Film: Rambo (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: After a twenty year gap since the third movie, this last sequel is a hybrid cross between Rambo's character in the first film and the two sequels. Rambo is now old and beaten down, living a quiet, isolated life in Thailand and making a living catching snakes along the river. At first reluctant when a missionary group requests his help to enter Burma, he finally agrees to take them across the border on his boat. After the missionaries are taken captive by the Burmese Army, he agrees to escort a mercenary team back up river to recover them. Sylvester Stallone directs this sequel and isn't afraid to show the brutal treatment of the Karen people by the Burmese Army and Rambo's bloody retribution. After the first film, this is my favorite as it avoids a lot of the cheesiness of the middle two.

Quotes:
"These boys are now our soldiers! They belong to me now! If you try to get them back, your whole village will burn! If you ask the Karen Rebels for help, I will cut out your tongues! If you go against me, I will feed you your intestines! Hear me, believe me, and fear me!"

"Burma's a warzone."
"Well, that's what people call it, but it's more like genocide than war. Anyway, this will be my fifth trip in, so we're aware of the risks."
"I don't go that far north."
"Let me explain our situation. Our church is part of a pan-Asian ministry, located in Colorado. We are all volunteers who, around this time of year, bring in medical supplies, medical attention, prayer books, and support to the Karen tribespeople. People say you know the river better than anyone."
"They ain't lying."
"So what I'm asking is that we compensate you for a few hours of your time that will help change people's lives."
"Are you bringing any weapons?"
"Of course not."
"You're not changing anything."
"Well, it's thinking like that that keeps the world the way it is."
"Fuck the world."

"Am I boring you, mate? Or is it... is it the trip? Has it got you nervous? 'Cause really, you should appreciate the action, you know what I mean? Got to be better than looking at the ass end of a snake... You really are an uptight bastard, aren't you? You can drop the thousand-yard stare. I've seen it all before, and I'm not impressed."

"One man and a kid? You've got to be fucking joking! This all the rebels put up?"
"I'm not liking it."
"You're in the jungle, puss-nuts. There's nothing to like."

"Any of you boys want to shoot, now's the time. There isn't one of us that doesn't want to be someplace else. But this is what we do, who we are. Live for nothing, or die for something. Your call."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - It's a Trap! (2010)

1 Disc


Review: A good conclusion for Family Guy's parodies of the Star Wars movies. They do a good job with Return of the Jedi, highlighting its best parts and lightly teasing its status as the least favorite of the original trilogy.

Quotes:
"Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to... Okay, you know what, we don't care. We were thinking of not even doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did 'Blue Harvest', they said, 'Oh, you guys are crazy.' They tried to talk us out of it, and it ended up making a ton of money. By then we were just finishing 'Empire', and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar signs in their eyes, and they said, 'Seth, if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct your movie.'"

"Greetings, exalted one. It's me, Luke Skywalker. I seek an audience with Your Slimness to bargain for Captain Solo's life. As a token of my good will, I present to you a gift, these two droids."
"Wait a minute, does he have the right to give us away? He just stole us from his dead uncle."

"Oh, my God, that was absolute hell! I just... I don't understand why... I mean, we're in a galaxy far, far away, and we still have to change in Atlanta."

"How are we gonna get out of here?"
"Wait a second, guys. I got an idea. Remember that laser I used to break Leia out of Jabba's handcuffs? Well, here comes a little tiny saw!"

"All right, everybody, hands in the air! All right. Now I want you to take off your helmets, go outside and dig up your own graves with them."
"Han, that's kind of dark."
"Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap in this movie. I think we all need this. Now get outside!"

"Give yourself to the dark side, Luke."
"I will not fight you."
"Well, all right. I guess that's no problem. I can always get Seth Green to fight me. He'll do anything for money. I mean, did you see Sex Drive? Oh, of course you didn't. You're a person. Of course, I guess it did respectable foreign numbers. Asians really liked it. And you gotta hand it to Seth Green. I mean, he works hard, you know? I mean, the work is much harder when you know the project is no good. Still, all those small paychecks must add up. I wonder if his fan base knows how Jewish he really is."

"The end. And that's the final chapter in the Star Wars saga."
"What about the prequels?"
"I think the Cleveland Show is gonna do those."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - Volume 7 (2008-2009)

3 Discs


Review: Episodes, 'The Man with Two Brians' and 'Family Gay', are my favorites from this volume.

Quotes:
"Stewie, why are you nude?"
"Oh, just a little something I do once a week around here called a 'naked tea party'. Got my teacup here and now all I need is a teabag. That something that interest you, my friend?"

"Yeah, just look at all the dumb-ass Manilow fans."
"I mean he's got like one good song."
"Yeah... I mean 'Mandy' is not terrible."
"Yeah, the opening is okay."
"And I guess you can't hate 'Copacabana'."
"Yeah, if you're in the right mood."
"'Daybreak' is a good song."
"Oh, yeah."
"That's a good song. And I like 'Weekend in New England'."
"Yeah, that's a good one. 'Looks Like We Made It'."
"Yeah, it's not bad."
"Right..."
"I love Barry Manilow!!!"
"Oh my god, he's the best!"
"I have everything he's ever recorded!"
"Me too, in my car!"
"We have to go to that concert!"

"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"You're there."
"I'll always be there, Dylan."

"Ugh, you know. This is why you... Brian, remember. For the last couple of weeks, I kept saying 'Can I have a couple of minutes of your time to talk to you about something?' This is what it was about! This evening is rueened!"
"Look, I... Wait, what?"
"This evening is rueened! The whole evening is rueened!"
"Why are you saying it like that?"
"Saying what? I'm just pointing out the party's rueened."
"You know what? I'm not gonna get sucked into this............ Okay, just so that I'm sure. Really? Are you just trying to piss me off or is that really how you say it?"
"What are you talking about? I'm talking about this rueened evening."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty, walking-on-the-street paws!"

"Time machine? I didn't know you had a time machine."
"Yeah, I built it after I got bored with that European See 'n Say."
"The cow goes SHAZOO!"
"It most certainly does not!"

"Hey, New Brian, bad news. You gotta leave."
"What are you talking about? This is my home."
"Nobody likes you here, man."
"Well, I disagree. I think everyone likes me."
"No, we don't! We don't like your cooking, your stupid karaoke nights and we especially don't like the way you hump that chair in the den."
"Well, Rupert seemed to like my humping."
"What did you say?"
"Rupert. I humped him for two hours yesterday. He just laid there and took it."

"What's it called?"
"Susie."
"Wow, a song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already."
"Name twenty!"
"Rosanna, Roxanne, Michelle, Alison, Sarah, Angie, Brandy, Mandy, Gloria, Cecilia, Maggie May, Jessica, Nancy, Barbara Ann, Billie Jean, Layla, Lola, Polly, Helena, Jenny From the Block."
"Name six more!"
"Sherry, Laura, Wendy, Maria, Peggy Sue, Minnie the Moocher."
"Name five more!"
"Tracy, Jean, Jane, Mary Ann, Eleanor Rigby."
"Go fuck yourself!"

"Peter, are you... gay??"
"Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Jumper (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: Another great film from Doug Liman who directed the 'Bourne Identity'. While Hayden Christensen is not a great actor, he is able to pull off the smugness required of a young thief who has the power to teleport himself anywhere with just a thought. Samuel L. Jackson plays the agent of a secret organization tasked with tracking him down while Jamie Bell plays a more experienced Jumper who has managed to survive the Paladins' hunt and take the fight back to them. I wish this had done better at the box office because I would have liked to see the sequels that Liman had planned. His visual skill in showing off the jumpers ability to teleport around the world was exhilarating.

Quotes:
"What I'd like to know is how you rob a bank without opening any doors."

"Only God should have this power."

"You speak Italian?"
"No."
"Well, uh, l'ingresso means 'Come on in'."
"Oh, I thought it meant 'bullshit'."

"Who are these people?"
"Paladins. Paladins kill Jumpers, I kill Paladins. Class dismissed."

"I just came through your jump scar."
"What do you think you're doing here? Huh? If I were you, I'd jump back. You're not supposed to see all this stuff. Get out! So if you'd like to kindly fuck off, as in now."

"Why are you walking?"
"I like to walk for a change. Makes me feel normal."

"You can't just keep following me."
"Actually, I'm the only one who CAN keep following you."

"Where'd the Paladin go?"
"Swimming."
"Pacific?"
"No, Actually, Atlantic. Nice little shark pit round Cuba."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Above the Law (1988)

Blu-Ray


Review: Steven Seagal's first film, introducing the effective action template he would follow for his next several films, especially 'Out for Justice'. The story is simple, Nico, an ex-CIA agent during Vietnam turned Chicago police officer has uncovered a plot by some of his past associates to assassinate a senator. Using his Akido martial art skills, he takes down wave after wave of thugs, armed and unarmed, who attempt to stop him throughout the film. Entertaining and it has aged well.

Quotes:
"What the hell kind of high is this?"
"Sky-high. Military explosives. C-4, my man, C-4."

"This maniac should be wearing a number, not a badge."

"You're gonna need me."
"Need you? For what?"
"To get your ass outta jail."
"You think you can afford my bail?"

"I don't think you can take us all, badass."
"No, but I'll get an A for effort."

"Tell me something old buddy, do we kill our own senators now?"
"Why not? The Romans did."
"Are we the fucking Romans?"
"We're an empire too."

"Not one C.I.A. agent has ever been tried, much less accused of any crimes. You guys think you're above the law. Well, you ain't above mine."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Tudors - 1st Season (2007)

Enhanced 16x9 (4 Discs)


Review: A dramatic telling of Henry VIII as the young king of England as he pursues Anne Boleyn. This first season concerns Cardinal Wolsey's attempts to get an annulment from the Pope for King Henry and Queen Catherine's marriage. While the show takes a lot of artistic license, it is entertaining and interested me into learning more of the actual history.

Quotes:
"I intend to be a just ruler."

"Though I love Your Majesty and I'm loyal to you, in every way, I cannot disguise my distress and unhappiness."
"Well, you're going to have to."

"Is he handsome?"
"He certainly thinks so."
"Is he vain?"
"Your Majesty, he's French."

"Ah, Mr. Pace. I trust you're keeping a good eye on my interests?"
"Of course, Your Eminence. Like an eagle."
"I don't want an eagle, Mr. Pace. They can soar too high. Be a pigeon, and shit on everything."

"As a humanist, I have an abhorrence of war."
"As a king, I am forced to disagree."

"I won't sign it! I won't sign the treaty! Tell them I won't sign it!"
"Your Majesty..."
"Tell them!"
"Fine!! If you want the world to know that the King of England is easily changeable, shallow, intemperate, incapable of keeping his word! Then of course I will go and tell them. After all, I am merely Your Majesty's humble servant! "

"What we lack in men, we can more than make up for in ships. We are an island race, Cardinal. We have the best and bravest sailors in the world. I will have the greatest navy."

"Lady Anne, what are you doing here?"
"I have an audience with His Majesty?"
"What would a silly girl like you have to say to a king?"

"I make you this promise. When we are married, I will deliver you a son."

"Is this not Mademoiselle Anne? Enchanté. His Eminence, Cardinal Wolsey, has told me all about you, but he did not tell me how beautiful you are. For a Frenchman, that is almost a crime."
"But the French tell every woman she is beautiful. Is this not a crime also?"

"Your Majesty, I beg that you yield to the King's will."
"And what is his will?"
"As His Eminence proposes, that you join a religious community of your choosing and take a vow of perpetual chastity."
"You speak to me of chastity. Have you not a mistress and two children, Your Eminence?"

"I want you to go to Rome Mr. Cromwell. I want you to force his fucking holiness into submission. If necessary by telling him that if he does not grant me my fucking annulment, then England will withdraw its submission to Rome and I will withdraw my allegiance to him."

"Have you no kind things to say?"
"Kind?"
"To your wife, the mother of your child. You treat me so unkindly and in public neglect me."
"Katherine, you must accept the inevitable. The weight of academic opinion is against us. We were never legally man and wife. And the court will decide in my favour and if the court does not decide in my favour, I shall denounce the pope as a heretic and marry whom I please."

"I am... reminded of something Wolsey once told me. That I should only ever tell the king what he ought to do, not what he could do; for if the lion knows his own strength, no man could control him."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: District 9 (2009)

Blu-Ray


Review: When a derelict spaceship arrives over Johannesburg, South Africa, the authorities are surprised to discover a starving insect-like alien race trapped aboard that displays limited motivation or even the intelligence to operate their own advanced technology. After moving over a million of the surviving aliens into a refugee camp on the edge of the city, the helpless, sometimes violent Prawns become a burden on the city who begins to despise them.

Sharlto Copley plays Wikus, the official in charge of evicting the Prawns from their slum into a more isolated camp, who becomes exposed to an alien chemical that alters his DNA. On the run from the agency that wants to exploit his condition, he hides in District 9 and meets the one smart alien, Christopher Johnson, who is working on a way to travel back home. While I thought this was a decent movie the first time I watched it, I was much more impressed the second time by the deep story and its satirical take on racism and apartheid.

Quotes:
"When dealing with aliens, try to be polite, but firm. And always remember that a smile is cheaper than a bullet."

"Get your fokkin' tentacle out of my face!"

"You hear that? That's a popping sound that you're hearing. It's almost like popcorn. Here, you can take that, you want to keep that, as a souvenir of your first abortion, ay. You can feel like you've done one of these too."
"Thanks, boss!"

"Hello, little guy! It's the sweetie man coming!"

"How many moons does our planet have?"
"Seven."
"This planet only has one. I can't wait to see our planet again... it's bigger than this one, isn't it?"
"Enough."
"We go home now?"
"Not home, no. This is where we must go. See that tent there? That might be ours."
"I want to go home!"
"We can't go home. Not anymore."

"I would never have any kind of... pornographic activity with a fokkin' creature!"

"This whole's thing's under your shack? For 20 years, you've had this fokkin' thing hidden out here? This is, this is very illegal, I mean, this is... this is a find."

"Fuel goes in here!"
"That's enough! QUIET!"
"...then we fly away."
"I said QUIET! We cannot trust him."
"What is he saying about the fuel, is this, are you trying to start this thing? He-he. Are you little fookers trying to start this, and get away, ay?"
"Never mind."
"Ha-ha. Yeah, you sneaky fokkin' prawns, heh?"

"I thought you said not to kill them?"
"He shot at me!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars