Film: United 93 (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: I don't think a 9/11 movie will ever be made that is better than this one by Paul Greengrass. Even though everyone already knows the ending, it still slowly and expertly builds the tension until the final moment.

The events that took place inside United 93 actually only take up about a third of the story as the rest of the film follows the FAA officials, air-traffic controllers and the military struggling to track the unresponsive hijacked planes and react to their unexpected crashes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon. The standout is Ben Sliney, playing himself, as the FAA National Operation Manager who started his first day in the new postion on 9/11.

Quotes:
"All right, sir, we've got a small system in the Southwest. Nothing too big. Shouldn't be a big problem. Some low ceilings over San Francisco, nothing major. That system finally moved off to the East and we've got clear skies."
"Good. It'll be a good day on the East Coast."

"Everything okay?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Before we get started... Well, that was a possible hijack, American..."
"What?"
"Yeah."
"Hijack? Anybody remember..."
"Haven't seen that in years."
"Anybody remember when was the last time we had a hijack?"
"Yeah, I know. It's been quite a while."
"'91, '92?"
"I can't even remember precisely. No, no, It's Boston to LAX, American 11. They're on it and they're gonna keep me informed. I'll brief you."

"I don't know. I'll tell you what, that is not a small plane. No way."
"A Cessna would have bounced off that. Look at the size of that hole!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this. I'll tell you right now."

"All right, hold on. Hold on. I got a primary on the target."
"Where?"
"He's rapidly descending. Can you see that right right there? He's coming down quick, yeah. Can you see that?"
"Well, who is it?"
"I don't know."
"You see him out the window?"
"Is he out there?"
"Descending rapidly."
"No, there he is. There he is."
"Where?"
"Right there, over the Verrazano Bridge."
"Oh, yeah. Look how fast he's going."
"He's going right up the Hudson River Center. Oh, my God!"
"AHH! Jesus!! Shit!!"
"What?!! How does he do that?!"
"Did you see that? Did you see that, sir?"

"Cleveland just called. There's a United 93, the controller heard screams coming from the cockpit."
"Jesus!"
"Sounds like American 11. This is starting to look like a pattern."

"Hey, this is a suicide mission. We have to do something. They are not gonna land this plane. They are not gonna take us back to the airport. I don't think there's any other option we have."
"If we're gonna die, we're gonna die. They're flying us into a building. We're gonna die."
"We should not interfere with them."
"There's a lot of us but we got to do something. You see how low we are?"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Zombieland (2009)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: Hilarious zombie road trip movie! I love Woody Harrelson in these type of roles. The slow motion opening credit sequence backed by Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls" set up the movie perfectly. The survival rules concept popping up throughout the movie was a nice touch.

Quotes:
"Why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? It's because of my list of rules. Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. Poor fat bastard."

"So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together. Least for a while?"
"Here's the deal, Columbus. Ah, I'm not easy to get along with and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch so, ah, I give this relationship to about Texarkana."
"Really?! Yeah! You'll take me as far as Texarkana?"
"You're a peppy little spit-fuck, aren't you?"

"I haven't cried like that since Titanic."

"Oh, it's a '97"
"Yeah. Was that a good year?"
"Oh my God! It was a great year! Are you kidding me? I saw my first R-rated movie that year. Yeah, Anaconda."
"Ah, Anaconda."
"First tattoo, porpoise."
"Really?"
"Fake. First kiss... Scotty Lynch."
"You guys... used tongue?"
"Maybe. You jealous of Scotty Lynch?
"Yes, I am. Actually, I think I'm jealous of your whole 1997."

"My mamma always told me someday I'd be good at something. Who'd have guessed the something would be zombie killing?"
"Probably nobody."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Rambo III (1988)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: The Soviet Union's invasion of Afghanistan is considered their version of the Vietnam War so it is fitting that Rambo joins the fight to rescue his captured friend, Col. Trautman. I think Rambo III is slightly better than the second and a source for much of the hilarious parody in "Hot Shots! Part Duex".

This film is an interesting companion piece to the excellent "Charlie Wilson's War". It is sad that the Mujahideen protrayed so sympathetically in these two films would squander their victory over the Russians by embarking on a destructive civil war that didn't end until the Taliban took power.

Quotes:
"Rambo, something went wrong."
"What happened?"
"Soviets intercepted the team just over the border. From what we gathered, Trautman and the rest of his party have been taken to a regional command post."
"What are you doing about it?"
"We can't do anything about it. I'm sorry. I just thought you should have known."

"You don't look like you are with the military."
"I'm not."
"What you are, mercenary?"
"No."
"You are not with the military, you are not mercenary. What are you? Lost tourist?"
"I'm no tourist."

"This is Afghanistan. Alexander the Great tried to conquer this country. Then Genghis-Khan, then the British. Now Russia, but the Afghan people fight hard. They never be defeated. Ancient enemy make a prayer about these people. Do you wish to hear?"
"Mmm-hhm."
"Very good. It says, may God deliver us from the venom of the cobra, the teeth of the tiger and the vengeance of the Afghan. Do you understand what this means?"
"That you guys don't take any shit."
"Yes, something like this."

