"Daddy, why couldn't you have gotten caught robbing a bank like Cindy's father? I mean, at least, she can walk around with her head held high."
"Yeah, Dad. As the lone carrier of the Bundy seed, I foresee some lonely, seedless nights."
Review: This season might represent the peak of this show when it was hitting on all cylinders. The actors have grown comfortable in their roles and the stories are still fresh.
"I can't believe it. I almost had him."
"Give it up, Kelly. You're just not his type."
"I'm everybody's type.
"What happened?"
"We were walking through the woods, as quiet as you please. When all of a sudden, the ground started shaking and something came crashing through a bush. I thought it was you, Peg, but it didn't want my wallet."
"Well, Peg, we all have to live with our disappointments. I, of course, have to sleep with mine."
"What is it Dad?"
"My destiny, son. When I was a young boy, I told myself when I grew up I would have one thing. A toilet bowl like my dad had. Now stand back and feast your eyes on THIS."
"Is it just me or is that a toilet?"
"Not just a toilet, a Fergusson, the King of All Toilets."
"Don't be embarrassed, we often cater to people like you. Now, what size does your boyfriend like to see you in?"
"NO, NO, NO, no, you don't understand. We're married. NOT to each other, to women."
"And if I was gay, I would like to think I could do better than him."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You don't turn me on. There, I said it."
"Bud, hair is hereditary. So is hair-loss."
"So, you mean by the time his skin clears up, his hair will be falling out. Oh Bud, my poor, sexless, hairless brother. I'm SO happy for you."
"DAD, what did you have me for, biological experiment? I mean I was just getting used to being poor and now this."
"When I came here tonight, I thought I was bald. But looking at you guys, I've realized two things. One, I really miss shooting pool. And Two, I'm not bald. Steve's not bald. You guys are bald, really bald. 100 watt soft-white bald. Let me say one more thing. If and when I ever do lose my hair, I still wouldn't be sitting here with you, because I have something at home that doesn't care what I look like and accepts me for what I am and is always there when I need it. My couch."
"Screw a fair fight. Here's what you do. The guys gonna knock on the door. Open the door real quick, don't give him a chance to think and sucker-punch him in the bread basket. He'll drop like an ox. That's what I should of done to Peg's mother. She horned me first."
5 out of 5 Stars
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