"What are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?"
"Well..."
"They're prisons. Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you got to ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?"
"Really?"
"Yeah and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?"
"What?"
"You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? What kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day? It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
"I'm glad we had this talk."
Review: This is Larry David's last season as the head writer. A great year with George's engagement to Susan and lots of fun episodes with Elaine's boss, Mr. Peterman.
"Let me take a guess. She cried and you caved."
"How did you know that?"
"I live and breath, my friend. I live and breath."
"Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good-looking?"
"Twenty-five percent."
"Twenty-five percent? No way. It's like four to six percent. It's a twenty-to-one shot."
"You're way off."
"Way off? Have you been to the Motor Vehicle Bureau? It's a leper colony down there."
"I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a 1,000 times. It's never looked so strange. The faces, so cold. In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless. A bastard child, perhaps. My back aches. My heart aches, but my feet... My feet are resilient. Thank God I took off my heels and put on my Himalayan WALKING SHOES!"
"I'm not giving you my code."
"I bet I can guess it."
"Yeah, right."
"Oh, all right. Yeah. Let's see. Well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you. You're a word man. All right, let's go deeper. What kind of man are you? Well, you're weak... spineless. A man of temptations. But what tempts you?"
"Huh?"
"You're a portly fellow... a little long in the waistband. So, what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No, no, no. Yours is a sweet tooth."
"Get out of here."
"Oh, you may stray... but you'll always return to your dark master. The cocoa bean."
"Hey, Elaine. Who do you think would win a fight between me and Gorgeous George here?"
"You mean a real 'fight' fight?"
"Mano a baldo."
"George."
"Why?"
"George fights dirty."
"Really? What would you do?"
"Pull hair, poke eyes, groin stuff. Whatever I gotta do."
"Do you know what this is like, to have no control over a relationship? And to feel sick to your stomach all the time? Do you know what that's like?"
"No. But I've read articles, and I must say, it doesn't sound very pleasant."
"You know, one of these days something terrible is going to happen to you. It has to."
"No, I'm gonna be just fine."
"Perhaps he thinks that you're working HIM for the discount. Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings. Then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato."
"Oh, please."
"No, the two of you need to work on trust. And then, and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts. The cornerstones of a healthy relationship."
5 out of 5 Stars
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