Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Film: Dinner for Schmucks (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is a funny movie where Tim is up for a big promotion if he can bring an entertaining idiot to his boss' themed dinner party. Sickened by the idea at first, he changes his mind when he bumps into the perfect guest, a naive man-child named Barry who builds diorama with stuffed mice. The diorama's displayed during the opening and closing credits are hilarious!

Quotes:
"Have you ever lived among a herd of goats, for months at a time, as one of them?"
"No."
"That surprises me."

"You might not like him. I don't like him. I hate him! But we need him. You know? It's like the CIA."
"The CIA?"
"The CIA does some pretty funky, nasty stuff in the shadows, but I, for one, am glad they're there."
"The CIA doesn't invite people to dinner to make fun of them."
"No. The CIA kills people. And I'm getting raked over the coals because of a little dinner."

"I need to be punished. I cheated in class. Don't you want to be my school teacher?"
"I'm really not qualified. I work for the IRS."
"Not tonight..."
"No, all the time. I work..."
"Ok, ok! You work for the IRS and I have been very, very bad. I haven't paid my taxes and I need to be spanked, NOW!"
"Well, that's really not the way it works, you probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest...

"Well, these people invited us here to make fun of us. This is a contest for the biggest idiot... which I nailed!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Film: Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

Blu-Ray


Review: A funny movie about an irresponsible father, played by Robin Williams, who loses custody of his kids after the divorce. Desperate to see his kids more often, he dresses up as an older woman to answer an ad placed my his ex-wife for a nanny/housekeeper. Robin's trademark humor along with the slapstick costume changes is very entertaining.

Quotes:
"Look at this! My first day as a woman and I'm getting hot flashes."

"We're his damn kids too."
"Heh, heh, kids say the darnedest things."
"Thank you. Any other choice phrases you'd like to teach our five year old, Daniel?"

"Could you make me a woman?"
"Honey, I'm so happy!"
"I knew you'd understand."

"It's not working. I need to go older."
"Older? You mean like a Shelley Winters older, or Shirley MacLaine older?"
"What's the difference?"
"Some Scotch tape and red hair dye."
"What about Joan Collins?"
"Oh, I don't think I have the strength. But I have some plaster."

"Isn't he fabulous?"
"If you like that handsome rugged type. But personally I prefer short, furry and funny."

"Oh, sir. I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff, Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting. I'll get them, sir. Don't worry."

"I like that Mediterranean look in women. Natural, healthy. Just the way God made you."
"Well, he broke the mold when he made me. He made me very special."
"He sure did."

"Mrs. Doubtfire."
"What?"
"You're going into the men's room."
"Huh? Oh, so it is. I do need new glasses dear. Sorry."

"Tell me, why would Mrs. Doubtfire be a good host?"
"I'm a hip old granny who can hip-hop, bebop, dance til ya drop and yo yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, March 04, 2018

Film: Sex Drive (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: A pretty good road trip movie about a high school virgin who borrows his brother's hot rod to visit a babe he chats with on the internet. Along for the ride are his his two best friends, Lance, his more experienced and confidant buddy and Felicia, his childhood friend with who he has a secret crush. James Marsden is the highlight of the movie as the tormenting older brother.

Quotes:
"Hey babe, you wanna party?"
"I'm at a party."
"You wanna make out with us?"

"Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see?"
"Cause we're the shit."

"Ian, you're 18 and you've never had a girlfriend. That's how people wind up getting gay, you know?"
"I don't think that's really how it happens."
"Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
"That's gross."
"You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes Tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it."
"No, you are, your talking about it."

"Oh, fuck. I know you didn't take my car again. 'Cause you're a big giant pussy. That's right. I'm gonna lift up this door, and my big, fucking glorious bitchy Judge is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me."

"You can punch my friend here, but just once."
"Wait what? Come on man!"
"Dude, you slept with his girlfriend!"
"But..."
"AND he drove all this way."
"...All right."

"I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling.... went to Vegas once.... And buttfucking."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

My Movie Ratings System

The five star system is my favorite way to rate movies. A four star system has no easy selection for an average movie and a three star system is just too simplistic for me.

5 Stars - A masterpiece of its genre. The direction, acting, music, design, special effects and story are firing on all cylinders to create a perfect film.

4 Stars - A great movie with a few minor flaws, like a weak subplot or distracting castmember. Sometimes an average movie with one genius aspect to it (thrilling plot, an award-level acting performance, or amazing chemistry between the leads, etc.) can earn it 4 stars.

3 Stars - An average movie, worth a watch, but forgettable afterwards. It still works despite flaws like a clich├ęd story, uneven pacing, predictible mystery or unfocused direction. Some films burdened by unfair expectations or too avant-garde at the time may need to be seen again before they can be appreciated. Films that get better with repeat viewings can move up the rankings over time and vice-versa.

2 Stars - A bad movie with enough redeeming qualities to keep me watching. It has an entertaining actor or the story has hooked me enough to get to the end despite bad acting, shoddy special effects, plot holes or weak action scenes. (This rating includes the "So Bad it is Good" films.)

1 Star - A horrible film, so bad or boring that I fall asleep, walk out or fast-forward to the end so at least I can get some closure.

(Most of the films in my collection are at least 4 or 5 stars. The only exceptions are three star films I own for nostalgia reasons. I loved them when I was younger, but they may have not aged very well. There are also a few films that make it due to one amazing scene, like the Christopher Walken/Dennis Hopper scene in "True Romance" or the Europe sidetrip in "Rules of Attraction".)

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Film: Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Blu-Ray

Review: A quirky Wes Anderson movie about a boy scout who runs away with his girlfriend on a small island in New England. Their past is told in flashbacks as they are tracked down by his troop and her parents.

Quotes:
"Jiminy cricket, he flew the coop!"

"What happened to your hand?"
"I got hit in the mirror."
"Really? How did that happen?"
"I lost my temper at myself."

