Film: The Blood of Heroes (1988)

DVD: Full Screen


Review: This was a favorite of mine when it came out and I was happy to see it held up when I watched it again. In this dystopian sci-fi film, Joan Chen plays a young woman who plays for her local village's team in the only sport left in this post-apocalyptic world. When her team plays a roving team of professionals who visit her village, she convinces them to let her join them after their qwik is injured in the brutal bout. Rutger Hauer plays Sallow, the talented veteran who coaches her as they move from town to town playing the locals. When she learns that Sallow once played for the League in one of the underground cities, she talks the team into attempting a Challenge match for the scouts of the League. Unfortunately, the DVD has a bad transfer and the underground/night scenes are too dark.

Quotes:
"Your qwik is ruined. Can't run anymore. Spoiled... I've got speed. I can run. I'll qwik for you."
"He'll heal. He always does."
"Dog shit."

"Can't pass an old man?"
"I didn't see him."
"You've got to know where everybody is always."
"What if I can't?"
"They'll crush your skull."

"If he was in the League, why is he playing dog ranges in market towns now?"
"It was a long time ago, Sallow was very young."

"You made him leave the League because of a woman?"
"A special woman."
"Special?"
"An elegant lady."
"Sallow with an elegant lady? An elegant lady wouldn't be with him."
"You don't understand. It's different in the League. In the League you are almost one of them. Almost."

"I told you two juggers can't fuck after the game. It's doesn't work unless you like rubbing wounds against wounds."

"Gonzo!"
"Who wants to know?"
"You could have won in 20."
"You look like shit."
"I want a challenge. This is my qwik."
"They'll never accept, not with you?"
"So, he still remembers me?"
"Get out of the Red City. Old burns don't heal like young burns."
"Thought we were the same age, you and me."
"We used to be."
"Long time without a mirror?"

"This is ridiculous, no one comes to these things. They are not contests at all."
"Nevertheless, they can be quite brutal. Much more so than the League games."
"I don't like brutality. I like heroics. I like the blood of heroes."

"You protected him, you asshole."
"Lord Vile, I've broken juggers in half, smashed their bones and left the ground behind me wet with brains. I'd do anything to win. but I've never hurt a soul for any reason but to put a dog skull on a stake and I never will."
"But you didn't put any fucking dog skull on any fucking stake. No challenge has ever gone past the 26th stone. This one won't get 26 more."

"Walk... slowly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Three Stooges, The Movie (2012)

Blu-Ray


Review: This movie is a true return to form for the the Farrelly Brothers after several middling films. They melded their trademark emotional slapstick to the classic gags of Three Stooges perfectly. I saw this movie in a theater full of laughing children and except for the inclusion of the dated cast from the "Jersey Shore", I think this movie will hold up as a timeless classic that replicates the original comedy shorts with respect.

Quotes:
"Hey, Onion Head, go on back to the shed and grab the chainsaw."
"Why doesn't Larry go?"
"Cause he's got a headache."
"No, I don't."
"How about now?"
"Yeah, it's coming on."

"Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart."
"And dim of wit."

"$830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks."
"That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes."
"We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk."
"What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print."

"Those three idiots are here!"
"The Kardashian girls? Where are they?"

"Shame on you, Moe, you let your pride ruin everything for us and them kids."
"How dare you accuse me of having pride?"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

Blu-Ray


Review: A funny movie from the director of "Ghostbusters" with Luke Wilson perfectly playing another everyman caught up in circumstances beyond his regular safe zone. Uma Thurman does a great job as the love-sick super hero who is out for revenge after Luke's character dumps her.

Quotes:
"She sounds like a nutcase."
"So you're saying she's perfect for me."

"I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing."
"That's kind of my thing."

"I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one."
"A bed or a penis?"
"Both."

"You're that Bedlam guy."
"Professor Bedlam."
"The super villain."
"Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste."

"Say, 'I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.'"
"Is that a possibility?"
"Say it!"
"Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."

"Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?"

"I'm not going to help you kill her!"
"Kill? I didn't say 'kill'! I said 'neutralize'! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Source Code (2011)

Blu Ray


Review: This is an action thriller version of Groundhog Day where a US Army soldier is assigned to a classified operation that allows him to relive the last eight minutes of a deceased victim's life to help solve the crime. When a train is bombed, he must live this limited time frame over and over again until he can discover the identity of the terrorist. The film does a great job of repeating the time frame while still propelling the plot forward.

Quotes:
"The explosion came from behind me."

"I want you to concentrate on the passengers in your car. Get to know them. Narrow the suspect pool. Look for one who seems quiet or withdrawn. Who seems nervous. As always, you have eight minutes."
"Eight minutes and then I blow up again?"
"Yes. I need you to discipline yourself on this next pass. Perform only the task that we assign you. Everything else is irrelevant."

"If you find the bomber, this second attack... the real attack, we think... can be prevented. We have very little time left. Out here, the clocks only move in one direction."

"I think you broke his jaw."
"It's okay, he's not any more real than you are."
"I'm not real? How about next time you drive to work?"
"It's not gonna be a next time.

"The program wasn't designed to alter the past. It was designed to affect the future."

"You know, many soldiers would find this preferable to death. The opportunity to continue serving their country."
"Have you... have you spent much time in battle, sir? Huh?"
"That's immaterial."
"Any soldier I've ever served with would say that one death is service enough."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 7 (2010-2011)

3 Discs


Review: Another great season, a couple of my favorite episodes this season are "There Will Be Bad Blood" and "Stanny Boy and Frantastic".

Quotes:
"Stan?"
"Did I... Did I turn back time?"
"No. You fainted and bashed your head on the counter."
"I'm... I'm pretty sure I turned back time. You must be Francine's grandmother! One day, your granddaughter will make me a moderately happy man."

"What is this?"
"Your dream restaurant. Roger's Laotian Adventure."
"What about my scale model?"
"Stan, it took quite a bit of doing... but I managed to wipe my butt with it."

"After we ran out of money, Jeff suggested that we prostitute ourselves. At first, Jeff was saying he was only going to do women, but then... that wasn't working out. So, long short story, Jeff's on butt rest, and we moved to the desert."

"That bathroom is amazing. A gold toilet? And I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt."
"Um, I don't..."
"Oh, explains the attitude and why he did such a a slapdash job."

"Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it."

"Hey, Stanny Boy! Frantastic! Get up here, the view is amazing!"
"Did you hear that? They gave us nicknames! The only nickname I ever got was in eighth grade. They called me 'Stan Frank' because I was always hiding and writing in my diary."

"Oh my God, another fey, pansexual, alcoholic non-human! I've been replaced!"

"Sorry things didn't work out with your new roommate, Roger."
"I tell you, it's a cruel, cruel world out here. Did you know I saw a man beat down another man today for a sandwich? A sandwich, Francine... This sandwich. I wish I could just come home."
"So come home. We want you there."
"Stan doesn't. As far as he's concerned, the only reason I was living there was the life debt he owed me. And now it's repayed."
"Forget about the life debt. Stan's too proud to admit he misses you, but I know he does."

"Here's a condom. Don't use it. Do what I do. Pretend to put it on, then hide it in your poop cannon."

"Snot, you're Jewish; you'll be in charge of the money. Steve, you'll be in charge of watching Snot because I don't trust Jews. Come on, let's go play some blackjack!"
"Now? But we have geometry class."
"I'll write you a note."

"OK, so Megan Fox and Seth Rogen come out of a room containing only one chair. Do you sniff the chair?"

"I don't wanna die from Gorilla sex!"

5 out of 5 Stars