Film: Tootsie (1982)

DVD: Anamorphic


"I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?"
"How do you feel about Cleveland?"

Review: A great cross-dressing movie of an out-of-work actor who tries out for a role as a women on a soap opera so he can raise money for a play. It nicely balances comedy and drama as he falls in love with his female co-star who befriends his alter-ego, but he can't act on it under his secret guise.

"I don't like when somebody comes up to me the next day and says, 'Hey man, I saw your play. It touched me; I cried.' I like it when a guy comes up to me a week later and says, 'Hey man, I saw your play... what happened?'"

"I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Perfect Strangers - 1st & 2nd Seasons

DVD: 4 Discs


"Color TV!"
"Yeah, haven't you ever seen color TV before?"
"Of course I have. Don't be ridiculous. BLUE!!!"

Review: This is a show where the actors' delivery of the lines & physical comedy trumps the show's average writing. I find myself laughing and smiling at the antics of immigrant Balki and his cousin, Larry, in spite of the groan-inducing lesson that must be learned at the end of each episode. I can't get enough of the cheesy theme song at the start of each episode either.

Maybe it is the fact the show was recorded on video instead of film, but this has the worst visual quality of any TV on DVD I have yet seen of an older show. Still not as bad as broadcast quality though.

"Balki, meet Susan. She's our neighbor."
"Hi. Nice to meet you."
"Would it be impolite to ask if I could be your slave for life?"
"Well, uh, I think that's illegal... Oh, he's cute."
"This cute Mediterranean boy means every groveling word. Take me and do with me what you will."

"The least I can do is make you better for your date. Now, the wolf bane is for your runny nose. The pumpkin mold is for your cough. And the garlic just makes you feel good all over."
"And I bet it keeps away vampires."
"Well, that's a side benefit."
"Balki, why don't you go into the kitchen and try to turn some lead into gold? Leave me alone."

"What's wrong with Vegas?"
"Are you kidding? Vegas is a moral wasteland. It goes against everything I was ever told I believe in."

"I had no idea my date would make your life so complicated."
"Don't worry about it. Everything makes my life complicated."

"Nobody can survive like this."
"You know the trouble with you Americans is you can't take a little hardship. You know, in Mypos, we lived with it constantly. Take the Great Alfalfa Famine of '82. Hungry sheep staring into space. Hungry men staring back at them."

"Cousin, here's a shot in the dark. Why don't you ask her?"
"Just ask her? Balki, Balki, Balki. You have to read women. You have to interpret the subtle nuances of what they say or don't say. The way they look at you or don't look at you. The way they touch you or, in my case... don't touch you."
"Boy, life is hard work for you."

"I'm feeling sorry for myself. If you were a real friend, you'd join in."

"Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Tomboy (1985)

DVD: Anamorphic


"My car's got a lot of balls. Do you think you can handle it, little girl?"

Review: This film is like one long R Rated Mentos commercial. Hilariously Cheesy! The dance audition sequence is so, so, so bad that it is very funny. The sexy Betsy Russell plays a mechanic who builds her own race car and races it against her chauvinistic pro-racer boyfriend to prove her abilities. The race cars and the track at the end of the film really expose the low budget.

"I like what I see. How about you?"
"I like the jet-propulsion afterburners with overhead air-scoop."
"So you're into that aerospace crap?"
"It works."
"Bullshit! What matters... is the handling."

"What are you laughing at? I made you eat my dust all the way."
"You should be careful, Tomboy. You get all that grease washed off, you might discover you're a girl after all."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Wings - 5th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Joe, when did you become such a prude? It seems I remember back when we were dating, someone got a little frisky at the Museum of Fine Arts."
"We never went to the museum."
"Oh well, you know... You missed a great exhibition."

Review: This is the season that Helen is in a long distance relationship with Davis and Brian and Alex are together. A lot of good episodes but the best is when Joe can't take the pressure any more and flees for the tropics.

"Hey listen, when it comes to matters of the flesh, do what I do. I say...."
"Oh my Lord, he's going to tell us."
"...I say a real man never loses an opportunity. That's why I always have 'Cold Duck' in the refrigerator and a fresh tape in the camcorder."
"Hey, does anyone ever go out with you twice?"
"It doesn't matter. That's why I got the camcorder."

"I was running... my socks fell down... I went to pull them up... fell on my tailbone."
"Precisely why I run in the nude. There's nothing like feeling the wind blow through... Well, pretty much everything you got."

"Nauseous, huh? That never happens to me. I can eat just about anything. Well, that's not true. There's one thing I can't stomach. It's when you take a bite of chicken and a big ol vein comes snapping back at ya."
"This is Lowell Mather, our chief mechanic."
"Charmed."

"Alex is really mad at me."
"Does the whole world have to revolve around your love life?"
"Wouldn't it be a magical place?"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. We've waited this long. We should make our first time really special."
"Let's make our second time really special. Let's make our first time really soon."

"My instructor promised that the mouse would only be used for a few harmless experiments, but he lied."
"Ah, they always lie. First, they suck you in with milk and cookies. Next thing you know, you're running naked through a maze."

"Helen's a little upset because Lynch bought her this flimsy black lace teddy."
"I'm not going to sleep in it."
"You're not supposed to sleep in it. You put it on, do a half-gainer off the headboard and throw it in the corner till morning."

"You're a pilot, huh?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"It must be pretty romantic. I mean, the glamour, the risk, the freedom of the open sky. Oh my God! How lame? The freedom of the open sky."
"No, no, actually, it's not lame at all. Flying your own plane is pretty glamorous."
"Joe, we're running low on barf bags."

"Brian, I would love to go out with Courtney, BUT 19! Wouldn't people talk?"
"Hey Joe, you're a good looking guy in his thirties without a girlfriend. Trust me, people are already talking."

"They want us to go to a party, down at the beach."
"Ooh! You know what, maybe I better just go home to Alex."
"Oh, poor Brian. We understand. It's okay. Hey, wait a minute, you got a little something sticking out of your collar. Oh look, it's a leash."
"Hey! I know what your trying to do, man. You're trying to embarrass me into going out with ya. Let me tell you something... it worked! Let's go!"

"I can't believe Brian, he actually went."
"And after you told him in no uncertain terms that he could."
"Exactly. Why can't men understand that go means stay?"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Wings - 4th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"No lie, Antonio. We were forced to make a water landing."
"We spent eight hours at sea."
"Freezing cold in a lifeboat."
"...with Roy."
"Oh God! You poor people."

Review: This is another good season of Wings that introduces the character of Alex, the female helicopter pilot that Brian and Joe compete over for most of the season. "Blackout Biggins" and "It's So Nice to Have a Mather Around the House" are a couple of my favorite episodes.

"Look, I've found the perfect nose, page 7. The Mitch Gaylord."
"Who?"
"Mitch Gaylord, the Olympic Gymnast. He won the gold in '84."
"Ah, I remember him. He's very muscular, very graceful, very... Excuse me, I've got to go pick up a copy of something with naked women."

"Roy, you old dog, you finally got her. Helen, I'm more than a little disappointed in you."

"When I'm here. When I'm at the gym. I'm in a zone. It's just me, my machine and my muscle group. You know?"
"Slick..."
"Excuse me. I'm trying to focus, okay? Aargh!"
"When you're through focusing, you might want to turn around because you're in that thing backwards."

"Brian, look what I found in your room this morning. Didn't anyone ever teach you where dirty dishes go?"
"Well, Lowell, I like to eat a sandwich in bed while I watch TV. Some times I raise the degree of difficulty and bring in a woman."

"Wait, you've been arrested?"
"Well, I'm not proud of it. It was during an Anti-War Rally in San Francisco in 1966."
"What, you never said you were a protester."
"Well, I wasn't. I was a shopper. I bumped into Abbie Hoffman coming out of Gump's. He called me a fascist pig and I decked him. It took me a week to get the smell of marijuana off my knuckles."

"I would rather be alone, then be with that loser we met tonight."
"What was that on his head? A toupee or a piece of sod?"
"I want that guy's mirror. You know, the one that talks back to him and says, "Hey, Lookin Good!'"

"First, we flew to Maine and we found the most incredible place for lobster. Then after dinner, we just stumbled across this funky little miniature golf course. Then on the way back to the plane, you won't believe what we found leaning against this old oak tree."
"A tandem bicycle."
"Wow, how did you know?"
"Congratulations! You just went on Brian Hacket's Date Package Number Seven."
"What?"
"Yeah, it just one of those spontaneous little evenings he spent years perfecting."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Wings - 3rd Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"How could Helen do this to me? How could she just drive her Jeep through my office?"
"Uh, let's see. You ask her to come back to Nantucket. You lead her to believe that you're still in love with her and then she finds out you are involved with another women. Let's see if we can piece this mystery together."
"Does that justify her destroying my private property?"
"No, but I salute her sense of whimsy."

Review: The 3rd season started off great with Joe's office being destroyed three times and ended with a good cliff-hanger. Some of my favorite Wings episodes are from this year. This is the season where Antonio the cabdriver became a main character on the show.

"What's the world coming to? Listen to this. It says here 15% of the American public would rather watch television than have sex."
"15%, yeah, I'd buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're too tired or she's too... Uh, what's a nice way to put this? Ugly."
"The words, 'Too Tired, are not in my vocabulary and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words, 'Too Ugly' should be in yours."

"Give me that, Hackett. I'll be your delivery boy."
"Do you know what to do?"
"Oh sure, I served a subpoena to my mother once."
"You sued your own mother?"
"I just served her. Dad made me. See, the trick with these things is to surprise the subpoenee. Not let them see what's coming. Observe... Here you go!"
"What's this?"
"It's a subpoena, Toots. You can consider yourself served."

"Okay, okay, okay! Oh, Helen, I'm so ashamed. I can't even look you in the eye."
"Well try, Roy, because right now you are looking at my breasts."

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Brian with an I. You know, my friends have accused me of forgetting how to laugh. You'll have to teach me again."
"Ok, but it may involve feathers and some nudity."
"Yes, it may at that."

"Alright look. Guys, if we really want to get Joe here, there's no way he's going to fall for just any run-of-the-mill story. This calls for a masterpiece of BS. I am going to go inside that office, pull on my hip waders, and shovel myself a Mona Lisa."

"What the hell was that?"
"I don't know. I don't know. One minute we're spanking each other with meat, the next minute it got weird."

"I haven't had a date in forever."
"None of us have. It's been six month's since I've been on a date and that was with a total moron... Oh, stop counting, Joe. It wasn't you. When I dated you, I was the moron."

"Joe, I know you're only trying to help, but I think you really stirred up a hornet's nest here."
"Who said I'm trying to help?"
"All of a sudden I'm proud to be a Hackett."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Wings - 1st & 2nd Seasons

DVD: 4 Discs


"May I please have your attention. We regret to inform you that Sandpiper Air, Fight 14 to Boston, has been further delayed due to mechanical difficulties."
"Aaaah, no!"
"But on the bright side, freedom and democracy have broken out in Eastern Europe."

Review: This is a low-key workplace comedy that I enjoy watching. All the characters are well played and funny, but I think Steven Webber is the best as Brian.

"You are going to an awful lot of trouble. Do you really want to date with her that badly?"
"Joe, I'm used to having women either loving me or hating me and this bizarre middle ground of adult mature friendship just makes my skin crawl."

"Fay, I have to admit. I'm a little nervous about having my fortune read."
"Oh, Lowell, relax. It's just good-natured fun. There's nothing to worry about.... OH, TORTURED SOULS OF ETERNAL DARKNESS, OPEN MY EYES THAT I MIGHT SEE... Aaah!"
"WHAT?"
"It's the card of good fortune."
"Oh God, I knew it."

"She says I have 42 parking tickets, Brian."
"Consider your self lucky, Joe. It would have been 43, but I drove off while they were writing one of them."
"Hey Sugarbuns, move it along."
"Sugarbuns? Uh, isn't that cute, Joe? She's already given you a prison nickname. One I suggest you change, by the way."

"See, this is our problem, Joe. You care more about this stupid plane than you do about me."
"ME, you are the one with the Cello between her legs eight hours a day."
"Well at least that gives me some satisfaction."
"Yeah, well at least when I'm in the plane I get some sense of movement."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Walt Disney: The Chronological Donald - Volume 1

DVD: 2 Discs


"Hey, what's the big idea!"

"So! You want to get tough, huh? You doggone contraption. I can't understand what makes it so doggone obstinate."

Review: "Modern Inventions" had me laughing so hard that I cried, but the others haven't that big of an impact on me. They just aren't as funny as Looney Toons. I still need to watch all of them though.

"Welcome, sir"
"Ah! Who are you?"
"I'm the robot butler, sir."
"Oh yeah. So what?"
"Your hat, sir."
"Hey! Let go of my hat!"
"YOUR HAT, SIR!"
"I get you for this."
"Thank you, sir."
"A fine way to act. Why don't you pick on someone your own size? You big goon."

"Waak! The very idea! Getting into my food. Scram! Hey! You doggone pest! Waak! I'll get you, you doggone pest! I'll assassinate you! I'll tear you apart, you chipmunk! Waak! Come on, you little rat. I got you! I got you! Come on! Come on! Huh! My, what big ears. Such big teeth. My goodness. And what a big mouth you have for such a little animal."

"Ha ha ha ha! Do you call that hockey? You're supposed to put this in the net."
"What do you know about hockey?"
"Who, me? Feast your eyes on this. Hockey Champion of Duck Swamp."
"Aw, phooey!"
"I see that a demonstration is in order so I'll beat the three of you all by myself."

"We'll save you, Uncle Donald! Jump, Uncle Donald!"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Wallace & Gromit in Three Amazing Adventures

DVD: 1 Disc


"Cracking toast, Gromit!"

Review: Excellent British comedy, these award-winning shorts are amazing to watch and full of laughs at the same time.

"It's the wrong trousers, Gromit, and they've gone wrong!"

"Yer dog's waiting."
"Aye, I'd better see to him. The bounce has gone from his bungee."

"No cheese, Gromit! Not a bit in the house!"

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Three's Company - 3rd Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Tell her that nothing happened. There was perfectly good reason why I was in bed with Jennie. I wandered into my bedroom through force of habit."
"Janet! There's a perfectly good reason why Jack was in bed with your sister."
"Oh Really?"
"Yeah, it was just a force of habit."

Review: Another good season. Not as many hilarious laugh-out-loud moments but every episode never fails to keep me smiling. The last two episodes are a couple of the best of the season. This is the Ropers' final season on the show.

"Wait a minute, Chrissy. You mean you would undress in front of strangers, but not in front of moi?"
"Right!"
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Of course it does. If they see me nude, it doesn't matter because I don't know them and they don't know me and I don't know who's seeing me and they don't know who they're seeing. BUT I know YOU and you know ME and I know who you'll be seeing and you know who you'll be seeing and both of them are me. See?"
"No, I don't see."
"And you're not going to either."

"I like where I live now. You know, it's beautifully furnished. It's..."
"Yeah, don't kid me. You're just thinking of Janet and Chrissy."
"As I said, it's beautifully furnished."
"Yeah, it's quite a set-up you got there."
"No, Larry, c'mon now. It's a beautiful, friendly, convenient living arrangement."
"So is a harem."

"You two have got to be gone when she gets here."
"Why?"
"Janet, weren't you listening to what I said in there? Debbie would not understand the three of us living together. She's an old fashioned girl."
"No, Jack, c'mon. The last time you went out with an old fashioned girl we had to stay at the Regal Beagle till you modernized her."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Three's Company - 2nd Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Helen, I just wanted to prove to you that other woman found me attractive. And I proved it."
"Well, fine, go to her. See if I care. I hope you're happy."
"I don't want to be happy; I want to be with you."

Review: This second season keeps the laughs and lives up to the great but short first season.

"Will you put some clothes on? My wife's here!"
"Mind your own business, Stanley."
"What if the towel slips?"
"Mind your own business, Stanley."

"We can't afford it."
"I only have one word for you, Stanley."
"You be careful, Helen."
"CHEAP!"
"That's not so bad. I thought you were going to say something about my mother."

"Look, we both have a problem. The only difference is I am married to my problem."

"Chrissy, were you trying to steal Barry away from Janet?"
"OF COURSE NOT. You heard her. You heard her ask me to me nice to him and help entertain him."
"Do you recall that, Janet?"
"Well.......yes."
"And Chrissy, do you honestly think that after the friendship we three have shared, that Janet and I would even THINK of trying any hanky-panky together?"
"Well.......no."
-----
"That was the scary question."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Three's Company - 1st Season

DVD: 1 Disc


"I wonder what game's going on up there."
"Oh, probably something delightfully kinky that only three can play."

Review: When I bought this I was hoping that I would be able to relive some great laughs I remembered having while watching this show a long time ago. I did! The fashions may have aged but the comedy is still funny.

"I'm hoping to open up a little restaurant for people who can really appreciate high prices."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Shakespeare in Love (1998)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster."
"So what do we do?"
"Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well."
"How?"
"I don't know. It's a mystery."

Review: This movie is so good, it actually made me care about Shakespeare for the first time. It has a great blend of comedy, satire, drama and romance. The writers and directors did a great job in perfectly blending all the parts into a story about how Shakespeare created and wrote 'Romeo and Juliet'.

"Is she obedient?"
"As any mule in Christendom - but if you are the man to ride her, there are rubies in the saddlebag."
"I like her!"

"You see - comedy. Love, and a bit with a dog. That's what they want."

5 out of 5 Stars