Monday, September 24, 2007

TV: Seinfeld - 9th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 9

"I'm sorry. I couldn't get out of there. What did I miss?"
"After ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated on whether Iron Man wore some sort of undergarment between his skin and his iron suit."
"I still say he's naked under there."
"Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom at which point, Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld's drink with his bare hand and used it to wash up. And then Mr. Costanza remarked to me: This never happened."

Review: While this finale season got a little wacky, it has a lot of classic scenes.

"Serenity NOW!"

"What is the matter?"
"It's Patty."
"Jerry, you break up with a girl every week."
"What, what is this salty discharge?"
"Oh, my God, you're crying."
"This is horrible... I care."

"Didn't go for it, huh?"
"No."
"So she didn't appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted-cured meats?"
"She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce... but it's not a meal, you know? Food and sex. Those are my two passions. It's only natural to combine them."

"Mr. Kramer, I've been reading some of your material here. I gotta be honest with you. You make a pretty strong case. I mean, just imagine. An army of men in wool pants, running through the neighborhood handing out pottery catalogs door to door. Ha, ha, ha..."
"Ha, ha, ha."
"...Well, it's my job. And I'm pretty damn serious about it. In addition to being a postmaster, I'm a general and we both know it's the job of a general to, by God, get things DONE!. So maybe you can understand why I get a little irritated when somebody calls me away from my golf!"
"I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry."
"Sure, you're sorry. I think we got a stack of mail there at the desk that belongs to you. Now you want that mail, don't you, Mr. Kramer?"
"Sure do."
"Now that's better."

"You're an alcoholic. You have to apologize! Step 9. Step 9."
"All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very , very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to finds its way into the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater."

"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!"
"What happened to the doll?"
"It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!"

"I got to talk her out of this."
"I thought you said she stinks?"
"She does stink. And she should quit. But I don't want it to be because of me. It should be the traditional route. Years of rejection and failure until she's spit out the bottom of the porn industry."

"I have made an important life decision. I know I have been kind of shooting off at the mouth lately. First, with that girl whose life you destroyed... and then about George dating a lady Jerry."
"What's the decision?!"
"I know you want me to keep my big mouth shut. Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm never going to talk again."
"Yeah, right."
"What do I need to talk about, huh? What, to blab to the neighbors about how George has a new fem-Jerry friend? Or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend? See, now, I've done all that. Now, it's time for silence."
"Kramer, you're never going to be able to completely stop talking."
"Jerry, ninety-four percent of communication is non-verbal. Here, watch..."
"Well, what does this mean?"
"It's Frank and Estelle's reaction to hearing about George's man love for a she-Jerry."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 8th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 8

"I tell ya, Jerry. I'm feeling something, something I haven't felt for a long time."
"Pride?"
"No. Autonomy, complete and total autonomy."

Review: This is the first season without Larry David writing scripts, but the show is still very funny. There is a drop in quality after the great season 7, but not too bad. There allot of classic episodes from this season as Elaine takes over the clothing company in Peterman's absence and George starts volunteering at the Foundation set up after his fiance's death.

"I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over the excruciating minutiae of every single daily event."
"Why not? Like, yesterday, I went to the bank to make a deposit and the teller gives me this look like..."
"I'll see you later, man, I gotta go."
"The whole system is breaking DOWN."

"Interesting. She doesn't care for you. Then a stern warning. Suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy."
"I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy."
"You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend."
"Yes. Yes, yes."
"The bad fiance, bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk."
"Okay, the point is made."
"The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... The bad tipper."

"It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife, the only friend who hasn't betrayed you. The only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted chambray nightshirts."

"I'm going out with her tomorrow. She had some errands to run."
"That's a date?"
"What's the difference? You know the way I work. I'm like a commercial jingle. First, it's a little irritating. The you hear it a few times. You hum it in the shower. By the third date, it's 'BY MENNEN'."

"He shaves his head. I think it's pretty gutsy."
"Listen, sweetheart, let me tell you a little something about guts. THIS is guts."
"What? Clinging to some scraps?"
"These are not scraps. These are historic remains of a once-great society of hair."

"Hey George. The ocean just called, they're running out of shrimp."

"I have Benes' wonderfully imaginative mind to spin my stories. You take back your tales, you vagabond... There you are, Elaine. Go forth and create. And by the way, when you get to that chapter about my romantic escapades, feel free to toss yourself into the mix."

"Tell me your sins, my son."
"Oh, well, I should mention that I'm Jewish."
"Oh, that's no sin."
"Oh, good."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 7th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 7

"What are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?"
"Well..."
"They're prisons. Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you got to ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?"
"Really?"
"Yeah and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?"
"What?"
"You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? What kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day? It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
"I'm glad we had this talk."

Review: This is Larry David's last season as the head writer. A great year with George's engagement to Susan and lots of fun episodes with Elaine's boss, Mr. Peterman.

"Let me take a guess. She cried and you caved."
"How did you know that?"
"I live and breath, my friend. I live and breath."

"Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good-looking?"
"Twenty-five percent."
"Twenty-five percent? No way. It's like four to six percent. It's a twenty-to-one shot."
"You're way off."
"Way off? Have you been to the Motor Vehicle Bureau? It's a leper colony down there."

"I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a 1,000 times. It's never looked so strange. The faces, so cold. In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless. A bastard child, perhaps. My back aches. My heart aches, but my feet... My feet are resilient. Thank God I took off my heels and put on my Himalayan WALKING SHOES!"

"I'm not giving you my code."
"I bet I can guess it."
"Yeah, right."
"Oh, all right. Yeah. Let's see. Well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you. You're a word man. All right, let's go deeper. What kind of man are you? Well, you're weak... spineless. A man of temptations. But what tempts you?"
"Huh?"
"You're a portly fellow... a little long in the waistband. So, what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No, no, no. Yours is a sweet tooth."
"Get out of here."
"Oh, you may stray... but you'll always return to your dark master. The cocoa bean."

"Hey, Elaine. Who do you think would win a fight between me and Gorgeous George here?"
"You mean a real 'fight' fight?"
"Mano a baldo."
"George."
"Why?"
"George fights dirty."
"Really? What would you do?"
"Pull hair, poke eyes, groin stuff. Whatever I gotta do."

"Do you know what this is like, to have no control over a relationship? And to feel sick to your stomach all the time? Do you know what that's like?"
"No. But I've read articles, and I must say, it doesn't sound very pleasant."
"You know, one of these days something terrible is going to happen to you. It has to."
"No, I'm gonna be just fine."

"Perhaps he thinks that you're working HIM for the discount. Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings. Then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato."
"Oh, please."
"No, the two of you need to work on trust. And then, and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts. The cornerstones of a healthy relationship."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 6th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 6

"Perhaps there's more to Newman than meets the eye."
"No. There's less."
"It's possible."
"No, it isn't. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil."
"Maybe he's an enigma. A mystery wrapped in a riddle."
"Yeah. He's a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie."

Review: A lot of shows start to run out of steam by this time, but Seinfeld is still going strong as George starts working for the Yankees and gets a toupee and Elaine starts working for Mr. Pitt.

"You got a comfort problem there?"
"No, I think these Jockeys shrunk."
"I thought you wore silk underwear."
"No. Well, I wore them for a month, but I couldn't stick with it. I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house."
"That's nice."

"I couldn't believe it. I thought I was entering a magical world of sensual delights. It was just SO ordinary. There was nothing gymnastic about it."
"What did you think she was going to do?"
"You know, I mean... I don't know."
"No, what?"
"Obviously, I prefer not to mention any..."
"Oh, come on. One thing. One thing. What?"
"Well, frankly, I thought, you know, I was going to be kinda like the apparatus."

"You don't wanna go with me?"
"Jerry, for all I know, this guy went out of his way to not invite you. How am I gonna feel if I show up with an uninvited, unwelcome intruder?"
"The way I feel when I go places with you?"
-----
"So Kramer, you wanna go to the party together?"
"Jerry, look, come on. I'm an invited guest. I can't be aiding and abetting some party crasher."

"So what happened?"
"She's into it."
"Into what?"
"The menage. And not only that, she just called me. She told me she spoke with her roommate and the roommate is into the menage too."
"That's unbelievable!"
"Oh, it's a scene, man."
"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"

"I don't trust this guy. I think he re-gifted and then he de-gifted. Now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp."

"I tell ya, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Good."
"I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure."
"It's good to have you back."

"Hey, listen, do either of you guys know that blond guy who's always on the Exercycle at the heath club? You know, he's just really handsome?"
"I wouldn't know."
"You know, just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual."
"It doesn't help."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 5th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 5

"This pirate trend she's come up with, Jerry... This is gonna be the new look of the '90s. You're gonna be the first pirate."
"But I don't want to be a pirate."

Review: Another great year that centered on George going home to live with his parents. The Pie, The Marine Biologist & The Opposite are the season's highlights.

"Just one little problem."
"Sexual?"
"Well... I've never really felt confident in, ah, one particular aspect."
"Below the equator?"
"Yeah."
"Nobody does. You know, nobody knows what to do. You just close your eyes and hope for the best. I really think they're happy if you just make the effort."
"I don't know. Last time I got the tap."

"Tragic story, I'm afraid. He could've had any woman in the world but none could match the beauty of his own hand. And that became his one true love."
"You mean, aah..."
"Yes. He was not master of his domain."
"But how..?"
"The muscles became so strained with overuse that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position. He was left with nothing but a claw."

"If a couple breaks up with plans to go to a neutral place, who withdraws? What's the etiquette?"
"Excellent question."
"I mean, I think she should withdraw. She's the breaker. He's the breakee. He needs to get on with his life."
"I beg to differ. He's the loser. She's the victor. To the victor belong the spoils."

"Jerry, this woman hates me so much... I'm starting to like her."
"What?"
"She just dislikes me so much... it's irresistible."
"I can see that."
"A woman that hates me this much comes along once in a lifetime."
"You're a lucky guy."
"I gotta go after her."

"You think she's Erica, the phone-sex woman?"
"Jerry, that voice is tattooed on my brain, it's her. I'm telling you, it's HER!"
"Oh, you're crazy."
"Am I? Or am I SO SANE that you just blew your mind?"
"It's impossible!"
"Is it? Or is it SO POSSIBLE that your head is spinning like a top?"
"It can't be!"
"Can't it? Or is your ENTIRE WORLD just crashing down all around you?"
"All right. That's enough."

"I don't know why your interested in this guy. He's a jerk."
"Because he doesn't pay any attention to me, and he ignores me."
"Yeah, so?"
"I respect that."

"Jerry and his buxom little friend, Rachel, were going at it pretty good in the balcony."
"What?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you? He was moving on her like the stormtroopers into Poland."
"Jerry was necking during Schindler's List?"
"YES. AND A MORE OFFENSIVE SPECTACLE I CANNOT RECALL."

"Elaine. Elaine! Get in here!"
"What?"
"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"No. Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 4th Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 4

"My mother caught me."
"Caught you? Doing what?"
"You know. I was alone..."

"So she's talking about her panties. So... aah... So I said, 'You mean the panties your mother laid out for you.'"
"The panties your mother laid out for you? What does that mean?"
"I don't know. It just popped out."
"Well, how did she react?"
"She flipped out. Just left."
"Well, that's not offensive. It's abnormal, but it's not offensive."

Review: This is the year Seinfeld went mainstream and there were so many great episodes. "The Contest" may be the single greatest episode in the entire series run. This is the first season that had a year-long plot with Jerry getting a sitcom deal with NBC.

"Please sit down. Could I offer you anything to drink? Coffee, anything?"
"Okay, yeah. I'll have a... Do you have a decaf cappuccino?"
"I don't think we have that."
"Well, that's a little strange."
"Why does that surprise you?"
"Well, it's a very popular drink."
"This is an office."
"That's true."

"So come on, you wanna go?"
"What about the sleeping arrangements... in the cabin?"
"Well... Same bed, and underwear and a T-shirt."
"What about me?"
"Well, you'd be naked, of course."

"I'm not married. I'm not allowed to go out with anybody else?"
"Depends."
"Depends on what?"
"On many factors."
"Like what?"
"Well, how long you've been seeing her. What's your phone-call frequency? Are you on a daily?"
"No. Semi-daily. Four, five times a week."
"What about Saturday nights, do you have to ask her out, or is the date implied?"
"Implied."
"She got anything in you medicine cabinet?"
"Might be some moisturizer."
"Ah-huh. Let me ask you this: Is there any Tampax in your house?"
"Yeaaah."
"Well, I'll tell you what you got here. You got yourself a girlfriend."
"Oh, no, no. WHAT? Are you sure, a GIRLFRIEND?"
"I'm looking at a guy in a semi-daily, with Tampax in his house and an implied date on Saturday night. I would like to help you out, but..."

"I am going over to her apartment and I'm telling her to put those shades down."
"Wait, wait, wait. What did you just say?"
"I can't take it anymore. She's driving me crazy. I can't sleep. I can't leave the house. I'm here, I'm climbing the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest. Somethings gotta give."
"Do you hear what your saying? Can you hear it? This is a beautiful women walking around naked and you wanna tell her to stop? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!"

"Who am I going to meet that's better than her? No one, Jerry. No one's better than her."
"When you were with her, you said you couldn't STAND her."
"I LOVE HER."
"You said going up the steps to her apartment was like being taken to a cell."
"I would give anything to be going UP those stairs again."

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backward into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 3rd Season

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Season 3

"I'm not ashamed of my body."
"Exactly. That's your problem. You should be."

Review: This was a good season, all the character were really hitting their stride, but the show had not yet broken out into a major hit. I remember trying to get friends to watch the show that year because they didn't know about it.

"I am breaking up with YOU."
"You can't break up with me, I've got Hand."
"And you're going to need it..."

"I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian."

"You're wasting your life."
"I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life."
"Ok, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?"
"No."
"You got money?"
"No."
"Do you have a woman?"
"No."
"Do you have any prospects?"
"No."
"You got anything on the horizon?"
"Uh, no."
"Do you have any action at all?"
"No."
"Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?"
"...I like to get the Daily News."

"Why don't you park in a garage?"
"Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Seinfeld - 1st & 2nd Seasons

DVD: 4 Discs
Seinfeld - Seasons 1 & 2

"Jerry, what gives you pleasure?"
"Listening to you. I come in here, I listen to you, I feel better. Your misery is my pleasure."

Review: Seasons 1 & 2 are different from the rest of the seasons, not worse but different. It is much slower paced and you can see that the writers and actors are still trying to find themselves, especially Kramer. I enjoyed watching Seinfeld from the beginning on TV and like revisiting these early episodes

"You know I've been thinking. I can not envision any circumstance in which I will ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen...? I, I just don't see how it will occur."

"I don't know what it is about that mirror in that bathroom. I love the way I look in it... I feel like Robert Wagner."

"Well, you got insurance, right?"
"No."
"Well, why not?"
"Because I spent the money on the Clapco D-29, the state of the art in home security. It does have one design flaw; the door... MUST BE CLOSED."

"She invites me up at 12:00 at night for coffee. And I don't go up... 'No, thank you. I don't want coffee. It keeps me up. Too late for me to drink coffee.' I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live."

"What is the point of all this?"
"Revenge."
"Oh, the best revenge is living well."
"There's no chance of that."

"Spending the night: Optional."
"Nah, you see? You got greedy."
"No, that's the rule. It's optional."
"I know less about woman... than anyone in the world. But the one thing I do know is, they are not happy if you don't spend the night. It could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little Army cot this wide. You're not going anywhere."
"I think you're wrong."
"I hope I am."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

DVD: Anamorphic
Revenge of the Nerds - Panty Raid Edition

"Nerds saw me naked!"

Review: This movie hasn't aged as well as some other 80's comedy favorites, but the nostalgia factor makes up for it. The nerds actually look like nerds instead of good-looking actors being uglified. The plot is pretty bare but the characters make up for it with good performances.

"Well, let's get those nerds!"
"Nerds! NERDS!"

"Do any of you have dates, besides Gilbert?"
"I do!"
"Yeah, but that's with a guy."
"Well, what about you, Booger?"
"I've been combing the High Schools all day!"

"Wait - would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during it's decline?"

3 1/2 out 5 Stars

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Film: Heathers (1989)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9
Heathers - 20th High School Reunion Edition

"Does it not bother you that everybody in this school thinks that you're a piranha?"
"Like I give a shit. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior."

Review: I didn't like this the first time I saw it because I was expecting a different type of movie but this is an excellent black comedy. There is great dialogue and the satire is biting. JD's twisted relationship with his father and the cow-tipping scenes are great.

"Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly, but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night."
"Ew! That son of a bitch."

"My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son."
"Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse."

"You think you're a rebel? Do you actually think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel. You're a fucking psychotic!"
"You say Tomato. I say Tomatoe."

4 out of 5 Stars

Monday, September 10, 2007

Film: Cast Away (2000)

DVD: Anamorphic
Cast Away (Widescreen Edition)

"You wouldn't have a match by any chance would you?"

Review: This is a great movie, especially the time spent on the island. Tom Hanks' one-man show on the island was entertaining and never felt slow paced. I was a bit disappointed by the ending of the movie the first time I saw it, but it has grown on me.

"Gotta love crab. In the nick of time too. I couldn't take much more of those coconuts. Coconut milk is a natural laxative. That's something Gilligan never told us."

"Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Bears at Chargers - Week 1

LT carrying the American flag before the game.
This was a tough game against the NFC Champions. It was a defensive battle for almost 3 full quarters with the Bears leading 3-0. The Charger's defence got off to a great start with a thunderous sack by Shaun Phillips. The rookie, Eric Weddle, had a great game with a sack, forced fumble, a fumble recovery on a punt and several blitzes on 3rd down which forced Grossman to throw incomplete.

Shaun Phillips hits Grossman hard for a sack in the 1st quarter.
LT was being stuffed running the ball all day by the Bears tough defense stacking the box, but this allowed LT to score one of his trademark TD passes to Antonio Gates at the end of the 3rd quarter to take the lead.

Antonio Gates about to catch a TD from LT over the Bear's heads.
The Bears had 4 turnovers in the game and another fumble by a Bears running back allowed LT to score a rushing touchdown in the 4th quarter. LT only had 25 yards rushing on the day, but his 7 yard touchdown run was great, juking and bouncing off tackles to get into the end zone.

LT highstepping into the end zone.
This broke the Bear's back as they weren't able to convert a 1st down on 4th and 1 and then couldn't stop Michael Turner from running down the clock to end the game.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Film: Can't Buy Me Love (1987)

DVD: Full Screen - Pan & Scan
Can't Buy Me Love

"Fifteen hundred dollars. I mowed 331 miles of grass this summer. That's $4.54 per mile."
"Hmm! The Ronald Miller Story: My Life on a Mower."

Review: This is a favorite teen movie of mine, even though certain lines of dialogue can make me groan and the movie can feel very amateurish at times. Patrick Dempsey does a great job as the geek who tries to buy popularity, but goes overboard when he succeeds. Amanda Peterson is very cute and Seth Green as the younger asshole brother is great.

"Ooh! Cards with the 'tards."
"Smack him."
"Hey, bro. I'm only kidding. I mean, who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips and dorks?"

"You took him from Geek Status to King Status to No Status."
"Chuckie Miller, right? He resorted to sending his messenger boy?"
"Boy? I see no boy here."

"Didn't you take economics? You could have had me for $49.95."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, September 02, 2007

TV: Raw

DVD: Enhanced 16x9
Eddie Murphy Raw

"Somebody told me that Mr. T was mad at me and I got worried. Then I thought, I've seen his movies and he don't seem too bright, so I'll use the old Jedi mind trick on him. So, I met him at a party and he said 'Hey boy, hear you been talkin' about me!' No, I haven't. 'Okay, you haven't been talkin' about me.'"

Review: This is a great stand-up performance by Eddie, but I always find the last 15-20 minutes of Eddie playing his drunk father on the phone a boring letdown for the end.

"Now I can't have no 'curse' show, I mean I gotta throw in a few jokes in between the curses, I can't come out and go "Hello! Filth flar'n filth, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot, and shit. Good night!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, September 01, 2007

TV: Delirious

DVD: OAR Full Screen
Eddie Murphy - Delirious

"I have this nightmare that I go to Hollywood and find out that Mr. T is a faggot. Really! And he be walking up to people going, Hey Boy, you look mighty cute in them jeans. Now come on over here... and fuck me up the ass. Come on. I'm gonna bend over now. Eeerh! Aaaah! Hey Boy, slow down. You're gonna mess around and cum too fast. Make me get mad and I'll clench up my butt cheeks and rip your dick off."

Review: Eddie Murphy's first stand up special on HBO near the beginning of his career was his best. Along with his classic Ice Cream bit, he does great impressions of singers and his relatives. I love the way he is able to easily convey so many emotions in a hilarious way.

"You don't have no ice cream. You didn't get none. You didn't get none. You didn't get none... because you are on the welfare. You can't afford it. You can't... afford... it... And you're father is an alcoholic. You want some ice cream. You... want... to... eat... some... of... my... ice... cream... Wanna lick? Psyche! You want some ice cream. You want some ice cream. I'm going to eat... all... of... my... ice... cream. You can not have some. You can not..."
"You dropped your ice cream. You dropped your ice cream."

"These are the fuck years for me. I'm twenty-two, in my sexual prime. Listen, I fuck now. These are the years to fuck. This is where you do your best fuckin. Where you just start to learn your body and gettin all your shoulders in on it. Eighteen year olds, let me hear you all in the audience... See you don't know how to fuck yet. When you get twenty-two, you start movin' all this shit. Making all those fuck faces like a cool motherfucker. You don't do that when you're eighteen. It's just one expression because you're just surprised to be fuckin."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars