Film: Kill Bill, Volume 1 (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I'm sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin'. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting."

Review: This is Quentin Tarantino's action film and he does a great job in Part 1. It is a very simple story of revenge, but the film has a complex style to it as it mixes themes from Italian Westerns, Japanese Samurai & Chinese Kung Fu movies of the past. The first fight scene is amazing and the animation sequence is really unique.

"I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut."

"Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Ocean's Eleven (2001)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"I know more about casino security than any man alive, I invented it, and it cannot be beaten. They got cameras, they got locks, they got watchers, they got timers, they got vaults, they got enough armed personnel to occupy Paris! Okay, bad example."

Review: A star-studded heist film by an Oscar winning director. This is a enjoyable movie of a complex plot by eleven men to steal millions from the shared vault of three casinos in Vegas. It is a fun ride watching the con men building the team, planning the heist and executing the clockwork precision necessary to pull it off.

"I know everything that's happening in my hotels."
"So I should put the towels back?"
"No, the towels you can keep."

"All right, you proved your point. You broke into my vault. Congratulations, you're a dead man."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Waking the Dead (2000)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"You, um, still haven't told me how you got the idea you wanted to be a Senator."
"That's not actually what I want. I want to be the President. Why are you smiling?"
"Because you mean it."

Review: A young lawyer is running for Congress but he is tormented by the memories of his activist girlfriend who died ten years earlier helping refugees from Chile. He starts to suspect that either she might still be alive or that he is going crazy. The movie is effective in showing their relationship in the early 70's and his election campaign in the 80's.

"I don't want to watch you turn into a cog in their machine."
"That's so fucking condescending. Sometimes cogs can make machines run a little bit better."
"Sometimes yes. Mostly they turn in circles and wear out. Then they get replaced."

"I am so sick of having to apologize for being an American."
"North American."
"Uh, God, I'm so sorry. Yes, North American. But I can't help noticing that when people run to freedom they tend to wash up on North American shores. This country is still the best that we've been able to do in the whole fucking history of the planet."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Traffic (2000)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Is this like freebasing?"
"Not like. It is."

Review: This an excellent movie about the tangled web of Drug Enforcement on both sides of the USA-Mexico border and the pressures that Supply and Demand have on it. The film follows many characters from the President's Drug Czar, DEA Agents, Mexican Cops, Drug Dealers, and Mexican Cartel members. It is entertaining as well as informative.

"What's Washington like? Well it's like Calcutta, surrounded by beggars. The only difference is the beggars in Washington wear 1,500 dollar suits and they don't say 'Please' or 'Thank You'."

"Javier, you should feel good about this."
"I feel like a traitor."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Event Horizon (1997)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"What was made public about the 'Event Horizon' - that she was a deep space research vessel, that her reactor went critical, and that the ship blew up - none of that is true. The 'Event Horizon' is the culmination of a secret government project to create a spacecraft capable of faster-than-light flight."

Review: This is a very effective horror movie in space. The set design is outstanding and really helps create the mood. The movie is about a rescue crew sent to help recover any survivors from a spaceship that has reappeared orbiting Neptune after being missing for 7 years.

"Have you ever seen fire in zero gravity? It's beautiful. It's like liquid, it... slides all over everything. Comes up in waves. And they just kept hitting him, wave after wave. He was screaming for me to save him."
"What did you do?"
"I did the only thing I could. I closed the lifeboat hatch, and I left him behind. I swore I'd never lose another man."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Patton (1970)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Review: An excellent character study of one of America's best World War II Generals. George C. Scott is amazing as General George S. Patton, an aggressive strategist who pushed his men to the limit of their capabilities. The battle scenes are mostly filmed at a distance to represent the point of view of a General from his Command Post.

"Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle."

"We're going to have to fight the Russians eventually anyway. It might as well be now while we've already got the army here to do it."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Underworld (2003)

DVD: Anamorphic


"The chain has never been broken, not once, not in fourteen centuries, not since we elders first began to leapfrog through time - one awake, two asleep - that's the way of it. It is Marcus' time to reign, not mine!"
"But I had no choice, the coven is in danger and Michael is the key..."
"Ah, yes... the lycan."

Review: This is a good film about a centuries-old war between vampires and werewolves. Selene is a Vampire Death Dealer who falls in love with a man who becomes a werewolf. The concept of viruses transmitted through the blood being behind the creation of the immortals makes a good plot line. Good use of practical effects & cool weapons.

"We were slaves once. The daylight guardians of the vampires. I was born into servitude. Yet I harbored them no ill will. Even took a vampire for my bride. It was forbidden, our union. Viktor feared a blending of the species. Feared it so much he killed her. His own daughter. Burnt alive for loving me."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Rambo - First Blood Part II (1985)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Now if there's any of our men in this POW target camp you confirm their presence by taking photographs."
"Photographs?"
"Just photographs. Under no circumstances are you to engage the enemy!"

Review: This sequel is a complete 180 degree turn from the first movie. This is a slam-bam action movie with Rambo getting recruited from prison to sneak into Vietnam to try and locate missing POWs. Rambo uses his huge knife and exploding arrows to rescue them from the Vietnamese and Russian soldiers. It is a fantasy one-man army film.

"The war, the whole conflict may have been wrong but damn it, don't hate your country for it."
"Hate? I'd die for it."
"Then what is it you want?"
"I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilled his guts and gave everything he had, wants! For our country to love us as much as we love it! That's what I want!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Kingdom of Heaven - Director's Cut (2005)

DVD: Anamorphic


"That I would rather live with men than kill them is certainly why you are alive."
"That sort of Christianity has its uses, I suppose..."

Review: A beautiful-looking movie about the Crusades with a good cast. The Director's Cut is a great improvement on the confusingly-plotted Theatrical Version. It makes the storyline more believable and helps explain the motivations behind several characters actions.

"They will ask for terms. They must ask for terms."
"Convert to Islam... Repent later!"
"You've taught me a lot about religion, Your Eminence."

"What is Jerusalem worth?"
"Nothing... Everything!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Bloodsport (1988)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"That hurts me just lookin' at it. Yo, Frankie! You'd better stop doing that stuff. You might want to have kids one of these days."

Review: This is Jean-Claude's first film and one of his best. It is a simple story of the first westerner, Frank Dux, to win the full contact martial-arts Kumite Tournament in Hong Kong. It has entertaining fights and Donald Gibb brings good comic relief as fellow fight competitor, Ray Jackson.

"That's why they call this thing 'Bloodsport', kid."

"Chong Li's weak in the gut. That's how Parades surprised him... Hey! You listening to me? Go for the stomach. And stay away from his right leg."
"Will you stop worrying, Frankie? I've got it under control. You sound like my mother. Man alive."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Little Man Tate (1991)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Damon? How many fingers?"
"Orange."
"You'll be fine."

Review: This is a well-told story of a child-genius trying to fit in with the world around him which is filled with people who view him in many different ways.

"You're crabby today."
"I'm not crabby, I'm pensive."

"All right, let's all calm down and shut up so we can start getting dad's money's worth. Now for those of you who may be lost. The name of this class is Phys 105, Quantum Physics. Not Physical Education... All right, everybody in the right place?"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 (2006-2007)

DVD: 3 Discs - Anamorphic Widescreen


"For the first time, ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about his day, boys, and it's going to be legendary. Together, we will own this city. Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends, we'll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting, 'What's up, New York?' we will be what is up New York. Gentleman, we are about to embark on.... OH MAN, you guys did it, didn't you?"

Review: This is a very funny show that grew even stronger in it's second season. Ted and Robin are a very strong couple this season and the season arc follows the return of Lily from San Francisco and her marriage to Marshall in the last episode. Barney is hilarious as always.

"I'm going to unleash my calves."
"That's crazy. Nobody's turned on by men's calves. They're a thoroughly unerotic body part."
"Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs."
"I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology."

"Look around you, Lilly. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. Fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry."
"Ew... is something some lame, judgemental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives."
"Wow, you really are desperate."
"I really am."
"Okay, you can stay here for two days."

"Oh, my God! Incredible!"
"Hmm, C-minus."
"C-Minus? What are you talking about? I pulled an all-nighter!"
"You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive."

"Is there any way that we could get a wedding license today?"
"You could go to the courthouse. In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived, but you have to have a good reason."
"Well, we're in love. What better reason could there be?"
"The last one I heard was, 'I'm going to Iraq tomorrow to defend my country', but, you know, give yours a whirl."

"Okay, I'm going to give you a choice. Either ten slaps right now in a row, or five slaps that can be doled out at any point from here to eternity."

"Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this."
"No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome. While the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom."

"Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call, Mind Over Body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's going to be legen... Wait for it... Zzzzzzzzzz."

"I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it."
"Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. Yeah, I don't have any of those."
"Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion."

"Robin, I just had a great idea."
"Do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 (2005-2006)

DVD: 3 Discs


"Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. I'm Barney. We met at the urinal."
"Oh, right. Hi."
"Lesson One, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit."
"I'm not wearing a suit."
"Lesson Two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A. Lesson Three, don't even think of getting married till you're 30."

Review: This sitcom started out strong. Excellent characters with good chemistry between them. It is the new "Friends". Neil Patrick Harris has a breakout character with Barney.

"Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day. Or you can lick the Liberty Bell. You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it."
"That was beautiful, man."
"Thanks, Leonard."

"You dumped A PORN STAR? Friendship over. FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!!"

"I promise we will find you somebody. Don't lose hope. There are new women turning 18 every day."

"I've done so much good today, I've got, like, a soul boner. Man, the way the faces of the less fortunate light up when you give them a hot, nutritious meal, is there a better feeling on earth?"
"Yesterday, you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. Then you requested a high-five, with your foot."

"Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin. It happened with half boob. And it's gonna keep on happening, until you power down that bucket of neuroses, inebriation style."
"So what? You want me to do a shot?"
"Oh, no. I want you to do five shots."

"Wow, the Peace Corps?"
"Yeah, I ship out tomorrow. Two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corp is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people I say, 'Is it?' And usually, they say, 'Yes, it is.'"
"But, Barney, they are so right. Wish there was something I could do."
"Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that."

"Two days straight!"
"Wow! Your room must smell like a monkey cage."
"Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, but I know my boy got the double digits!"
"Zero."
"What?!"

"$100 says when you turn around I say, Wow!"
"Barney, this is the third time you hit on me by accident!"
"It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals if the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship."
"Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?"
"You can't... Wow!"

"So, what do you and Ted usually do after the Cigar bar?"
"Ha, Ha, Ha! Are you kidding? Ted's never been here. You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. Still..."
"What?"
"Nah... There is one other thing we could do... If you're up for it."
-------------------------
"Wow! I had no idea laser tag still existed!!!!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Porky's (1982)

DVD: Anamorphic


"GOD DAMN IT! WILL YOU MOVE IT, YOU LARD ASS?"

Review: The is a sex comedy set in the 1950's, but it has a serious side as well. The students are constantly trying to get laid at the same time as they are learning to deal with bigotry and racism. They first have to overcome it among themselves before seeking revenge against the redneck owner of Porky's, a strip club out in the Everglades, who stole their money and beat up their friend.

"Cherry, this is Pee Wee."
"I'll say. What do you use for a jockstrap, kid? A peanut shell and a rubber band? You know we'd better tie a board across his ass, or he's liable to fall in."

"Mr. Carter, I think I have a way out of this. We, uh, call the police, and we have 'em send over one of their sketch artists. And Miss Balbricker can give a description. We can put up 'Wanted' posters all over school... Have you seen this prick? Report immediately to Beulah Balbricker."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Departed (2006)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9 - Bought in China


"Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar? Only kidding. How's your mother?"
"Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out."
"We all are. Act accordingly."

Review: An excellent thriller about the conflict between the police and the Irish Mafia in Boston. Leonardo and Damon are solid as the two cops planted as moles on both sides of the law who are in a race to try and uncover the other's real identity first. Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg are great supporting characters and bring a lot of humor to the film.

"Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: let's people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work."

"I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Starship Troopers (1997)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Join the Mobile Infantry and save the Galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship."

Review: First off, Starship Troopers was the first science fiction book I ever read and one of my favorites. The movie is a pretty good version of the book but made with an added twist of satire. It carries a different message, but it is good in it's own right.

I understand the special effects of the time were not yet capable, but I am still looking for an eventual remake with the Mobile Infantry using the powerful Armored Battle suits of the book. Imagine a movie where every soldier fights the Bugs wearing a suit built just like Iron Man's.

"These are the rules. Everybody fights, nobody quits. If you don't do your job I'll kill you myself. Welcome to the Roughnecks."
"Rico's Roughnecks!!!"

"Come on you apes, you wanna live forever?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: 48 Hrs. (1982) / Another 48 Hrs. (1990)

DVD: Anamorphic


"You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right?"
"Right."
"Come on in and experience some of my bullshit."

Review: (48 Hrs.) A great buddy cop movie with a twist. Eddie Murphy is great as the convict that a loner cop, Nick Nolte, gets out of prison for 48 hours to help him catch a killer on the lam. Watching the relationship grow between the two (highlighted by their fistfight) from disdain to grudging respect is the best part of the film.

"Get this, man. We ain't brothers, we ain't partners, and we ain't friends. Now, if Gaintz gets away with my money, you're gonna be sorry you ever met me."
"I'm already sorry."

"The building opens up at 7:00. Wake me up at a quarter to. I'll be back here asleep."
"Shit!"
"Jack... Tell me a story."
"Fuck you!"
"Oh, that's one of my favorites."

"Class isn't something you buy. Look at you, you've got on a 500-dollar suit and you're still a low-life."
"Yeah, but I look good."

Review: (Another 48 Hrs.) A decent sequel. Well-done, but just covering the same ground as the first film without bringing anything new to the table.

"When you've been in prison as long as I have, you remember every story about pussy you ever heard."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Shane (1953)

DVD: OAR - Full Screen


"I'll kill him if I have to."
"You mean I'll kill him if you have to."

Review: A classic western about a gunslinger trying to reform but finds himself helping a group of homesteader families against a cattleman trying to drive them off the land. It all builds up to the great showdown in the Saloon.

"That's too bad. You've lived too long. Your kind of days are over."
"My days? What about yours, gunfighter?"
"The difference is, I know it."
"All right. So we'll all turn in our six-guns to the bartender, and we'll all start hoeing spuds. Is that it?"
"Not quite yet."

"Shane! Come back!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Scrubs - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"I cannot figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Farr. I gotta go ask Cox."
"Why wouldn't you ask me?"
"Because you're a surgeon. You just cut people up. You don't actually know anything."
"Oh, yeah."

Review: Another good year that builds to Turk and Carla's wedding at the end. J.D. spends the season pining after Elliot who is finally in a serious, but long-distance relationship with a marine biologist. It is not as clever as the first two years, but has not gotten too repetitive like the later seasons.

"I'm just going to show Sean that he will always come first."
"Gosh, I hate to interrupt this one-gal pep rally, Barbie, but I give this guy two weeks, three if you are just terrific in the sack."
"Well, then, it's three. Uh... I mean, you're wrong."

"I miss Sean. This long-distance thing is killing me."
"Well, are you having phone sex?"
"Uh... Gross. Have you and Turk ever done it?"
"Last year when he went home for the holidays I gave him a call. You'd be surprised how Turk's 11-year-old nephew sounds like him, and how worldly he is."

"Thank God! We just dodged a bullet because I am nowhere near ready to perform this type of procedure solo. I would have been terrified, you guys would have sensed it and it would've been a horrible experience for all of us."
"Dr. DiStefano is stuck in surgery. It's all on you, Dr. Turk."
"Piece of cake. Who's with me? Come on!!!"

"So did you break up with her?"
"I was going to last night but I looked into her eyes and I realized how rare it is to meet someone who's willing to have sex with me."

"Shower shorts?"
"For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to."

"I guess I could go home, but there's plenty of important stuff I need to to do around here. Hey Laverne, what would you give me if I get this jelly bean into your cleavage?"
"A concussion."

"Mr. Corman, you're not even feeling bad. You don't need this scan. If it would make you happy, we could do the same thing we've done the last 50 times you've been here. Take your temperature and blood and give you a rectal. Your basic Ah, Ow, Oooo!"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Scrubs - 2nd Season

DVD: 2 Discs


"Good job, D.J."
"You know, it's J.D., okay? At least I remember the names of all my sexual partners."
"Well, I'm sure that girl from high school and your bunk mate from Camp Morning Wood are both extremely grateful."
"Camp Meadow Wood."

Review: The second season of Scrubs continued strongly as it followed the Doctors becoming Residents in the hospital. This year concentrated more on the relationships of the characters. Amy Smart was great as the T.C.W.

"I owe you one. I'm helping you out."
"This isn't like being a janitor. It's not something everybody can do."
"Oh, so you can do my stuff, but I can't do yours? Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tiled floor?"
"I don't know. The rough side of a sponge?"
"Damn it."

"So we're even, right?"
"Even? I told a nurse you switched her shift. You babbled all my crazy to the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with."
"I could spend the rest of my life with Lauren, or at least with her tushie. I just want to wash it. Is that weird?"

"Sharp coat, sport."
"Shocker, Big Bob! You care more about appearances than..."
"Better finish that thought quickly, Perry. I'm not breaking my gait."
"...just saying, substance, style, what's important, coat, not..."
"Ha, ha. Too slow."

"T-dog, settle a medical debate for us. I think Elliot's got a modest rack at best. But my favorite attending here says that when he was tuning in Tokyo the other night, the reception was excellent."
"Guys, Elliot's a friend of mine, so I don't want to talk about that. Okay?"
"So, Dr. Turk, how is your back?"
"My back's as swollen as Elliot's big-ass breasts, Sir."

"Look, I don't have time right now to be the 100-watt bulb for your annoying little moth, so if you could just fly away, that'd be great. Just fly away."

"You know what we could do? We could have sex again. I'm throwing it out there."
"Bite me."
"Oh, come on, I'm sorry. I was kidding. It's a joke."
"No, I mean it. Like you did last night. Come bite me."

"Awww, damn! I missed the annual sleepover, didn't I? That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naught-ay."

"You know, sir, Dr. Townsend was telling me you have some great old stories about the hospital. I'd love to hear one sometime."
"Well, what the hell. Back in '68... I don't like you. The end."
"He tells that one a lot."

"I don't know that many straight guys that wear cologne."
"I'm down to one spritz."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Scrubs - 1st Season (2001)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: A comedic take on a medical show based around a group of first year interns working at a hospital and the main character, J.D., who has a wild imagination.

Quotes:
"And like that, I was back in high school. Surgical interns are all slice 'em and dice 'em. They're the jocks. Medical interns, we're trained to think about the body. Diagnose, test. Medical interns, well... we're the chess club."

"Write this down, newbie. If you push around a stiff, nobody'll ask you to do anything."

"I'm waiting for someone."
"The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open."
"Maybe there's a penny stuck in there."
"Why a penny?"
"I don't know."
"Did you stick a penny in it?"
"No, I was making small talk."
"If I find a penny in there... I'm taking you down."

"It turns out we can't save people from themselves. We just treat 'em and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that, too. Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. All I'm saying is if you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well, you're not going to make it as a doctor, that's all."

"How's it going?"
"I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?"
"Now there is nothing wrong with being a janitor."
"Really? Thank you. You've turned my life around. I have to go tell my janitor wife and all my janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap."

"I have magic breasts."

I'm very proud of you, Dr... uh... Dr. Turk!"
"Oh, this is my roommate's badge, so we must have switched them this morning when we..."
"That's a great anecdote, you should write that down in your journal so your kids can read it when you're dead."

"Since I cut you loose, it's been one big party."
"In the next five seconds, name one place, other than the hospital and your apartment, that you've been to in the last month. Five... four... three... two..."
"My car... on the way to the... big party."

"Doctor Cox! I pulled all the x-rays you asked for, so I am yours for the night. Do whatever you want with me. Oh my God, that totally came out wrong I just meant I want you to use me and I don't care how degrading it is."
"What?"
"No, no, no, it's just that I know that you like torturing people and I am totally up for that. I just want to make you happy."

"Bravo, just a big bravo! Heaven help me, I love newbie theatre! Honest, I do! It's the way you both play your parts, with such wonderful commitment, that almost had me believing that you aren't having whiny, neurotic, extremely pale sex with each other."

"Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single, I've mentioned, like, five movies that I want to see, I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am!"

"Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Menier's Disease? Dr. Murphy!"
"Can you use it in a sentence?"

"I just wanna know... if I can buy you dinner."
"That'd be terrific."
"Great! I'm off in, like, a half hour."
"Oh, no. Here, I was led to believe that you were doing a gift certificate kind of thing. But, to sit and eat... with you, that's just... that's crazy talk!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Catch Me If You Can (2002)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Ah, people only know what you tell them, Carl."

Review: A fun film about a young con man and the FBI Agent trying to track him down in the 60's. Steven Spielberg directed a fast paced film and Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks are perfect in their roles.

"Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, this is not a question of your son's attendance. I regret to inform you that, for the past week, Frank has been teaching Mrs. Glasser's French class."
"He what?"
"Your son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher, lecturing the students, uh, giving out homework, uh. Mrs. Glasser has been ill, there was some confusion with the real sub. Your son held a teacher-parent conference yesterday and was planning a class field trip to a French bread factory in Trenton."

"He doesn't have a passport."
"For the last six months, he's gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I'm betting he can get a passport."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Full Metal Jacket (1987)

DVD: Shot in Full Frame Ratio by Director


"Are you shook up? Are you nervous?"
"Sir, I am, Sir."
"Do I make you nervous?"
"Sir?"
"Sir, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?"

Review: This movie is almost two separate films, while the first half in boot camp was a five star masterpiece, the second half in Vietnam stumbled behind with four stars. Maybe it just suffers in comparison to the genius in the beginning. I saw this movie one week before I left for basic training in the Army and it scared the shit out of me so this movie will always have a place in my heart.

"Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!"

"Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful."

"Hey, you got girlfriend, Vietnam? Me so horny. Me love you long time."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Saturday Night Live - The Best of Will Ferrell, Vol. 2

DVD: 1 Disc


"And don't forget France. The French don't like me saying Axis of Evil. So guess what, they're now part of the very same Axis of Evil that they don't like me saying. How do you like them apples, France? Next time you keep your mouth shut. You mess with Texas and it's straight to the Axis of Evil. Got it?"

Review: This is a good mix of very funny Will Ferrell skits with a few average ones thrown in to pad it out. The extra never-before-seen skits are quite funny as well as the included interviews with Conan O'Brien.

"That evening, Virginia and I made love so powerful methinks I heard the god, Zeus, chuckling from on high."
"And I was there."
"Do you mean?"
"Bingo! We did a three-way."
"Now mind you, Catherine, this was looong time ago."
"Yes, yes, this was a year and a half ago."
"Gross!"

"Just work here. Take some time to weigh the Pros and Cons. Pros - You'll be working for a slightly above-average in-flight magazine for 22,000 a year. Cons - Me kicking you till there's blood in your stool, then grabbing your wife's boobies while you're tied up with a racquetball shoved in your mouth. Now balance it out and just think about it."
"I am, I just don't think I want to work here."
"Fair enough, ordinarily I'd whip your nuts with a car antenna for that kind of attitude, but you thought about it and you don't want to work here."

"I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. No, there's no 'Mark' here. My name? It's Mark. No... I spell it with a C. Who put you up to this? What do you mean you're my 'wife'? O-kay... if you're my 'wife', what's our cat's name? Mr. Stitches... Damn, you're good!"

"You're not suggesting?"
"That's right, a Pose-Off."
"Very well then. A Pose-Off it is. Have at thee!!"
"I call this one, Sunday in the Park with my Appendectomy Scar."
"Here's a little something I call, One Ball for Sister Sarah."
"All right, okay! That's enough! Enough! I want both you out of here now and I never to see either one of you at this community college again."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Saturday Night Live - The Best of Will Ferrell, Vol. 1

DVD: 1 Disc


"Okay, wait. Wait! Stop! Um, Bruce, could you come in here for a second, please?"
"Certainly. That was gonna be a great track. Guys, what's the deal?"
"Are you sure that was sounding okay?"
"I'll be honest, fellas. It was sounding great, but I could of used a little more cowbell. So, let's take it again. And Gene..."
"Yeah?"
"Really explore the studio space this time."
"You got it, Bruce."
"I mean, really... explore the SPACE. I like what I'm hearing. Go with it."

Review: This is a very strong collection of Will Ferrell skits from Saturday Night Live. I liked the extras which included his audition to join the show. My only disappointment was the three chapters on the DVD which showed brief clips of skits instead of their full length versions.

"I've gone out and done the musical world a freakin service and cut this compact disc. It's called The Coconut Bangers Ball: It's a Rap. Ha, Ha, Ha. A little inside, I know. Anyway, what you get is one full hour of rip-roaring rap music. Not by some dubious ruffians without the chops, but by a professionally trained voiceman. No musical accompaniment. It's just me out there, Robert Goulet. Watch what I do with this little ditty from Mr. Sisqo called, The Thong Song."

"Hey, now Ken, we all know that the moon is not made of green cheese."
"Yes, that's true, Harry."
"But what if it were made of BBQ spare ribs, would you eat it then?"
"What?"
"I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser... I would do it. Would you?"
"I... I... I'm confused."
"It's a simple question, Doctor. Would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs?"
"I don't know how to answer that question."
"It's not rocket science. Just say yes and we'll move on."

"Nothing pleases me more than seeing two new lovers take off into the night mist."
"Yes, Lover, I think there is only one reward for the job we've done."
"Let the screams of our love-making reverberate off the roof of the Welshly Arms and into the night sky."
"Oh, Lover. Oh, Lover."
"Ow, Ow! My back!"
"What? Your back? I thought the water might help..."
"Well, it doesn't. GET THE HELL OFF ME!"

5 out of 5 Stars