TV: American Dad! - Volume 7 (2010-2011)

3 Discs


Review: Another great season, a couple of my favorite episodes this season are "There Will Be Bad Blood" and "Stanny Boy and Frantastic".

Quotes:
"Stan?"
"Did I... Did I turn back time?"
"No. You fainted and bashed your head on the counter."
"I'm... I'm pretty sure I turned back time. You must be Francine's grandmother! One day, your granddaughter will make me a moderately happy man."

"What is this?"
"Your dream restaurant. Roger's Laotian Adventure."
"What about my scale model?"
"Stan, it took quite a bit of doing... but I managed to wipe my butt with it."

"After we ran out of money, Jeff suggested that we prostitute ourselves. At first, Jeff was saying he was only going to do women, but then... that wasn't working out. So, long short story, Jeff's on butt rest, and we moved to the desert."

"That bathroom is amazing. A gold toilet? And I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt."
"Um, I don't..."
"Oh, explains the attitude and why he did such a a slapdash job."

"Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it."

"Hey, Stanny Boy! Frantastic! Get up here, the view is amazing!"
"Did you hear that? They gave us nicknames! The only nickname I ever got was in eighth grade. They called me 'Stan Frank' because I was always hiding and writing in my diary."

"Oh my God, another fey, pansexual, alcoholic non-human! I've been replaced!"

"Sorry things didn't work out with your new roommate, Roger."
"I tell you, it's a cruel, cruel world out here. Did you know I saw a man beat down another man today for a sandwich? A sandwich, Francine... This sandwich. I wish I could just come home."
"So come home. We want you there."
"Stan doesn't. As far as he's concerned, the only reason I was living there was the life debt he owed me. And now it's repayed."
"Forget about the life debt. Stan's too proud to admit he misses you, but I know he does."

"Here's a condom. Don't use it. Do what I do. Pretend to put it on, then hide it in your poop cannon."

"Snot, you're Jewish; you'll be in charge of the money. Steve, you'll be in charge of watching Snot because I don't trust Jews. Come on, let's go play some blackjack!"
"Now? But we have geometry class."
"I'll write you a note."

"OK, so Megan Fox and Seth Rogen come out of a room containing only one chair. Do you sniff the chair?"

"I don't wanna die from Gorilla sex!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: While it doesn't reach the heights of III, mainly because it lacks a villain of Philip Seymour Hoffman's caliber, Ghost Protocol is a great entry in the series. The prison escape and Kremlin infiltration are fun sequences and Tom Cruise tops himself with the stunt climbing outside of the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa.

Quotes:
"Mind telling me what you were doing in a Russian prison?"
"Mind telling me why you broke me out?"
"This wasn't a rescue mission?"
"Let me put it this way. If the secretary wanted me out of there, it must be pretty bad out here."

"Why would that work?"
"Why would what work?"
"The flare on the body, why would that work?"
"It did work."
"Yeah, I know, but... but why? I mean, how did you know that would draw their fire?"
"I didn't. I played a hunch."
"Okay. All right, so what was your scenario? There's a guy being shot at in the water. All of a sudden, decides to light up a flare and swim around? I mean, what did you assume they'd be thinking?"
"Thinking?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't assume they were thinking. I assumed they were shooting at anything that moved. I just gave them a target. Look, these guys aren't Rhodes Scholars, you know?"

"The Secretary is dead. The President has invoked Ghost Protocol. We're shut down. No satellite, safe house, support, or extraction. The four of us and the contents of this car are all that remains of the IMF."

"There's no way we can get to it from the inside."
"If we can't get to the server, we don't control the elevators, we don't control the security cameras. This operation is over before it begins."
"I'm telling you, we can get to it from the outside."
"We?"
"I'm... I'm on the computer."
"What floor is it on?"
"130."
"130? Vent ducts?"
"Pressure sensitive... Not enough time."
"Elevator shaft?"
"Infrared sensors... Not enough time."
"How am I supposed to do this?"

"22 minutes to door knock."
"The countdown is not helping."
"I'm just saying."

"OK, yeah, but you, um, just breezed over something I think is really important. The computer array part, where I just... jump?"
"And I catch you."
"Yeah."
"I don't... Why is that so hard to grasp?"
"Well, yeah, why? It's a 25 foot drop. And we're using magnets."
"Yeah."

"That's it. Next time, I get to seduce the rich guy."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Blu Ray


Review: Compared to my enjoyment of the first film, I had the opposite reaction after the second Hobbit film. Instead of just adding new material to the original story, the film's writers started to make major changes to the original plot that spoiled things for me. I could live with small things like making the barrel escape more action-oriented, but plot changes like Thorin abandoning his sick nephew, his heir, at Laketown were too much. Adding Evangeline Lilly's elf character of Tauriel was a good idea in theory but they botched it by putting her into a weird love triangle with Legolas and Fili the Dwarf.

The second most important event in Tolkien's book is Bilbo's encounters with Smaug. While they did a great job with Bilbo's riddle game against Gollum, I thought they dropped the ball with the second. Instead of the perfect dialogue-heavy test of wills from the book, they had an ineffectual dragon pursuing the visible Bilbo all over the treasure hoard. Most importantly, changing the story so that everybody in Laketown already knows about the missing scale on Smaug's belly instead of Bilbo discovering it ruined his critical contribution to the demise of the dragon. After another viewing, I still don't see the writer's reasoning behind the dwarves attempt to kill the dragon at the end of the film. The whole point of them bringing Bilbo along as a burglar was that they could not possibly confront a powerful dragon themselves. I preferred the tension-filled chapter of the book where the dwarves are searching the treasure hall while expecting the missing dragon to return at any moment.

Quotes:
"You've changed, Bilbo Baggins. You're not the same Hobbit as the one who left the Shire."
"I was going to tell you. I found something in the Goblin tunnels."
"Found what? What did you find?"
"...my courage."
"Good... You'll need it."

"Who is this? Your brother?"
"That is my wife!"
"And who is this horrid creature? A goblin mutant?"
"That is my wee lad, Gimli!"

"Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers."
"Or nothing."

"Was that an earthquake?"
"That, my lad, was a dragon."

"I did not come to steal from you, O Smaug the Unassailable Wealthy. I merely wanted to gaze upon your magnificence, to see if you were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them."
"And do you, NOW?"
"Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of your enormity, O Smaug the Stupendous..."
"Do you think flattery will keep you alive?"
"No, no..."
"No, indeed!"

"You seem familiar with my name, but I don't remember smelling your kind before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?"
"I come from under the hill..."
"Underhill?"
"...and under the hill and over the hills my paths lead. And through the air! I am he who walks unseen!"
"Impressive. What else do you claim to be?"
"Luck-Wearer... Ring-Winner..."
"Lovely titles..."
"Barrel-Rider!"
"Barrels! Now that is interesting!"

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 6 (2009-2010)

3 Discs


Review: This season has two of my favorite episodes, "Rapture's Delight" and "Merlot Down Dirty Shame".

Quotes:
"So, how'd the big night turn out?"
"It was... there's no word to describe it. Schmooblydong? That's not it, but it's close. Let... Let me try and put it in terms you can understand. Imagine being high at a Rusted Root concert while two dudes take you on in a sun-baked porta-john."
"Wow! That actually does sound really good."
"Yeah. I'd like that too."

"Apologize to Roger."
"Apologize? For what? For giving him power over an island full of half-naked Hispanic men? That's his dream...the the premise of three of his screenplays."

"When da Vinci first conceived of it, he called it an aerial screw."
"That seems a bit lewd."
"Well, da Vinci was a well known sexual deviant. You know that sketch of the naked man in the wheel? Blueprints for a rape machine."

"Wow, uncensored nudity! This game must be from Japan!"
"Unlikely. Those are women, not underage schoolgirls."

"Oh, my God! Stan!"
"Oh, he's doing his Heath Ledger impression. Too soon, Roger. Too soon."

"Who are you?"
"Roger's conscience."
"Oh, my God. You're dying of neglect."
"Kill me."

"Its not easy to regain someone's trust. It takes a long time, like building a house or pleasing a fat woman."

"When I turned 14, I took fiduciary responsibility for my mothers 401k. We discussed over Italian food. I had my first espresso, it kept me up all night. I fell asleep at dawn for five minutes and had a stress dream about the house burning down. Pretty good birthday."

"Stan, remember the first rule of every wedding is that the bride is beautiful. The second rule you can find on my website. You have be eighteen to log on. I have some sexy barnyard stuff on there that is not for everyone... I could get into a lot of trouble. If you do decide to check it out you need clear your history right away. You may have to uninstall your browser. I'm telling you, scrub that thing clean. If you think you're being too cautious, you're not. They will take us both to jail."

"Why is anger the only emotion you can express?"
"Because people make me mad all the time for being stupid about everything! Now pass me the fucking sweet potatoes!
"Spoiler alert, the sweet potatoes SUCK! How'd you get the sweet out of the potatoes, Frannie?"

"Oh, my God! The homeless guy from the bus station is HUNG... But I knew that."

"What's going on?"
"I'll tell you what's happening. It's the end of the world! AND WE'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND!!
"It's the Rapture. Turns out there really IS a God."

"Oh, I love your religion ... for the crazy! Virgin birth. Water into wine. It's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music. I hope I haven't missed the part where the three Chinese guys give perfume to the star baby. It’s like the diaries of a mad man!"

"Authorities confirm the total number of Raptured at 142 million. You may notice that my partner Greg isn't here, that's because he was Raptured. Apparently, God does love gays but only if they're Tops. Take it in the behind, you get left behind."

"Kneel before the Lord... punk."

"Stan, you have the undeserved ego of Jeremy Piven, the annoying self-righteousness of Sean Penn, and the unbearable hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh. What I'm trying to say is, you're almost as bad a person as Rachael Ray."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Margin Call (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: I just started watching this as a way to help distract myself before going on a first date with the woman who became my wife but it turned out to be a superb film about the beginning of the 2008 Great Recession. Zachary Quinto plays an analyst at a large Wall Street firm who discovers that his company is on the edge of financial disaster. Watching how this discovery travels up the chain of command and how the senior management end up dealing with it is fascinating. The film is well-written and tense throughout with a great cast.

Quotes:
"I run risk management... it just doesn't seem like a natural place to start cutting."

"This could be huge. The losses would be greater than the current value of the company."

"Peter, is this your work?"
"Mostly Mr. Dale's."
"But is this your draft?"
"Yes. Again, expanded on the original work by Mr. Dale. But, yes."
"What's your background?"
"My background?"
"Your CV."
"I've been with the firm for two and a half years, working with Eric that whole time. But I hold a doctorate in engineering, specialty in propulsion, from MIT with a bachelor's from Penn."
"What is a specialty in propulsion, exactly?"
"My thesis was a study in the ways that friction ratios affect steering outcomes in aeronautical use under reduced gravity loads."
"So you're a rocket scientist?"

"Maybe you could tell me what is going on. And please, speak as you might to a young child. Or a golden retriever. It wasn't brains that brought me here; I assure you that."

"So, what you're telling me, is that the music is about to stop, and we're going to be left holding the biggest bag of odorous excrement ever assembled in the history of capitalism."
"Sir, I not sure that I would put it that way, but let me clarify using your analogy. What this model shows is the music, so to speak, just slowing. If the music were to stop, as you put it, then this model wouldn't even be close to that scenario. It would be considerably worse."
"Let me tell you something, Mr. Sullivan. Do you care to know why I'm in this chair with you all? I mean, why I earn the big bucks."
"Yes."
"I'm here for one reason and one reason alone. I'm here to guess what the music might do a week, a month, a year from now. That's it. Nothing more. And standing here tonight, I'm afraid that I don't hear... a... thing. Just... silence."

"You know, the funny thing is, tomorrow if all of this goes tits up they're gonna crucify us for being too reckless but if we're wrong, and everything gets back on track? Well then, the same people are gonna laugh till they piss their pants cause we're gonna all look like the biggest pussies God ever let through the door."

"So you think we might have put a few people out of business today. That its all for naught. You've been doing that everyday for almost forty years, Sam. And if this is all for naught then so is everything out there. Its just money; its made up. Pieces of paper with pictures on it so we don't have to kill each other just to get something to eat. It's not wrong. And it's certainly no different today than its ever been. 1637, 1797, 1819, 37, 57, 84, 1901, 07, 29, 1937, 1974, 1987 (Jesus, didn't that fuck up me up good) 92, 97, 2000 and whatever we want to call this. It's all just the same thing over and over. We can't help ourselves. And you and I can't control it, or stop it, or even slow it. Or even ever-so-slightly alter it. We just react. And we make a lot money if we get it right. And we get left by the side of the side of the road if we get it wrong. And there have always been and there always will be the same percentage of winners and losers. Happy foxes and sad sacks. Fat cats and starving dogs in this world. Yeah, there may be more of us today than there's ever been. But the percentages-they stay exactly the same."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Blu Ray


Review: Of all the movies directed by Peter Jackson in Middle Earth, this is the only one where I wasn't disappointed right after the first viewing. With the previous Lord of the Rings films, I had to see them twice to appreciate the movies without comparing them to the novels. Instead of having to remove plot points to squeeze the books into the three LOTR films, Peter Jackson had to add a lot of new details to fill out the shorter Hobbit story. For the most part, I thought they did a good job of keeping the new material within the spirit of the book.

Some people thought the Unexpected Party section in Bag End was overlong, but I enjoyed every moment of it as they introduced all the main characters. I thought they did a clever job of incorporating the orc leader, Azog, from the appendices into the film as Thorin's main opponent. Bilbo's speech to Thorin after being reunited outside the Misty Mountains was very touching. The film ended on a good note with the company staring across Mirkwood to the Lonely Mountain in the distance.

Favorite Scene: Bilbo's encounter with Gollum at the Underground Lake. This was the most important scene from the book in the first movie and they did a wonderful job.

Quotes:
"Good morning."
"What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?"
"All of them at once, I suppose."

"It's just the usual. Summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."
"Funeral arrangements? Oh, up to but not exceeding one-fourteenth total profit, if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?"
"Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye."

"You will have to do without pocket handkerchiefs, and a great many other things, before we reach our journey's end, Bilbo Baggins. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you. The world is ahead."

"Is he lost?"
"Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost... as soon as possible!"
"Oh! We knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses! Safe paths in the dark... SHUT UP!"
"I didn't say anything..."
"Wasn't talking to you!"

"Why don't we have a game of riddles and if I win, you show me the way out of here?"
"And if he loses? What then? Well, if he loses, Precious, then we eats it! If Baggins loses, we eats it whole!"
"Fair enough."

"I want to know. Why did you come back?"
"Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right... I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. That's why I came back... 'cause you don't have one... a home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back, if I can."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: American Dad! - Volume 5 (2008-2009)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: Another great season!

Quotes:
"I don't negotiate with terrorists."
"Oh really? Have you ever bought a mattress?"
"Okay, you got me."

"Are these...balloons full of heroin?"
"Those are NOT for you!"

"Do you have any men's wigs?"
"Well, I got a David Spade / Ellen DeGeneres, I dunno if it's clean."

"I feel... not buzzed, but... well-rested, like I had a cup of coffee at 6:30 AM. I feel good!"

"Scotty?"
"That's my new nickname for you... your favorite Star Trek character."
"What he does isn't glamorous, but he keeps the Enterprise running."

"Oh, look, it's Tyler... all grown up like a big shot. You turned out cute. Real cute! Damn it! I'm... I'm laughing now 'cuz I'm nervous. Oh boy, these khakis are not getting any looser."

"An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!"

"Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while."

"I'm only behind bars because I was framed for robbing a jewelry store."
"He's innocent, Dad. And he's going to prove it at his trial next week."
"If I live that long. That's an old accomplice of mine. Ten years ago, I left him holding the bag. And now, he wants revenge."
"So, your wicked ways have caught up with you."
"Yes, And now, those wicked ways are gonna grab from behind, shove me to the floor, and break in my rump like a brand new baseball glove."

"Now I can make a woman quiver just by looking at her the right way."
"Which way? First boobs, then face, then butt?"

"Hayley, we worked all day and we finally figured everything out."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'm good cop, and Roger's bad cop. I make the wisecracks, but Roger can be sarcastic, as long as it's not too shticky."
"I get to have the troubled past, but Steve always gets the girl."
"Unless she's the bad guy, in which case Roger gets her... so she can betray him, leading to a gunfight on the roof of a opera house."
"Or a theater."
"Yeah, or a theater."
"What the hell are you talking about? Where's my iPod Shuffle?"

"Trapeze school? Well, zany outfits, circus food, one of us could really get hurt. Could be fun. You see, Haley, that's how you make the 'Maybe' pile."
"Shouldn't we do something more meaningful?"
"Like what, Hayley?"

"We both clearly like Back to the Future."
"What's that?"
"Back to the Future! The classic time-traveling comedy?"
"Never heard of it. You know I hate time-based comedies. Mannequin 2 being the obvious exception."
"Then why are you building a DeLorean?"
"Because I always admired John DeLorean. The man had a magnificent chin and a dream... to build a car company from the ground up."

"I was passed over for the Chavez assassination... again!"

"Dear Human who discovers this wreck, please disregard it. We crashed this ship into your planet to test new safety features because we care about our customers. The alien inside is merely a crash test dummy who most likely died within impact."
"Crash test dummy? But they told me..."
"HA HA, the decider, that is classic. I am loving this!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Blu-Ray


Review: A fun, glossy film about a LA cop going undercover within the illegal street racing community to discover who has been hijacking trucks out on the highways. Combined with well-shot drag racing and car stunts, it has a simple but effective script that maintains an entertaining cat-and-mouse relationship between Paul Walker and Vin Diesel's characters.

Quotes:
"It's not how you stand by your car, it's how you race your car."

"I don't have any cash, but I do have the pink slip to my car."
"Wait, you just can't climb in the ring with Ali 'cause you think you box!"
"He knows I can box! So check it out, it's like this: If I lose, winner takes my car, clean and clear. But if I win, I take the cash, and I take the respect."
"Respect?"
"To some people, that's more important."

"I thought if I got in your good graces you might let me keep my car."
"You are in my good graces, but you ain't keepin' your car."

"He's got no call bein' up there, you don't know that fool for shit!"
"Vince there was a time when I didn't know you."
"That was in the third grade!"

"You know, I was thinking we should go out sometime."
"Oh, that's sweet, but I usually don't date my brother's friends."
"Well, that sucks. I guess I'll have to kick his ass then."
"I'd love to see that. Actually, I'd pay to see that."

"Letty grew up just down the street. She was into cars since she was like ten years old. Dom always had her attention. Then she turned sixteen..."
"And she had Dom's attention."
"Yeah, it's funny how that works out."

"I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free."

"I used to drag here back in high school. That railroad crossing up there is exactly a quarter-mile away from here. On green, I'm going for it."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: John Adams (2008)

3 Discs: Anamorphic


Review: A realistic take on the founding of the United States from the perspective of the second president, John Adams. Starting with the Boston Massacre where Adams defended the British Soldiers in court to his death on the 50th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, this mini-series reveals the founding fathers as real men instead of heroic icons, their groundbreaking accomplishments mixed with their faults. An amazing cast!

Quotes:
"You do not need to quote great men to show you are one."

"The time for negotiation is past. The actions of the British army at Lexington and Concord speak plainly enough. If we wish to regain our natural-born rights as Englishmen then we must fight for them."

"My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction."

"Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people..."
"As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall."
"In Philadelphia we negotiated independence."
"Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!"

"The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!"

"Paris is unique."
"Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women."
"Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it."
"Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams."

"The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity."

"There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France."
"Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own."
"An honest man will never have any other."

"Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors."

"My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived."

"I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise."
"Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary."

"Mr. President."
"Thank you, sir. Thank you."
"I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest."

"My thoughts are so clear to me... each one takes perfect shape within my mind. But when I speak, when I offer them to others, they seem to lose all definition."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Undeclared - The Complete Series (2001)

DVD: 4 Discs


Review: After the failure of Freaks and Geeks, this one-season show was the second TV series for Judd Apatow. Centering around the life of a college freshman and his dorm-mates, I liked this comedy much better than his first.

Quotes:
"Um, excuse me. We're like having a party tonight. Do you like want to come?"
"Oh, I'm a senior."
"Oh, that's cool."
"No sweetie, that means I'm not coming to your party."
"Wow! That sucked."

"From now on, we have total freedom. And now is the time in our lives when we are supposed to be experiencing everything."
"Exactly. Exactly. Like I can stay up to 11 now."
"And I can pierce anything I want."
"Yeah and, um, I can watch as much TV as I want to, you know, and eat candy all day."
"You know what we should do?"
"What?"
"We should have sex."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. For fun."
"Yeah, for fun. Right. Okay."
"Do you have a condom?"
"I have eight condoms."

"There's a scrunchie on the door."
"And I'm not in there... Wow!"

"I like the girl."
"Steven, women are crazy. You don't want to enter into a situation that makes them even crazier. Now, pardon me, but look at your mother. She seemed completely sane at the beginning. Now the girl you like, she's already starting at halfway nuts."
"Thanks Dad."
"We're ya going? Where ya... Okay, ignore the voice of experience."

"Aren't there any men on this campus?"
"What about Lloyd?"
"No, I don't like guys like that."
"Super hot English guys?"
"Pretty boys. They are so boring. I want to meet someone with personality. Depth."
"Oh, you mean an ugly guy?"
"Shut up, you're so shallow."
"What?! I had sex with Steven."
"Yeah, that's true."

"How did you get so smart?"
"Uh, I uh, I read, I read like 8 or 9 books a week."
"Wow!"
"I also do a lot of speed. All the time."

"What do you think?"
"Is that as big as your, uh, your boobs get?"
"Oh! I have a shirt for that!"

"The guys who make this magazine are geniuses. It's like they made it just for me, you know? Hey Ron, what do you want to read about this week? Another article about Alyssa Milano's jugs? Perfect! That's what we'll make. You know, right there."

"She's going to call my mother! My parents are crazy! They're psychiatrists and they will put me on anti-depressants. I'll lose my highs and my lows and I'll have to live in the middle."

"He's afraid of commitment, that's cool."
"How about this? I'm exploring my options."
"Lizzie... Your right hand... Those are your options."

"What were some things that mom always wanted you to do but you never did?"
"I don't know... learn to read minds!"

"Theo, I am sorry I blew you off tonight."
"That's okay. I had a really awesome time tonight. I danced with a really hot girl and I almost touched her butt twice and she didn't even get mad."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: House, M.D. - Season 1 (2004-2005)

DVD: 6 Discs - Anamorphic


Review: Normally I never watch medical shows, but this one happened to catch my attention one night flipping through the channels and it addicted me. I enjoy the Sherlock Holmes theme as Dr. House and his team attempt to diagnose a new medical mystery each episode. Because of Hugh Laurie's talented betrayal of House, I don't even mind the repetitive nature of the show.

Quotes:
"I thought everybody lies?"
"Truth begins in lies."

"Am I ever going to meet Dr. House?"
"Maybe at the theater or the grocery store."
"Is he a good man?"
"He's a good... doctor."

"I just want to die with a little dignity."
"There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it! I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass... it's always ugly - ALWAYS! You can live with dignity; you can't die with it!"

"We should look into the girlfriend's theory... She thinks she rode him to death."
"What'd you tell her?"
"Well, I told her twenty-two year old men don't die of sex!"

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago."

"How can you treat someone without meeting them?"
"It's simple if you don't give a crap about him."

"This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some Penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some Azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding Vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger."

"But if we stop everything, he'll get worse."
"True. Then we'll add our medications back one at a time. If he gets better then we'll have our answer."
"And if he doesn't get better?"
"Then we're in trouble. Not as much as he is. I suppose that's your point."

"You learn anything?"
"Yeah... I'm an addict."

"Oh! This is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?"
"I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed, though, so I'm wide open."
"I was wrong! This is the musing-out-loud part. Do I actually need to be here?"

"You guys don't think it's weird House knew the patient needed a heart transplant before we did any heart tests?"
"That's House. He knows things."
"But usually he's putting it in our face, telling us how cleverly he figured it out. This time, nothing. Just 'I had a hunch'."

"Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect."
"And the reason you want respect?"
"To... get laid."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Enemy of the State (1998)

Blu-Ray


Review: If not for Gene Hackman, I think this film would not rate as highly for me. Will Smith does a decent job as the average citizen caught up in a government cover-up, but the film really improves when Hackman makes his appearance at the halfway point. With all the recent revelations of government tracking of telephone calls and internet usage, the theme of this film only grows more timely. It is also interesting to recognize a lot of the actors playing the faceless NSA technicians this time around.

Quotes:
"We believe Mr. Zavitz may have passed sensitive materials to you."
"What sort of materials?"
"Sensitive, sir."

"Jones, Krug, what, are you guys from Communications?"
"No, we're Ops."
"You can tell by their haircuts."

"Tell us abut Rachael Banks."
"I'll tell you what. Rachael, was my girlfriend in my second year of law school, we still remain in close contact, and we swap information from time to time."
"Did you have an affair with her 4 years ago?"
"Ever beat off in the shower, Brian? Ever had any homosexual thoughts?"
"Bob, that's..."
"None of my fuckin' business. You're damn right it's not. I love my wife and I love my son, absolutely with no equivocations, and that's none of your fuckin' business either."

"You're transmitting. Get rid of your watch."
"My wife gave me this watch."
"Then keep it."

"If you live another day I will be very impressed."

"Planning a quick getaway?"
"Ever since I met you."

"Can you get a feature scan and pattern matching on him?"
"No, he's smart, he never looks up."
"Why does he have to look up?"
"The satellite is 155 miles above the Earth. It can only look straight down."
"That's a bit limited, isn't it?"
"Well, maybe you should design a better one."

"Fort Meade has 18 acres of mainframe computers underground. You're talking to your wife on the phone and you use the word 'bomb', 'president', 'Allah', any of a hundred keywords, the computer recognizes it, automatically records it, red-flags it for analysis. That was 20 years ago."

"What the hell is happening?"
"I blew up the building."
"Why?"
"Because you made a phone call."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - Volume 8 (2009)

DVD: 3 Discs


Review: Favorites are "Stew-Roids" and "We Love You Conrad."

Quotes:
"In order to do this, I must become Superman IV: The Quest for Peace."
"So that's why this movie is called that."

"Picard has it all over Kirk. He's poised and measured. And doesn't wear a cheap rug. Rather, he excepts even baldness with a quiet cool that says, "I am in command. You are safe with me. I will cradle you in my arms through any crisis in any galaxy."
"Are you queer?"
"Probably."

"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you?"
"Ah, hailing frequencies open huh? Ah, yeah we're gonna get, uh, two McChicken sandwiches and a Diet coke and... what do you want Michael?"
"A McDLT?"
"No, I already told you they don't make those anymore."
"You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask."
"No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore."

"Dear Lord, please give me the cheat codes from 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out'. I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I tried Left-Left-Up-B-Dodge-Uppercut, but it still knocks me out. And, you know, they say you're supposed to go Right-B-Up-Dodge-Left-Uppercu... Listen to me, telling you how to play a game."

"I look like a guy who's been hitting the gym!"
"It has nothing to do with the gym, you're on drugs!"
"It doesn't matter how you find the pot of gold, B to the Rian. All that matters is that you beat the leprechauns."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't have to make sense when you look like this!"

"I got veins. They carry blood all over my baddy. That's how John Mayer would say it. Baddy. I'm really into him right now. You'd better be okay with it!"

"Ah... it's another pleasant day for me, Peter the Strawberry. Hey, Mr. Worm. I welcome your arrival because we're all part of the same garden. Wait... whadda ya... uh... uh... hey... hey... hey, get outta here! Hey, hey! Aaah! Aaaaahhh! Aaaahhhh! Aaaahhhh! Aaaaahhh!"
"He was my neighbour and he violated me. Now I'll never end up in a fancy pie."

"You fondled me in my sleep?"
"Yep."
"I'm not sure I'm okay with that."
"Well, it's done."

"Oh, God, let's go, quick! Here comes an overweight cat with dollar signs for eyes and a hat that says 'Social Security' pouring a bucket that says 'Alternative Minimum Tax' over a sad Statue of Liberty holding a 'Democracy' umbrella!"
"Yes! Ho Ho, that oughta wake people up!"
"Shut the fuck up."

"Look at all these short, hairy men. I feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor."
"Didn't you - didn't you make that joke the other day?"
"Oh...yeah. No, I just wasn't sure if everybody had... um... had heard."

"Well, careful Brian. Sometimes the things you love can disappoint you. Like that Playboy issue."
"Ah, here we go. Playboy's Women of the Olympics. Wow, those are some broad shoulders. Okay, I guess small boobs are good for swimming. That...that...those are balls."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Knight and Day (2010)

DVD: Anamorphic


Review: This movie reminds me a lot of the film, Hudson Hawk, where the comedic tone allows for cartoonish action sequences that don't have to remain within the bounds of the believable to be fun and effective. Cameron Diaz plays a unsuspecting traveler who gets involved with a rogue spy who is on the run from the CIA after stealing a new top-secret invention. Tom Cruise's character is a comedic version of his Mission Impossible secret agent, talented but unhinged. Sections of the film that uses the hazy POV of a drugged character as a story device are unique and fun.

Quotes:
"Someday. That's a dangerous word. It's really just a code for never."

"The pilots are dead?"
"Shot."
"Shot... By who?"
"Uh, me. Actually, I shot the first pilot... he shot the second pilot accidentally. It's just... one of those things."

"They'll tell you a story about me. About how I'm mentally unstable, paranoid. How I'm violent and dangerous and it will all sound very convincing."
"I'm already convinced."
"There are a few common DIP keywords to listen for. Reassuring words. Words like Stabilize, Secure, Safe. If they say these words, particularly with repetition, it means they are going to kill you."

"I've been trained to dismantle a bomb in the pitch black with nothing but a safety pin and a Junior Mint, I think I can get you in and out of some clothes without... looking. I'm not saying that's what I did."

"I think I feel like having sex... I think we would have really great sex."
"Did they give you something!?"
"Uh-huh."
"You should hydrate."

4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Film: The Rocketeer (1991)

Blu-Ray


Review: A fun superhero film about a pilot who finds a rocket-pack stolen from Howard Hughes' factory during the build up to World War II. While learning to fly it, Clifford finds himself trying to avoid the Feds, the Mafia and a famous actor who all want it for themselves. Timothy Dalton plays Neville Sinclair, the suave Errol Flynn look-alike, who attempts to seduce Cliff's struggling actress girlfriend in attempt to get his hands on this ingenious invention.

Quotes:
"Keep her straight, keep her level. It's your first time up, so don't do anything interesting."
"Who, me?"
"And remember, she stalls out at about a hundred. So keep the air speed up. Otherwise, you're gonna be drifting around all over the sky. And if the ailerons start to shimmy..."
"Peevy, I have flown a plane or two in my life."
"Not like this one, you haven't. This one's... This one's a handful. You sneeze in this thing and you're gonna end up upside-down in a bean field. You treat her nice, Clifford. She's gonna take us all the way to the nationals."

"I will remind you boys that I don't work for the government. I cooperate at my discretion. Two of my best pilots were killed during the test phase. God knows how many more men would have died if it had flown. No, gentlemen, I'm sorry I ever dreamed the damn thing up."
"Sir, I'd wish you'd reconsider. What do we tell the President?"
"Tell him the dream is over. Tell him Howard Hughes said so."

"Peevy, you'd pay to see a man fly, wouldn't you?"
"Ha! You've gotta be outta your mind!"
"Look, I'm talking about making some real money here, Peevy. Not just ten bucks a show, but enough to get us back on our feet and into the nationals."
"Are your eyes painted on, Clifford? This thing's like strapping nitroglycerin to your back. Did you see what this thing did back there?"
"Well, you're always telling me what a genius you are, Peev! Fix it!"
"We're gonna need one hell of a lawyer."
"I think we're gonna need a helmet."

"How do I look?"
"Like a hood ornament."

"Give me one good reason why I should believe any of this."
"Because if anything ever happened to you, I'd go out of my mind. I swear I would."
"Oh."

"I've finally played a scene with Neville Sinclair."

"My God. Neville Sinclair is a..."
"A what? Spy? Saboteur? A Fascist? All of the above."

"Talk fast, Sinclair."
"C'mon, Eddie. I'm paying you well. Does it really matter who I work for?"
"It matters to me. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American. And I don't work for no two-bit Nazi. Let her go."

"I've been meaning to ask you. What was it like, strapping that thing to your back and flying like a bat out of hell?"
"It's the closest I'll ever get to heaven, Mr. Hughes. Well... maybe not."
"See you around, Rocketeer."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Midnight in Paris (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: Probably my favorite Woody Allen movie now. It just sweeps you up so you share in Gil's enchantment with the city of Paris as he travels back and forth in time between the present and the 1920s. Gil is a successful Hollywood screenwriter visiting the city with his fiancee while struggling with a decision to abandon his profession and stay in Paris to finish his novel.

Quotes:
"Can you picture how drop dead gorgeous this city is in the rain? Imagine this town in the '20s. Paris in the '20s, in the rain. The artists and writers!"
"Why does every city have to be in the rain? What's wonderful about getting wet?"

"He's a pseudo-intellectual. Just a little bit."
"Ah, Gil, I hardly think he'd be lecturing at the Sorbonne if he's a pseudo-intellectual."

"Ah, now here's a superb Picasso. If I'm not mistaken, he painted this marvelous portrait of his French mistress, Medeline Brissou, in the 20's."
"Oh, Paul, I'm going to have to differ with you on this one."
"Really?"
"Gil, Gil, just pay attention. You might learn something."
"Okay, well, if I'm not mistaken, this was a failed attempt to capture a young French girl named Adriana, from Bordeaux, if my art history serves me, who came to Paris to study costume design for the theater. And I'm pretty sure she had an affair with Modigliani, then Braque, which is how Pablo met her. Picasso. Of course, what you don't get from this portrait is the subtlety in her beauty. She was just a knockout."
"What have you been smoking?"
"I'd hardly call this picture marvelous. It's more of a petit bourgeois statement on how Pablo sees her... saw her. He's distracted by the fact that she was an absolute volcano in the sack."

"I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion."
"I hate it."
"You haven't even read it yet."
"If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer."

"500 francs for a Matisse? Yeah I think that sounds fair! You know, I wonder if actually I can pick up 6 or 7?"

"You'll never write well if you fear dying. Do you?"
"Yeah, I do. I'd say probably, might be my greatest fear actually."
"It's something all men before you have done, all men will do."
"I know, I know."
"Have you ever made love to a truly great woman?"
"Actually, my fiancée is pretty sexy."
"And when you make love to her, do you feel true and beautiful passion? And do you for at least that moment, lose your fear of death?"
"No, that doesn't happen."

"Hemingway did have one plot suggestion. He doesn't quite believe that the protagonist doesn't see that his fiancée is having an affair right before his eyes."

"These people don't have any antibiotics!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Adriana, if you stay here though, and this becomes your present then pretty soon you'll start imagining another time was really your... You know, was really the golden time. Yeah, that's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life's a little unsatisfying."
"That's the problem with writers. You are so full of words."

5 out of 5 stars

Film: The Substitute (1996)

DVD: Full Screen and Non-Anamorphic Widescreen


Review: Of all the films in the broken inner city school genre, this is my favorite. Tom Berenger plays a ex-special forces soldier who poses as a substitute teacher after his teacher friend is hurt because she stood up to the leader of the school's most dangerous gang. This is more of an action revenge film as he confronts the school's drug dealers than an inspirational tale of a teacher trying to improve the lives of his students through unconventional learning methods.

Quotes:
"What were his exact words?"
"That if I didn't back off, I'd wish I did."
"That's terrible! But technically speaking, it doesn't constitute a direct threat."
"You mean he didn't say he was going to stab me with a kitchen knife at 4:15pm?"

"My name is Mr. Smith. I will be Miss Hetzko's substitute for the next few days."

"Hand over the ice pick?"
"What ice pick? I ain't got no ice pick."
"This is my class, Rodriguez. I know everything and I don't allow any weapons in here."
"This ain't your class, bitch. I'll carry what I want. You better take that Superman shit somewhere else. Ahh!"
"It's impolite to stick your finger in somebody's chest. Would you like it if I did that to you? All right, hand over the ice pick... please. Thank you."
"Motherfucker, you broke my hand!"
"I just bent it a little. I don't break them on the first offense... I am in charge of this class. I'm the warrior chief. I'm the merciless god of anything that stirs in my universe. You FUCK with me and you will suffer my wrath! Estiendes ustedes? Estoy claro?"

"You're late, Juan. That'll be one demerit."
"One demerit? What do I do, write 'I'm sorry' ten times on the blackboard?"
"No, you're going to write it one hundred times. Let's go... Life is a chess game, Juan. This is a crucial move. I want you to think it over."
"You're the one who should have thought it through, motherfucker."
"Oh, believe me, I have, Juan. I have."

"Why should you care?"
"I didn't, at first."
"Oh, but you do now?"
"The other day I was talking and just happened to glance back and the weirdest thing happened..."
"What?"
"They were listening. I don't know. I guess I felt like, you know..."
"Like you were actually teaching."
"Yeah."
"Oh, I remember that feeling."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is my favorite of the Narnia books and I think they did a great job with the movie. Edmund and Lucy return to the magical world with their annoying cousin, Eustace, through a painting of a Narnian ship where they meet King Caspian as he sails across the sea to locate the seven exiled Lords of Telmar. I can see why they added a subplot about an evil mist emanating from the Dark Island to add an overarching enemy to the story since in the book they just sailed from island to island in the Dawn Treader encountering individual threats. I wish this film had the same higher budget as the first two films since the CGI in this one is a little weaker at times.

Quotes:
"Squirt? He barely has two years on me. I'm a king. I've fought wars and I've led armies."
"Not in this world."

"What's so fascinating about that picture, anyway? It's hideous."
"You won't see it from the other side of the door."
"Edmund, it looks like the water is actually moving."

"That giant rat thing just tried to claw my face off!"
"I was merely trying to expel the water from your lungs, sir."
"It talked! Did you see? Did anyone just hear that? It talked!"
"He always talks."
"Actually, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

"Since you left us, the Giants of the North surrendered unconditionally. Then we defeated the Calormen armies at the Great Desert. There is peace across all of Narnia."
"Peace?"
"In just three years."
"Hang on, if there are no wars to fight and no one is in trouble, then why are we here?"
"It's a good question. I've been asking myself the same thing."

"I'm not your subject."
"You've been waiting for this, haven't you? To challenge me? You doubt my leadership?"
"You doubt yourself."
"You're a child."
"And you're a spineless sap! I'm tired of playing second fiddle. First it was Peter and now it's you! You know I'm braver than both of you. Why do you get Peter's sword? I deserve a kingdom of my own. I deserve to rule."

"What was that? Is it a volcano?"
"Oh, no. That's no volcano. All hands on deck there. Archers, arm yourselves."

"Trouble sleeping? Now, now. All is not lost as it seems. I'll stay up with you if you wish... Keep you company. I'll wager you didn't even believe in dragons this morning. I could tell you one or two of my adventures if you like, to pass the time. Believe it or not, you're not the first dragon I've encountered. Many years ago, too many than I care to mention, I was with a band of pirates. I met another dragon, much fiercer than you..."

"So, what was it like... when Aslan changed you back?"
"No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it myself. Then he came towards me. It sort of hurt, but... it was a good pain. You know, like when you pull a thorn from your foot. Being a dragon wasn't all bad. I mean, I think I was a better dragon than I was a boy, really. I'm so sorry for being such a sop."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Police Squad! - The Complete Series (1982)

DVD: 1 Disc


Review: The hilarious slapstick TV show that the Naked Gun movies were based, but it was cancelled after 6 episodes.

Quotes:
"Cigarette?"
"Yes, I know."

"My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad, a special division of the police force. I've just come from the stock yards. We've gotten reports of hundreds of cows had been senselessly slaughtered in the area, but I couldn't find any evidence. I stopped off for a hamburger and checked in with headquarters. There had been an apparent suicide. I went right to the scene. My boss was already there."

"Oh, poor Ralph. Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years?"
"No, I can't say that I do. I... did... live with a guy once, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos. They didn't understand. Ran him out of town like a common pygmy. Sure... he was a physical education major, but he had a mind... He could think. He wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. I told him she was wrong. And that younger boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. Can't go back."

"So Billy, the moisture in the air comes in contact with the cold pitcher and it forms water droplets, what we call condensation. Just like on your mother when she comes out of the shower, glistening with tiny little beads of... oh, hi Frank. That will be all for today, Billy. Next week we'll look into some interesting experiments with discard swimwear."
"Jeez, thanks, Mr. Olsen. Bye."

"Hey! What's the idea running my customer off?"
"We just want to have a little chat with you. You the new owner of this shop?"
"That's right. What can I do for you?"
"Nice place."
"Thank you."
"You know this is a rough neighborhood. Betcha you'd hate to see something happen to your little key store."
"What about my little keister?"
"Key store... You give us fifty bucks a week and we make sure your little place stays safe."
"I'm not interested."
"We hate to MAKE you interested."
"Get out of my shop! You get nothing from me."

"Answer the telephone. Pick it up."
"Hello."
"Hey Baby? Did you take care of that locksmith?
"You say what I tell you... Everything is taken care of."
"Everything is taken care of."
"That's my girl!"
"I'd sure like to see you."
"I'd sure like to see you."
"Sure thing, Baby. Do you still love me?"
"Of course I love you."
"Of course I love you."
"You don't sound like you mean it, lamikins."
"Of course I mean it, lamikins."
"Of course I mean it, lamikins."
"You really mean it, binki poo?"
"More than anything, schnooky lumps."
"More than anything, schnooky lumps."
"Schnooky lumps. Ooh, I like that. You never called me that before. What happened last night to bring this on?"
"When you held me in your manly arms and crushed me to your lips, I discovered what it meant to be a real women. When I think of your handsome face, your cruel lips, your strong chin, the way you touch, the way you smother me with..."
"Honey, I got to go. Meet me at my office tomorrow at three."
"All right, Darling."
"All right, Darling... What are you going to do now?"
"You and I are going down to headquarters."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Michael (1996)

DVD: Full Screen


Review: One of my favorite John Travolta movies where he plays the angel, Michael, visiting Earth for one last trip from Heaven. While Travolta always overacts in his villain roles, he is perfect when he gets to glide along as a charismatic protagonist with his charm. William Hurt plays the weary tabloid reporter who is eager to get the angel back to Chicago for a photo shoot while Michael is more interested in the sightseeing along the road. Andie MacDowell always seems to pick the right projects as she is in several of my favorite films.

Quotes:
"That is a genuine angel. Huey discovered it."
"Is it for real?"
"Absolutely."
"You're gonna go get me this angel?"
"That's exactly what we're going to do."
"We'll put it on the front page, BOLD! Some white fluffy clouds... a drift of sky... and some musical notes... YES!"
"Poetry."
"Don't play with me, Quinlan. You really are going to fetch me this angel for Christmas... or... I fire the two of you."

"Last night we were discussing your wings. Would you mind if I took a closer look?"
"Let them look at your wings, Michael. They're from the National Mirror."
"They're not bad... Would you mind if I touched?"
"I'd rather you didn't."
"We'd like to take a look to see how you have these things attached."
"Why don't you pull on your pecker and see how that's attached?"
"Watch your language, mister."
"Pecker? An angel that says pecker."

"I just thought..."
"Halos? Inner light?"
"Yes!"
"I'm not that kind of angel."
"What kind of angel are you?"
"Michael is an archangel. He battled Lucifer and threw him out of Heaven. Revelations 12, verse 7."
"That was a long time ago."
"He smote a bank for me."

"On one condition, you'll owe me something."
"Money? Yeah, I can't quote a figure, but there'll be plenty of money, I promise you that. Once the world sees pictures of these babies..."
"No. You'll owe me an apology."
"An apology, for what? Yeah. Sure, I apologize. Whatever."
"Not now. When I say so."

"Michael, we are not stopping."
"You have ten seconds to change your mind. Ten hippopotamus... nine hippopotamus... eight hippopotamus... seven hippopotamus... six hippopotamus... five hippopotamus... four hippopotamus... THREE, TWO ONE!"
{POP}
"There is no jack. Of course there is no jack."
"Just ask him to fix it. He blew it. He can fix it."
"Fix this tire! Come back here and fix this tire!"
"No can do."

"It's cookies, he smells like cookies, and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat."

"We're here, Michael. Look up."
"The Sears Tower in Chicago is the world's tallest building. It stand's 1,454 feet above street level, contains enough concrete for an eight lane highway."
"Quinlan, I'm so sorry. I didn't do what I came for. I didn't finish. I'm so sorry. Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Michael."
"Thanks for letting me have a little fun."

"You know, Pansy, I invented marriage."
"Oh Michael?"
"Well, I did. Before that, you should have seen it. Everybody was so mixed up that they didn't know what to do. So I said, 'Have a ceremony'."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Rambo (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: After a twenty year gap since the third movie, this last sequel is a hybrid cross between Rambo's character in the first film and the two sequels. Rambo is now old and beaten down, living a quiet, isolated life in Thailand and making a living catching snakes along the river. At first reluctant when a missionary group requests his help to enter Burma, he finally agrees to take them across the border on his boat. After the missionaries are taken captive by the Burmese Army, he agrees to escort a mercenary team back up river to recover them. Sylvester Stallone directs this sequel and isn't afraid to show the brutal treatment of the Karen people by the Burmese Army and Rambo's bloody retribution. After the first film, this is my favorite as it avoids a lot of the cheesiness of the middle two.

Quotes:
"These boys are now our soldiers! They belong to me now! If you try to get them back, your whole village will burn! If you ask the Karen Rebels for help, I will cut out your tongues! If you go against me, I will feed you your intestines! Hear me, believe me, and fear me!"

"Burma's a warzone."
"Well, that's what people call it, but it's more like genocide than war. Anyway, this will be my fifth trip in, so we're aware of the risks."
"I don't go that far north."
"Let me explain our situation. Our church is part of a pan-Asian ministry, located in Colorado. We are all volunteers who, around this time of year, bring in medical supplies, medical attention, prayer books, and support to the Karen tribespeople. People say you know the river better than anyone."
"They ain't lying."
"So what I'm asking is that we compensate you for a few hours of your time that will help change people's lives."
"Are you bringing any weapons?"
"Of course not."
"You're not changing anything."
"Well, it's thinking like that that keeps the world the way it is."
"Fuck the world."

"Am I boring you, mate? Or is it... is it the trip? Has it got you nervous? 'Cause really, you should appreciate the action, you know what I mean? Got to be better than looking at the ass end of a snake... You really are an uptight bastard, aren't you? You can drop the thousand-yard stare. I've seen it all before, and I'm not impressed."

"One man and a kid? You've got to be fucking joking! This all the rebels put up?"
"I'm not liking it."
"You're in the jungle, puss-nuts. There's nothing to like."

"Any of you boys want to shoot, now's the time. There isn't one of us that doesn't want to be someplace else. But this is what we do, who we are. Live for nothing, or die for something. Your call."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - It's a Trap! (2010)

1 Disc


Review: A good conclusion for Family Guy's parodies of the Star Wars movies. They do a good job with Return of the Jedi, highlighting its best parts and lightly teasing its status as the least favorite of the original trilogy.

Quotes:
"Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to... Okay, you know what, we don't care. We were thinking of not even doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did 'Blue Harvest', they said, 'Oh, you guys are crazy.' They tried to talk us out of it, and it ended up making a ton of money. By then we were just finishing 'Empire', and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar signs in their eyes, and they said, 'Seth, if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct your movie.'"

"Greetings, exalted one. It's me, Luke Skywalker. I seek an audience with Your Slimness to bargain for Captain Solo's life. As a token of my good will, I present to you a gift, these two droids."
"Wait a minute, does he have the right to give us away? He just stole us from his dead uncle."

"Oh, my God, that was absolute hell! I just... I don't understand why... I mean, we're in a galaxy far, far away, and we still have to change in Atlanta."

"How are we gonna get out of here?"
"Wait a second, guys. I got an idea. Remember that laser I used to break Leia out of Jabba's handcuffs? Well, here comes a little tiny saw!"

"All right, everybody, hands in the air! All right. Now I want you to take off your helmets, go outside and dig up your own graves with them."
"Han, that's kind of dark."
"Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap in this movie. I think we all need this. Now get outside!"

"Give yourself to the dark side, Luke."
"I will not fight you."
"Well, all right. I guess that's no problem. I can always get Seth Green to fight me. He'll do anything for money. I mean, did you see Sex Drive? Oh, of course you didn't. You're a person. Of course, I guess it did respectable foreign numbers. Asians really liked it. And you gotta hand it to Seth Green. I mean, he works hard, you know? I mean, the work is much harder when you know the project is no good. Still, all those small paychecks must add up. I wonder if his fan base knows how Jewish he really is."

"The end. And that's the final chapter in the Star Wars saga."
"What about the prequels?"
"I think the Cleveland Show is gonna do those."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Family Guy - Volume 7 (2008-2009)

3 Discs


Review: Episodes, 'The Man with Two Brians' and 'Family Gay', are my favorites from this volume.

Quotes:
"Stewie, why are you nude?"
"Oh, just a little something I do once a week around here called a 'naked tea party'. Got my teacup here and now all I need is a teabag. That something that interest you, my friend?"

"Yeah, just look at all the dumb-ass Manilow fans."
"I mean he's got like one good song."
"Yeah... I mean 'Mandy' is not terrible."
"Yeah, the opening is okay."
"And I guess you can't hate 'Copacabana'."
"Yeah, if you're in the right mood."
"'Daybreak' is a good song."
"Oh, yeah."
"That's a good song. And I like 'Weekend in New England'."
"Yeah, that's a good one. 'Looks Like We Made It'."
"Yeah, it's not bad."
"Right..."
"I love Barry Manilow!!!"
"Oh my god, he's the best!"
"I have everything he's ever recorded!"
"Me too, in my car!"
"We have to go to that concert!"

"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"You're there."
"I'll always be there, Dylan."

"Ugh, you know. This is why you... Brian, remember. For the last couple of weeks, I kept saying 'Can I have a couple of minutes of your time to talk to you about something?' This is what it was about! This evening is rueened!"
"Look, I... Wait, what?"
"This evening is rueened! The whole evening is rueened!"
"Why are you saying it like that?"
"Saying what? I'm just pointing out the party's rueened."
"You know what? I'm not gonna get sucked into this............ Okay, just so that I'm sure. Really? Are you just trying to piss me off or is that really how you say it?"
"What are you talking about? I'm talking about this rueened evening."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty, walking-on-the-street paws!"

"Time machine? I didn't know you had a time machine."
"Yeah, I built it after I got bored with that European See 'n Say."
"The cow goes SHAZOO!"
"It most certainly does not!"

"Hey, New Brian, bad news. You gotta leave."
"What are you talking about? This is my home."
"Nobody likes you here, man."
"Well, I disagree. I think everyone likes me."
"No, we don't! We don't like your cooking, your stupid karaoke nights and we especially don't like the way you hump that chair in the den."
"Well, Rupert seemed to like my humping."
"What did you say?"
"Rupert. I humped him for two hours yesterday. He just laid there and took it."

"What's it called?"
"Susie."
"Wow, a song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already."
"Name twenty!"
"Rosanna, Roxanne, Michelle, Alison, Sarah, Angie, Brandy, Mandy, Gloria, Cecilia, Maggie May, Jessica, Nancy, Barbara Ann, Billie Jean, Layla, Lola, Polly, Helena, Jenny From the Block."
"Name six more!"
"Sherry, Laura, Wendy, Maria, Peggy Sue, Minnie the Moocher."
"Name five more!"
"Tracy, Jean, Jane, Mary Ann, Eleanor Rigby."
"Go fuck yourself!"

"Peter, are you... gay??"
"Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!"

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Jumper (2008)

Blu-Ray


Review: Another great film from Doug Liman who directed the 'Bourne Identity'. While Hayden Christensen is not a great actor, he is able to pull off the smugness required of a young thief who has the power to teleport himself anywhere with just a thought. Samuel L. Jackson plays the agent of a secret organization tasked with tracking him down while Jamie Bell plays a more experienced Jumper who has managed to survive the Paladins' hunt and take the fight back to them. I wish this had done better at the box office because I would have liked to see the sequels that Liman had planned. His visual skill in showing off the jumpers ability to teleport around the world was exhilarating.

Quotes:
"What I'd like to know is how you rob a bank without opening any doors."

"Only God should have this power."

"You speak Italian?"
"No."
"Well, uh, l'ingresso means 'Come on in'."
"Oh, I thought it meant 'bullshit'."

"Who are these people?"
"Paladins. Paladins kill Jumpers, I kill Paladins. Class dismissed."

"I just came through your jump scar."
"What do you think you're doing here? Huh? If I were you, I'd jump back. You're not supposed to see all this stuff. Get out! So if you'd like to kindly fuck off, as in now."

"Why are you walking?"
"I like to walk for a change. Makes me feel normal."

"You can't just keep following me."
"Actually, I'm the only one who CAN keep following you."

"Where'd the Paladin go?"
"Swimming."
"Pacific?"
"No, Actually, Atlantic. Nice little shark pit round Cuba."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: Above the Law (1988)

Blu-Ray


Review: Steven Seagal's first film, introducing the effective action template he would follow for his next several films, especially 'Out for Justice'. The story is simple, Nico, an ex-CIA agent during Vietnam turned Chicago police officer has uncovered a plot by some of his past associates to assassinate a senator. Using his Akido martial art skills, he takes down wave after wave of thugs, armed and unarmed, who attempt to stop him throughout the film. Entertaining and it has aged well.

Quotes:
"What the hell kind of high is this?"
"Sky-high. Military explosives. C-4, my man, C-4."

"This maniac should be wearing a number, not a badge."

"You're gonna need me."
"Need you? For what?"
"To get your ass outta jail."
"You think you can afford my bail?"

"I don't think you can take us all, badass."
"No, but I'll get an A for effort."

"Tell me something old buddy, do we kill our own senators now?"
"Why not? The Romans did."
"Are we the fucking Romans?"
"We're an empire too."

"Not one C.I.A. agent has ever been tried, much less accused of any crimes. You guys think you're above the law. Well, you ain't above mine."

4 out of 5 Stars