"How's the wound?"
"You taught us to ignore pain, didn't ya?"
"Is it working?"
"Not really."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Sunshine (2007)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: Like almost all of Danny Boyle's movies, this great film has a weaker final act. It takes the thrill and intensity of surviving a journey toward the sun and turns it into a slasher horror at the end. The intense heat of the sun, the freezing vacuum of space and the dangers of human error and emotion used during the majority of the film were more effective and believable obstacles to the mission's success. Still, the last act only removes a half star from my rating.

SPOILER ALERT: The concept of the Captain of Icarus I going insane is not bad, but they should have kept him off the Icarus II. Let the failure of Icarus I just remain a mystery for the second crew to solve.

Quotes:
"Kaneda, Searle, report to flight deck."
"What's up?"
"We have an excess of manliness breaking out in the comm center."

"Icarus, how close is this to full brightness?
"At this distance of 36 million miles, you are observing the sun at two percent of full brightness."
"Two percent? Can you show me four percent?"
"Four percent would result in irreversible damage to your retinas."

"The question is: Does the risk of the detour outweigh the benefits of an extra payload?"
"We'll have a vote."
"No, no. No, we won't. We're not a democracy. We're a collection of astronauts and scientists. So we're gonna make the most informed decision available to us."
"Made by you by any chance?"
"Made be the person best qualified to understand the complexities of the payload delivery: our physicist."
"Shit."

"In order to change the route, I had to manually override Icarus. So I made all the calculations myself, and I double- and triple-checked them. They all worked out. So I set the new coordinateness and put us on our way."
"So what's the problem? The trajectory is wrong?"
"The trajectory is good. But it changes our angle of approach to the sun by 1.1 degrees."
"You didn't reset the shields to the new angle."
"I forgot. My head was so full of velocities and fuel calculations and a million different... I FORGOT!!! ALL RIGHT?! People do shit. They get stressed and... and fuck up. I fucked up."

"We should split up."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea..."
"You're probably right. We might get picked off one at a time by aliens."

"With Searle and Harvey gone, we lost two breathers. We have enough oxygen for four crew to make it to the payload delivery point."
"So we'll do it."
"I'll do it. I'm not passing any bucks."
"Well, then..."
"We'll vote this time. Unanimous decision required. Well, you know where I stand."
"And me."
"What are you asking? That we weigh the life of one man versus the future of all mankind? Kill him."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: That '70s Show - 2nd Season (1999-2000)

DVD: 4 Discs


Review: This was the season where Eric and Donna finally do it and Michael and Jackie break up. Tommy Chong joined the cast this year as Hyde's boss at the photomat. Some of the best episodes are "Vanstock", "Hunting", & "Parents Find Out".

Quotes:
"You moron, a girl movie is a make-out movie."
""Well, then, I'm in."
"Me too. I will come and watch."

"Wait, Fez, what are you doing?"
"You're a dead man!!"
"Could I have avoided this? Let's review. First, Jackie said I was funny. Next, she ate popcorn from my groin. Then, I sucked her face. Nope, it was meant to be."

"Guy, guys, this thing is like a bedroom on wheels. No more, Michael, the backseat is too small. Michael, you're on my hair. Michael, your choking me. That's over!"

"Okay, that's it. You must let me in."
"Why?"
"Because I feel the hot rhythm of disco burning in my loins. Watch."
"Okay, you're in."
"So long, Losers!"

"Excuse me. May I please have a hickey, please."
"No."
"Please?"
"No!"
"Jackie?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No!"
"So... the two of you do things to please your man. Well, Fez is a man. Why will you not please him? Why?"
"Jackie, just give him a hickey!"
"I'm leaving!"

"You mean, you were in his bed and he didn't whine and beg for, like, two hours until you were so sick of hearing his stupid voice that you just gave in so he would shut up?"
"No."

"This way there will be even more things to remind you of me. Don't you like thinking of me?"
"No, of course I do. The thing is... How can I say this without hurting your feelings? Oh, okay. I don't want your stupid things in my cool van."

"Donna wouldn't even talk to me. She just kept sticking her tongue down my throat."
"Oh, boo hoo, Forman. You get to fool around with a totally hot chick and never have to talk about her feelings. You poor French-kissing bastard."
"Yeah, Hyde's right. One time I asked Jackie what was wrong and she didn't shut up for, like, three straight days."

"You really think I've been yelling at you for 17 years?"
"No... You were probably okay with me as an infant. I just can't remember."
"Boy, it was right around thirteen when you started gettin' a little lippy... and twitchy."

"Ever since I threatened to tell Jackie about the two of us, you've seemed distant."
"Laurie, that's just crazy. All right? You blackmailing me... It's just brought us closer together."

"It was great. It just wasn't what I expected. I don't think we did it right."
"So, Eric's not good?"
"It was more like... like neither of us were good."
"Donna, it's not up to the woman to be good."

"How come you never go to church?"
"Eric... God and I had a heart-to-heart while I watched my destroyer go down in the South Pacific. We're real good... You're not. Go!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Toy Soldiers (1991)

DVD: Full Screen - 1:33


Review: After a Columbian drug lord is extradiated to the US, his son takes an American Prep School hostage in order to free his father. It is a fun tightly-paced film with Sean Astin as the school troublemaker who leads the other students against the terrorists. Louis Gossett, Jr. is excellent as the Dean, walking the fine line between authoritative and sympathetic. I wish they would release this movie in the original widescreen.

Quotes:
"Lights out, boys!"
"Eat shit, Mr. Peterson!!!!"

"I'm not going to expel you. Three schools have done that and it's obviously done nothing for your character... Are you listening to me?!"
"Yes, sir."
"I'm going to do much worse. I am going to keep you here until you graduate. It'll probably take years at this rate."
"I might wear you out before then."
"Don't you worry about wearing me out. I'm going to wear you out."

"Is he a friend of yours?"
"Yes, he is."
"Well, tell your friend he's lucky I didn't shoot him. What's your name?"
"William Tepper."
"What does your father do, William?"
"He's a contractor."
"According to this, he owns the third largest construction company in the world."
"Yeah, he's a contractor."
"You're not afraid of me. Hmm?"
"Yes, I'm afraid."
"Good. Don't fuck with me."

"We have a shot at a successful assault here. We know the location of every terrorist. The kid can get the other students out of the line of fire."
"What kid? This kid has been kicked out of two schools."
"No, three schools."
"Three schools. Come on. All this is unreliable."
"That's not really true. I may not rely on Billy to get to class on time, but I would rely on this."
"Why?"
"Because he's got guts. He's a leader. You can see that he's thought this thing through. Now, if Billy says he can do it, I gotta believe he can."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Once (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: A modern musical about a street musician and an immigrant girl from the Czech Republic who bond over music in Dublin, Ireland. It's a simple story supported by a strong collection of songs. Their first duet in the music shop was amazing and a deserving winner for the Best Song Oscar.

Quotes:
"How come you don't play this song during daytime? I see you everyday."
"You know, during the day, people want to hear songs they know, just songs that they recognize. I mean, otherwise, I wouldn't make any money. I play these song at night. They wouldn't listen."
"I listen."
"Yeah, but you gave me ten cent."

"Good to meet ya. We've got a few little bits and pieces to set up. I want to check the drums inside."
"We've already set up the kit."
"Yeah, I just want to, you know, check them for sound."
"I checked them already. It's fine."
"Okay, we need to set up mics on them for recording, yeah?"
"Oh."

"I think it's time we did the, uh, car test."
"What's the car test, Eamon?"
"We've been listening back on these big studio speakers. So it's time we had a go on some shitty speakers. So... Let's go for a spin and have a listen in me car."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Paradise (1982)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: This is a "Blue Lagoon" clone that takes place in the Arabian desert, but I think this is better film because Phoebe Cates is a much more talented actress than Brooke Shields and I am a fan of Willie Aames from "Charles in Charge." While Phoebe is famous for her topless scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" that came out the same year, that was nothing compared to the amount of skin she shows here in her first film.

Quotes:
"Al Aziz, I delivered them into your hands as agreed. I demand my payment."
"Payment? For what? The girl escaped. There is little else of value."
"You have captured many women, Al Aziz. They will bring you a good price. One less will not make you a poor man."
"The English girl will not be for sale. She's for me."

"We shouldn't be looking at this."
"Why not?"
"Could be a sin."
"But their beautiful. How could looking at something so beautiful be a sin?"
"My father said it was wrong to look upon nakedness."
"Well, this is a book for doctors. Doctors have to look at you with no clothes on."
"The doctors have no clothes on?"
"Ha! No! You have no clothes on. Doctor's dressed."

"We'll look again tomorrow. The girl can not be far away."
"Lying English! Who would think that he would send us on a false trail."
"Indeed. He died more braver than I thought."

"I couldn't believe it. I looked up and this ugly woman comes in and I thought, 'Oh God, not another one!' And it was you. You were fantastic."

3 out of 5 Stars

Film: If Looks Could Kill (1991)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: Preposterous plot, but well-crafted fun. A lot of films like this age very badly, but this has stayed as entertaining as the first time I saw it. Richard Grieco plays a high school student who goes on a trip to Europe with his French class and is confused for a secret agent with the same name on his flight. It's a witty James Bond spoof that reminds me alot of the film, Gotcha. A favorite gag is the rotating drivers who take turns trying to capture the students' bus, believing them to be mercenaries.

Quotes:
"I'm real sorry. I don't know what to say, you know."
"You don't know what to say? I'll tell you what to say. How about, sorry Mom and Dad, I would have liked to graduate high school, but I couldn't really fit it into my dating and partying schedule, huh? Or how about, sorry, I was too busy doing jack-shit instead of going to my French class!"

"Oh no, not French. Uh look, parlez vous English?"
"Monsieur, what I said is, you look like a piece of horribly scented American dogshit. Change your clothes!"

"I want out, Richardson, got it? That tux with the BO Blasters was real cute, just gassed three people, probably killed them."
"Ha, ha, ha. No such luck, Corben. They'll wake up in an hour or two with a hell of a headache. That's all."
"Richardson, this is not my idea of a good time."
"What were you expecting, Corben?"
"At the moment, I was expecting to be cramped into a cheap hotel room in Paris, probably holding a farting contest with my roommates."

"Put that on. Your having dinner with Steranko in 10 minutes."
"Jerk! If he thinks I'm going to put on this Army Surplus reject, he's out of his mind. It's not my style."
"Michael, Number 1, this is a very nice Armani suit. Number 2, you have no style."

"Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
"No, Corben's here."
"That's what I mean!"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Rocky Balboa (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: This is an amazing final sequel for the Rocky films. I think without the television success of Sylvestor's entertaining boxing show, The Contender, this movie would never have been made. Stallone understands this role better than any other and it shows in the great writing as Rocky struggles after the death of his wife. Burt Young brings great pathos and comic relief as Paulie. The best part about this movie is that it washes out the bad taste of Rocky V. Now you can pretend that chapter never existed.

Quotes:
"Time goes by too fast."
"Not fast enough."

"What's the matter with you, Paulie?"
"You're living backwards, Rocko! Change the channel from yesterday! Yesterday wasn't so great!"
"It was to me."
"Not to me!"
"You treated her good. You had the good times. I treated her bad. I don't have to think about this."
"She always loved you, Paulie."
"Sorry, Rocko, I can't do this no more."

"Hey, come on. We're about to serve today's special."
"Italian food cooked up by a bunch of Mexicans ain't so special, Rocko."

"So you nervous about the fight?"
"Scared to death."
"You don't look scared."
"Well, I ain't supposed to."
"Then you don't have to do it."
"Yeah, well, I think I do."

"You know all there is to know about fighting, so there's no sense us going down that same old road again. To beat this guy, you need speed - you don't have it. And your knees can't take the pounding, so hard running is out. And you got arthritis in your neck, and you've got calcium deposits on most of your joints, so sparring is out."
"I had that problem."
"So, what we'll be calling on is good ol' fashion blunt force trauma. Horsepower. Heavy-duty, cast-iron, piledriving punches that will have to hurt so much they'll rattle his ancestors. Every time you hit him with a shot, it's gotta feel like he tried kissing the express train. Yeah! Let's start building some hurtin' bombs!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Demolition Man (1993)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"We're police officers! We're not trained to handle this kind of violence!"

Review: This Sylvester Stallone action film has aged a bit, but it is still fun. He plays a wrongly-convicted badass cop who is unfrozen in a more peaceful, but naive future after a violent criminal from his time has escaped from the cryo-prison. It is a fish-out-of-water tale as he struggles against the new cultural norms while trying to recapture Wesley Snipes with his old school methods. I would only give it three stars now, but I am adding a forth for how much I enjoyed it when it came out.

"You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute."
"What? Fuck you!"
"Your repeated violation of the Verbal Morality Statute has caused me to notify the San Angeles Police Department. Please remain where you are for your reprimand."
"Yeah, right."

"While you were sleeping, everyone in the city was installed code. Sensors all over the city can zero in on anyone at any time. I can't even conceive a visual of what you police officers did before it was developed."
"We worked for a living. This fascist crap makes me want to puke."

"I thought you wanted to make love?"
"Is that what you call this?!"
"Vir-sex has been proven to produce high orders of alpha waves during digitized transference of sexual energies."
"Look, Huxley, let's say we just do it the old-fashioned way?"
"Eeewww, disgusting! You mean... fluid transfer?"

"Now, I'll have carte blanche to create the perfect society. My society. San Angeles will be a beacon of order with the purity of an ant colony and the beauty of a flawless pearl."
"Look, you can't take away people's right to be assholes."
"Hmm?"
"That's who you remind me of: an evil Mr. Rogers! Will you please kill him? He's pissing me off!"

"Let's go blow this guy."
"Away! Blow this guy away!"
"Whatever."
"Hmm, she's got a way with words!"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Job - Complete Series (2001-2002)

DVD: 4 Discs (Full Screen for 1st Season & Anamorphic Widescreen for 2nd Season)


"Oh, I can't wait to see the headline in tomorrow's New York Post, Copper Crapper Caper... I got to write that down."
"I got another one, Cop held Craptive, Hostage Drama Flushed with Danger."

Review: Denis Leary plays almost the same exact character in "The Job" as he does in the more successful, "Rescue Me", except he is a NYPD Detective instead of a fireman. I prefer the 30 minute format of this show to the other, it is tighter and funnier with a better surrounding cast. I knew this was going to be a great show after the third episode, Bathroom. Too bad, it was cancelled after two seasons.

"How would she know what I do? Unless, of course, you tell her."
"You know how it is?"
"No, I don't, Pip. No, I don't. Okay, we're partners. Besides, we're men. Men are supposed to be able to share information with other men without stuff leaking to the enemy. That's what you're doing, leaking stuff to the enemy."
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are! Your wife was just here! My wife doesn't even know where this building is. You know what you need to do? You need to go home and get your balls out of her purse, or where ever the hell she keeps them. Slap them back on and start screaming bloody murder. That's what you need to do!"

"What's she having dinner with you for? I hear she's dating Jason Laramie."
"Who?"
"He's a model. Does underwear ads. There's one where he's under a cliff with a speargun. Another one, he's up on a ship, splashing himself with water. See him all the time in magazines, like InStyle..."
"You read InStyle Magazine?"
"...No."

"What'd I tell you? I told you he was bad. Strike 1, he's a lawyer. Strike 2, he's spent time in rehab. Strike 3, get this, he's married. Can you believe this guy? Married?"
"Well, let's see. My married partner just got off the phone with his girlfriend. Now he's upset she couldn't score the Tylenol laced with Codeine. No, I don't believe that guy!"
"Hey, totally different situation, man, totally different!!"

"So did you call public morals?"
"No, no, I'm not calling them. This is not a crime. This is a miracle."
"I'm going to go over there right now. Cover for me."
"Second Floor. Her name's Diane."

"What's up?"
"Some woman over on Madison Avenue causing a public disturbance, she's out on the sidewalk screaming at people."
"Be nice to her. That could be my mother. She's been in some mood lately."

"So, how do I look?"
"Very convincing."
"What do you mean, very convincing?"
"You're going undercover as a hooker, right?"
"No! I'm going out on a date."
"Oh, you look very nice."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the horses are on the track."
"Oh, what a beauty! Great legs. Nice cans!"
"Cans? Our horse has cans?"
"No, the blonde in the tube top."
"Frank, what does our horse look like?"
"Oh right, right. Oh, like she's ready to print us money!"

"Let me tell you something! Don't you ever, ever, mess with a black man's shrimp. Shrimp means power, wealth, success. Damn!"
"I'm sorry, man. I didn't know."
"Shrimp is the black man's lobster."
"Why isn't lobster, the black man's lobster?"
"Because lobster is the white man's lobster. We want our own damn lobster! Get out of my sight!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Nowhere to Run (1993)

DVD: Fullscreen - 1:33


"I'm not too optimistic about our young friend's success. Some of these landowners can be hard nuts to crack."
"Then we use a hammer."

Review: This one reminds me of Road House, another well-made B movie. I think it is Jean-Claude Van Damme's best film outside of "Bloodsport" & "Kickboxer". He's supported with a good script and high production values. It's got two good villians in the actors who played the cross-dressing serial killer in "Silence of the Lambs" and the nasty South African diplomat in "Lethal Weapon 2".

"Get out of the truck."
"You're scaring my children!!"
"Get out of the truck!!"
"Leave them alone."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm the parking attendant and you're bothering my customers."

"Astonishing, isn't it? One little woman in the middle of a wheat field. And what is she doing? She's fucking us up."

"Don't get caught, you understand?"
"I thought the local law was taken care of."
"Yeah, he's been paid, but I'm not sure he's bought."

"Au revoir, fucker."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Hot Rod (2007)

DVD: Enhanced 16:9


"All great men have mustaches!"
"Yeah, but real men actually grow them."
"You know I have a hormone disorder!!!"

Review: A fun, silly movie that cracks me up every time. Rod is an amateur stuntman trying to follow in the footsteps of his dead father. When he finds out his step-father, Frank, is dying of a bad heart, he organizes a daredevil jump to raise money for the transplant operation.

"I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done."

"Frank, I'm going to get you better, you old sack of shit, and then I'm going to uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you! And you will respect me! Peace!"

"Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?"
"No."
"Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead."
"That's him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?"
"Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, 'To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve' So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day."

"Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities."
"Yes, Sensei."
"You don't have to call me sensei, Rod."
"Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?"
"I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet."
"As you wish, Sensei."
"Now, we take the ball and we push the ball away."
"Yeah, we could. Or you could cut the kiddie stuff and show me the crap-yourself move."
"Hi! Hi!! Hi!!! Yah, Yah!! YAAAAH!!!"
"That didn't work! Ha, ha! Anyways, I'm gonna get going, so, take it easy. I'm gonna go see what Frank's doing."
"You wanted me to show you, Rod."
"Yeah, I did want you to show me, and you didn't, 'cause it didn't work. So now I'm gonna go, 'cause there's nothing left for me to learn. Thank you, though, for trying. That was very nice of you to try."

4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Film: This Is It (2009)

DVD: Anamorphic

"Let it simmer."

Review: I am so glad I went and saw this. I had been skeptical about seeing it, but when Michael Jackson is on a stage, he is still mesmerizing. Even at 50, he had the moves and the voice. Watching the rehearsal footage really shows a master perfecting his craft and I found myself smiling throughout the entire film. I only wish Dirty Diana had been one of the songs included in the film.

"Just a little drag, a little bit more behind the beat."
"Yeah. It's not the right sound."
"Like you're dragging yourself out of bed."

"We're sizzling. He's waiting for my point, it's coming."
"Michael, I was telling them to start when you turn towards the audience."
"Oh no, I wanna turn first, face the audience with nothing, nothing."
"Okay, Okay."
"And then when he gets my cue, then we go."
"The only thing is... how will you see the video change from the marquee to the city?"
"I gotta feel that. I'll feel it... the screen behind me."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again."
"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."
"The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."
"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls."

Review: A familiar teen movie with some unique touches. It avoids some of the worst cliches, but what makes it standout is the quality of the cast. I think it's better than American Pie which came out the same year.

"Old rule out. New rule, Bianca can date... when Kat does."
"But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?"
"Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that. And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated."

"I'm sure, you know, that there are lots of guys who wouldn't mind going out with a difficult woman. I mean, you know, people jump out of airplanes and ski off cliffs. It'd be like extreme dating."
"You think you could find someone that extreme?"
"Yeah, sure, why not."
"And you'd do that for me?"
"Hell, yes! I mean, you know, I could look into it."

"The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford."
"What is it with this chick? She have beer-flavored nipples?"
"Hey!"

"Come to Bogey's party with me?"
"You never give up, do you?"
"Was that a yes?"
"No."
"Well, then, was that a no?"
"No."
"I'll see you at 9:30 then?!"

"I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window, I tell you. So, how did you keep him distracted?"
"I dazzled him with my... wits."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Blu-Ray


Review: I haven't seen this in almost twenty years. I enjoyed the songs and animation, but the love story between Belle and the Beast feels rushed. I wish they could have spent more time developing the growing attraction between them. The villain, Gaston, is great.

Quotes:
"So, you've come to stare at the BEAST, have you?"

"This is the day your dreams come true."
"What do you know about my dreams, Gaston?"
"Plenty! Here, picture this: A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting on the fire, and my little wife massaging my feet, while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven."
"Dogs?"
"No, Belle! Strapping boys, like me!"

"You'll come out, or I'll-I'll-I'll break down the door!"
"Master, I could be wrong, but that might not be the best way to win the girl's affections."
"Please. Attempt to be a gentlemen."
"But, she's being so DIFFICULT!"

"Aaargh! That hurts!"
"If you'd hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much!"
"Well if you hadn't have run away, this wouldn't have happened."
"If you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!"

"She's as crazy as the old man. The beast will make off with your children. He will come after them in the night. We are not safe until his head is mounted on my wall. I say we kill the BEAST!"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Chris Rock - Bring the Pain (1996)

DVD: 1 Disc


"You know what's sad? Here's something wild, Martin Luther King stood for non-violence. Now what is Martin Luther King? A street. I don't give a fuck where you are in America, if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence going down. It ain't the safest place to be. And you can't call someone and tell them you are lost on MLK. 'Hey, I'm lost on Martin Luther King.' 'RUN! RUN! RUN!'"

Review: This is the stand-up routine that made me sit-up and recognize Chris Rock as a talented comedian instead of the annoying comic on Saturday Night Live with all the bad skits. This is probably the best stand-up comedy concert ever filmed, even better than Eddie's "Raw" and "Delirious". It is hilarious but also tackles taboo subjects with amazing deftness.

"They was interviewing a brother in there, they said now, 'Sir, when a new inmate comes in and he wants some drugs, how do you initiate him?' The guy goes, 'Well, the first thing I do is make him toss my salad.' The guy's like, 'Toss my salad? What's that?' The guy: 'Well, having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or with syrup. I prefer syrup.' I'm not making this up!"

"Men don't have platonic friends. Okay. We just have women we haven't fucked YET. As soon as I figure this out, I'm in there. I mean, I got some platonic friends, but they're all by accident. Every platonic friend I got is someone I was trying to fuck, made a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend zone."

"Women are trying to be good, but not too good. Sometimes, women have to ration out the pussy. They want men to think they got a good women, but they don't want them to think they got a freak. They got to ration out the pussy. Okay, I'll fuck him now, but I won't suck his dick for two weeks. All right, I'll suck his dick, but I won't lick his balls till next week. All right, I'll lick his balls, but I won't lick his ass till next year. See men, we got to use all our tricks right away, whatever we got, just give whatever. We can't hold nothing back. We don't know if there will be any return engagements. So we got to... go.. for... it."

"It's hard not to cheat. Women don't want to hear that shit. It's hard not to cheat. You know why it's hard not to cheat? Women like guys who are in a relationship. Guys know what I'm talking about. When you're single, nobody was thinking about your ugly ass. Then your women got a hold of you; cut your hair, washed you down, gave you a lifesaver, wiped all the crust out of your eye. Now everybody wants to fuck ya. When you were single, no one was calling your ass up. Now your phone is ringing off the hook. Crazy, freaky sex talk, like 'Hey, what are you doing? You know, me and my girlfriend are having a dick sucking contest and we thought you would be a good judge."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Open Range (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"You know, folks in Fort Harmon country don't take to free grazers or free grazing. They hate them more than they used to hate the Indians."
"I expect by 'folks', you mean ranchers like yourself."
"There ain't no free-graze cattle gonna take the feed off my cattle on this range."
"Free graze is legal."
"Times change, Mr. Spearman. Most folks change with them. A few holdouts never do."

Review: The highlight of this film is the final shoot-out, one of the best ever. It is a long film, but the only time the pacing dragged was in the budding relationship between Kevin Costner and Annette Bening's characters. The last scene between them before the fight was redundant. Robert Duvall was great as ever and the cinematography was excellent.

"Way I figure it, we can leave the cattle and run, or you and me can go in the dark and stop them before they scatter the herd."
"You reckon them cows are worth getting killed over?"
"The cows are one thing. But one man telling another where he can go in this country's something else."

"You the one killed our friend?"
"That's right?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?"
"Well, tradition mostly."

Review: This film reveals a relatively unknown chapter of the Cold War, how a Congressman used his position to fund a covert operation to drive the Soviets out of Afghanistan. The excellent script by Aaron Sorkin is tight, funny & informative all at the same time. Mike Nichols got great performances out of Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

"Unless I am wrong, and that would be unusual for me, you sit at the intersection of the State Department, the Pentagon and the CIA. You meet in a soundproof room underneath the Capitol, and you preside over a secret and unlimited budget for the three agencies you would need to conduct a covert war. Isn't that right?"
"I also have seats at the Kennedy Center."

"I've been with the company for 24 years. I was posted in Greece for 15. Papandreou wins that election if I didn't help the junta take him prisoner. I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army. I've neutralized champions of Communism. I've spent the past three years learning Finnish! Which should come in handy here in Virginia!! And I'm never, ever, sick at sea. So I want to know why I'm not gonna be your Helsinki Station Chief."
"You're coarse."
"Excuse me?"
"For Helsinki, I need someone with diplomatic skills. You don't have them."
"Is that right?"
"That is right. And I don't know why the hell I didn't fire you when you broke my fucking window."

"How did it go?"
"Well, there were three of them. It was like getting slapped around by a Pakistani vaudeville team. You know you've pretty much hit rock bottom when you've been told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Play It to the Bone (2000)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"This is Joe, fellas. You guys ever take a fight on short notice?"
"How short?"
"Six o'clock tonight. I need two guys. You put on a really good show... You guys never fought each other, right?"
"Well, for money you mean?"

Review: I didn't care for this movie the first time I saw it, but now I love it. Ron Shelton does the same thing for boxing in this film that he did for baseball and golf in "Bull Durham" and "Tin Cup". I like that he casts and writes for attractive, older women. Lolita Davidovich is just as perfect as Susan Sarandon and Rene Russo were in his earlier movies. Woody Harrelson and Antonio Banderas have good chemistry as two over-the-hill fighters with one last chance for a title shot.

"I don't know if I can fight him. You know, I'm afraid I'm gonna freeze up and pull my punches. You know? We're tight. It's like... Uh, the worst thing you wanna feel in the ring is compassion."
"Vince, all you need is the bell."

"Grace, if you have to bet on tonight's fight, uh, who do you think is gonna win? Me or Vince? No bullshit about it."
"He's gonna kick your ass."
"No."
"Too much experience."
"I'm quicker."
"He can take a punch. He'll slip your jab, work your body and he's a great counterpuncher. I'm sorry, Ces. Just circle to the left and you'll be okay."
"Circle to the left."
"Yeah."
"Well... But, uh, who is the better lover? Me or Vince?"
"No contest. You."

"How old are you?"
"Twenty."
"Another five years, you're gonna be sucked out, fucked out, doped out, lookin' for a handout."
"Oh, but what a five years, huh?"

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 4 (2008)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: "Tearjerker" was a fun Bond spoof and "Choosy Wives Choose Smith" was hilarious.

Quotes:
"How can you buddy up to Julie after what you did to her husband?!"
"You're the one who wanted me to share. You said you didn't want to listen anymore. So I found someone who does."
"Really? And did you tell your new best friend your deep, dark secret?"
"Are you kidding? She'd go straight to the CIA! They'd designate me a blabbermouth, kill me, grind me up and mix me into the local baloney supply! Not... Not that the CIA does that... You should keep eating baloney. It's good for you."

"Sorry I gagged you. I was going to gag you with a spoon. You know, sort of an '80s throwback. But then I thought, 'Who's that for? Who am I doing that for?'"

"Kill. [Stamp] Kill. [Stamp] Don't Kill. [Stamp] Hey, I went to to High School with this guy! Kill. [Stamp]"

"I dreamed of coming to Langley Falls, Stan. Because I vowed, 'The West stole my son, so I will steal your son... for Communism!'"
"That'll never happen! Steve's an American boy! He's made of my American juices, baked in his mother's American oven!"

"Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism."

"There's your alien, men! I pooped him out!"
"What? You said I'd get away! You sold me out! I trusted you!"
"I don't know what he's talking about. He'll say anything to save his life. We'd better cut him up immediately."
"No! Kill him instead! He's been harboring me! I've been living in his..."
"...large intestine. It was terrible. I though kidney stones were bad."
"Nice work, Smith. I assume you'll want some days off to nurse your devastated bunghole."

"I'm sorry, that was unprofessional. I've been a bit consumed with one of my other patients. He's a complicated teenaged drug addict who's being molested... by me."

"Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her!"
"My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant!"
"It's just a nose ring."
"It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about."

"Have you ever been beaten naked in a gym shower, Stan? One day, when I was showering after gym class, these mean pretty girls caught me and kept scrubbing me all over with soap. I mean, they didn't miss a spot! And even though we were all wet and naked and slippery, they were still able to get me on all fours, and shove my face to the floor! Can you imagine, Stan?"
"How'd they catch you again?"

"Well, I'd rather be acting crazy than feeling crazy. That's good, Stan. I'm gonna write that down when we land. Oh, already forgot it."

"Have fun, you two!"
"Don't worry, we will! 'Cause we're finally going all the way! Doin' it, doin' it, d-d-doin' it! Should we break for lunch? Nope! Let's keep doin' it, doin' it! Someone's at the door! I don't care! We're doin' it, doin' it! Wanna put on our hikin' boots? Yeah! We'll wear 'em while we're doin' it, doin' it! I like the rhythm, it is my method."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 3 (2007)

DVD: 3 Discs


"He's an unregistered visitor."
"You mean an illegal alien?!"
"What happened to the 'land of the free'? These people have a right to be here."
"People? They're parasites sucking on the rich blood of America... and we need that blood to shed for oil."

Review: Another great season of American Dad. Patrick Stewart is great as Stan's CIA boss.

"What a boob!"
"What was that, Steve?"
"Uh, I, uh... I asked Hayley if I could squeeze her boob."
"I love it when you kids get along."

"Stan, enough. This day isn't about you and your lies. It's about Roger and his lies."

"You may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon, but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones... on the outside. And the inside."

"Come on, people! Give me one original way to assassinate somebody and we can all go home."
"I got it! Okay. First, we hire a midget..."
"I'm listening."

"All right, target identified. Let's bring on the charm."
"Hi, I'm..."
"INTERCOURSE!!"
"Excuse me?"
"Intercourse! I going to have intercourse with you! I'm divorced. It's fine... God, I guess I'm a little rusty. Need to ease into it a bit... FOREPLAY, then intercourse!"

"Steve doesn't know how to be a man. Who's gonna take over when I'm enjoying a glorious Reagan-style slide into dementia?"

"We're so glad to have you, Hayley. I know it's not easy to pose nude."
"Maybe for some people. But I am a proud and evolved woman. And I have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Nice, does anyone have any more areola pink? I only have one tube."

"Hayley, take the hand of your new boyfriend, Dill. Look aroused! Ten percent more aroused. Scale it back two percent. Ah, young love."

"Do you know how many babies a year are born without an anus?"
"That's it. No more WebMD for you."

"Steve, it's a beautiful afternoon. Shouldn't you be outside with your friends turning my toolshed into Mordor... or Endor or... something heartbreaking?"

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 2 (2005-2006)

DVD: 3 Discs


"Why did you cheat?"
"I'm sorry. It's just creative writing is hard. I can't do it."
"Can't? We don't live in Ameri-can't, Steve. We live in Ameri-ca. No, wait. We live in Ameri-can. No, wait. That's not right. We are American. Where... Where was I going with this?"
"Um, I said creative writing is hard."
"Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, perseverance, Steve. It's all about perseverance. And if I Ameri-can't teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will. Well, that sounded good. Had a bumpy start there, but I think I pulled it together."

Review: A hilarious series about a right-wing conservative who works for the CIA and his family which includes an alien. Any episode focusing on Stan and Roger are comedy gold. "Roger 'n' Me, "Lincoln Lover" and "Dungeons and Wagons" are classic episodes.

"When did you stop loving Mommy?"
"What?"
"Cause if you loved me, you wouldn't want me to have ugly hair. But do what makes you happy. I have to go put some ointment on that hideous cesarean scar I have because of you."
"But Hayley was the cesarean."
"Oh, that's right. With you, I just tore from my V to my A. Good night."

"Haley, what the hell is that?"
"My animal rights group rescued him from a product testing lab. These poor creatures are being shampooed up to 10 times a day!"
"Get it the hell out of here!"
"I can't. Everyone's counting on me to give it sanctuary until its hair loses its volume and luster."

"Stan, it's great the C.I.A. gave you that $20,000 bonus for 'Most Evasive Testimony to Congress'. But at this rate, it'll be gone in no time."
"Hey, if I don't buy all this crap, the terrorists win. And don't tell it's not a competition, because it so is."

"You got a best buddy? Can I be your second best buddy?"
"Let's see. How do I hang an air freshener on this? You are a total waste of space. I often dream of killing you... Ah, mountain pine."

"Stan might be an insensitive feelings hurter... but he'd never cheat on you."
"It's not Stan I'm worried about. It's the female 'entertainment' I don't trust. Men throw a little cash at 'em, they do anything. Then sometimes, when you're on the floor with another girl, guys will throw money, then pick it up and throw the same singles out there again. Like I'm an idiot! Like I don't have peripheral vision!"

"God, look at me, I'm hideous."
"Stan, you've been working out for three weeks. You look great."
"Great, as is great big fatso. You know, this is how it starts, Francine. First, you go soft in the belly. Then you go soft in defense. Next thing you know, you're wearing a towel on your head and using your left hand for toilet paper. Well, not in my America."

"We're coming from our gay Republican meeting."
"You're a Republican!"
"Honey, I can explain..."
"Oh, you didn't know? Oh, that's... that's funny. Gay couples lie to each other just like regular couples. Well, bye."
"All these years you been a Republican?"
"Listen, calm down. We'll go inside and..."
"I am not calming down. For God's sake, Republicans are the people who say we can't get married."
"And right now, I want to send them a big thank you basket from the Body Factory."
"Don't tell me you voted for 'He Who Shall Not Be Named'!"
"Look, the war was inevitable, freedom isn't free."
"Are you kidding me!!!!!"

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 1 (2005)

3 Discs


Review: American Dad is the show that Seth MacFarlane created after Family Guy was cancelled the first time. While I didn't care for it at first, it quickly grew on me during this 1st season with the character of Roger the Alien. It is much more story-driven than the joke-filled randomness of Family Guy.

Quotes:
"This is Stan Smith."
"Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son."
"Oh, God, he's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for this for years."

"What makes you think you're going to survive?"
"My species is immune to all human ailments."
"So explain that cold sore."
"Mind your own business!"

"You get back here, Hayley! No? Well, I didn't want to had to use this, but... Rhubarb!"
""Rhubarb?"
"Hmm, that's her trigger word; I had her brainwashed at five. She's supposed to kill Walter Mondale, but I guess it didn't take."

"My mother stole my boyfriend!"
"Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other... Wait a minute, Daddy didn't think that through."

"Stupid gas-guzzler... that I as an American have every right to drive."

"So, what part of Islam do you hail from?"
"Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland."
"Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up."

"Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!"
"Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired, then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex... Where are you...? Francine! Well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!"

"I promise I'll help you find a safe way to socialize with humans."
"That'd be great, Hayley. I feel so cooped up in this place. It's like a prison, except without the thrill of a daily cavity search... Did I say thrill? I meant fear."

"Jeff, that's a corn-dog! We're vegetarian!"
"Still?"

"Oh, God, we're all going to die... and our lives meant nothing, absolutely nothing! I mean... uh, something comforting."

4 out of 5 Stars