Film: The Rock (1996)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is one of Michael Bay's few good movies, probably because it was one of his first films and he was more restrained from his later excess. Bay is famous for his action scenes, well-shot but senseless since he seems to have scripts written around his action set-pieces instead of the other way round. In "The Rock", he has three great actors bringing their 'A' game and a fun, energetic script that isn't overwhelmed by unnecessary action scenes. After Ed Harris' Marine General takes over Alcatraz Island and threatens San Francisco with chemical weapons, the government sends Nicholas Cage, a WMD expert to help disarm them with the only convict who escaped the famous prison, Sean Connery, as a guide.

Quotes:
"I'm one of those fortunate people who like my job, sir. Got my first chemistry set when I was seven, blew my eyebrows off, we never saw the cat again, been into it ever since."

"The men of marine force recon are selected to carry out illegal operations throughout the world. When they don't come home, their families are told fairy tales about what happened to them... and denied compensation. Well, I have choked on these lies my entire career. Well here and now the lies stop!"

"Have you ever been in a combat situation before?"
"Define combat, sir."
"An incursion underwater to re-take an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of U.S. Marines, in possession of eighty-one hostages and fifteen guided rockets loaded with V-X poison gas."
"Oh. In that case, no sir."

"Major Anderson, if you have any concern for the lives of your men, you will order them to safety their weapons and place them on the deck."
"Sir, we know why you're out here. God knows, I agree with you. But like you, I swore to defend this country against all enemies, foreign, sir... and domestic."

"You enjoying this?"
"Well, it's certainly more enjoyable than my average day... reading philosophy, avoiding gang rape in the washrooms... though, it's less of a problem these days. Maybe I'm losing my sex appeal."

"You've been around a lot of corpses. Is that normal?"
"What, the feet thing?"
"Yeah, the feet thing."
"Yeah, it happens."
"Well I'm having a hard time concentrating. Can you do something about it?"
"Like what, kill him again?"

"What is wrong with these people, huh? Mason? Don't you think there's a lot of, uh, a lot of anger flowing around this island? Kind of a pubescent volatility? Don't you think? A lot of angst, a lot of 'I'm sixteen, I'm angry at my father' syndrome? I mean, grow up! We're stuck on an island with a bunch of violence-for-pleasure-seeking psychopathic marines, SHAME-ON-THEM!"

"You know, I like history too, and maybe when this is all over you and I can stop by the souvenir shop together but right now I just... I just wanna find some rockets!"

"I'm not about to kill 80,000 innocent people! Do you think I'm out of my fucking mind? We bluffed, they called it. The mission is over."
"Excuse me, general... but what about the fucking money?"
"There is no fucking money. The mission's over."
"Bullshit, it's over!"
"You're talking to a General, marine! Maintain discipline."
"I'm not a marine, Major. The day we took hostages, we became mercenaries. And mercenaries get paid. I want my FUCKING money!"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: A cute film that follows several teenagers as they travel around Manhattan one night searching for their favorite band's secret concert venue. Nick's is still trying to get over his ex-girlfriend when he meets Norah, his true musical soulmate, but it takes him a while to fight off his depressive funk and realize it.

Quotes:
"Also that mix CD... uh, that I left on your doorstep was the last one that I'll be making for you. More or less..."

"Ohh! It's much better than the uni-boob."
"This isn't going to work, okay. He's hung up on Tris."
"You look gorgeous. And let me tell you something, Nicky is definitely worth the underwire. He just needs a little push, that's all."

"You don't have to yell. It's not a train station. We're in a tiny car."

"Are you off-duty?"
"This isn't a cab."
"Are you off-duty?"
"It's not a cab, my friend, I promise you."

"Okay. I'm just gonna tell you something. I was kidnapped tonight. Seriously. In this van with these guys talking about going balls deep. Sounds like fun, right? Not always. Scary."

"If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy."

"I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them."

"Are you sad that we missed it?"
"We didn't miss it. This IS it. C'mon. You wanna go home?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Terminator (1984)

Blu-Ray


Review: I am a fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Terminator series, but I was never smitten by the first film. While Linda Hamilton grew into the Sarah Connor role for the sequel, I didn't have much empathy for her character in the original so I kinda lost interest in the never-ending chase even though I loved the sci-fi concept behind it. Arnold is great as the imposing killer cyborg, but I preferred his later takes where he could show more of his comedic timing. With this Blu-Ray, I've have now watched the film only for a second time.

Quotes:
"Come with me if you want to live."

"There was a nuclear war. A few years from now, all this, this whole place, everything, it's gone. Just gone. There were survivors. Here, there. Nobody even knew who started it. It was the machines, Sarah."
"I don't understand."
"Defense network computers. New... powerful... hooked into everything, trusted to run it all. They say it got smart, a new order of intelligence. Then it saw all people as a threat, not just the ones on the other side. Decided our fate in a microsecond: extermination."

"The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human... sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him."

"Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead."

"Why were the other two women killed?"
"Most of the records were lost in the war. Skynet knew almost nothing about Connor's mother. Her full name, where she lived. They just knew the city. The Terminator was just being systematic."

"What've we got? Moth balls, corn syrup, ammonia. What's for dinner?"
"Plastique."
"That sounds good. What is it?"
"Nitroglycerine-base; it's a bit more stable. I learned to make it when I was a kid."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Other Guys (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: A very funny movie centered around less heroic 3rd String detectives who stumble onto a massive financial fraud case. This is Mark Wahlberg's first comedy, but he successfully builds off the comedic aspects of the foul-mouthed police sergeant he played in "The Departed" and he interacts well with Will Ferrell's forensic accounting detective who loves doing the desk-work other cops despise. Directed by the Adam McKay of "Anchorman", the film is filled with improvisations and quotable lines.

Quotes:
"What is this?"
"It's my car, it's a Prius."
"I feel like we're literally driving around in a vagina."

"If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend."
"OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'."

"You know what, I'm going to hang onto the wooden gun."
"To give me back my real gun?"
"No. I'm going to give you this... It's a rape whistle. You blow that if you're in any trouble, and someone with an actual gun will come and help you out."

"Your farts aren't manly."
"Are you serious?"
"They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles."

"At age 11, I audited my parents. Believe me, there were some discrepancies, and I was grounded."

"I think the best way to tell the story is by starting at the end, briefly, then going back to the beginning, and then periodically returning to the end, maybe giving different characters' perspectives throughout. Just to give it a bit of dynamism, otherwise it's just sort of a linear story."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit in High Frame Rate (HFR 3D)

While I think "The Hobbit" was a great movie and I enjoyed it more than the Lord of the Rings movies on a first viewing, this is not a regular review of the movie's creative content but more about my thoughts on the new High Frame Rate (HFR) technology that it introduced. I have now seen the movie twice, once at the Standard Frame Rate in 3D so I could watch the movie without being distracted by the new format and then again to experience the HFR 3D. I think I made the right choice.

Since the introduction of sound, film has been shot at 24 frames per second, while HFR has doubled that to 48 fps. As long as the frame rate is over 14 fps, the human eye can not see the individual frames. The higher the number, the smoother the motion becomes with less visible motion blur. Like flipping a picture book at a faster and faster rate.

My first impression is that HFR 3D is much better than the motion-smoothing settings on HDTVs which I hate and turn off. Since the HDTV setting adds extra frames to movies/TV shows that were originally shot at 24 fps, the extra clarity can expose flaws in the makeup, costumes and sets that the director didn't expect the audience to see. But since "The Hobbit" was originally planned for 48 fps, Peter Jackson was able to make sure the level of detail on the makeup, costumes and sets was high enough that the added clarity did not expose these seams. (I still noticed Gandalf's contact lens in one close up though. Ha!)

While Jackson solved that first basic problem of higher frame rates, it created another that I am not so sure I will get used to. The biggest change is that the motion is so smooth and clear, that it feels like you are watching the most expensive, lavish theatrical production ever instead of a movie. If you love a theater experience, you may find this to be amazing but to me it made this epic fantasy film set in Middle-Earth seem like I following along with a talented, well-costumed group of LARPers (Live Action Role Players) running around New Zealand. Instead of being swept up in the movie, I felt like I was the cameraman, actually riding along the dolly track or on the crane near the actors. (This effect lessens the farther the camera moves away from the actors, restoring the filmic look in mid-to-far shots.)

The upside of this clarity is that while actual humans and sets looked too real in HFR, the computer-generated-graphics (CGI) felt just right since the motion blur at the standard frame rate causes problems for CGI characters placed in a real environment. For example, while the sled chase in "The Hobbit" looked cartoonish at 24 fps, it looked like the wizard, Radagast, and his rabbits were actually running across the real landscape and dodging rocks at 48 fps. Matte paintings in the background looked faker though at 48 fps, but that might be from the 3D effect instead of HFR. In one shot, it looked like Bilbo and the dwarves in the foreground were looking at an obvious painting of Rivendale in the background.

For the future, I can see HFR working great for documentaries, nature films, and pure CGI movies like Pixar's, but I don't know if it is the right tool for fictional story-telling where I am trying to suspend my belief with a little movie magic. James Cameron mentioned that he wanted to film his "Avatar" sequels even higher at 60 fps and I can see it looking amazing in that 90% CGI environment.

Film: Frailty (2001)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: This isn't a jump-scare horror, but the more effective kind that makes the viewer wonder how they would deal with a horrible situation. This is Bill Paxton's first film as a director and he also plays the father who claims he has seen a vision from God and tells his two young sons that they were given a mission to destroy demons living among them. The film is told from the perspective of the older skeptical son trying to cope with his dad's religious fervor.

Quotes:
"What is that, Dad?"
"That's a demon, son."

"You didn't think anyone knew about that, did you? But God saw you! And you can't escape God's wrath!"

"Don't cry for her son, she wasn't human."

"He was my father. I loved him even if he had gone crazy."

"Ain't that Travis kid the boy whose been givin' you trouble at school?"
"Yep. He's a demon."
"You can't make things like that up, son. Killing people is wrong, destroying demons is good. Don't worry, God will send you your own list when you're older."

"I hated Dad's God, and I would have run away if it weren't for my brother. I just couldn't leave him there."

"Come in and close the door. Are you afraid?"
"Of what?"
"You."
"Only demons should fear me. You're not a demon are you? The angle said you were. I can't believe that. I won't. You're my son, and I love you more than my own life. You know what's funny about all this Fenton? I'm afraid of you."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Unstoppable (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: Tony Scott is the perfect director for this type of movie. It is a simple thriller about a runaway freight train that takes advantage of his skills in filming propulsive action as it ramps up the tension all the way to the end. The film cuts back and forth between the railway control center struggling to deal with the issue and two employees on another freight train heading toward it on the mainline.

Quotes:
"How the hell did this happen?"
"It just got away from me."
"It got away from you? It's a train, Dewey, not a chipmunk!"

"So, red means..."
"777 blew through a signal. Everything in red means trouble on the mainline."
"That's a lot of red!"

"I only got one rule. One rule only: you're gonna do something, you do it right. You don't know how to do it, you ask me, all right? Likewise, if you need anything from me, you'd better speak up. 'Cause, uh, you're the conductor. Once we get our freight, it's your train. I'm just the guy driving it."

"Tell Galvin we got two guys out on the mainline about to play chicken with our train."

"Married?"
"Yeah. Well, sort of. It's a long story."
"We got a long day."
"How about you, you married?"
"Short story. Once."

"There's a good chance the derailer won't work."
"It's called a derailer, for Christ's sake! That's what they do!"
"A train that size going that fast, it will vaporize anything that gets in its way."

"Maybe you didn't hear what I just said, Colson. I will fire you!"
"Well, that's too bad. I was just starting to like this job."

"Hey, don't get sentimental on me. Makes me think I'm gonna die."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Matador (2005)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is not an action film like the title and poster suggest, but a talky dramatic comedy about an assassin suffering from a mid-life crisis. Without any friends from his solitary lifestyle on the road, he latches onto a equally-troubled businessman staying in his hotel in Mexico City. While Pierce Brosnan was a decent James Bond, it is his anti-hero roles like in this film and in "The Tailor of Panama" where he really shines.

Quotes:
"I'm as serious as an erection problem."

"Margaritas always taste better in Mexico.
"They certainly do."
"Margaritas and cock... Sorry about the cock thing, it's kind of a conversation stopper."

"A Vietnamese girl I once knew had her legs so locked together I couldn't get a whiff of her spring roll. Two drinks, half a quaalude later, I was at an all you can eat buffet. Every lock can be broken. It's just a matter of will and whether it's worth it."

"I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five."
"Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?"
"Sounds delightful to me."

"An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball."
"Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor."
"Huh? Yeah, I can't do that."

"Just consider me the best cocktail party story you ever met."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Dark City (1998)

Blu-Ray


Review: An atmospheric sci-fi thriller that lives up to the film's title, Dark City. A man wakes up in a hotel room with a dead girl and no memory before he escapes to wander the city while avoiding the police and a group of pale men with strange powers. As he struggles with his own confused identity, he discovers more about a city that seemingly has no exit and shape-shifts at the stroke of midnight.

Quotes:
"Excuse me. How do I get to the end of the line?"
"You want the Express."
"Hey, how come that train didn't stop?"
"That's the Express."

"When was the last time you remember doing something during the day?"
"What do you mean?"
"I just mean during the day. Daylight. When was the last time you remember seeing it? And I'm not talking about some distant, half-forgotten childhood memory, I mean like yesterday. Last week. Can you come up with a single memory? You can't, can you? You know something, I don't think the sun even... exists... in this place. 'Cause I've been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here."

"There is no ocean, John. There is nothing beyond the city. The only place home exists... is in your head."

"I know this is gonna sound crazy, but what if we never knew each other before now... and everything you remember, and everything that I'm supposed to remember, never really happened, someone just wants us to think it did?"
"But how can that be true? I so vividly remember meeting you. I remember falling in love with you. I remember losing you."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - Volume 6 (2007-2008)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: A collection of 5th and 6th season episodes with the 100th episode where Stewie finally kills Lois.

Quotes:
"What the hell are we doing here? What is this place?"
"Welcome to your first toddler pageant, Stewie. This is what you do in Texas."
"Ah, yes... lovely. A first-class ticket to a semen-covered death in the basement."

"Coming up, a local claims to have spotted Big Foot. We've got the exclusive interview here."
"I was about to bone my girlfriend, but suddenly she yelled. I looked up and it was Big Foot?"
"So what did you do after that?"
"I went back to bone her, but the mosquitoes went crazy and she said there was no way."

"Buttscratcha! Buttscratcha! Get your Buttscratcha here!"
"Buttscratcha!"
"Buttscratcha?"
"Buttscratcha!"

"Something just poked me!"
"It's okay, It's okay. It's just my penis."

"Who ate all the Pecan Sandies?"

"Hey... Chris... have you ever seen the movie 'Cruel Intentions?'"
"No."
"Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar make out... it's pretty hot. 47 minutes, 16 seconds in."
"No way!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you know what another good movie is, 'Career Opportunities' with Jennifer Connelly. I mean, that's one of those movies where... she's... really hot in it... but it's also a good movie."
"She was in 'A Beautiful Mind' and I gotta say the direction was excellent but I was very disappointed that she... uh... wore clothes the entire film."
"Was she hot in it?"
"Yeah, in the way that like classy women with expensive clothing, who never take them off are hot. Ya' know?"
"No."

"Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your... Ha, Ha, Ha! ...book!"
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
"Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on!"
"Welcome home, asshole!"

"I think it's gay."
"Oh yeah? Well, if I'm gay then Freddie Mercury was gay."
"Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay!"
"He was not. He had a mustache. That's practically like having a wedding band."

"Brian, pick up. Over."
"What?"
"Brian, please say 'Over' when you finish talking. Over."
"What? Over."
"Do you see the wire yet? Over."
"No."
"No... What? Over."
"No... Over."
"Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over."
"Wait, if you haven't started feeding it, why did you asked me if I can see it?"
"Didn't copy that. Over."
"I said, why you asked me if I can see it if you haven't started feeding it... Over."
"Oh, that's better, I can hear you now. Over. You see it yet? Over."
"You know? You're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over."
"When this is what, Brian? Over."
"I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over."
"When this is what? You have to finish your sentence. Over."
"That's it! My sentence is over."
"Your sentence is what, Brian? Over."
"My sentence is... Wait a minute, I have to say 'Over' even if the sentence ends with the word 'Over'?"
"Ends with the word what, Brian? Over."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Contender (2000)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: A political thriller with great acting from the whole cast. Joan Allen plays a female senator picked by the President to replace the VP who died in the middle of his second term. Opposing her appointment, the House Committee Chairman uncovers a salacious college incident from the senator's past and attempts to use it against her to sink her confirmation. A tiny bit of preachiness is the only thing that keeps the film from 5 Stars.

Quotes:
"Who doesn't want a shortcut to greatness?"

"So, how are Will and the boy?"
"Let's forego the small talk today, Shelly, I'm not in the mood."
"Let the big talk begin."

"It seems to me that all you can claim about me... claim, is that I had sex."
"Deviant sex."
"Oh, deviant? Who says it was deviant?"
"I do. What I say, the American people will believe. And do you know why? Because I will have a very big microphone in front of me."

"The people of this nation can stomach quite a bit. But the one thing they can't stomach is the image of a vice president with a mouthful of cock."

"Principles only mean something when you stick to them when its inconvenient."

"I should have come down here and pointed my finger your way... pointed my finger YOUR way, and asked, 'Have you no decency, sir?'"

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Four Levels of Interaction on Facebook

Four Levels of Interaction on Facebook

1.) First Level - While you may be Facebook Friends with your closest friends and family, you communicate infrequently with this inner circle on Facebook. Except for sharing photos or funny links, most of your normal interaction takes place in person, on the phone, or by text instead.

2.) Second Level - In my experience, this second group is the one that Facebook serves the most. They are the close friends and family who would be in your inner circle if only they lived closer or they are second-tier friends that you normally only see a few times a year. (This group also contains former classmates, co-workers, etc.)

3.) Third Level - This third group consists of acquaintances you would probably never have met again in your life if it wasn't for Facebook. You friended them after hanging out once at a fun party or spent time with them on a vacation or business trip. You like or comment on their posts every once in awhile and they have the possibility of moving up to the second level after a while depending on the quality of interaction.

4.) Forth Level - This level contains the "Friend of a Friend" category. You have never met them, but they show up on your Newsfeed occasionally when they tag your mutual friend in a post or photo. This group also contains the people you didn't have the heart to reject their friend request. You rarely comment on any of their posts or have set them on Ignore.

(These levels exclude celebrities or people who frequently friend request total strangers.)

Film: Shrek Forever After (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: Surprisingly for a third sequel, this may be the funniest Shrek film after the original. Weighed down by the pressures of family life, Shrek signs a contract with Rumpelstiltskin for a bit of escapism, one day of freedom from his responsibilities to enjoy his true Ogre nature. But like most contracts, there is a hidden catch and Shrek must fight to restore his family and the kingdom.

Quotes:
"Help! I'm being assnapped!"

"Okay, I know you don't remember me but we're married, and at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks and this boy kept saying 'Do the roar! Do the roar!' Then I punched the cake that the pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole."

"Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe."
"Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?"
"I do?"
"You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy."
"I'm a daddy?"

"Puss, what happened to you? You got so fa... fancy!"
"Hey! I may have let myself go a little since my retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life. I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase... Eh. I'll get him later."

"You know what would pick up the morale in here? Flip-flop Fridays. You can feel the breeze in your toes."

"You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep."
"You did."
"No. It was you who rescued me."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Drive (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: I have never understood the fuss about Ryan Gosling. But after watching this, I think I have a man-crush on him. This is a superb film about a stunt man/mechanic who moonlights as the best getaway driver in LA. Loved the cinematography and soundtrack. I want that jacket!

Quotes:
"What do you do?"
"I drive."
"Like a limo driver"?
"No, like, for movies."
"Oh. You mean all the car chases and stuff?"
"Yeah."
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"It's only part-time. Mostly I work at a garage."

"Kid, I want you to meet Mr. Bernie Rose!"
"Nice to meet you."
"My hands are a little dirty."
"So are mine."

"You're Shannon's buddy right? We met last year. You drove me and my brother back from Palm Springs. We hired another wheelman. I spent six months in jail. My brother, he got himself killed. I got this sweet job coming up."
"How 'bout this. You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you."

"If I drive for you, you get your money. You tell me where we start, where we're going, where we're going afterwards. I give you five minutes when we get there. Anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours. No matter what. Anything a minute on either side of that and you're on your own. I don't sit in while you're running it down. I don't carry a gun. I drive."
"You look like you're hard to work with."

"Here's what I'm prepared to offer. You give me the money, the girl is safe. Forever. Nobody knows about her. She's off the map. I can't offer you the same. So, this is what I would suggest. We conclude our deal. We'll shake hands. You start the rest of your life. Any dreams you have, or plans, or hopes for your future... I think you're going to have to put that on hold. For the rest of your life you're going to be looking over your shoulder. I'm just telling you this because I want you to know the truth. But the girl is safe."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Shrek the Third (2007)

Blu-Ray


Review: Prince Charming returns as the central antagonist, rallying all the fairy tale villains to help take over Far, Far Away while Shrek is away on a mission to find an heir to the throne so he can go home to his swamp. Pinocchio and the Ginger Bread Man are the standouts, stealing every scene they are in of this funnier sequel.

Quotes:
"Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower, where my princess awaits rescue by the handsome Prince Charming!"

"Fiona, try to be reasonable. Have you seen a baby lately? All they do is eat and poop, and then they cry, and they cry when they poop, and poop when they cry. Now imagine an OGRE baby. They extra cry, and they extra poop."

"You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Shrek?"
"Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not."
"You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?"
"It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect."
"So you do know where he is!"
"On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably..."
"Stop it!"
"...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't."

"Listen, Artie. Eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or whatever, but what I am screamin' is, yo, check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! I mean if it doesn't groove or what I'm sayin' ain't straight trippin' just say, 'Oh, no you di'n't! You know, you're gettin' on my last nerve.' And then I'll know it's... then I'll - I'll know it's wack!"
"Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!"

"Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
"But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool."
"As I recall, it was Team Awesome."
"I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron."
"Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Shrek 2 (2004)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is my least favorite of the four Shrek films. I think it is because it has the weakest villain and Shrek is depressed for most of the film which is a bit of a downer. Puss in Boots is a great addition but he is better in the later films.

Quotes:
"Pray for mercy from Puss... in Boots."

"I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been filled."

"Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."

"I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?
"Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels."
"Hmmm... he sounds dreamy."

"Donkey, you're a..."
"A stallion, baby! I can whinny... I can count... Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting!"

"What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!"
"Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity."

"Yep, that's catnip..."
"Um... that's... not mine..."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Legend of Billie Jean (1985)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: A very 80's movie that I wouldn't think is very good except for my crush on Helen Slater. She plays Billie Jean who goes on the run with her brother after he accidentally shoots the father of the bully who trashed his scooter. The film's plot gets confused and illogical as it tries to compare her to Joan of Arc as the media exploits her image and she becomes famous.

Quotes:
"Hey, get your hand off that!"
"What, your sister? Or your fagmobile?"

"Billie Jean, you're a very pretty girl. This Hubie was probably trying to get your attention. I have a feeling he'll bring your brother's motor scooter back."
"Hubie, won't bring it back."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's a fucker. That's how I know."
"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. Here's my card. If that Honda's not back on your front lawn in two days, you give me a call..."
"We live in Breeze Haven..."
"All right, in front of your trailer, then... give me a call, we'll... drag in the fucker."

"Is that a boy or a girl?"
"Girl, Joan of Arc. She dressed up as a man and led the French in fighting the English. She heard voices, 'stop being a peasant', 'France needs you', 'the truth needs you'. And she won, she beat the English, but then..."
"Then what?"
"The French, burnt her, alive!"

"Can I have your autograph? Please..."
"You know, my dad says you're gonna end up dead."

"They all say they're Billie Jean."
"Call their parents, send them home."

2 out of 5 Stars

Film: 25th Hour (2002)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: One of Spike Lee's best films about a convicted drug dealer's last day of freedom before going to prison for 7 years. Interspersed with flashbacks showing how he got to this point, Edward Norton's character spends the day reflecting on his fate and his relationships with his girlfriend who may have ratted him out, his faithless friends and his drunk father.

Quotes:
"Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends."

"What do we say to him?"
"We say nothin'. The guy's going to hell for seven years. what are you going to do, wish him luck?"

"Fuck ME? Fuck YOU, Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it."
"Fuck Jacob Elinsky. Whining malcontent."
"Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass."
"Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch."
"Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, and cheering the Bronx Bombers."
"Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park Slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place."
"No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it, and you threw it away, you DUMB FUCK!"

"One minute ago, you were my friend. Are you drunk? Tell me you've been drinking too much. You're fucking drunk."
"I'm Irish. I can't get drunk, all right? I know exactly what I'm saying."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Funny Farm (1988)

Blu-Ray


Review: Not as funny as "The Money Pit", but it has the same concept of a couple moving into a dream home that ends up wrecking havoc on their relationship. Chevy Chase plays a sports columnist who moves out to the country to write his novel, but struggles with never-ending problems with the rural environment and the success of his wife's new found writing skills.

Quotes:
"You slept on the floor huh? We slept outside with the bugs and the wild animals. A bridge nearly killed us. Nobody knows where the hell Redbud is. And we haven't eaten since yesterday morning. So stay the hell out of our way and keep your mouth SHUT!"

"Remember, Mrs. Farmer. Whenever you buy a house, whatever's in the ground belongs to you - whether it's gold or oil... or Claude Musselman."

"Call me Mr. Lamb Fries!"

"I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! YOU know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it!"
"I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in."

"We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Into the Wild (2007)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is a film about a young man who abandons society after he graduates from college, giving away all his money, leaving his car in the middle of nowhere to wander the country searching for enlightenment. As he makes his way to his ultimate goal of Alaska, the story follows each major encounter where he makes an impression on others or vice-versa. What is great about this film is that even though I would never want to live this lifestyle, Sean Penn did a great job as the director to make me appreciate it. It's a gorgeous road-trip movie from the perspective of a penniless hitchhiker.

Quotes:
"You're an industrious little fucker, aren't cha?"

"If I wanted to paddle down the river, where's the best place to launch out of?"
"To launch out of? Next available is May 17, 2003."
"12 years? Twelve years... to paddle down a river?"

"That poor girl's about ready to vault herself onto a fence post."

"Alaska. I'm gonna be all the way out there, all the way fucking out there. Just on my own. You know, no fucking watch, no map, no axe, no nothing. No nothing. Just be out there. Just be out there in it. You know, big mountains, rivers, sky, game. Just be out there in it, you know? In the wild."
"In the wild."
"Just wild!"
"Yeah. What are you doing when we're there? Now you're in the wild, what are we doing?"
"You're just living, man. You're just there, in that moment, in that special place and time. Maybe when I get back, I can write a book about my travels."

"Mr. Franz, I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one."

"I'm going to miss you when you go."
"I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things."
"Yeah. I am going to take stock of that. You know I am... I want to tell you something. From bits and pieces of what you have told me about your family, your mother and your dad... And I know you have problems with the church too... But there is some kind of bigger thing that we can all appreciate and it sounds to me you don't mind calling it God. But when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines through you."
"Holy shit!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Charlotte's Web (2006)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: I loved this book as a kid, reading it so many times that I practically knew it by heart. Normally that is a bad sign for the movie, but what is amazing about this live action adaption is how well it captures the story. I don't know what came over me, but it touched me so much that I found myself crying throughout the movie, even during the happy parts.

When I first heard about this movie, I was afraid they might have Dakota Fanning overwhelm the main focus between Wilbur and Charlotte, but she played the perfect supporting role.

Quotes:
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing, now go back to bed."
"You're not going to kill it, are you?"
"It's a runt."

"So you eat flies?"
"No... no, no. I drink their blood."

"Look at her! Don't you think she's a little... uh... what's the word? EW!"
"I think she's beautiful."

"I mean it was clear as day. T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C. I mean, can you believe a spider wrote that? I didn't learn how to spell that word until I was in the 10th grade!"

"Templeton, haven't you ever heard that good things come to those who wait?"
"No. Good things come to those who find it and shove it in their mouth!"

"No, my webs were no miracle, Wilbur. I was only describing what I saw. The miracle is you."

"Goodbye... my sweet, sweet Wilbur."
"Goodbye, Charlotte. I love you."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Get Smart (2008)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


Review: A light fun movie that plays to Steve Carell's comedic strengths and Anne Hathaway brings the competence and sex appeal of Agent 99. I always enjoyed the 60's show and this movie did a good job bringing it to the silver screen. There is a strong supporting cast so there is never a dull moment.

Quotes:
"Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner."
"Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads."

"If you don't follow the rules here, then what are we?"
"I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap!"

"Inside there's a pill, if captured it will cause death in nine seconds."
"Great, but how exactly do I get them to take it? ... Not much of a laugher, are you?"

"Am I wearing boxers? For future reference, I usually prefer briefs for their security and peace of mind. Going free-bird is not exactly ideal. I don't like it."

"Are you staring at my butt?"
"No, no, I... I was, but I'm not... I'm staring again."

"Did you see anything while I was dancing?"
"Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you so high."

"How do I know you're not Control?"
"If I were Control, you'd already be dead."
"If you were Control, you'd already be dead."
"Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control."
"That actually makes sense."

"Well, you did your job, so I suppose I can't kill your wife. Although be honest, I'd be doing the sighted world a favor."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I don't know. If you're thinking, 'Holy shit! Holy shit! A swordfish almost went through my head!' If so, then yes."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: This is a fun film about a lovable loser who saves his mall from a gang of thieves. This came out right around the same time as Seth Rogan's "Observe and Report" but it is much lighter and has less replay value than that brilliant black comedy about a more arrogant mall cop with delusions of grandeur.

Quotes:
"If you remember one thing from today, it's this: the mind is the only weapon that doesn't need a holster."

"What are you trained to do?"
"Nothing..."

"No one wins with a headbutt."

"Thank you sir, but I think I'm going to stick with what I do best. That's protecting the people of the West Orange Pavilion Mall."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - Volume 5 (2006-2007)

DVD: 3 Discs (No episodes on 3rd Disc)


Review: Lots of classic moments in this collection.

Quotes:
"Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!"
"WHAT!"
"Hi."

"Peter, my God, you look terrible. What happened?"
"I was raped."
"What?"
"Doctor Hartman violated me. He took my innocence."
"W-What?"
"Peter, that's a prostate exam. It's an important part of a physical for men your age."
"You sound just like him!"

"I am gonna sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm gonna be real anal about this... Sphincter."

"We now return to Showgirls..."
"Yeah!"
"...on TBS."
"Aww."

"Brian, spit on me... Yes, now tell me I'm scum."
"How's that going to help cool you off?"
"Huh?"

"Life's confusing when we grow up, isn't it, Brian? Hey, can we listen to my mix tape?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
"Brian had sex...
With a really dumb girl...
Now he's taking his friend Stewie...
To get some ice cream...
In his car..."

"I'll be more convincing than Mel Gibson when he apologized to the Jews."
"I'm really, really sorry about your big noses. I'm really sorry about how greedy you are. But most of all I'm really sorry about you dirty, underhanded, backstabbing ways. Your number one dirty Jew fan, Mel Gibson."

"Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know what, why don't guys just do that?"
"They do. It's called being gay.
"Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that."

"You ever just let your balls hang out, B-Ri? You ever do that, B-roni? Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was Bri?"

"There is no Peter, there is only Zuul!"

"Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid, squiggly line that lies in the parenthesis of my eye, when I look at you, you squirm away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Only when I ignore you, you return. Its okay, squiggly line, you are forgiven."

"Hey, pass over some of that Cool wHip."
"What?"
"Well, you put Cool wHip on pie."
"It's Cool Whip."
"That's what I said, Cool wHip."
"Cool Whip."
"Cool wHip."
"Cool Whip."
"Cool wHip."
"Why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?"
"What are you talking about? I'm just saying Cool wHip."
"Say whip."
"Whip."
"Now say Cool Whip."
"Cool wHip."
"Cool Whip!"
"Cool wHip."
"Cool Whip!"
"Cool wHip."

"Why are you naked in my house?"
"Uh... why aren't you?"
"You're all right, Griffin."

"Come on, discipline me! Make me wear panties, rub dirt in my eye, violate me with a wine bottle... My God, I really do have problems, don't I?"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Idiocracy (2006)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: An extremely funny cautionary tale about our consumerist culture and the future of human evolution. Luke Wilson is perfect as the befuddled Average Joe who is frozen and wakes up in the future to find himself to be the smartest man left alive on the planet.

Quotes:
"Why me? Every time Metsler says, 'Lead, follow, or get out of the way,' I get out of the way."
"Yeah, when he says that, you're not supposed to choose 'get out of the way.' It's supposed to embarrass you into leading - or at least following."
"That doesn't embarrass me."

"The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes that genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections."

"Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them."

"Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno, powered by Jormi Technology."
"Next... Uh, this goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt."
"Hurry up, Asshole! Come on!"
[Beeping]
"Shit. Hang on a second. This one... No, uh... this one goes in your mouth."

"Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES! Carl's Jr... Fuck You, I'm Eating."

"Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING."
"Break it down, Camacho!"
"Number 1: We've got this guy, 'Not Sure'. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than ANY MAN ALIVE. And Number 3: He's going to fix EVERYTHING."

"It started off boring and slow with 'Not Sure' trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, 'Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that.' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation."

"Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool. Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. And there was time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose... ass... it... was... and why... it was... farting And I believe that time can come again!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Three Amigos (1986)

Blu-Ray


Review: A classic funny film with lines that are quotable forever.

Quotes:
"We don't have beer. Just tequila."
"What's tequila?"
"Uh, it's like beer."

"Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there! Tell us we will die like dogs."
"What?"
"Tell us we will die like dogs."
"You WILL die like dogs."
"No! We will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are... The Three Amigos!"

"I like these guys! They are funny guys! Just kill one of them."

"Wait a second. Let me see that! Come on, come on, come on. Oh great! Real Bullets! I'll keep this. You're in a lot of trouble mister!"

"It's real."
"What?"
"Uh, this is real."
"You mean..."
"Yes, they're going to kill us."

"Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you."
"So when do you think Carmen will 'open up her flower' to you?"
"Tonight, or I will kill her!"

"Carmen, tonight you are to be El Guapo's woman. I am going to give you some hints about lovemaking with El Guapo."
"I would rather die first!"
"Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?"
"No..."
"Good! Neither does El Guapo."

"I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises."
"Many pinatas?"
"Oh yes, many!"
"Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"
"A what?"
"A plethora.
"Oh yes, you have a plethora."
"Jefe, what is a plethora?"
"Why, El Guapo?"
"Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has NO IDEA what it means to have a plethora."
"Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?"

"Carlos! We fought together the priests of this mission."
"YEAH!!!"
"Pedro, we CRUSHED the Federales on the plains of Oaxaca!"
"YEAH!!!"
"And you..."
"Jose!"
"JOSE!!!!"
"Together, we..."
"Burned the village!"
"Burned the village! And, uh..."
"Raped the horses!"
"YEAH!!!"
"And we..."
"Rode off on the women!"
"Rode off on the women!"
"Yeah!!!"
"And uh..."
"We plundered!"
"YEAH!!!"
"Plundered! And uh..."
"Pruned!"
"...pruned the, uh..."
"The hedges."
"...hedges..."
"of many small villages!"
"Of many small villages... WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!!!"

"In a way, all of us has an 'El Guapo' to face someday. For some, shyness might be their 'El Guapo'. For others, a lack of education might be their 'El Guapo'. For us, 'El Guapo' is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santo Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo who also happens to be the actual El Guapo."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: While not as magical as The Royal Tenenbaums, Wes Anderson's next film grows on repeat viewings. Bill Murray is on fine form as Steve Zissou, a broke oceanographer/documentarian who is trying to finance his next voyage to track down the elusive Jaguar shark that killed his best friend, Esteban. Beside the eclectic crew of his research vessel, Zissou is joined on his quest by a man who thinks he is his son and a pregnant reporter.

Quotes:
"That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?"
"Revenge."

"Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music."

"You must swear, legally swear, that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists."
"I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live."

"Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor."
"All right, just make sure we steal the backup."

"Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?"
"Yeah, we're taking the shortcut."
"But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection."
"I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?"

"I'm going to have to start locking my effing door."
"It was locked, I kicked it in. Why don't you just curse like other people?"
"Because I'm trying to get out of the habit before I have my fucking baby!"

"Stevesy, what's going on? Are those hijackers?"
"Well, out here we call them 'pirates', Ned."

"You know I'm not big on apologizing. So I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you."
"Okay."
"Anyway, I'm sorry."

"We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay."

"I think it's criminal that Steve allowed this to happen, by which I mean illegal. We're being led on an illegal suicide mission by a selfish maniac."
"I hear what you're saying, but I think you misjudge the guy."

"We're in the middle of a lightning-strike rescue-op, Klaus. What's the deal?"
"I'm sick of being on 'B' Squad."
"You might be on 'B' Squad, But you're the 'B' Squad leader."

"Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?"

"Are we, are we safe in here?"
"I doubt it."

"I wanted to give you a heads-up on what I thought of the piece..."
"You read it. What did you think?"
"Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane."
"It's the effing cover."
"Thatta girl."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars