Film: Jurassic Park III (2001)

DVD: Anamorphic


"So... what do we do?"
"We search for your son... in the direction that they're going."
"Excellent, excellent..."

Review: This is an great sequel, much better than the contrived 2nd movie. It has a logical and fast paced storyline with fully developed characters. I wasn't surprised that it was so well-written when I saw that two of the writers were the same ones who wrote "Election" and "Sideways". Sam Neill's return as Dr. Alan Grant is very welcome. He gives off the vibe of a middle-aged Indiana Jones in this film. Very fun!

"I read both of your books. I liked the first one more... Before you were on the island. You liked dinosaurs back then."
"Back then they hadn't tried to eat me yet."

"What are you doing? Those things are after us because of those!"
"Those things know we have the eggs. If I drop them in the river, they'll still be after us."
"What if they catch us with them?"
"What if they catch us without them?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Lost World - Jurassic Park (1997)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Don't worry. I'm not making the same mistakes again."
"No, you're making... You're making all new ones."

Review: This is a weak sequel to a great film. I think it's problem is the storyline is filled with supposedly intelligent characters who consistently make the wrong decision at every opportunity. It prevents emotional involvement in their journey as a viewer. The returning character, Ian Malcom, has nothing to do but react to others actions and say, "Don't do that!" or yell, "Run!" I think alot of the action scenes lacked the suspense of the first film. It's fun watching a T. Rex running around downtown San Diego though.

"This is... This is magnificent."
"Oh, yeah. Ooh, ahh! That's how it always starts. But then later, there's running and then... screaming."

"There's a dinosaur in our backyard."

3 out of 5 Stars

TV: Deadwood - 1st Season (2004)

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Film: Salvador (1986)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"They kill people here, Boyle!"
"Do you believe everything you read in the papers?"
"Yeah I do!"
"Come on man, you're gonna love it here."

Review: This is a classic James Woods role. A photojournalist who is pathetic loser when trying to live a regular life in the USA, but is at his best in a war zone. This is a great film by Oliver Stone about America's involvement in El Salvador's civil war during the Cold War.

"I thought you were dead."
"Dead? Why, do I look that bad?"
"Yes."

"You know I'm often asked by people like yourself to examine my conscience and every now and then I do examine it."
"And what do you find there, Jack?"
"That whatever mistakes we make down here, the alternative would be ten times worse!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Black Snake Moan (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16:9


"It's already noon, Rae. Do you think those shorts should still be on?"
"Well if they weren't, you could kiss my rebel coochie, faggot."

Review: This is Samuel L. Jackson's best role in a while. Christina Ricci is very good as the troubled woman he attempts to cure after finding her beaten up and abandoned on the side of road near his farm. His unusual methods turn out to be just what she needs.

"Get this goddamn chain off me!"
"Look, girl, you been running wild on me! Between them fits and fever dreams you having, I been chasing you all over this place at night."
"Well, I'm woke now. You can take this off."
"No... You ain't right yet."

"Just go in there and talk to her. Please... And I fixing steaks for supper. I expect you to stay."
"You expect me to sit down and eat with that woman chained up the way she is?"
"R.L., you watch yourself in there. That girl be on your dick like stank on shit."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Duckman - 1st & 2nd Seasons (1994)

DVD: 3 Discs


"What the HELL are you starin' at?!!"

Review: This show has not held up for me. I was never a big fan of it's animation style, but I thought it was really well written and had a cutting edge sense of humor. I looked forward to watching it every week on the USA Network. Now I just feel bored when I watch it after all these years. I think recent shows like Family Guy have just made it feel quaint.

"Welcome back to K-Bash on the far right of your dial. If you're on your way to Busty Bikini Babe Fest, and who isn't, be careful of traffic tie ups off Route 115. Apparently, there's a group of lesbians protesting by the gate. That's right, we're calling a full flannel shirt and work boot alert."

"I know over two hundred ways to kill a man."
"You could glue an open jar of rats to his face. Then blowtorch the other side of the jar, so the rats have to eat their way out threw his face."
"Two hundred and one."

"Look, I didn't need Bacon-Breath here to save me, okay. I could have handled those pantywaists. I was just waiting for the right moment to wind up the old hay maker and start dropping the bombs."

"Did I ever tell you my dad's last words to me?"
"Careful son, I don't think the safety's on."
"Before that!!!"

"I can't believe they shared their girlfriends with us, Corny. I just spent the night with the sexiest, most insatiable, voluptuous, adventurous, least-inhibited woman I've ever met. If she didn't suddenly get a headache... woo hoo! There's no telling what wild and tawdry escapades we might have experienced. How was your night?"
"Like yours... minus the headache."

"I knew something was wrong when you didn't show up for work today, Duckman."
"I don't show up for work a lot of days."
"True, but you always call in with some lame and pathetically inadequate excuse that I pretend to believe so as not to unbalance the age old fragile employer-employee relationship."

"You know kids, once I solve this case your Pop will probably be the most important detective ever on this show. What do you think about that, Corny? You're working for the biggest American Dick ever."

"I won't lie to you, old friend. I'm selfishly and greedily cutting you out of the action because I want the girls to myself. Well, got to go get my basket weaved."
"When I snap, I'll kill him first."

"I hope you don't mind a bit of constructive criticism, Duckman, but those kids will be better off with a pack of rabid baboons than with you."
"We proved that wasn't true, Bernice! Even if Ajax does still get a Valentine from the dominant female every year."

"I'll be back, Duckman. You'll see. I'll be a recurring villain every fifth or sixth episode after people get tired of King Chicken. I'm better looking, more intelligent, have a higher TVQ."

3 out of 5 Stars

Film: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Do you want to put some clothes on?!"
"Oh, would you like to pick out the outfit that you break up with me in?!"

Review: A very funny comedy of a man trying to cope after his famous actress girlfriend dumps him. Escaping to Hawaii, he finds her staying at the same resort with her new rock star boyfriend. I liked how they tried to make the growth of his new relationship fairly realistic for a romantic comedy. The Dracula Musical was very unique and a great way to wrap up the movie.

"I like her red hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes."

"You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?"
"Excuse me?"
"You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me."
"You should've seen YOURSELF at dinner. 'Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh, no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!'"

"Get hard for me, Pete. Get hard for me."
"I know what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh, wedding in Hawaii! REAL ORIGINAL!!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Transformers (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16:9


"Wow! This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Explosions everywhere! This is easily a hundred times cooler than Armageddon... I swear to god!"

Review: A surprising film from Michael Bay. The amazing action & special effects are expected from him, but the effective use of story and humor was a big step up for him. Shia LaBeouf was great as the lynch pin character that held the sprawling movie together. The first time I watched it, I really appreciated the moments of slow motion during the robot fights, but on repeated viewings I got better at deciphering the faster chaotic clashes.

"What is it?"
"It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese."
"What are you doing?"
"I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already."
"Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!"

"What'd they get you for?"
"I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot... Who knew?"

"Decepticons, attack!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Gattaca (1997)

DVD: Anamorphic


"We were just wondering if... if it is good to just leave a few things to, to chance?"
"We want to give your child the best possible start. Believe me, we have enough imperfection built in already. Your child doesn't need any more additional burdens. Keep in mind, this child is still you. Simply, the best, of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result."

Review: When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I thought it was stealing the idea for my book. I was greatly relieved when I saw the movie's plot was only tangentially related and it was very good as well. Ethan Hawke plays an aspiring astronaut in the near-future who's DNA signature is not considered good enough to be accepted into the space program. He must take on a new illegal identity using genetically superior DNA donated by Jude Law's character to achieve his goal.

"I belonged to a new underclass, no longer determined by social status or the color of your skin. No, we now have discrimination down to a science."

"I can't go anywhere without seeing my own face. They'll recognize me."
"They won't recognize you."
"They'll recognize me."
"I don't recognize you."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"You think this wise, boy... crossing blades with a pirate?"
"You threatened Miss Swann."
"Only a little."

Review: A surprisingly great movie based on the ride at Disneyland that holds up to repeat viewings. Johnny Depp steals every scene as Captain Jack Sparrow with great performances by the entire cast. A great mix of beautiful locations, production design, costumes and special effects really support an excellent script. Too bad the sequels didn't have the same coherent storyline to match.

"You'll be dining with the Captain. And he requests you wear this."
"Well, you may tell the Captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request."
"He said you'd say that. He also said that if that be the case, then you'll be dining with the crew. And you'll be naked."

"So that's it, then? That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum."
"Welcome to the Caribbean, love."

"You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You're in one."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Saturday Night Live - The Best of Eddie Murphy

DVD: 1 Disc


"Should I get in the hot tub? / Will it make me sweat? / Should I get in the hot tub? / Will it make me wet? / Well, Well, Well... Hot tub! / Here I go! / I'm gonna get in the water! / Gonna make me sweat! / I'm going in the hot tub! / HEEEEEEY!!!!! / Too hot in the hot tub! / Burn myself! / Make it cooler, good God! / I'm going to get in the hot tub. / I'm gonna get in the hot tub."

Review: This is a good collection of Saturday Night Live skits with Eddie Murphy. I forgot how much of his humor comes from his singing ability which he uses to great effect in several funny skits.

"Will you be mine? / Won't you be mine? / Won't you be my neighbor? / Hello, boys and girls. We're all alone today. You know why? My wife walked out on me. Isn't that nice? I'm so glad the bitch is gone. I can't..."
[RING, RING, RING]
"Who can that be? Let's see. This is how you answer the door in my neighborhood... WHO IS IT?!!!!"

"Hi, I'm Buh-Weet. Member me? I have complied for you and your nistening pleasure some of my pavorite songs. It's all here in this unpectacular offer, 'Buh-Weet Sings'. Take a wisten... Unce, Tice, Fee Tines a Mady."
"Yes, there all here."
"Wookin' Pa Nub in All Da Wong Places. / Wookin' Pa Nub."
"Once Buckwheat sings a song, it's eternally his."
"It Dat Deada Dabba, Dan on a Dina an Die / Made a Day fa Eyieee."

"Hello my name is Professor Shabazz K Martin. In 1895, at the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama, a BLACK MAN named George Washington Carver developed a new method of soul... SOIL improvement through crop rotation."
"Soul? Hee! Hee!"
"So I messed up. SHUT UP!!! STOP CLAPPING before you make me smile!"

"Look, look, Raheem. I'm not Opie Taylor and I'm not Richie Cunningham. I'm Ron Howard. I'm a grown man. Did you know I'm directing now? Did you see the movie I have out, Night Shift?"
"Was there any black people in it?"
"No."
"I didn't see it then. What was it about?"
"Oh well, it was a story about these two pimps..."
"It was a story about two pimps and wasn't no brothers in it. I don't know whether to say, Thank You, or punch you in your mouth, man."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Simpsons Movie (2007)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you!"

Review: I was not that excited to see this movie at first. While I loved the first nine seasons of the Simpsons, I had slowly lost interest in the show as the quality declined in later years. All that changed when I saw a preview of the movie highlighting Spider-Pig and I found myself crying with laughter. The movie turned out to be very funny and made excellent use of the widescreen format. I think bringing back allot of the earlier writers of the Simpsons helped make the movie a success.

"How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?"
"Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing? / From a web? / No, he can't. / He's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!"

"Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful organization. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each one will cause untold misery and..."
"I pick Number Three!"
"Really? You don't want to read them first?"
"I was elected to LEAD, not to READ. Number Three!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: An American Tail (1986)

DVD: Full Screen - OAR


"In America, there are mouse holes in every wall."
"Who says?"
"Everyone. In America, there are bread crumbs on every floor."
"You're talking nonsense!"
"In America, you can say anything you want, but most important - and this I know for a fact - in America, there are no cats."

Review: This animated film still has the power to bring a tear to my eye when Fievel is reunited with his family. I think this is Don Bluth's closest attempt in matching the classic Disney films. It is full of catchy songs that stick in the head and the voice work of Fievel and his sister is too cute. Their duet is very moving.

"I'm your guard, Tiger. Don't make any sudden moves, 'cause I'm crafty and I'm quick. I've got the instincts of a cat. What am I saying? I am a cat."

"Oh, my little boy, back from the dead. America, what a place. My Fievel. I thought I would never see you again."
"Never say never, Papa."

4 out of 5 stars

Film: Borat (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


"This is Natalya. She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan. Niiice!"

Review: Just as funny and uncomfortable the second time around. This is a movie/documentary of Americans trying to comprehend and interact with a foreign journalist who has very outdated ideas on gender, race, sex, and personal hygiene. Whether they respond with confusion, anger, helpfulness or delight in finding someone who shares their bigoted views, it is hilarious to watch. The DVD special features are great as well.

"Sometime my sister, she show her vagine to my brother, Bilo, and say... 'You will never get this. You will never get this. La-la-la-la-la-la.' He behind his cage. Crazy, Crazy. Everybody laughs. She go, 'You never get this.' Uh, but one time he break cage and he GET THIS and then we all laugh. High five!"
"Now, um, um. No, that would not be funny in America, okay?"

"Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?"
"No, no, no!"
"Not yet, huh? Why not?"
"Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with."
"WHAT?!"
"How about that? Isn't that amazing?"
"You joke?"
"There must be consent. That's good, huh?"
"Is not good for me."
"No, it is good."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Match Point (2005)

DVD: Enhanced 16:9


"So, who's my next victim? You?"
"I haven't played table tennis in quite a while."
"Would you like to play for a thousand pounds a game?"
"What did I walk into?"

Review: This is an excellent thriller of a former professional tennis player who expertly climbs the social ladder in London by befriending a rich family and marrying their daughter. His carefully laid plans are disrupted when he falls for the beautiful girlfriend of his friend and finds himself juggling the fallout.

"You should see my sister, she's... she's very beautiful, but she's lost in drugs and..."
"I'm sure she's not more beautiful than you are."
"Well... What I am is sexy. But Linda's, my sister, um, is classically beautiful."
"So, you are aware of your effect on men?"

"The innocent are sometimes slain to make way for grander schemes. You were collateral damage."
"So was your own child."
"Yes... Sophocles said that to have never been born might have been the greatest boon of all."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Now, I'm going to go back inside and finish watching 'Sleepless in Seattle'. Nobody screw with me."

Review: A high-concept romantic comedy that is fun to watch because of the excellent chemistry between the leads. The characters attempt to use each other to further their careers, but find themselves falling for each other. Except for the cliche ending, the movie has a unique story idea that is well executed.

"So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?"
"Seven days."
"Seven days. Interesting."
"Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?"

"I have to crack this guy. I mean this is DefCon 5, and I have to do something truly appalling. It's not funny."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Beowulf (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"I am Beowulf and I'm here to kill your monster."

Review: This was my first 3D movie where the effect really impressed me and felt like a game-changing experience. The story was simple and effective, but the immersion of the 3D gave the movie a whole new dimension, literally. Beowulf's battle with the dragon near the end was mind-blowing. I hope the dragon, Smaug, in the upcoming Hobbit movie is this good.

"How many monsters must I slay? Grendel's mother, father, Grendel's uncle? Must I hack down a whole family tree of demons?"
"She is the last of them. With her gone, demonkind will slip back into the darkness from whence it came."

"The time of heroes is dead. The christ god has killed it, leaving nothing but weeping martyrs and fear and shame."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Iron Will (1994)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Trust the dogs."

Review: This movie is a bit too formulaic and the dialogue is on-the-nose at times, but that is expected for a Disney movie aimed at children. It is at it's best when it is concentrating on the dogsled race and the harsh conditions they faced. I liked how they were able to make the dogsled a more active object than I expected, jumping and cornering like a skateboard or BMX bike.

"The first few days you sleep five hours. Then four, then three, then two. The last day you don't sleep. You just run. Run till the end."

"You're prepared to risk this young man's life to sell some newspapers?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Pinocchio (1940)

DVD: OAR Full Frame


"Cricket's the name. Jiminy Cricket!"

Review: This is a classic Disney film with great songs and amazing animation of the wooden puppet, Pinocchio, who tries to become a real boy. The second act on Pleasure Island is well-told and intense, scaring me as a child. The whole ocean sequence with Monstro the whale is a powerful tour de force, a visual and emotional climax for the movie.

"Now, remember, Pinocchio, be a good boy. And always let your conscience be your guide."

"Father, what are you crying for?"
"Because you're dead, Pinocchio."
"No! No, I'm not."
"Yes. Yes, you are. Lie down."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Zathura (2005)

DVD: Anamorphic


"That's your robot?"
"At least I got one."
"Well, what does it do?"
"Anything I want... Get me a juice box, Beeyatch!"

Review: Jon Favreau has shown his talent for Directing once again. He has a great sense on how to tell a story and keep the most fantastical elements grounded in reality. This is a film of two brothers who start playing an old board game they find in the basement, sending their house into outer space. Each turn brings more excitement and danger from robots or aliens as they discover the only way to get home is to finish the game.

