TV: House, M.D. - Season 1 (2004-2005)

DVD: 6 Discs - Anamorphic


Review: Normally I never watch medical shows, but this one happened to catch my attention one night flipping through the channels and it addicted me. I enjoy the Sherlock Holmes theme as Dr. House and his team attempt to diagnose a new medical mystery each episode. Because of Hugh Laurie's talented betrayal of House, I don't even mind the repetitive nature of the show.

Quotes:
"I thought everybody lies?"
"Truth begins in lies."

"Am I ever going to meet Dr. House?"
"Maybe at the theater or the grocery store."
"Is he a good man?"
"He's a good... doctor."

"I just want to die with a little dignity."
"There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it! I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass... it's always ugly - ALWAYS! You can live with dignity; you can't die with it!"

"We should look into the girlfriend's theory... She thinks she rode him to death."
"What'd you tell her?"
"Well, I told her twenty-two year old men don't die of sex!"

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago."

"How can you treat someone without meeting them?"
"It's simple if you don't give a crap about him."

"This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some Penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some Azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding Vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger."

"But if we stop everything, he'll get worse."
"True. Then we'll add our medications back one at a time. If he gets better then we'll have our answer."
"And if he doesn't get better?"
"Then we're in trouble. Not as much as he is. I suppose that's your point."

"You learn anything?"
"Yeah... I'm an addict."

"Oh! This is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?"
"I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed, though, so I'm wide open."
"I was wrong! This is the musing-out-loud part. Do I actually need to be here?"

"You guys don't think it's weird House knew the patient needed a heart transplant before we did any heart tests?"
"That's House. He knows things."
"But usually he's putting it in our face, telling us how cleverly he figured it out. This time, nothing. Just 'I had a hunch'."

"Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect."
"And the reason you want respect?"
"To... get laid."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 (2006-2007)

DVD: 3 Discs - Anamorphic Widescreen


"For the first time, ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about his day, boys, and it's going to be legendary. Together, we will own this city. Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends, we'll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting, 'What's up, New York?' we will be what is up New York. Gentleman, we are about to embark on.... OH MAN, you guys did it, didn't you?"

Review: This is a very funny show that grew even stronger in it's second season. Ted and Robin are a very strong couple this season and the season arc follows the return of Lily from San Francisco and her marriage to Marshall in the last episode. Barney is hilarious as always.

"I'm going to unleash my calves."
"That's crazy. Nobody's turned on by men's calves. They're a thoroughly unerotic body part."
"Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs."
"I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology."

"Look around you, Lilly. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. Fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry."
"Ew... is something some lame, judgemental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives."
"Wow, you really are desperate."
"I really am."
"Okay, you can stay here for two days."

"Oh, my God! Incredible!"
"Hmm, C-minus."
"C-Minus? What are you talking about? I pulled an all-nighter!"
"You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive."

"Is there any way that we could get a wedding license today?"
"You could go to the courthouse. In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived, but you have to have a good reason."
"Well, we're in love. What better reason could there be?"
"The last one I heard was, 'I'm going to Iraq tomorrow to defend my country', but, you know, give yours a whirl."

"Okay, I'm going to give you a choice. Either ten slaps right now in a row, or five slaps that can be doled out at any point from here to eternity."

"Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this."
"No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome. While the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom."

"Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call, Mind Over Body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's going to be legen... Wait for it... Zzzzzzzzzz."

"I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it."
"Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. Yeah, I don't have any of those."
"Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion."

"Robin, I just had a great idea."
"Do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 (2005-2006)

DVD: 3 Discs


"Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. I'm Barney. We met at the urinal."
"Oh, right. Hi."
"Lesson One, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit."
"I'm not wearing a suit."
"Lesson Two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A. Lesson Three, don't even think of getting married till you're 30."

Review: This sitcom started out strong. Excellent characters with good chemistry between them. It is the new "Friends". Neil Patrick Harris has a breakout character with Barney.

"Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day. Or you can lick the Liberty Bell. You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it."
"That was beautiful, man."
"Thanks, Leonard."

"You dumped A PORN STAR? Friendship over. FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!!"

"I promise we will find you somebody. Don't lose hope. There are new women turning 18 every day."

"I've done so much good today, I've got, like, a soul boner. Man, the way the faces of the less fortunate light up when you give them a hot, nutritious meal, is there a better feeling on earth?"
"Yesterday, you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. Then you requested a high-five, with your foot."

"Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin. It happened with half boob. And it's gonna keep on happening, until you power down that bucket of neuroses, inebriation style."
"So what? You want me to do a shot?"
"Oh, no. I want you to do five shots."

"Wow, the Peace Corps?"
"Yeah, I ship out tomorrow. Two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corp is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people I say, 'Is it?' And usually, they say, 'Yes, it is.'"
"But, Barney, they are so right. Wish there was something I could do."
"Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that."

"Two days straight!"
"Wow! Your room must smell like a monkey cage."
"Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, but I know my boy got the double digits!"
"Zero."
"What?!"

"$100 says when you turn around I say, Wow!"
"Barney, this is the third time you hit on me by accident!"
"It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals if the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship."
"Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?"
"You can't... Wow!"

"So, what do you and Ted usually do after the Cigar bar?"
"Ha, Ha, Ha! Are you kidding? Ted's never been here. You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. Still..."
"What?"
"Nah... There is one other thing we could do... If you're up for it."
-------------------------
"Wow! I had no idea laser tag still existed!!!!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: I Dream of Jeannie - 3rd Season (1967-1968)

DVD: 4 Discs


Review: This season is a mix of great episodes and some weak ones. The more I watch this show, the more I realize how much Dr. Bellows is the secret ingredient to the most humorous moments.

Quotes:
"What are you doing? I told you never to come to NASA. Never!"
"Oh, but it is important, Master. You said I could come if it was an emergency."
"What happened? What's the matter? What happened?"
"I got lonely."

"Welcome home, Master!"
"Jeannie, what are you doing?!"
"If you don't know, I must be doing it wrong."

"How long have we been married?"
"Married? Who said anything about being married?"
"We're not married and I live with you?"
"What's the matter with that?"
"What's the matter with that?! What kind of girl do you think I am?!"
"C'mon Jeannie, we know what type of girl you are. Now stop fooling around."
"That is exactly what I intend to do. Get Out!"

"I almost forgot. I brought you some flowers for your trip, Mrs. Nelson."
"Oh, how thoughtful."
"I hope they match your dress. I always..."
"How wonderful... oh, onions."
"Onions?"
"Scalions... How thoughtful."
"But I saw them put carnations in the box. I smelled the carnations."
"Did you?"
"Yes. Uh, excuse me. There's something about this house. I must be going... It's HAPPENING AGAIN!!!"

"Maybe she's just tired of you and wants a new master."
"What, what do you mean?"
"Well, you're not so easy to live with, you know."
"Who says so?"
"Well, all she wants to do is please you and what do you do?"
"What?"
"I mean, you yell at her, you never take her out to dinner, you're always leaving her at home. You take her for granted. You want to know something? You're a rotten master!"

"Very well then. If that is what he wants, THAT is what he is going to get. It is war!"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: I Dream of Jeannie - 2nd Season (1966-1967)

DVD: 4 Discs


Review: This is an excellent sitcom from the sixties. Barbara Eden as Jeannie was beautiful and funny and Larry Hagman was great portraying the exasperated master. I love Dr. Bellows befuddled attempts to solve all the mysterious going ons. The humor is mostly timeless and the fashions, while outdated, have allot of charm.

Quotes:
"Jeannie! JEANNIE!"

"Some men dedicate their lives to science. Some men dedicate their lives to politics. I'm dedicating my life to understanding you."

"The government doesn't wait in line, Doctor. I'm going to get the answer to some questions."
"Well, I don't know if I can answer them. Our files are confidential."
"I'm with the government. Remember, Doctor?"
"Now that's a coincidence. So am I. And I'm wearing a uniform to prove it."
"How would you like to have your income tax audited for the last five years?"
"How would you like to be drafted?"

"Do you love her?"
"Yes, I'm crazy about her."
"Have you told her that?"
"Well, I think she knows."
"Then you haven't told her."
"No, not exactly."
"Son, when you're after an objective, the first rule in love or war is an all-out frontal attack. If you really want her, go get her."

"Take him, executioner."
"You're making a big mistake, fella. I'm on detach duty to NASA."
"Monsieur, do you have any last words?"
"Just one. JEANNIE!!!!!!"

"You didn't have to go that far."
"That is what I am here for, to please you."
"Oh, you please me. Very much."
"Oh, I am glad."

"My master is such a sweet, darling, LIAR!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: I Dream of Jeannie - 1st Season (1965-1966)

DVD: 4 Discs


"Roger, are you there, over? Roger, come in."
"Hello Tony, where have you been? I've been trying to raise you. I'm headed for the wildest mirage you've ever saw."
"Roger, what kind of mirage?"
"Well, there's this oasis, see, and one of those silk Arab tents and a while back, I saw the wildest blond."
"Well! Boy, I wish I had your imagination."

Review: The first season of this classic show is in Black & White. The characters are solid from the very beginning, but you can see the kinks being worked out by the writers and special effects crew.

"Where am I? Where am I? What's that?"
"Bak tu mulani, an ancient Persian remedy."
"Oh, what is it?"
"Hot chicken soup."

"My daughter tells me that thou art a prince among princes."
"Heh, heh, heh. Well, you know how Jeannie exaggerates?"
"I would wager that thou hast a king's ransom in goats and oxen."
"Well, I can honestly say, I have as many goats and oxen as anyone in Cocoa Beach."
"I am pleased to hear that."

"Tony, have you ever thought of what you are going to be doing twenty years from today?"
"Probably flying economy tours to Mars."

"She has never been a harem dancer. That girl is an impostor."
"Jeannie, please."
"She is not fit to dance for an audience of camel drivers."
"Be quiet, Jeannie, please."
"I'll show you how the dance should be done."

"There would be many advantage to being married to me, Master. When you are old, I will still look like this and you will not have to chase young girls."
"Jeannie, I'm aware of the fringe benefits, but I'm not ready to get married yet."

"I hate to offend you, Myralla, it's just when Jeannie cooks everything, it seems to come out so great."
"Oh, you mean my cousin, Jeannie?"
"Maybe this isn't what you do best. Do you have some specialty?"
"Oh yes."
"Now we're getting somewhere. What is it?"
"Sawing people in half."
"Oh, we'll eat in ten minutes then, huh?"
"It won't be ready for two hours, Master."

"Jeannie, that's blackmail. That's out and out blackmail."
"It is an ancient Carthaginian custom."
"Okay, okay, all right, fine. You can go."

"If my suspicions are correct, for some unknown reason, Captain Nelson is posing as a Doctor Rasha Hoon. He tried to operate this morning and Captain Healy jumped off the operating table and fled from the room. Can't say I blame him."
"Can you prove any of this?"
"I think I can, General, if you wouldn't mind coming over to the hospital."
"You couldn't keep me away and if you're wrong..."
"Oh, don't worry, General, I promise you this time we're going to catch Captain Nelson red-handed."

"I've never been so embarrassed in my life."
"I was only trying to help..."
"Help me. Yeah, I know. That's when I get into most of my trouble. When you're trying to be helpful. What was your excuse, Major?"
"I'm greedy."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Grosse Pointe - Complete Series (2000-2001)

DVD: 2 Discs


"You are so great on the show... even if the fans don't agree."

Review: This was a short-lived series that was an excellent behind-the-scenes satire of teen shows like Beverly Hills, 90210. It concentrated on the comic interactions of the actors and crew members on the Warner Brothers' lot and how this affected their fictional show called Grosse Pointe. I was very disappointed when this show was cancelled after one season with a cliff-hanger ending but I am very happy to own it on DVD.

"Every time I kiss you I think I deserve an Emmy."
"And every time I kiss you, I think, why can't I kiss a girl with breasts."

"Why should I take advice from you? The longest relationship you ever had was in the bathroom stall at the Viper Room."

"I bet they're not making Dawson's Creek go supernatural for Halloween."
"Oh, they are... Dawson's going to hell to save Joey's soul."

"He says he's going to start a whole gay chapter for Johnny Bishop. Just look what they've done for Keanu Reeves."

"I wouldn't go around here bragging about how much time you spend on these scripts, cause guess what? They suck."

4 out of 4 Stars