Review: "Tearjerker" was a fun Bond spoof and "Choosy Wives Choose Smith" was hilarious.
Quotes:
"How can you buddy up to Julie after what you did to her husband?!"
"You're the one who wanted me to share. You said you didn't want to listen anymore. So I found someone who does."
"Really? And did you tell your new best friend your deep, dark secret?"
"Are you kidding? She'd go straight to the CIA! They'd designate me a blabbermouth, kill me, grind me up and mix me into the local baloney supply! Not... Not that the CIA does that... You should keep eating baloney. It's good for you."
"Sorry I gagged you. I was going to gag you with a spoon. You know, sort of an '80s throwback. But then I thought, 'Who's that for? Who am I doing that for?'"
"Kill. [Stamp] Kill. [Stamp] Don't Kill. [Stamp] Hey, I went to to High School with this guy! Kill. [Stamp]"
"I dreamed of coming to Langley Falls, Stan. Because I vowed, 'The West stole my son, so I will steal your son... for Communism!'"
"That'll never happen! Steve's an American boy! He's made of my American juices, baked in his mother's American oven!"
"Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism."
"There's your alien, men! I pooped him out!"
"What? You said I'd get away! You sold me out! I trusted you!"
"I don't know what he's talking about. He'll say anything to save his life. We'd better cut him up immediately."
"No! Kill him instead! He's been harboring me! I've been living in his..."
"...large intestine. It was terrible. I though kidney stones were bad."
"Nice work, Smith. I assume you'll want some days off to nurse your devastated bunghole."
"I'm sorry, that was unprofessional. I've been a bit consumed with one of my other patients. He's a complicated teenaged drug addict who's being molested... by me."
"Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her!"
"My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant!"
"It's just a nose ring."
"It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about."
"Have you ever been beaten naked in a gym shower, Stan? One day, when I was showering after gym class, these mean pretty girls caught me and kept scrubbing me all over with soap. I mean, they didn't miss a spot! And even though we were all wet and naked and slippery, they were still able to get me on all fours, and shove my face to the floor! Can you imagine, Stan?"
"How'd they catch you again?"
"Well, I'd rather be acting crazy than feeling crazy. That's good, Stan. I'm gonna write that down when we land. Oh, already forgot it."
"Have fun, you two!"
"Don't worry, we will! 'Cause we're finally going all the way! Doin' it, doin' it, d-d-doin' it! Should we break for lunch? Nope! Let's keep doin' it, doin' it! Someone's at the door! I don't care! We're doin' it, doin' it! Wanna put on our hikin' boots? Yeah! We'll wear 'em while we're doin' it, doin' it! I like the rhythm, it is my method."
5 out of 5 Stars
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