"I hate to break it to you, but that's not your call. He spun me, so it's up to him."
"Well, I'm Fleet Admiral, and I'm telling you to hit the road."
"I apologize, sir. I didn't... I didn't realize you were a Fleet Admiral. In fact, I... I'm a Fleet Admiral too! It's just a card, bug nuts."

"Still think I have gorgeous eyes?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Munich (2005)

DVD: Anamorphic


"You'll open two accounts at the Union de Banques Suisse in Geneva on Rue du Commerce. Operational funds in one box, in the other your salary which you don't take till the mission ends when you get what accumulates. Also, for each of your men, you open an account for his salary."
"How many men do I have for this?"
"IN THE operational funds box we will deposit 250,000 American dollars. You take it out, we put more in. I WANT receipts. You are not working for the Baron Rothschild. You're working for Israel, a small country."

Review: After the death of the Israeli hostages during the Olympic Games in Munich, Israel sent a team of assassins to track down and kill the leaders of the terrorist group in Europe. This is an excellent suspense film of the team's efforts led by the excellent Eric Bana and includes the pre-Bond Daniel Craig. The tension builds as the early successes become harder to duplicate and the team itself becomes the target of reprisal attacks.

"I knew guys like you in the army. You do any terrifying thing you're asked to do, but you have to do it running. You think you can outrun your fears, your doubts. The only thing that really scares you guys is stillness."

"Don't fuck with the Jews."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Planet Earth (2006)

Review: A nature documentary that gives an excellent overview of the many ecosystems throughout Planet Earth. Filmed with High Definition cameras, the visuals are spectacular. Some of my favorite episodes are Mountains, Fresh Water and Jungles.

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Zoolander (2001)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"I guess the look I'm best known for is Blue Steel. And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre. Le Tigre's a lot softer. It's a little bit more of a catalog look."

Review: This is a spoof movie of the fashion industry with great lines and lots of funny cameos. Ben Stiller plays a top male model who is brain-washed in an attempt to kill the new leader of Malaysia who wants to eliminate child labor.

"It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!"

"Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking?"

"I think Katinka wants to kill you."
"Good! I deserve to die if I can't even beat Han-suck-ass in a walk off."
"Derek, that's not true. The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you."
"And all he had to do was turn left."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I never worked at a pretzel stand. You like to insult people?"
"Was that your feet?"
"Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut... Here comes the double foot. This is good. Smell it, smell it, smell it. Now take it. That's for you."
"Aaaah! All right, let me go!!"

Review: I was very surprised. I loved this movie as much as I normally hate Adam Sandler movies. I think it is because of the help from Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel in writing the script. Also, Adam Sandler really became Zohan, an Israeli super soldier who moves to New York to become a hairdresser, instead of playing just another version of himself like in most of his movies.

"She has a free shoulder. Come join."
"I'm good."
"Mrs. Haynes, you're getting cold here. Claude, come. Keep her warm. Go ahead. Yes. And gently move. Gently move the shoulder. All you want to do is let her know you're here for her. Now look away like you're not even doing it. We're not doing this... Same rhythm."
"Okay."
"Push. Push. Push. Oh, you're pushing harder. It's starting to feel good on my end."

"Get out of here, Ahab, or I'll cut your eyes out."
"What you cut my eyes out with?"
"My blade, camel jockey."
"My friend, the beating I give you if you stop the spraying is much less than the beating I give you if you try to cut me."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Dances with Wolves (1990)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9 - Double-Sided


"You wish to see the frontier?"
"Yes sir, before it's gone."

Review: This is an amazing movie that shows the last years of the Sioux Indians before they were moved onto reservations. The film follows a Civil War soldier who finds himself posted to an isolated and abandoned army fort far out in the prairie where he comes in contact with a nearby tribe. Graham Greene is great as Kicking Bird, the medicine man who befriends the soldier.

"I am in agreement with Kicking Bird. We will go down and talk to the white man. And find out why he is here."
"If this council decides to talk to the white man then it will be so. But in my mind, it's not right that a chief as great as Ten Bears goes to ask the business of a puny, trespassing white man who has only a smart horse and a few white man's clothes."
"I will not go. You will go. And you will go. That is all I have to say."

"Dances With Wolves! I am Wind In His Hair! Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars