between two neighbors who have lived next to each other their entire lives. Their feud comes to a head when an attractive widow moves in across the street.

Quotes:
"I need something for my lumbago. The pain is killing me."
"Ah, it's killing you, my ass. He doesn't know the meaning of the word pain, Phil. I got a pinched sciatica that makes your lumbago look like eye strain."
"Pain. He wants to talk about pain. I had a gallstone the size of a baseball."
"Gallstones, yeah. Gallstones are for pussies. When I had the shingles, did you see me in here complaining to Phil? Did ya?"
"Shingles, schmingles. When I had my ulcers, I was... farting razor blades."

"Give me two packs of camels and a cup of your special coffee, you love muffin, you."
"You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes, Pop."
"Yeah, well, I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care, huh? Oh, thank you, dear."

"Max, oh, he's just magnificent."
"Magnificient? He's a damn record-breaker. You've got a three-footer."
"Oh, Max. I can see the beauty in this now."
"Can you see it?"
"Yes, the lure. No, the fight."
"The fight! Wait till I show the guys!"
"The catch..."
"What a catch!"
"And then the release."
"The release!!! What release? There's no release."
"Oh, yes, it's beautiful."
"No, I'll tell you what's beautiful. This monster on my wall... stuffed."

"Who are these little guys?"
"Oh, ha. That's me and the moron."
"Max?"
"Of course it's Max. He's ugly, isn't he?"
"Ha, ha. Oh, you mean you were friends?"
"Well, I was 10. I didn't know any better."
"What can make two grown men spend most of their lives fighting each other?"
"Oh, guess."
"A woman."
"Uh, yeah."
"How romantic."

"It looks like Chuck is taking the skin boat to tuna town."
"Jesus, Dad!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: If Looks Could Kill (1991)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: Preposterous plot, but well-crafted fun. A lot of films like this age very badly, but this has stayed as entertaining as the first time I saw it. Richard Grieco plays a high school student who goes on a trip to Europe with his French class and is confused for a secret agent with the same name on his flight. It's a witty James Bond spoof that reminds me alot of the film, Gotcha. A favorite gag is the rotating drivers who take turns trying to capture the students' bus, believing them to be mercenaries.

Quotes:
"I'm real sorry. I don't know what to say, you know."
"You don't know what to say? I'll tell you what to say. How about, sorry Mom and Dad, I would have liked to graduate high school, but I couldn't really fit it into my dating and partying schedule, huh? Or how about, sorry, I was too busy doing jack-shit instead of going to my French class!"

"Oh no, not French. Uh look, parlez vous English?"
"Monsieur, what I said is, you look like a piece of horribly scented American dogshit. Change your clothes!"

"I want out, Richardson, got it? That tux with the BO Blasters was real cute, just gassed three people, probably killed them."
"Ha, ha, ha. No such luck, Corben. They'll wake up in an hour or two with a hell of a headache. That's all."
"Richardson, this is not my idea of a good time."
"What were you expecting, Corben?"
"At the moment, I was expecting to be cramped into a cheap hotel room in Paris, probably holding a farting contest with my roommates."

"Put that on. Your having dinner with Steranko in 10 minutes."
"Jerk! If he thinks I'm going to put on this Army Surplus reject, he's out of his mind. It's not my style."
"Michael, Number 1, this is a very nice Armani suit. Number 2, you have no style."

"Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
"No, Corben's here."
"That's what I mean!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Hot Rod (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16:9


"All great men have mustaches!"
"Yeah, but real men actually grow them."
"You know I have a hormone disorder!!!"

Review: A fun, silly movie that cracks me up every time. Rod is an amateur stuntman trying to follow in the footsteps of his dead father. When he finds out his step-father, Frank, is dying of a bad heart, he organizes a daredevil jump to raise money for the transplant operation.

"I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done."

"Frank, I'm going to get you better, you old sack of shit, and then I'm going to uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you! And you will respect me! Peace!"

"Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?"
"No."
"Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead."
"That's him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?"
"Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, 'To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve' So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day."

"Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities."
"Yes, Sensei."
"You don't have to call me sensei, Rod."
"Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?"
"I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet."
"As you wish, Sensei."
"Now, we take the ball and we push the ball away."
"Yeah, we could. Or you could cut the kiddie stuff and show me the crap-yourself move."
"Hi! Hi!! Hi!!! Yah, Yah!! YAAAAH!!!"
"That didn't work! Ha, ha! Anyways, I'm gonna get going, so, take it easy. I'm gonna go see what Frank's doing."
"You wanted me to show you, Rod."
"Yeah, I did want you to show me, and you didn't, 'cause it didn't work. So now I'm gonna go, 'cause there's nothing left for me to learn. Thank you, though, for trying. That was very nice of you to try."

4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Film: Gangs of New York (2002)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Ears and noses will be the trophies of the day. But no hand shall touch him! NO HAND SHALL TOUCH HIM! He'll cross over whole in honor."

Review: The first three quarters of this movie is perfect, but the last bit after Amsterdam is exposed seems rushed and unfocused. I've heard there is a longer cut that fixes this problem, but it may just be a rumor.

This movie about ethnic gangs in New York during the Civil War is an entertaining slice of the city's history. Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing as Bill the Butcher, a horrifying but fascinating figure. An Oscar-worthy performance. Jim Broadbent is excellent as well as the corrupt William Tweed.

"Mulberry Street... and Worth... Cross and Orange... and Little Water. Each of the Five Points is a finger. When I close my hand it becomes a fist. And, if I wish, I can turn it against you."

"On the seventh day the Lord rested, but before he did that, he squatted over the side of England and what came out of him... was Ireland. No offense son."

"We're burying a lot of votes down here tonight."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Gattaca (1997)

DVD: Anamorphic


"We were just wondering if... if it is good to just leave a few things to, to chance?"
"We want to give your child the best possible start. Believe me, we have enough imperfection built in already. Your child doesn't need any more additional burdens. Keep in mind, this child is still you. Simply, the best, of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result."

Review: When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I thought it was stealing the idea for my book. I was greatly relieved when I saw the movie's plot was only tangentially related and it was very good as well. Ethan Hawke plays an aspiring astronaut in the near-future who's DNA signature is not considered good enough to be accepted into the space program. He must take on a new illegal identity using genetically superior DNA donated by Jude Law's character to achieve his goal.

"I belonged to a new underclass, no longer determined by social status or the color of your skin. No, we now have discrimination down to a science."

"I can't go anywhere without seeing my own face. They'll recognize me."
"They won't recognize you."
"They'll recognize me."
"I don't recognize you."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Now, I'm going to go back inside and finish watching 'Sleepless in Seattle'. Nobody screw with me."

Review: A high-concept romantic comedy that is fun to watch because of the excellent chemistry between the leads. The characters attempt to use each other to further their careers, but find themselves falling for each other. Except for the cliche ending, the movie has a unique story idea that is well executed.

"So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?"
"Seven days."
"Seven days. Interesting."
"Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?"

"I have to crack this guy. I mean this is DefCon 5, and I have to do something truly appalling. It's not funny."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Iron Will (1994)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Trust the dogs."

Review: This movie is a bit too formulaic and the dialogue is on-the-nose at times, but that is expected for a Disney movie aimed at children. It is at it's best when it is concentrating on the dogsled race and the harsh conditions they faced. I liked how they were able to make the dogsled a more active object than I expected, jumping and cornering like a skateboard or BMX bike.

"The first few days you sleep five hours. Then four, then three, then two. The last day you don't sleep. You just run. Run till the end."

"You're prepared to risk this young man's life to sell some newspapers?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: GoodFellas (1990)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9 - Movie split on double-sided disc


"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster."

Review: This is a great movie on the life of a mid-level New York mobster. Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro are outstanding as supporting characters. Ray Liotta and Lorraine Bracco are excellent as well but I never completely connect to them as the main characters which drops this just behind Casino for me.

"Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me."

"I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Glory (1989)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I wonder when they gonna give us the blue suits."
"Where you from, boy?"
"South Carolina."
"South Carolina? Well then you ought to know better than that, boy."

Review: This is an excellent Civil War movie about the first black regiment in the Union Army, the 54th Massachusetts. Denzel Washington won his first Oscar and Morgan Freeman is amazing as well. Mathew Broderick plays the young officer who is picked to lead the regiment, but has to struggle against the army leadership in order to let his soldiers fight.

"See the way I figure, I figure this war would be over a whole lot sooner if you boys just turned right on around and headed back on down that way, and you let us head on up there where the real fighting is."
"We got men dyin' up that road."
"And there wouldn't be nothing but Rebs dyin' if they'd let the 54th in it."

"There's more to fighting than rest, sir. There's character, there's strength of heart. You should have seen us in action two days ago. We were a sight to see! We'll be ready, sir. When do you want us?"

5 out of 5 Stars