"I know what Sarah's up to. First, it's, let's have a child. Then, it's, hey, let's get married for the sake of the baby."
"And she's gonna want to move in with you."
"She'll probably want to bring the baby too. Let's face it, my life is over."
Review: This show is genius and was one of my favorites. The characters and writing was hilarious. Rob Schnieder was the star of the show, but when Ron Eldard and Justine Bateman left the show after the first season he missed the great chemistry he had with them and the show suffered. The replacements didn't have the same talent level and it felt like Schnieder was trying too hard to make up for it.
"Jamie, let me ask you something, okay? If a couple, say like Sarah and I, have a cooling-off period. What does that mean?"
"I'm sure it varies from relationship to relationship, but for me, it means you're shot out of a canon into a sea of FLESH."
"Well, apparently, Sarah agrees with you."
"Where are you going? What are you doing?"
"Look, I'm not interested in having sex with you."
"Oh, really. Well, maybe this will change your mind... PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME! I WON'T TELL ANYONE. I'll really appreciate it."
"Can I have a chip?"
"No. It doesn't feel good being turned down. Does it?"
"You're not being very nice."
"Look, taunting me from the pages of your calender is one thing, but tonight you were bouncing and jiggling for a real human being. How do you sleep at night?"
"Hey, hey, hey, I thought we were gonna... you know?"
"I'm sorry, Kevin, I just can't put a bookmark in my arousal and pick up where I left off."
"Well, I can."
"Sorry, I'm not in the mood."
"Well, I'm not necessarily in the mood either. It's a little thing called faith, Sarah. I have faith that I'm gonna get back there."
"If anyone has reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, any reason at all, let him speak now or forever hold his peace... Very well then, I object."
"What?"
"I have never seen two worst candidates for marriage in my life."
"Who are you to judge? What, now you're not going to marry us?"
"No, I'm not... You can go to hell, both of you."
----
"Wow, that was kinda harsh. Don't you think?"
"Well, that was a odd night."
"And yet, I enjoyed it."
"So did I"
"Why?"
"Maybe we shouldn't think about it."
"Look, I know it's not because I'm gay. You've seen all my pornography. If I'm gay, it's like I'm throwing all my money away. And yet, once I knew I had to do this, I really started to care about the pictures. I wanted Monty to look strong, virile and a magnificent, masculine beast."
"What can I do for you now? How about another sponge bath?"
"No, no more sponge baths. My breasts are clean."
"They could always be cleaner."
"No, no, no, they are clean enough to eat off of... and, NO, you can't!"
"The Christmas Hunt is a family tradition."
"Yeah, we head up the ol Fire Road, set up the lawn chairs and blow away the first thing that moves."
"Is, is that dinner?"
"No, no, we're not hill people. We're sportsman. We shoot-and-release."
4 1/2 out of 5 Stars
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