Film: Team America: World Police (2004)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Great job, team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails."

Review: Hilarious movie that satirizes action movies and both sides of the "War on Terror" debate. The puppeteering in this film is very impressive. It is amazing the little acting nuances the filmmakers achieved with the different characters.

"Let me explain to you how this works: you see, the corporations finance Team America, and then Team America goes out... and the corporations sit there in their... in their corporation buildings, and... and, and see, they're all corporation-y... and they make money."

"I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Against All Odds (1984)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Can't anyone love me without it being life or death to them?"
"You know, most people are afraid they're never gonna be loved like that."

Review: This is a movie that confuses my ability to judge it accurately. Half of my brain says it's no good, but the other half enjoys it anyway. It's slow paced and kinda boring, but the atmosphere it creates overpowers it weaknesses. The moody score is omnipresent and I think it hypnotizes me.

"What the hell made you think you could handle Jessie? I bet you used to bring her home flowers."
"No, you don't have to do that when you're living in the jungle. You just take her outside and show her what tree you're going to do it under tonight. Hell, we had lots of trees."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Ned and Stacey - 1st Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Ned, I need a place to live. As sick and twisted as this arrangement is, I have no other choice, I'm desperate!"
"Works for me!! Here's the laundry room key, front door key, and an engagement ring... Oh, don't lose that laundry room key!"

Review: The first season of this show was amazing, but the second season it fell off the cliff when they moved the center of the show to a muffin shop. A MUFFIN SHOP?!! I think the show had a great concept, sticking two people who hate each other in a marriage of convenience, but maybe it could only hold one season's arc worth of shows before it ran out of fresh angles.

"Funny, I don't remember posing for that."
"No, No... I actually got a painter friend of mine to touch up a painting of a Scottish nobleman with his hunting dog... He had a hell of a time getting the duck out of your mouth."

"Come on I wasn't that rough, besides you look like a strong guy, you can take it."
"Damn, my Marlboro Man exterior."

"You know, Ned, I think I might have a real problem with this."
"Oh yeah, what might that be?"
"I don't know exactly, but it's something... something."
"Can you be a little more vague?"

"Everybody, this is Clay Maxwell. Clay is new at the agency. Clay, I think you know Eric Moyer and this is his East German weight-lifting bride, Masculina."
"And who might this lovely lady be?"
"She might just be the best damn thing that's ever happened to me, but she's not. She's my wife."

"I need to have sex!"
"Well, don't look at me."
"I wasn't looking at you. I was looking at Mrs. Butterworth. And might I say, she's looking damn busty this morning."

"So what's bothering you?"
"Oh it's Stacey, she's not talking to me."
"Just last week you said you would give your left..."
"Hey, Hey! I know what I said, but now that it's happening... Dammit, I miss the sound of her voice. I tried putting silverware down the disposal, but it just wasn't the same."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Men Behaving Badly - 1st Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"I know what Sarah's up to. First, it's, let's have a child. Then, it's, hey, let's get married for the sake of the baby."
"And she's gonna want to move in with you."
"She'll probably want to bring the baby too. Let's face it, my life is over."

Review: This show is genius and was one of my favorites. The characters and writing was hilarious. Rob Schnieder was the star of the show, but when Ron Eldard and Justine Bateman left the show after the first season he missed the great chemistry he had with them and the show suffered. The replacements didn't have the same talent level and it felt like Schnieder was trying too hard to make up for it.

"Jamie, let me ask you something, okay? If a couple, say like Sarah and I, have a cooling-off period. What does that mean?"
"I'm sure it varies from relationship to relationship, but for me, it means you're shot out of a canon into a sea of FLESH."
"Well, apparently, Sarah agrees with you."

"Where are you going? What are you doing?"
"Look, I'm not interested in having sex with you."
"Oh, really. Well, maybe this will change your mind... PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME! I WON'T TELL ANYONE. I'll really appreciate it."

"Can I have a chip?"
"No. It doesn't feel good being turned down. Does it?"
"You're not being very nice."
"Look, taunting me from the pages of your calender is one thing, but tonight you were bouncing and jiggling for a real human being. How do you sleep at night?"

"Hey, hey, hey, I thought we were gonna... you know?"
"I'm sorry, Kevin, I just can't put a bookmark in my arousal and pick up where I left off."
"Well, I can."
"Sorry, I'm not in the mood."
"Well, I'm not necessarily in the mood either. It's a little thing called faith, Sarah. I have faith that I'm gonna get back there."

"If anyone has reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, any reason at all, let him speak now or forever hold his peace... Very well then, I object."
"What?"
"I have never seen two worst candidates for marriage in my life."
"Who are you to judge? What, now you're not going to marry us?"
"No, I'm not... You can go to hell, both of you."
----
"Wow, that was kinda harsh. Don't you think?"

"Well, that was a odd night."
"And yet, I enjoyed it."
"So did I"
"Why?"
"Maybe we shouldn't think about it."
"Look, I know it's not because I'm gay. You've seen all my pornography. If I'm gay, it's like I'm throwing all my money away. And yet, once I knew I had to do this, I really started to care about the pictures. I wanted Monty to look strong, virile and a magnificent, masculine beast."

"What can I do for you now? How about another sponge bath?"
"No, no more sponge baths. My breasts are clean."
"They could always be cleaner."
"No, no, no, they are clean enough to eat off of... and, NO, you can't!"

"The Christmas Hunt is a family tradition."
"Yeah, we head up the ol Fire Road, set up the lawn chairs and blow away the first thing that moves."
"Is, is that dinner?"
"No, no, we're not hill people. We're sportsman. We shoot-and-release."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 6th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Honey, guess what? I'm pregnant too! Oh Al, hold me."
"How far along are you?"
"Five months... Well Al, didn't you notice I was getting fat."
"Well, yeah."

Review: This season is a mixed bag. For every great episode like "If Al Had a Hammer" or "Rites of Passage", there is a bad or boring one like "Psychic Avengers". I liked the pregnant Peggy storyline, but the show's chemistry suffered when she was missing for several episodes. Kelly got a little too dumb this year and Bud's Grandmaster B character was hit or miss. The first half of the season was better as the quality declined as the year progressed. Steve's return cameo for one episode was fun.

"The gods must be on a roll, huh? Must be playing another round of, Can You Top This? One started out, let's make him a shoe salesman. Another one said, let's give him a redhead. Another one, probably a cruel, hungover god said, I know, I know, let's have him not eat, yet not starve."

"My Dad had one great dream and that dream was handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys... to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed."

"Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter, with the brain of a fruit fly, earned a thousand dollars in three nights. Should I be worried? Nah..."

"Everyday at three o'clock I see this girl that works down at the aerobics shop. You know, she flirts with me. I flirt with her. It's nothing, but it gets you through the day. Anyway, I always thought she was pretty, but today I saw her. She's forty. Forty! I mean, she's old."
"But Dad, you're over forty."
"Yeah, but I'm a guy so it's totally different. No, I mean, I can't believe it. She's not a girl, she's a woman."
"Well, did she like your new glasses?"
"What the hell do I care what a forty-year old women thinks."

"God! It is disgusting what a women in a short skirt can do to a man."

'Gee, Kelly, it's seven o'clock. Shouldn't you be cuffed to a radiator by now?"

"Yes, the Nudie Bar."
"Where the music stinks and they water the drinks, the Nudie Bar."
"Where the girlies dance in their underpants, the Nudie Bar."
"Where you see their butt and their trap stays shut, at the Nudie Bar."

"The Nudie Bar."
"Where you can't touch a breast but you can cave in a chest."
"At the Nudie Bar."
"Where you can look at a thigh and blacken an eye."
"At the Nudie Bar."
"Where the beer gives you gas but the Bundys kick ass."
"AT THE NUDIE BAR!"

"You just flash that badge at some registered voter, Buddy. We're Bundys, we hate cops."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 5th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Hi, Honey. Did you miss me?"
"With every bullet so far."

Review: This is the last great season but it had two really bad episodes, Buck's "Look Who's Barking" & the spin-off "Top of the Heap". The season is missing a bit of fun with Steve gone, but it allows some humor with Marcy's single hood in till she marries Jefferson near the end of the year. "All Night Security Dude" & "You Better Shop Around" are classic episodes.

"I wonder what Psycho Dad would do in a case like this?"

"So how was your day, Sweetie?"
"Oh, just fine. Just me, cruisin around listening to the oldies channel at 1500 watts. Made a lot of new friends. Take Officer Lewis, for example. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear his siren at first, but luckily police cars are now equipped with rammers that gently eased me into the rail. Luckily, the cop liked oldies, so he beat with his night stick to the tune of 'Hey, Jude'. Then he wrote me up eighteen tickets, including the one for bleeding on his pad. How was your day?"

"Oh, it's too bad SOME men don't know how to give up their sports gracefully instead of lingering on like big babies."
"Yeah, doggone it, if only we could be comfortable with our age like you darn gals. You know, in the morning you go into the bathroom, a little blush, a little mascara. Wa La, you got an old women scared of rain... Then you try to clean-and-jerk your breasts into a bra. Ease some exercise pants over that front and back belly and go down to the market and flirt with the bag boy. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's just pretty pathetic when we guys try to hang onto our youth."

"Look, I don't care what you're doing with my wife. But you've got a good man at home that any man would be proud to call his wife. He cooks. He cleans. He works. You've obviously gotten over that little, he's a man, thing. So what else do you want from the poor guy? Now I'm the one that autta be going out at night. I'm married to that over there. But you, you autta be home with a man who can bake a potato like nobodies business."
"You had Pete's potato?"
"I did! Now you go home and tell your wife you love her."
"Your right, Al. And if you don't mind my saying so, you should go tell your wife you love her."
"Mind your own business."

"Oh, Bud. I came, I saw, I bounced. Today the Allante girl, tomorrow, slut in a Bon Jovi video."
"Reach for those stars, eh, Kel."

"Daddy, you don't understand."
"Oh, I understand. Old guy, young girl, fancy apartment, cold cuts like there's no tomorrow. I know what's going on. I'm so upset I can hardly eat this sandwich."

"Look at it, Peg. The Bundy Empire. Tomorrow we make delivery and we pick up a check for 20,000 dollars."
"Oh, Al!"
"What's wrong, Peg?"
"Nothing, but I think I just had my first real orgasm."

"Aaah. At last, Single... with TV."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 4th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Hi, Grandma... Oops! Sorry, Kelly, it must have been the way the light hit your crows feet."

Review: Another funny season, this is the year where Steve leaves the show and Marcy starts to become more of a ball-breaker. "Tooth and Consequences" is a hilarious episode.

"Remember the Bundy Creedo. A Bundy never wins, but a Bundy never quits."
"No, Dad. It's a Bundy never eats."
"No, no, no. It's a Bundy never learns."
"No wait, is it a Bundy never dies?"
"A Bundy never cares."
"Shut up the two of ya! Shut up the two of ya!"

"It's hair envy, is what it is. It's because they lose theirs and we don't and they hate us for it."
"They have no respect for our hair. They only use it to pull us up, to pull us down..."
"Kelly's right. She's got the morals of an alley cat, but she's right."

"Don't you see the rut our lives have become? I need a vacation."
"Peg, if you want to visit someplace new, try the kitchen. And while your out there, don't forget to take a picture by the refrigerator, you know, Ol' Empty."

"What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing. Don't you know anything about women?"
"Well, no."
"Well I do. Her fists were saying no-no, but there was yes-yes in her eyes."

"Hello, Sergeant. This is Al Bundy again. Listen, I'm... really starting to get worried now. I'm sorry, it's getting hard for me to talk... I'll calm down. The description? Okay, 19 inch diagonal, maple console, and it's got notches in it from where the kids grew."
"Dad, what about mom?"
"Oh yeah, my wife is missing too. Uh, what? The description? I don't know. Listen, you guys are awful busy. Why don't you find the TV first and then we'll worry about the wife. Listen, let me know if you hear anything. Goodbye."

"Now kids, do you know what we're witnessing here?"
"A perfect game?"
"No, No, the Bundy Curse. It's what keeps us from being happy. There's no point in fighting it. It's what separates us from ordinary losers. They can have their moments, but not us. Never us."
"But mom's having a major moment now and she's a Bundy."
"She's not TRULY a Bundy. See, your mothers just a Bundy by marriage. She's part of the curse. But we are Blood Bundys. We are truly doomed."

"You know, Daddy. You should do what Mom says. You should marry somebody who's got a job. Didn't your mom ever tell you that?"
"No honey, my mom told me to marry an anchor and cling to it till it sinks to the bottom."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Daddy, why couldn't you have gotten caught robbing a bank like Cindy's father? I mean, at least, she can walk around with her head held high."
"Yeah, Dad. As the lone carrier of the Bundy seed, I foresee some lonely, seedless nights."

Review: This season might represent the peak of this show when it was hitting on all cylinders. The actors have grown comfortable in their roles and the stories are still fresh.

"I can't believe it. I almost had him."
"Give it up, Kelly. You're just not his type."
"I'm everybody's type.

"What happened?"
"We were walking through the woods, as quiet as you please. When all of a sudden, the ground started shaking and something came crashing through a bush. I thought it was you, Peg, but it didn't want my wallet."

"Well, Peg, we all have to live with our disappointments. I, of course, have to sleep with mine."

"What is it Dad?"
"My destiny, son. When I was a young boy, I told myself when I grew up I would have one thing. A toilet bowl like my dad had. Now stand back and feast your eyes on THIS."
"Is it just me or is that a toilet?"
"Not just a toilet, a Fergusson, the King of All Toilets."

"Don't be embarrassed, we often cater to people like you. Now, what size does your boyfriend like to see you in?"
"NO, NO, NO, no, you don't understand. We're married. NOT to each other, to women."
"And if I was gay, I would like to think I could do better than him."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You don't turn me on. There, I said it."

"Bud, hair is hereditary. So is hair-loss."
"So, you mean by the time his skin clears up, his hair will be falling out. Oh Bud, my poor, sexless, hairless brother. I'm SO happy for you."
"DAD, what did you have me for, biological experiment? I mean I was just getting used to being poor and now this."

"When I came here tonight, I thought I was bald. But looking at you guys, I've realized two things. One, I really miss shooting pool. And Two, I'm not bald. Steve's not bald. You guys are bald, really bald. 100 watt soft-white bald. Let me say one more thing. If and when I ever do lose my hair, I still wouldn't be sitting here with you, because I have something at home that doesn't care what I look like and accepts me for what I am and is always there when I need it. My couch."

"Screw a fair fight. Here's what you do. The guys gonna knock on the door. Open the door real quick, don't give him a chance to think and sucker-punch him in the bread basket. He'll drop like an ox. That's what I should of done to Peg's mother. She horned me first."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 2nd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Peg, just stand there and age. I'm busy."

Review: The second season is where Married with Children abandoned any traces of normal sitcom sentimentality and evolved into the show we all know and love. Watching Al using Peg as a shield to escape the serial killers axe-swings announced it loud and clear. Earth Angel was my favorite of this season's episodes.

"I want you to fix the back fence."
"Wait a second, Peg. Why should I have to fix it? It wasn't me who said let's get a picture of your mother leaning against up the fence. It wasn't meant to support a 200 pound women with a keg under each arm."
"It made a nice picture, Al."

"If they tried to charge Thomas Jefferson 80 dollars for a call he didn't make, the Boston Harbor would have been full of phones and all the local women would have been swimming around down there and, uh, we wouldn't have had to hang em as witches."
"So you're kinda like Thomas Jefferson?"
"That I am, Bud."
"Then why do they call him a great man and they call you Butthead?"
"Well, if that's the new word for patriot, so be it."

"Dad, is there anything we can say to make you change your mind? You know like, we love you. Or would you see right through that?"
"I would."

"So, you're finally getting your license, huh? You're gonna love it, Kelly. Driving gives you real independence."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. You know, I was really getting sick of that 'put out or get out' stuff, you know?"
"Yes, that too."

"Did you hear Steve and Marcy fight last night, kids?"
"I'll tell you this. When I get married, my wife is not going to tell me where to shave."
"Nah, she'll just be going, BAAAAA."
"Sure, everybody makes fun of me because I'm the only virgin in the house... Oops."
"He's lying, Dad."
"NAAAAA."

"Don't pull that upset stomach routine with me, Al. Come out here and tell me you love me... Are you going to tell me or not?"
"Okay, Peg, I'm going to say it. But before I say it, I want to tell you I really hate you for this. I don't want to do it. I'm unhappy. My stomach is boiling, my palms are sweating, and if you think you're getting a jump after this, you're sadly mistaken."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Married... with Children - 1st Season

DVD: 2 Discs


"Hey, you know another thing that makes women such a blessing to us. It's like when your sitting somewhere and they come over and say to ya, 'What are you thinking?', and you start thinking, 'You know, if I wanted you to know, I'd be talking."

Review: The first short season of Married with Children is good but it is much slower paced and not as laugh-out-loud funny as later seasons. In the first season, the Bundy's were more normal and dealt with more realistic situations.

"I don't care what your little ruler says, I been a Seven ever since I graduated from High School."
"Well, these are Sevens. The box says Nine, because, well, uh... Look, Lady, you're a Nine. I can accept it. Why can't you?"
"YOU'RE VERY FRESH!"
"No ma'am, that's impossible. Because for the last hour I've been trying to squeeze your foot into a shoe when I really should have been easing them into the box. So I would say I'm everything but fresh."
"Your ad says Courteous Service."
"That's not my ad, Ma'am. That's the former owner's. He was killed tragically on this very spot when a size Nine exploded in his face."

"Gee, what is it that he is really wanting?"
"That blonde down the street."
"Did he tell you that?"
"No, I just assumed it by the way he bites his fist whenever he drives by her house."

"Steve, you're the biggest idiot I've ever met. You got me into this, the entire weekend alone with my wife."
"Al, why don't you just go? Relax. Enjoy yourself."
"Steve, look out in the kitchen there. You see that redhead? Try to picture her in heat."
"I'm sorry, Al."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

DVD: Anamorphic


"But James, I need you!"
"So does England."

"Which bullet has my name on it? The first or the last?"
"I have never failed on a mission, Commander. Any mission."
"In that case, Major, one of us is bound to end up gravely disappointed, because neither have I."

Review: Roger Moore is my favorite Bond, probably because he is the first one I saw in the role. He does a decent job with the action, but I really like the easy charm he brings to the smarmy dialogue that is required of a Bond Character. This is the best of Roger Moore's Bond movies. It has a nice plot and cool gadgets including the underwater Lotus Esprit that drives out of the ocean right onto the beach. The indestructible Jaws is my favorite Bond villain.

"Bond! What do you think you're doing?"
"Keeping the British end up, sir."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Into the Blue (2005)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I love the Caribbean. Too hot to wear shirts, too hot to wear pants and we're two hot young ladies."

Review: This is a fun adventure movie with beautiful underwater photography and plenty of eye-candy. It has a good plot and nice little action sequences to round it out.

"You know I'd live on this broken boat with you, right?"
"I love it when you say stuff like that."

"What do you think, Jared? You think there's more treasure down there or what?"
"Big storms bring big treasure."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Coach - 4th Season (1991-1992)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: Still going strong in season four. This is a sitcom but Coach also exceled with dramatic moments. There are several well-written and well-acted scenes of intense, shouting arguments without a trace of humor. This is the year that the football teams starts to play well and makes it to the Pineapple Bowl.

Quotes:
"I don't care how good people think we're gonna be, I care about how good we are. And the only way we're gonna find out about that is after we play eleven bone-crushing, bloody, well-executed games. Until then, I don't give a damn about the rankings! And there'd better not be anybody on this TEAM who feels any differently!"
"THE RANKINGS ARE IN! THE RANKINGS ARE IN! OH, MY GOD, THE RANKINGS ARE IN!"
"LUTHER!"
"What?"
"We don't give a damn about the RANKINGS!"
"We don't?"

"I hate them."
"Oh, Hayden."
"You always tell me to be honest."
"How about mixing honesty with a little sensitivity and tact?"
"You just keep making up the rules, don't you?"

"I can't believe you are walking out, Christine."
"Oh, you should be thankful. See, you one of the great things about not being married yet is that I can go back to my house and you can go back to yours and we can cool off. If we were already married, I would have to stay here and fight this out with you and you are not ready for that, believe me."
"Wait a sec. Is that a threat?"
"Oh! You bet it is. Because if you ever do anything like this after we are married, I will reach a level of anger, heretofore unconceived of by married man!"
"Boy, oh, boy, get the minister! You're making it sound real good, Christine! God, I can hardly wait to get married again!"

"I'm not letting this go, Hayden. Why don't you like me?"
"Why the hell do you care so much? I mean, what is it about people, they want everybody to like them? A lot of people don't like me. I don't give a damn. And I've got to tell you, Barb, there is a lot of freedom in that."

"What are you talking about? What's going on?"
"Ah, oh boy. Listen, if I tell you, you promise not to blame me?"
"What did you do?!"
"There's a lot of blame in that question, Christine."

"I can't sit around here and watch a women being treated that way. I don't know, maybe I could have a couple years ago, but thanks to you, sweetheart, I'm just too darned sensitive now."

"I think you're blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Sex has changed a lot since the last time you had it."
"Boy, I don't know. It seemed the same to me."
"I'm talking about people's attitudes. You know, women feel a lot different about sex these days. It's no longer this romantic, magical-thing for them anymore. I mean, it can be just as meaningless for them now as it is for us."

"What are you so nervous about?"
"I just think when you're replacing something as big as your entire heating system it makes sense to have professionals up there."
"You're missing the point here, Christine. Men get a great deal of satisfaction out of doing a job they're not qualified to do without the help of trained professionals."

"I am 21. I can take care of myself!"
"But you can't take care of yourself, Kelly. I pay your rent, I pay for your school, I pay for your car. I even paid for your divorce!"
"But you offered all that! I never would've have taken it if I'd known you were going to hold it over my head."
"See, that proves you're not an adult. An adult would have known it was going to be held over their head."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

TV: Coach - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Thank you all so much for coming out today. You know, I prayed long and hard about my decision to come to Minnesota State. I had offers at a lot of other schools, but a voice kept telling me, Go to Minnesota State. Go to Minnesota State. Heck, Coach Fox must've called me three times a day for a year."
"I did, too."

Review: Another great season of the show with the main story arc of Hayden reluctantly getting engaged to Christine. Some of the best episodes are 'Men Don't Heal', 'Dauber Graduates' & 'Diamonds Are a Dentist's Best Friend'.

"I thought there'd be a receptionist or something."
"No. I don't believe in unnecessary frills. My feeling is, people hate going to the dentist. Why make it a costly AND painful experience? At Art Hibke's, it's only painful. Have a seat."

"You really are my hero."
"Hey, you know, the best thing is I'm not doing this for points or anything. It's just coming naturally."

"Heyden, it's one little hour. She'll never know you're gone."
"You know what's really bothering me here is I never asked for this Great Guy label anyway. I mean, Christine just painted me into a corner and now I can't go out and have a fun time. I got this Great Guy noose around my neck."
"So what are you going to do."
"I don't know. What's right, what's wrong? What's great, what's sneaky? You know what would really help? If I could just get out of here for an hour and just clear my head. C'mon lets go!"

"You're really in pain over Christine, aren't you?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"I didn't realize you were this tormented. I'm really surprised. I thought you were the kinda of person who was never touched by anything. I figured you just lumbered through life without any sensitivity or caring or involvement."
"Well, I've always tried to do that."

"What'd she say?"
"Basically, she said, 'It's all over, Hayden. I'm gonna get my phone number and put it on the wall of every men's room in Minneapolis.'"
"That doesn't sound like Christine."
"I'm paraphrasing, Dauber. That was the gist of it."

"Can you believe it? I graduated!"
"You graduated? Dauber, that's fantastic! How'd that happened?"
"I don't know. After eight years, it just snuck up on me."
"That's terrific, Dauber. What's your degree in?"
"I was so excited I didn't even look... WOW! I'm a triple major! I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Physical Education, Business Administration and... Forestry."

"You've made me the happiest person in the world."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Coaching staff's not really into hugging, Lenny."
"I'm sorry, sir. Could I at least slap you on the butt?"
"How about just a handshake and we'll work our way down, huh?"

"I don't know how I could leave them behind and still enjoy myself."
"I'd still enjoy myself."
"Not if I'm not enjoying myself."
"I just don't feel like I have any control of my life anymore."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Coach - 2nd Season

DVD: 2 Discs


"If it'll make you mad, I won't go."
"It's not going to make me mad if you and Christine want to go to some boring Art Gallery with a bunch of stupid people, be my guest. MAD? That doesn't make me mad."
"That's good enough for me."

Review: There is a big jump in quality the second season as the writers and actors settle into their characters. Some of my favorite episodes from this season are 'Dauber's Got a Girl', 'If a Coach falls in the Woods', 'Coaches Conference' & 'Homewreckers'.

"You're feeling pretty proud of yourself, aren't you. You've controlled everybody's life."
"I don't want to control people's lives. If they did things right, I wouldn't have to. I mean it's like I told the guy at the rib joint after I made him open up again, I am just a humble dad trying to do the best job I can."

"Dad! I can't believe I come here for support and you're trivializing my life."
"Oh, honey, I'm not trivializing your little life. I'm just trying to get you lovebirds back together again."

"I'm calling Kelly and getting her over here and putting an end to this stupid fight once and for all. Those two aren't mature enough to be dating, let alone mating. Kelly, this is your father. Now, don't hang up... Well, that's my fault. I gave her the idea."

"Well, I guess I made my point. She knows I was mad. She knows she was wrong. She's sorry."
"That a boy. I knew you couldn't stay mad forever."
"Well I like to think I can... but I can't."

"What I would like us to do is to sit down like two mature adults, discuss this openly and honestly in a calm and rational manner. If you think you can do that, I'm all for it."
"Well, you know I can't do that."

"Oh, man, I'm so glad you made me teach that class. Because I really learned something about Hayden Fox, you know. There's no challenge I can't meet, and no mountain I can't climb. There's just no ocean I can't swim. I just love that about myself."
"How do you distinguish that from all the other things you love about yourself?"
"Well, it's just the most recent thing, that's all."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Coach - 1st Season (1989)

DVD: 2 Discs


"You think I didn't respect you, Christine, but the truth is, I didn't even think of you."

Review: This is a fun show of the head coach of a college team dealing with his team and personal life. He is an old-fashioned guy having to deal with his new girlfriend and becoming reaquainted with his 19 year-old daughter coming to school at his university. This short first season introduces you to the characters but hasn't yet hit the quality it would show in later seasons.

"I believe that we all have male and female sides. In fact, I think that women are only 51% female and 49% male. Conversely, I think that men are 51% male and 49% female."
"Well, Stu, I don't know what book you got that out of, but I think I'm in the high 90s, babe, you know what I mean?"

"Hi, Stuart. What do you want?"
"Understanding, sensitivity. Most of all, your acceptance."
"What, were you raised by a pack of THERAPISTS?"
"Heyden..."
"NO, WHERE DO PEOPLE learn how to talk like this, Christine?"

"Hold on, Christine, you can't run out now. Now, you at least got to come over to the table and just meet Beth."
"I am not coming over to the table and meet Beth. God, I look like a frump. A soggy, sweaty, neurotic frump."
"She knows that. She's already seen you."

"I want you to stay here tonight."
"Why?"
"Trust me."
"Okay, I will. But Dad?"
"Hmm?"
"Next time you're gonna ask me to trust you, will you do it before I get all dressed up?"
"Hey, if I'm thinking that far ahead, you can count on it."

"Do you know how bad this is going to make me look? I mean, come on, Page 1, 'Hayden's woman goes out with other man'?"
"Hayden's woman?"
"Oh, come on, you know what I mean. I mean, don't try to turn that remark into some kind of insult to your entire gender."

3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Film: Star Trek 4 - The Voyage Home (1986)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Computer. Computer? Hello, computer."
"Just use the keyboard."
"Keyboard. How quaint."

Review: I think this is the best of the Star Trek movies. It has a fun fish-out-of-water storyline with the crew's time travel back to San Francisco of 1985 and included an important issue of the time about saving the whales from extinction.

"Don't tell me, you're from outer space."
"No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space."

"To hunt a species to extinction is not logical."
"Whoever said the human race was logical?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Clue (1985)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"And are you the host?
"Me, sir? No, I'm just the humble butler."
"And what exactly is it you do here?"
"I buttle, sir."

Review: It is surprising how good a movie based on a board game can be. Tim Curry is great as the Butler, the catalyst who stirs the pot of six strangers invited to a dinner party by a mysterious host. The movie is a very watchable comedy-mystery as the strong ensemble cast runs around a giant house trying to solve a murder.

"But this is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?"
"He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money off of it. What could be more American than that?"

"They all did it. But if you wanna know who killed Mr. Boddy, I did. In the hall. With the revolver. All right, Chief, take'em away. I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Just One of the Guys (1985)

DVD: Full Screen (Pan & Scan)


"Sometimes I just wish I was a guy."
"No, you don't. The male body needs sex at all times. It's a living hell."

Review: This is an underrated 80's teen comedy with every one's favorite 80's bully, William Zabka. Joyce Hyser plays the popular girl who feels her article is rejected because of sexism so she enrolls in a different high school as a boy to prove it. Billy Jacoby is hilarious as the sex-crazed younger brother, Buddy. Love it!

"Very crucial, something every guy does, let me see you scratch your balls... Wait a minute. Watch the master. Now first, there's your basic shift... But that's not always enough. Sometimes you've got to get inside, dig a little, let some air in, move things around."
"Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch."
"All balls itch, it's a fact."

"Look, what a fox. Dresses like Elvis Costello, looks like the Karate Kid. I'm gonna get him..."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Stone Cold (1991)

DVD: Non-Anamorphic - Double Sided


"This is either gonna be the biggest pork chop I ever ate, or my bulldozer."

Review: The Boz, Brian Bosworth, is decent in this very entertaining action B-movie about a cop going undercover in a Biker Gang. The real stars are the two main villains, Lance Henriksen & William Forsythe, and the cool stunts.

"This may be a rag to the walking dead out there, but THIS is my flag, my cross, my church. And these colors don't run... If they hit the ground even in a fight, I will peel your skin off with a knife dipped in shit."

"This reminds me of my father's last words: Don't son, that gun is loaded!"

4 out of 5 Stars