"Why do you always use binoculars?"
"It helps me see things closer. Even if they're not very far away. I pretend it's my magic power."
"That sounds like poetry. Poems don't always have to rhyme, you know. They're just supposed to be creative."

"Sometimes I stick leaves on my hair. It helps cool your head down."
"Hmm. That's a good idea. It might also help if you didn't wear a fur hat."

"These are my books. I like stories with magic powers in them. Either in kingdoms on Earth or on foreign planets. Usually I prefer a girl hero, but not always."

"You can touch my chest. I, uh... I think they're gonna grow more."

"I'm a civil law scrivener. I'm authorized to declare births, deaths, and marriages. You're kind of young. You got a license?"
"No."
"I can't offer you a legally binding union. It won't hold up in the state, the county, or frankly, any courtroom in the world, due to your age, lack of a license, and failure to get parental consent. But the ritual does carry a very important moral weight within yourselves. You can't enter into the contract lightly. Look into my eyes. Do you love each other?"
"Yes, we do."

4 out 5 Stars

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Film: Nothing to Lose (1997)

Digital Copy - Vudu (HDX)


Review: A mismatched-buddy comedy about an Ad Executive who is car-jacked shortly after he discovers his wife is having an affair. In his depressed state, he instead maces the robber (who only had an unloaded gun) and takes him on a wild car ride out of the city.

Quotes:
"Where do I start? It's not you. Well actually it is you. Look, I'm just not... I'm not attracted to you anymore. I need space. You kinda... you kinda gross me out. In the beginning it was different. In the beginning, you were better. But then I got to know you real well, and I came to realize... that you're a fat idiot."

"Hey, you ain't one of them desert slashers, are you? Cut a person's body up and leave it out in the desert in little tiny pieces and shit, huh? Oh shit! We are in the fucking desert! I'm in a car with a psycho freaky Jason hack-killer motherfucker! Hey, please don't kill me, freaky Jason. I said, please don't kill me, freaky Jason. I done fucked around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!"

"Hey, is this your wife? Damn! I see why you were upset! Not bad Nick, not bad, Nick! You know, for a cheatin' bitch."
"Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that."
"Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? Monogamously challenged?"

"I'm sure you're a really scary guy. I'm sure that, normally, people just quiver at the very sound of your voice. But, you see, I, I can't see that right now. I... I... I just see a weak, desperate little man... that probably grew up torturing little animals. Some puny, little uncoordinated... can't-make-the-football-team- so-I'll-pick-on-third-graders-and-steal-their-lunch-money... punk, jerk-off bully... that one day wakes up and realizes he's nothing. Just a sad, pathetic, useless, illiterate piece of inbred shit."
"Time to die."
"That just makes you my best friend."

"You can stay at my place, man."
"Thanks. Just for the night."
"What, did you think I was asking you to move in?"

"Now honestly, which one of us was scarier?"
"He was scarier."
"Really? You didn't find what he did as contrived?"
"No, it was scary."
"What part?"
"The 'freeze motherfucker' part was scary and he lead me to believe that if I moved my ass, it might be blown off."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, October 29, 2017

TV: American Dad! - Volume 08 (2011-2012)

DVD - 3 Discs


Review: Another great season!

Quotes:
"Oh, man. Classic 'American Dad'."

"Steve, we said we were gonna be good this year. We're co-presidents of the Good Boy Club. Did that kiss oath mean nothing?"

"Nice girls don't kiss on the first date, Steve. Your mom wouldn't kiss me until our third date. It made the sex on the first two dates very impersonal."

"Steve's at the age where he doesn't care about going to a ballgame with his dad. All he's interested in is girls. He doesn't want ballgames, he just wants to ball dames. Huh? Huh?"

"Class, this is Phyllis. She just moved here from Hoboken. I'd like you all to give her a warm welcome. Now, I'm not referring to the sexual position, the warm welcome of which I am the inventor. The basic nature of the move is... Oh, never mind. Y'all ain't long enough."

"You're really gonna kill five people over $20?"
"Are you really asking that to the guy who just last week killed six people over $19?"

"You're a complicated man, Smith. I would love to do mushrooms with you."

"I think I'm going to ask her out."
"You? You're a three-foot-tall, gray, disgusting piece of shit! Scarlett's an angel. You're a pig. She would never go for you."
"Listen, you, that hurts. I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person, but you... you cracked it."

"Welco... welcome home, space lothario. You might have slept with Scarlett, but I'm wearing your robe. Ha!"
"Hey, that's my pooping robe. I can tell by all the poop on the edges."

"That punch. That punch right there. That's the punch where everything went black and I was finally able to achieve orgasm."

"I have grandchildren? Oh, my God, I can't believe it! I thought my only chance was if Steve got raped by a confused lesbian."

"Steve, I just did a big Trader Joe's run. Pour yourself some unsweetened cherry juice. Maybe have it with some sunflower paste on a flax crisp. There's also a scallop shu mai that tastes like nothing and a mushroom flatbread pizza that smells like nut sack."

"Oh. Dr. Vadgers says my lab work requires more information. He needs to see my boobs popping out of a cheerleading outfit... I know what you're thinking. What is the boob test going to tell him that the butthole test didn't? He's just being super careful."

"You think this fake detective agency with real cases in a pretend office in your father's garage is a joke?"

"So do you like music?"
"Do I like music? No, no, I'm the one person on Earth who doesn't like music."

"Hey Bones, look at this bone."
"I know, but did you see this bone?"
"Where'd you find that bone?"
"Same place you got your bone. It was just sitting here next to this bone."
"Dr. Brennan? Bone call. They said it was important. Something about a bone?"

"Stan, I know you're upset."
"Upset?! I'm just now finding out my daughter might not even be mine. I can't believe it. I mean, I changed her diapers, I fed her, I clothed her, I got her braces, I sent her to college. Holy shit, that guy owes me so much money."

"Damn, I look good in this! Tilda Swinton good."

"Now son, these Mexican callgirls have seen thousands of men. So when they tell you you're the best they've ever had, it's quite a compliment."

5 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Film: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is my favorite Mad Max movie. Charlize Theron plays Imperator Furiosa, a top commander of the post-apocalyptic warlord, Immortan Joe. When she attempts to smuggle his five wives out of the fortress in a war rig, he chases her across the desert to get them back. Mad Max, played by Tom Hardy, starts out as a captive of Joe's War Boys until he joins forces with Furiosa on the war rig. Perfectly filmed action sequences with minimal CGI kept the thrill of the chase going for the entire film. Each sequence tops the one before it.

Quotes:
"Oh, what a day... what a lovely day!"

"It's all here! 3,000 gallons of guzzoline, just like you asked. I'm gonna unhitch the pod, you drop the rocks."
"You said, 'A few vehicles in pursuit, maybe.' We count THREE war parties!"
"Yeah, well, I got unlucky. Let's do this!"

"Hey. What's your name? What do I call you?"
"Does it matter?"
"Fine. When I yell 'fool', you drive out of here as fast as you can."

"Put a bullet in her skull. Stop the rig. Return my treasures to me and I myself will carry you to the gates of Valhalla."
"Am I awaited?"
"You will ride eternal, shiny and chrome."

"Ah, mediocre!"

"Hey, Rictus?"
"Yeah?"
"You lost a baby brother. Perfect in every way."
"I had a brother! I had a little baby brother! And he was perfect! Perfect in every way!"

"We are down 30,000 units of gasoline, 19 canisters of nitro, 12 assault bikes, 7 pursuit vehicles: the deficit mounts, and now sir, you have us stuck in a quagmire!"

"I like this plan... we could start again, just like the old days!"
"Look, it'll be a hard day. But I guarantee you that a hundred and sixty days ride that way... there's nothing but salt."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, July 10, 2017

Film: Inception (2010)

Blu-Ray



Review: While Christopher Nolan still struggles to film coherent action scenes, he is much improved in this mind-bending thriller. Inception is a film about a thief, Leonardo DiCaprio, who steals valuable information from his victim's memories by sneaking into their dreams. Swayed by an offer to clear his name, he takes on his toughest job, planting a false memory so deep into his target's mind that they think it is their own.

Quotes:
"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

"Why are they all looking at me?"
"Because my subconscious feels that someone else is creating this world. The more you change things, the quicker the projections start to converge on you."
"Converge?"
"It's the foreign nature of the dreamer. They attack like white blood cells fighting an infection."
"They're going to attack us?"
"No. Just you."

"It would have to be a 747."
"Why is that?"
"Because in a 747, the pilot's up top, and the first class cabin's in the nose, so no one would walk through. But you'd have to buy out the entire cabin. And the first class flight attendant..."
"I bought the airline... It seemed neater."

"If I get on this plane and you don't honor our agreement, when we land, I go to jail for the rest of my life."
"Complete the job en route. I make one phone call from the plane. You'll have no trouble getting through Immigration."

"Great. Thank you. So, now we're trapped in Fischer's mind battling his own private army, and if we get killed, we'll be lost in limbo till our brains turn to scrambled egg."

"What's happening?"
"Your subconscious is looking for the dreamer; me. Quick, give me a kiss."
"They're still looking at us."
"Yeah, it was worth a shot."

"I can't stay with her anymore because she doesn't exist."
"I'm the only thing you do believe in anymore."
"I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Film: Last Action Hero (1993)

Blu-Ray


Review: A fun movie about a boy, Danny, who is a superfan of Schwarzenegger films and is magically transported into Arnold's most recent "Jack Slater" film. The film is a fish-out-of-water tale as Danny has to adapt to a world ruled by action movie logic while Jack Slater faces the harsh realities of physics after chasing the villain back into the real world.

Quotes:
"You were in a movie?"
"Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together."

"I thought I was going to die."
"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving, premature ejaculation... and your first divorce."

"Where are the ordinary, everyday women? They don't exist because this is a movie!"
"No, this is California."

"How'd you know there was a guy in there?"
"There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors."

"I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?"
"That's what you always say!"
"I do?"
"Everyone keeps keeps waiting for you to work it in. It's kind of like your calling card."

"May I help you?"
"Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?"

"I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you."

"My hand. It really hurts."
"Things work different here. You can't smash a car window with your bare hand and not have it hurt."
"Thanks for sharing. Couldn't you have told me this earlier?"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, December 03, 2016

Film: Star Wars - The Force Awakens (2015)

Blu-Ray


Review: After the chaotic blandness of the prequels, this new movie brings back the look and feel of the original series with three new charismatic leads. In this new movie, the Rebellion may have beaten the Empire, but the First Order is regrouping from the remnants and threatens the galaxy once again. Daisy Ridley plays Rey, a scavenger girl left behind by her parents on a desert planet who is probably force sensitive. She teams up with an AWOL Stormtrooper to return a droid to the Resistance fighter looking for the missing Luke Skywalker. Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher return as Han and Leia who have parted ways since "Return of the Jedi" over the actions of their son, Ben, to join the dark side just like his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. My only nitpicks are that J.J. Abrams played extra fast and loose with time and distance. Things like spaceships using lightspeed to cross the galaxy in what seemed like minutes or people able to watch Starkiller Base blow up a star from a faraway star system with the naked eye.

Quotes:
"Where do you come from?"
[BB-8 beeps]
"Classified, really? Me too. Big secret."

"Can you fly a TIE Fighter?"
"I can fly anything."

"Okay. Stay calm. Stay calm."
"I am calm."
"I'm talking to myself."

"Watch the thrust. We're going out of here at lightspeed."
"From inside the hangar? Is that even possible?"
"I never ask that question 'till after I've done it."

"Hey, Solo, I'm not sure what we're walking into here..."
"Did you just call me Solo?"
"Sorry. Han. Mr. Solo. I'm a big deal in the Resistance. Which puts a real target on my back. Are there any conspirators here? Like, First Order sympathizers?"
"Listen, Big Deal. You got another problem. Women always figure out the truth. Always."

"Where am I?"
"You're my guest."
"Where are the others?"
"Do you mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea."

"That lightsaber... It belongs to me."
"Come get it."

4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Film: Edge of Tomorrow (2014) Live Die Repeat

Blu-Ray


Review: This is another great Tom Cruise movie directed by the always reliable Doug Limon. This sci-fi war film combines the repeating elements of Groundhog Day and videos games to tell the story of a un-experienced coward becoming a war hero by reliving the same battle over and over again every time he dies. The practical effects of the battle suit are very well done.

Quotes:
"Griff, I want you to take care of Private Cage."
"What, all day long?"
"Something tells me it won't be that long."

"I'm hit, I'm hit. How bad is it?"
"You've got a hole in your chest."
"Did you just take my... battery, battery pack?"

"Come on! This ship is going to explode! What are you doing?"
"Find me when you wake up."
"What?"
"Come find me when you wake up..."

"I think I broke something..."
"What?"
"My back. The only thing I can feel are my lips."
"Now listen carefully. This is a very important rule. This is the only rule. You get injured on the field, you better make sure you die."
"Why?"
"Last time I was in combat, I was hit. I was bleeding out, just not fast enough. I woke up in a field hospital with three pints of someone else's blood and I was out. I lost the power, do you understand? Think we better start over, don't you?"

"Stop! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Stop! Wait a second! You know, I've been thinking. I mean, this thing's in my blood. So maybe's there's some way I can transfer it to you."
"I've tried everything. It doesn't work."
"I mean, have you... you know... tried all the options?"
"Oh, you mean sex. Yep. I tried it."
"How many times?"

"If it's all the same to you, I'm tired, I'm in pain. I'd rather just start fresh."
"Tell you what. Take a few minutes. Coffee's ready. I'll look around for the keys. That's productive."
"Ten minutes."
"Okay."
"And then I'm killing you."
"Fine."

"What do we do now?"
"I don't know. We've never gotten this far."

"Why would we follow him into combat?"
"I don't expect you to follow me. I expect you to follow her."
"That's the Full Metal Bitch."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, June 27, 2016

Film: The Hangover (2009)

Blu Ray


Review: A hilarious Bachelor Party movie where three friends wake up the next morning in a trashed hotel room and the Bachelor is missing. With few clues, they have to retrace their drunken steps through Las Vegas as they try to track down their missing friend before his wedding the next day.

Quotes:
"To a night the four of us will never forget!"

"Did you have to park so close?"
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I shouldn't be here."
"Why is that, Alan?"
"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese."

"Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."

"We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?"
"I think the cop car part's pretty cool."

"Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"
"Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a bad ass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart."
"I think he's mean."

"I'll tell you another thing - 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit."
"Come on Stu.
"No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan."
"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."
"It's also illegal."
"It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden."

"We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence."
"I say we delete it right now."
"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?"
"Yeah it's in there!"
"Guys, one time. Deal?"
"Deal!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Film: Jack Reacher (2012)

Blu-Ray


Review: Another Tom Cruise film with him at his most Cruisiest, the ultra-competent man who saves the day. This time he plays an ex-Army cop who arrives in Pittsburgh to find the truth behind a sniper attack by a former suspect of his. Robert Duvall brings a welcome dose of humor in his first reunion with Cruise since "Days of Thunder".

Quotes:
"There are four types of people who join the military. For some, it's a family trade. Others are patriots, eager to serve. Next, you have those who just need a job. Then there's the kind who want a legal means of killing other people. James Barr was one of those."

"So you were some real hot shit in the Army, huh?"
"I did all right."
"So what does an Army cop do mostly? Break up bar fights?"
"I did what you do pretty much, with one minor difference."
"What's that?"
"Every suspect was a trained killer."

"He called me a whore."
"Is that true?"
"Well, nobody said whore. She inferred hooker, but I meant slut."
"Hey, that's our sister."
"Is she a good kisser?"

"I was in prison in Siberia. I spent my first winter wearing a dead man's coat. A hole in one pocket. I chewed these fingers off before the frostbite could turn to gangrene. These I gave up to avoid working in the sulfur mine. That is how I survived when so many others did not. A man this rare can always be of use. So show me. Show me you are rare. Show me you'll do anything to survive."
"I don't understand."
"The fingers from your left hand."
"Have you... have you got a knife?"
"Did I have a knife in Siberia?"

"Got a car?"
"It's outside."
"Keys."
"My hand, man. They're in my pock... AAAHH! Okay, okay."
"Now look at your friends. Now look at my face. Do you ever want to see me again?"
"No way."
"Am I stealing your car?"
"Use it as looong as you like."

"Helen, are you hurt?"
"Well, she's gonna be if you're not here in one hour. Do I have to tell you how this works?"
"You'll bounce me around to make sure I'm not followed, then walk me into an ambush and kill me."
"Aw, you ruined my surprise."
"Well, I can do one better. I went down to the gun range at Hinge Creek. I got the picture, prints and I'm going to the Feds. The lawyers all yours."

"On second thought, I'd like to kill you. Let's say winner take all."
"Listen to me, you prick. I will kill this bitch if you're not here in one..."
"You think I'm a hero? I am not a hero. I'm a drifter with nothing to lose. You killed that girl to put me in the frame. I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot. Now, this is how it's going to work. You're gonna give me the address and I'll be along when I am damn good and ready. If she doesn't answer the phone when I call this number, if I even think you've hurt her, I disappear. And if you're smart, that scares you, because I'm in your blind spot and I have nothing better to do."
"You got a pen?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Film: 3:10 to Yuma (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: This is a fun Western about a broke rancher who agrees to help transport a notorious stage coach robber to the 3:10 train to Yuma prison. I enjoyed the verbal battle of wits between Christian Bale and Russell Crowe as the former struggles to fulfill his duty while being tracked down by Crowe's outlaw gang.

Quotes:
"Mornin."
"Those are my cattle. I want them back."
"Careful, rancher, that's Ben Wade you're talking to."
"Well, I need them back. They're all I got."
"I don't need your cattle. But I will be needin' them horses. So you don't go doing nothing... foolish. You'll find them on the road to Bisbee."

"Name's Charlie Prince. I expect you heard of me."
"Well, I heard of a balled-up whore named Charlie Princess. That you, missy?"

"You look a little bent, rancher. You come to wake some snakes? You got your horses back, didn't you? And your cattle?"
"Yeah, I got my horses back. But you killed two of my herd."
"Well, they died for a good cause. You know them beeves of yours, they wouldn't have even fed a hungry dog. I tell you what. How much do you get for a day's work?"
"$2 when I hire out."
"Well, there's $2 for a half a day."
"You took up my boys' time, too."
"You're right, I did. Anything else you wanna get paid for, Dan?"
"You can give me $5 extra."
"And what's that for?"
"For making me nervous."

"I was best shot in my regiment. I'll come... for $200."
"You fight for the North or the South?"
"North."
"We're Southern in name, but Chicago owned. Fine. $200. Let's go."

"What are you doing out, Dan? You got a family to protect. You're not a lawman. You don't work for the railroad like Mr. Shiny Shoes over there. Your not a Pinkerton."
"Maybe I don't like the idea of men like you on the loose."
"It's a man's nature to take what he wants, Dan. That's how we're born."
"Well, I make an honest living."
"It might be honest but I don't think it's much of a living. You must be hurting bad to take this job."

"Why'd you kill Tucker? Why not me? Or Butterfield?"
"Well, Tucker took my horse. Did you like him, Dan?"
"No."
"He told me he burnt down your barn."
"He was an asshole... but wishing him dead and killing him are two different things."
"Your conscience is sensitive, Dan. I don't think it's my favorite part of you."

"What's the quickest way out of the pass? He'll be looking for help to get his cuffs off."
"We're going after him?"
"Well, there ain't no reward for getting him halfway to that train, is there?"

"Would you do me a favor? Don't talk to me for awhile."
"You mean we're still not friends?"
"No. No, we're not."
"Come five minutes to three, we're gonna be a lot closer than you think."

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, April 02, 2016

Film: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: A euro-thriller of a disgraced journalist and troubled hacker who team up to solve a cold-case mystery. I read the book after seeing this movie first and I thought it was a great adaption. Another excellent movie by David Fincher.

Quotes:
"Your report is light in another area. His personal life. Anything you chose not to disclose?"
"Nothing that warranted inclusion."
"Does that mean yes or no?"
"I think what Miss Salander means, and I agree, is that everyone has a right to a certain amount of privacy, even if they are being investigated."
"Not in this case. I need to know anything about him I might find unsavory, even if she doesn't."
"He's had a longstanding sexual relationship with his co-editor of the magazine. It wrecked his marriage but not hers. Sometimes he performs cunnilingus. Not often enough, in my opinion."
"No, you're right not to include that."
"I know."

"I need your help."
"I'm... doing what?"
"Officially, assisting with my memoirs. But what you'll really be doing is solving a mystery by doing what you do so well. Your recent legal mishap notwithstanding. You will be investigating thieves, misers, bullies, the most detestable collection of people that you will ever meet. My family."

"Harriet. Ah. She was bright, curious, a winning combination in any person."
"And beautiful."
"Yeah."
"Something happened to her?"
"Someone in the family murdered Harriet, and for the past forty years, has been trying to drive me insane."

"I am not a child."
"No, you are not. But you were. And between then and now, you were committed to the locked ward of St.Stefan's where you continued to display violent aggression. And you failed to adapt to four foster homes, arrested twice for intoxication, twice for narcotics, again for assault, smashing a bottle into a man's face. And it's not even that long ago. You may have conned Mr. Palmgren into thinking you have changed, but when I'm looking at this, not to mention the way you're looking at me now, I don't think you have. So the good old Mr. Palmgren days are over. Starting now, you will be given a monthly allowance. You'll provide me with receipts for you expenses and if the numbers don't balance, I will have to assume the difference is going to drugs."

"Your boss, Armansky... yeah, he tells me you only do jobs that interest you so I suppose I should be flattered. You gonna sit down? He also says that you're the one he goes to when the job is, um, sensitive. That's the word he used, sensitive. I'm gonna use, illegal, becuase that's what it was when you hacked into my computer. No, I'm not gonna do anything about that. I could, but I won't. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell you a story and if it entertains you, maybe you'll decide to help me research further. And if not, I'll do the washing up and you'll never see me again. Here, you should eat that."
"What kind of research?"
"Lisbeth... Oh, can I call you Lisbeth? I want you to help me catch a killer of women."

"Let me ask you something. Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them. You knew something was wrong, but you came back into the house. Did I force you? Did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is. And they always come willingly."

5 out of 5 Stars

Monday, February 15, 2016

Film: Hall Pass (2011)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9



Review: A return to form for the Farrelly Brothers. A very hilarious movie of two husbands played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis who receive a Hall Pass from their wives for a week off marriage.

Quotes:
"Hey, honey. We better get a move on. We gotta meet up with Fred and Grace soon."
"No, I know, I know. I'm trying."
"How long do you think you're gonna be?"
"Uh, 45 minutes. Less, if you help with the kids."
"No, 45 minutes is good... I'm kidding. A joke. Okay, come, on. Bath Time. Time to scrub some backs and clean some cracks."

"You gotta be kidding."
"What?"
"You just checked out that girl's butt."
"Who did?"
"You did. And it's rude."
"What? Do you think she noticed?"
"I noticed."
"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just spacey tonight, honey. I'm sorry."

"Look at those meatheads checking out Missy."
"What, do they think they're invisible?"
"Hey, I thought you said Fred isn't a gawker?"
"He was standing right there. I can't let him know I know. It's take all the fun out of it. Oh, God, he has this stupid move where he looks back and waits for the girls to pass so that it seems like he couldn't help but notice her ass. It's pathetic."

"Have you ever considered giving your husband a Hall Pass?
"A what?"
"A Hall Pass. A week off from marriage."
"No."
"Wait a minute. Are you saying let them go out and cheat?"
"I'm saying, give them a week off from marriage. Look. Most married men have very foggy memories of their single days and they begin to believe that if not for you they could actually be with these other women."
"That's Fred."

"The way I see it, husbands are like a couple of cats. They're completely domesticated, and the first time you let them out they're so paralyzed with fear they'll come running back inside."
"Yeah. But we're not talking about cats, we're talking about dogs!"

"What about those two? Why don't you go bang them?"
"Or maybe the hostess. Someone should definitely jump her bones."
"Guys, attempt to be cool. You know, we've got the whole week, so we'll get there, we'll get there."
"Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best place to meet hot horny women at?"
"What are you thinking, Olive Garden?"
"What do you want, hot pussy or all-you-can-eat breadsticks?"

"I gotta go home and poo."
"Now? Why don't you just back one out here?"
"Ooh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a bath afterwards."

"Maybe we should call the girls and ask them to come home."
"Wait a second, you want to quit?"
"Fred, come on. We're not the same guys we were fifteen years ago, when we were single. We've changed."
"No, YOU've changed. All you're thinking about is yourself."
"Fred, I don't care! I'm exhausted! I want to go home! I miss my wife and kids, okay?"
"No, no, no, no, no! Let me explain something to you, okay? If Maggie and Grace find out that we can't get laid on our own, they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid! Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Film: Croupier (1998)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is first film I saw with Clive Owen in the lead role and it made me a big fan. He plays, Jack, a struggling writer who reluctantly takes a job as a dealer in a London casino after a recommendation by his father. While Jack has the talent and instinct to be a successful gambler himself, he would rather use his skills to watch other's lose while writing about his experience at the casino in a book. When he is offered $20,000 to cause a distraction during a robbery, he is tempted to break his personal hatred of cheats. It is hard to believe that this low-key neo-noir film was made by the same director as Flash Gordon.

Quotes:
"Do you believe in astrology?"
"Absolutely not. But then, I'm a Gemini, and Geminis don't believe in astrology."

"Gambling's not about money... Gambling's about not facing reality, ignoring the odds."
"I must be a fool - I never think about the odds."

"How do I look?"
"Like trouble."

"A wave of elation came over him; he was hooked again... watching people lose."

"Now he had become the still center of that spinning wheel of misfortune. The world turned 'round him leaving him miraculously untouched. The croupier had reached his goal. He no longer heard the sound of the ball."

"He's a good customer."
"A good customer is a consistent loser... but is that what he meant?"

"You didn't recognize the man who attacked you did you?"
"Of course I fucking recognized him."
"You did?"
"I know a cheat when I see one... the man was a cheat."

"Hang on tightly, let go lightly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Film: Feeling Minnesota (1996)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: Keanu Reeves plays ex-con, Jjaks, who comes home to Minnesota for his brother's wedding and falls in love with the bride played by Cameron Diaz. Since she has been forced to marry the older brother by the local crime boss, she tries tries to convince Jjaks to help her escape town but not before stealing enough money to live comfortably in Vegas. Vincent D'Onofrio plays the older brother who shares a hate/hate relationship with Jjaks and is not about to let his new wife leave him.

Quotes:
"Let's just start this thing up and get out of here."
"I can't."
"Why? Why can't you see? Maybe all this shit happened with me, with you, with your mom dying. Maybe it happened so we would end up together."
"I can't."
"If you leave me here with these bastards, I swear you're a bigger fucker than they are."
"Don't you see? It feels too good. It feels too good! It's gonna turn to shit! I just can't!"

"I'm just saying. Go home one last time and get the money."
"Why, we have a little cash."
"I got fifty bucks stuffed in my underwear and you've got what, enough to spring for this swell place? We left in a hurry, Jjaks. We forgot."
"I know, but..."
"Jjaks, c'mon. We're almost there. Almost. It's like, if I close my eyes, I can see us in Vegas lying by a pool... with water in it. It's always sunny and warm. And guys in white jackets bring us daiquiris and all the food we can eat for four bucks. And all the towels smell like Downey fabric softener. There's no clocks, no bedtime and when I get going there you can come see me perform at night. I'd be wearing big red feathers and one of those things on my head, like crown things, with diamonds in it. When I come offstage I'd be too wired to sleep so we'll make love until morning and sleep until 2:00."

"I spend my whole life trying not to come back here. I always end up coming back here."
"Where's Freddie?"
"Why don't I just put the money back and really never come back?"
"So you and my wife can live happily ever after? That sounds like a really good deal for me."
"We're gonna go at it, aren't we, Sam?"
"Big time."

"How could lie to me about that?"
You ate my ear... You killed your wife... You framed me and you're mad at me for lying?"

"Drop the gun."
"You drop yours."
"Well, I pulled mine out first."

4 out of 5 Stars

Monday, November 09, 2015

Film: The Blood of Heroes (1988)

DVD: Full Screen


Review: This was a favorite of mine when it came out and I was happy to see it held up when I watched it again. In this dystopian sci-fi film, Joan Chen plays a young woman who plays for her local village's team in the only sport left in this post-apocalyptic world. When her team plays a roving team of professionals who visit her village, she convinces them to let her join them after their qwik is injured in the brutal bout. Rutger Hauer plays Sallow, the talented veteran who coaches her as they move from town to town playing the locals. When she learns that Sallow once played for the League in one of the underground cities, she talks the team into attempting a Challenge match for the scouts of the League. Unfortunately, the DVD has a bad transfer and the underground/night scenes are too dark.

Quotes:
"Your qwik is ruined. Can't run anymore. Spoiled... I've got speed. I can run. I'll qwik for you."
"He'll heal. He always does."
"Dog shit."

"Can't pass an old man?"
"I didn't see him."
"You've got to know where everybody is always."
"What if I can't?"
"They'll crush your skull."

"If he was in the League, why is he playing dog ranges in market towns now?"
"It was a long time ago, Sallow was very young."

"You made him leave the League because of a woman?"
"A special woman."
"Special?"
"An elegant lady."
"Sallow with an elegant lady? An elegant lady wouldn't be with him."
"You don't understand. It's different in the League. In the League you are almost one of them. Almost."

"I told you two juggers can't fuck after the game. It's doesn't work unless you like rubbing wounds against wounds."

"Gonzo!"
"Who wants to know?"
"You could have won in 20."
"You look like shit."
"I want a challenge. This is my qwik."
"They'll never accept, not with you?"
"So, he still remembers me?"
"Get out of the Red City. Old burns don't heal like young burns."
"Thought we were the same age, you and me."
"We used to be."
"Long time without a mirror?"

"This is ridiculous, no one comes to these things. They are not contests at all."
"Nevertheless, they can be quite brutal. Much more so than the League games."
"I don't like brutality. I like heroics. I like the blood of heroes."

"You protected him, you asshole."
"Lord Vile, I've broken juggers in half, smashed their bones and left the ground behind me wet with brains. I'd do anything to win. but I've never hurt a soul for any reason but to put a dog skull on a stake and I never will."
"But you didn't put any fucking dog skull on any fucking stake. No challenge has ever gone past the 26th stone. This one won't get 26 more."

"Walk... slowly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Film: The Three Stooges, The Movie (2012)

Blu-Ray


Review: This movie is a true return to form for the the Farrelly Brothers after several middling films. They melded their trademark emotional slapstick to the classic gags of Three Stooges perfectly. I saw this movie in a theater full of laughing children and except for the inclusion of the dated cast from the "Jersey Shore", I think this movie will hold up as a timeless classic that replicates the original comedy shorts with respect.

Quotes:
"Hey, Onion Head, go on back to the shed and grab the chainsaw."
"Why doesn't Larry go?"
"Cause he's got a headache."
"No, I don't."
"How about now?"
"Yeah, it's coming on."

"Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart."
"And dim of wit."

"$830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks."
"That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes."
"We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk."
"What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print."

"Those three idiots are here!"
"The Kardashian girls? Where are they?"

"Shame on you, Moe, you let your pride ruin everything for us and them kids."
"How dare you accuse me of having pride?"

5 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, July 05, 2015

Film: My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

Blu-Ray


Review: A funny movie from the director of "Ghostbusters" with Luke Wilson perfectly playing another everyman caught up in circumstances beyond his regular safe zone. Uma Thurman does a great job as the love-sick super hero who is out for revenge after Luke's character dumps her.

Quotes:
"She sounds like a nutcase."
"So you're saying she's perfect for me."

"I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing."
"That's kind of my thing."

"I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one."
"A bed or a penis?"
"Both."

"You're that Bedlam guy."
"Professor Bedlam."
"The super villain."
"Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste."

"Say, 'I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.'"
"Is that a possibility?"
"Say it!"
"Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."

"Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?"

"I'm not going to help you kill her!"
"Kill? I didn't say 'kill'! I said 'neutralize'! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, February 01, 2015

Film: Source Code (2011)

Blu Ray


Review: This is an action thriller version of Groundhog Day where a US Army soldier is assigned to a classified operation that allows him to relive the last eight minutes of a deceased victim's life to help solve the crime. When a train is bombed, he must live this limited time frame over and over again until he can discover the identity of the terrorist. The film does a great job of repeating the time frame while still propelling the plot forward.

Quotes:
"The explosion came from behind me."

"I want you to concentrate on the passengers in your car. Get to know them. Narrow the suspect pool. Look for one who seems quiet or withdrawn. Who seems nervous. As always, you have eight minutes."
"Eight minutes and then I blow up again?"
"Yes. I need you to discipline yourself on this next pass. Perform only the task that we assign you. Everything else is irrelevant."

"If you find the bomber, this second attack... the real attack, we think... can be prevented. We have very little time left. Out here, the clocks only move in one direction."

"I think you broke his jaw."
"It's okay, he's not any more real than you are."
"I'm not real? How about next time you drive to work?"
"It's not gonna be a next time.

"The program wasn't designed to alter the past. It was designed to affect the future."

"You know, many soldiers would find this preferable to death. The opportunity to continue serving their country."
"Have you... have you spent much time in battle, sir? Huh?"
"That's immaterial."
"Any soldier I've ever served with would say that one death is service enough."

4 out of 5 Stars

Saturday, January 03, 2015

TV: American Dad! - Volume 7 (2010-2011)

3 Discs


Review: Another great season, a couple of my favorite episodes this season are "There Will Be Bad Blood" and "Stanny Boy and Frantastic".

Quotes:
"Stan?"
"Did I... Did I turn back time?"
"No. You fainted and bashed your head on the counter."
"I'm... I'm pretty sure I turned back time. You must be Francine's grandmother! One day, your granddaughter will make me a moderately happy man."

"What is this?"
"Your dream restaurant. Roger's Laotian Adventure."
"What about my scale model?"
"Stan, it took quite a bit of doing... but I managed to wipe my butt with it."

"After we ran out of money, Jeff suggested that we prostitute ourselves. At first, Jeff was saying he was only going to do women, but then... that wasn't working out. So, long short story, Jeff's on butt rest, and we moved to the desert."

"That bathroom is amazing. A gold toilet? And I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt."
"Um, I don't..."
"Oh, explains the attitude and why he did such a a slapdash job."

"Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it."

"Hey, Stanny Boy! Frantastic! Get up here, the view is amazing!"
"Did you hear that? They gave us nicknames! The only nickname I ever got was in eighth grade. They called me 'Stan Frank' because I was always hiding and writing in my diary."

"Oh my God, another fey, pansexual, alcoholic non-human! I've been replaced!"

"Sorry things didn't work out with your new roommate, Roger."
"I tell you, it's a cruel, cruel world out here. Did you know I saw a man beat down another man today for a sandwich? A sandwich, Francine... This sandwich. I wish I could just come home."
"So come home. We want you there."
"Stan doesn't. As far as he's concerned, the only reason I was living there was the life debt he owed me. And now it's repayed."
"Forget about the life debt. Stan's too proud to admit he misses you, but I know he does."

"Here's a condom. Don't use it. Do what I do. Pretend to put it on, then hide it in your poop cannon."

"Snot, you're Jewish; you'll be in charge of the money. Steve, you'll be in charge of watching Snot because I don't trust Jews. Come on, let's go play some blackjack!"
"Now? But we have geometry class."
"I'll write you a note."

"OK, so Megan Fox and Seth Rogen come out of a room containing only one chair. Do you sniff the chair?"

"I don't wanna die from Gorilla sex!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Film: Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: While it doesn't reach the heights of III, mainly because it lacks a villain of Philip Seymour Hoffman's caliber, Ghost Protocol is a great entry in the series. The prison escape and Kremlin infiltration are fun sequences and Tom Cruise tops himself with the stunt climbing outside of the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa.

Quotes:
"Mind telling me what you were doing in a Russian prison?"
"Mind telling me why you broke me out?"
"This wasn't a rescue mission?"
"Let me put it this way. If the secretary wanted me out of there, it must be pretty bad out here."

"Why would that work?"
"Why would what work?"
"The flare on the body, why would that work?"
"It did work."
"Yeah, I know, but... but why? I mean, how did you know that would draw their fire?"
"I didn't. I played a hunch."
"Okay. All right, so what was your scenario? There's a guy being shot at in the water. All of a sudden, decides to light up a flare and swim around? I mean, what did you assume they'd be thinking?"
"Thinking?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't assume they were thinking. I assumed they were shooting at anything that moved. I just gave them a target. Look, these guys aren't Rhodes Scholars, you know?"

"The Secretary is dead. The President has invoked Ghost Protocol. We're shut down. No satellite, safe house, support, or extraction. The four of us and the contents of this car are all that remains of the IMF."

"There's no way we can get to it from the inside."
"If we can't get to the server, we don't control the elevators, we don't control the security cameras. This operation is over before it begins."
"I'm telling you, we can get to it from the outside."
"We?"
"I'm... I'm on the computer."
"What floor is it on?"
"130."
"130? Vent ducts?"
"Pressure sensitive... Not enough time."
"Elevator shaft?"
"Infrared sensors... Not enough time."
"How am I supposed to do this?"

"22 minutes to door knock."
"The countdown is not helping."
"I'm just saying."

"OK, yeah, but you, um, just breezed over something I think is really important. The computer array part, where I just... jump?"
"And I catch you."
"Yeah."
"I don't... Why is that so hard to grasp?"
"Well, yeah, why? It's a 25 foot drop. And we're using magnets."
"Yeah."

"That's it. Next time, I get to seduce the rich guy."

4 out of 5 Stars

Friday, November 28, 2014

Film: The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Blu Ray


Review: Compared to my enjoyment of the first film, I had the opposite reaction after the second Hobbit film. Instead of just adding new material to the original story, the film's writers started to make major changes to the original plot that spoiled things for me. I could live with small things like making the barrel escape more action-oriented, but plot changes like Thorin abandoning his sick nephew, his heir, at Laketown were too much. Adding Evangeline Lilly's elf character of Tauriel was a good idea in theory but they botched it by putting her into a weird love triangle with Legolas and Fili the Dwarf.

The second most important event in Tolkien's book is Bilbo's encounters with Smaug. While they did a great job with Bilbo's riddle game against Gollum, I thought they dropped the ball with the second. Instead of the perfect dialogue-heavy test of wills from the book, they had an ineffectual dragon pursuing the visible Bilbo all over the treasure hoard. Most importantly, changing the story so that everybody in Laketown already knows about the missing scale on Smaug's belly instead of Bilbo discovering it ruined his critical contribution to the demise of the dragon. After another viewing, I still don't see the writer's reasoning behind the dwarves attempt to kill the dragon at the end of the film. The whole point of them bringing Bilbo along as a burglar was that they could not possibly confront a powerful dragon themselves. I preferred the tension-filled chapter of the book where the dwarves are searching the treasure hall while expecting the missing dragon to return at any moment.

Quotes:
"You've changed, Bilbo Baggins. You're not the same Hobbit as the one who left the Shire."
"I was going to tell you. I found something in the Goblin tunnels."
"Found what? What did you find?"
"...my courage."
"Good... You'll need it."

"Who is this? Your brother?"
"That is my wife!"
"And who is this horrid creature? A goblin mutant?"
"That is my wee lad, Gimli!"

"Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers."
"Or nothing."

"Was that an earthquake?"
"That, my lad, was a dragon."

"I did not come to steal from you, O Smaug the Unassailable Wealthy. I merely wanted to gaze upon your magnificence, to see if you were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them."
"And do you, NOW?"
"Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of your enormity, O Smaug the Stupendous..."
"Do you think flattery will keep you alive?"
"No, no..."
"No, indeed!"

"You seem familiar with my name, but I don't remember smelling your kind before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?"
"I come from under the hill..."
"Underhill?"
"...and under the hill and over the hills my paths lead. And through the air! I am he who walks unseen!"
"Impressive. What else do you claim to be?"
"Luck-Wearer... Ring-Winner..."
"Lovely titles..."
"Barrel-Rider!"
"Barrels! Now that is interesting!"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars