TV: The Office - Special

DVD: 1 Disc


"This is the poem "Slough", by Sir John Betjemen, probably never been here in his life."
'Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, it isn't fit for humans now.'
"Right, I don't think you solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place, he's embarrassed himself there."

Review: This is a great way to end this series, if it had been left to end like it did at the end of Series 2 I would have been very disappointed.

"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day"

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Office - 2nd Series

DVD: 1 Disc


"If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain. Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits."

Review: The second season is not as good in my opinion as the first. It is still great, but the comedy is a little darker.

"Let's agree to disagree."
"No. Let's agree that you agree with me."

"I'm not homophobic, all right? Come around, look at my CD collection. You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys. They're all bummers."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Office - 1st Series

DVD: 1 Disc


"I just can't believe their total lack of respect."
"Yeah, yeah... Yeah, yeah... Not only did they undermine you in an authoritative sense, but they left an image in my mind of you naked on all fours literally being done doggy-style."

Review: This is an amazing British sitcom with non-stop laughs. "Training" is my favorite episode.

"Well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs... On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so... every cloud."

"Yeah, you could do worse then Gareth. He hasn't missed one day in this office due to ill health. And don't call my second-in-command an arse-faced weasel, please?"
"A weasel-faced arse."
"Same thing."
"Well no, it's not. Gareth, would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?"
"A weasel probably."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 6th Season

DVD: 5 Discs


"Chris in the Morning taking you all the way up to the midnight hour. Today's headline. Sons of the Tundra fox hunt officially canceled due to lack of quarry. Chalk one up to the fox by TKO. That's right, Rusty the Red made a bold escape early this morning and is currently enjoying sanctuary at the house of Ruth-Ann Miller. For all the latest, keep those radios pinned to 570 on the AM dial. K-Bear, voice of the last frontier."

Review: Joel Fleischman's exit from show in this last season was very well written. An excellent send-off. I think the show could have lasted more seasons, but he was the spiritual heart of it.

"Harvard Medical School? What brings you to Alaska?"
"It's one of these trade-off programs. They pay for my education and I work it off here."
"Yeah, I've heard of those."
"I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, though. I've heard of guys getting stuck here three and four years."

"Do you believe in the Devil?"
"Pretty much, Shelly. You know, Leonard, he says you can't have a tug of war with no one at the other end of the rope."
"Do you think he could just be a guy who walks around and looks like a normal person?"
"You mean Mr. Brewster?"
"Did he tell you, too?"
"Well, all the pieces fit, Shelly."

"I've got a little chest cold. What have you got for it?"
"Well, let's see. Tincture of opium's good. Codeine. Oh, and heroin syrup. Why don't you try them all and see what works best?"
"Much obliged. Put them on my tab."

"What are we doing? Do you ever think about that?"
"Doing?"
"Just, us. You and me. I mean, it's been how many years? We're still sitting here, together. What for? I mean, you ever think about that?"
"Yeah, I think about that."
"I mean, is this going to be a struggle to the death? Is that what it is? Because frankly, I can't take it anymore. I can't. I'm exhausted."
"I know, it's crazy. It's like three steps forward and two steps back."
"I give up, I do. I give up... Marry me."

"It seems our esteemed physician has disappeared. Joel's gone A.W.O.L."
"Dr. Fleischman?"
"He paddled up the Chenga here to deliver a baby two weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. And he refuses to answer radio transmissions."
"I hope he's not dead."
"He's gonna wish he was if I get my hands on him."

"Ask them if I just talk to myself. Go ahead. Ask your friend. I don't care. Ask them if he just talks, 'cause they'll say no. He doesn't just talk to hear himself talk anymore. But, Boy, you show up and Marilyn Whirlwind, winner of the US Open of Silence, you just shatter any inner peace that I've managed to find. Thanks a lot. You know. I really appreciate you coming. It's been a wonderful visit. Thanks a lot!"

"Look, look, look. You see it, don't you? It's right there."
"Okay. Okay, I see something. But New York? The jeweled city?"
"I don't know, but there it is, let's go... Come on."
"No. New York City, the thing you dreamt about day and night for the past five years. The one sustaining constant in your life. What ever that is, it's for you. That's your place. It's not mine."

"Hey, Walt, is it me, or is there anything crueler than a 13-year-old girl? I knew lifers in the joint who weren't as judgemental."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 5th Season

DVD: 5 Discs


"Up and at 'em, Cicely. Rise and shine. Time to haul butt out of those racks, pull on the uniform of the day and spiff up the A.O. Yours truly, Maurice J. Minnifield, at the desk, pulling relief for Chris Stevens who as of 0700 this a.m. is A.W.O.L. Not so much as a phone call. Where I'm from, that's an Article 15, two weeks reduction in pay and restriction to post. You want to buck it, Stevens, this leatherneck would be more than happy to pull you in for a Section Eight. Now then, on to the business of the day..."

Review: This is the last full season with Joel Fleischman. This season was very good but it had a sense of melancholy about it, I thought. Joel begins to slowly accept living in Cicely and he and Maggie finally form a steady relationship.

"$284? What the hell am I supposed to do with $284?"
"Endorse, deposit and credit it to your account."
"I'm not ready to collect Social Security. I don't need it. Hell, I don't even believe in it!"
"Look, you got it coming. Golden years, Maurice."
"Golden years, my ass! I don't need your old age-benefits! You people are trying to kill me."

"Back in Saskatoon, me and my best friend Cindy used to be the primo junior league hockey groupies of all time. We used to party with these identical twins on the Otters, Jacques and Gilles Leblanc. Real Stud Muffins. But I swear to God, a couple of rum and Cokes, you couldn't tell which one slipping you the puck. They used to trick us all the time, pretend they were the other guy."

"It's that test, man."
"Chris, I have seen men fly bombers with their faces half blown away. And you're gonna allow a few algebra formulas to ground you?"
"Hey, it might be a molehill to you, but it's the Matterhorn to me. It hurts my head. It fries my brain."
"Oh, come on , Stevens!"
"You don't understand. I mean, it's like... It's like I'm dying in there, all right? I mean, the walls are closing in on me and I'm filled with anxiety. Do you understand that? Can you understand that? I'm paralyzed like a little bunny rabbit out in the middle of the road. Here comes a semi, and it's filled with judgement and humiliation. And it's coming right at me. And I ain't doing it, Chief. It ain't worth it."

"If you don't grab a hold of both of 'em, and get over to that blood drive, you're gonna be more than light-headed, you're gonna be fired. This is one bet I'm not gonna lose. Cantwell may be bigger, but they're not better. If they pledge 500 units, we're gonna come up with 501. We'll see who's smiling at this year's Sons of the Tundra lunch."
"And they wonder what makes America so great, huh?"

"Oh, I want Fleischman."
"The guy's a contrarian, Maggie. I know these people. They have to think about everything. They have to talk about everything. They just can't sit on a deck and have a drink."
"Tell me about it."

"Of course, if you don't snap out of it pretty soon, I'm gonna have to start casting around for a permanent replacement."
"Replacement?"
"Yeah, afraid so."
"Yeah, that's it. I'm just a warm body to you?"
"Listen, Joel. Don't take it personally. I mean, I've got a town to look after here. I was thinking about maybe, uh, looking at UCLA, some of those smart Asian kids. They work hard and they don't complain."
"Oh boy. Unbelievable."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 4th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Aaah. Vanessa Redgrave. Ja, I like her. She's very mannish."

Review: This is another great season of Northern Exposure. "Nothing's Perfect", "Gross Point" and "The Big Feast" stand out as three of my favorites. This ensemble cast all work great together and the guest stars add spice to the show.

"I mean, call it what you like, okay? We could say human nature, the devil, whatever. People are simple incapable of prolonged sustained goodness. So this mission of yours, it's unachievable and to tell you the truth, it's medically ill-advised."
"Medically ill-advised?"
"Well, in your case, yes. I mean the cornerstone of your psyche is this unfocused, searing rage. I don't think I know of a more negative, reproachful individual. Your going completely against your grain. You are seriously jeopardizing your health."

"Okay. Maggie, who's nicer, men or women?"
"Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to say women, right? And then with sarcasm dripping from your lips, like battery acid, you'd belittle me and demean me, and rip my opinion to shreds with the precision of those razor-sharp German tools you like to lance boils with, right, Fleischman?"

"I just wish I had a normal family."
"Don't flatter yourself. Your family is no crazier than any other American nuclear unit, believe me."

"Fleischman, look... The fact is I just really couldn't reconcile my conflicted feelings about you. I mean, on one hand, there's this basic annoyance, this repulsion, and yet, on the other hand, there is this undeniable, chemical, primal, carnal attraction that pulled me into having sex with you. Great sex, incredible sex... But so what? I mean, what does that mean, hmm? Nothing."

"Oh, it's peaceful in here. Quiet. A man can hear himself think among these carcasses."
"I could, if you would shut up and let me do my job!"
"The smell of the beef, sawdust, takes me back to Tulsa."
"Ah, this is good. I'll start with this one, I can carve a fairly good tenderloin out of this."
"That my friend is USDA prime grade beef. It's not your French-speaking 'Charolais parlez-vous' crap. Or your beer-fed Nipponese Kobe beef. No. No. This was free-ranged down in Tampa. Trucked up here, finished off on oats and corn. Look at it, look at the texture. The marbling. The creamy white fat. Oh yeah! That, my friend, that is beef."

"Maurice J. Minnifield, our generous host, friend and employer. I am sure I join everyone here in saying thank you for these very fine eats and drinks. You are a real American. You're an ex-Marine, an astronaut. You are America. You're rich, you're rapacious, you're progress without a conscience, paving everything in its path. Your five percent of the Earth's population, yet, consuming 25% of the Earth's natural resources. You pay allot of taxes, you do a lot of charity work, most of it's tax deductible but your heart's in the right place. One thing's for certain, chief, you have impeccable taste in the booze. Salutes."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Oh, yeah, the great question: What do women want?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"Same things we do, only in prettier colors."

Review: This is a great season. Also the season where I first discovered the greatness of this show when it was first airing on Network Television. "It Happened in Juneau" was the episode that hooked me. Adam is a great character and I loved his multiple appearances this season.

"How could you not sleep with me?!"

"It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself."

"She says the sex is dynamite."
"That's nice."
"One of three legs that holds up love's stool. Sex, liking his brain, then kind of accepting who he is, because you're never gonna change him anyway."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 2nd Season

DVD: 2 Discs


"Sometimes, Ed, sometimes you just gotta do something bad. Just to know your alive."

Review: "Spring Break" is the classic episode of this season with the running of the bulls. Maurice really has a great episode this season with "Slow Dance" where he sells a house to a gay couple without realizing it and regrets it and must to come to terms with his bias.

"Wait a minute. Whoa! What are you doing?"
"Disrobing, son."
"What? Why?"
"You see, Joel, in this particular race, the men of Cicely run in the buff."
"No?!"
"Cicelian tradition, Joel."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: Northern Exposure - 1st Season

DVD: 2 Discs


"Listen, Joel, I wanna take this opportunity to be the first to welcome you here. When I heard we had a crack at a Jew doctor from New York City, well, I don't have to tell you, I jumped. You boys do outstanding work."
"Thanks?"

Review: It took me several attempts to get into this show when it was on TV. I thought the characters were too weird. I am glad I kept trying because as soon as it clicked I realized that is one of the best shows ever put on TV. A dramedy is the best word to describe this show.

Joel and Maggie's love-hate relationship is the rock of this show, but the other characters grow though the seasons to become of equal importance. I love the town hall meetings and Joel's fish-out-of water experiences with his new rural environment.

"Would you like me to rub this... all over you?"
"Yeah, that...that would be......... You would?"
"In your dreams, Fleischman."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

DVD: Anamorphic


"No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that? Guys, there's no way she could be prom queen!"

Review: Making a good spoof movie takes talent plus a fondness for the subject that is being parodied. This movie has both. It does a great job taking the piss out of teen movies from the 80's and 90's that only true fans of those movies could do well.

"Dude, you can't start a slow clap at any time and expect everyone to join in."

"This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: NewsRadio - 5th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Dearest Lisa, I'm sorry I was so obsessed with what you might look like naked. I am even more sorry that I never actually got the chance to see you naked. Please think of me the next time you're naked, because if it is at all possible to become a ghost I will be there appreciating you in all your naked splendor."
"Are you sure you don't have mine?"
"It's mine, Mathew!"

Review: Now that many years have passed since Phil Hartman died, I am able to judge the last season objectively. The show writing was still top notch with episodes like "Flowers for Matthew" and the D.B. Cooper storyline but the magic left with Phil.

Everyone leaving for New Hampshire except Dave and Matthew was a great way to end the series. The tribute episode to Bill McNeil at the beginning of the season makes the whole DVD set worth owning.

"David, Joe told the Stupid Matthew that the drink would make him smarter. The stupid Matthew, of course, believed him because he'll believe anything and thus, it worked."
"I'm having a little trouble following this."
"Well, consider Wile E. Coyote. When he runs off a cliff, he can stay in mid-air indefinitely as LONG as he doesn't know he is in mid-air."

"I wish you could have met the other Matthew."
"The Stupid one?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I think it would be nice for you to know that he really is, quite a sweet guy."
"I did meet him, Dave."
"How so?"
"Today YOU were my Stupid Matthew."

"I have some of Mr. James old bank records from the time of the hijacking."
"Nothing incriminating, I hope."
"No, no, no. Just a couple of large, unsubstantiated cash deposits made a week after the hijacking, but I'm SURE he can explain it."
"Lisa, we are journalists and as such, we must try to be unbiased. But I would prefer it if the evidence that puts Mr. James away for life did not actually COME FROM THIS STATION."

"Dave, when are you going to stop sending a sharp tongue to do a hug's work?"

"Beth, come here. What's third base?"
"{Whisper, Whisper}"
"Oh! I thought that was second base."
"No. Actually, I thought it was first base. Guys in high school really messed with my head."

"Welcome to my little Alter of Terror, Lisa. Shoe's not so comfy when it's on the other foot, is it? Or should I say hoof?"
"Joe?"
"I'm just an impartial observer... Put the Voodoo doll over the fire."
"Oh, good idea. Hey Lisa! Did anybody ever tell you you have a HOT ASS?"
"Give me that! Matthew, I did not ritually abuse you!"

"Well then, if taste is our criteria than I have problems with allot of things. I think that black and white photography is pretentious. I find these chairs to be ugly. I can't begin to tell you how much or how often this man offends me. But these are all questions of freedom of expression and as such, they must be protected. If we've come to the point where someone can no longer paint, "Stinkbutt", then we no longer live in a free society."
"We're painting over it."
"You can't do that!"
"Well, actually we did it about an hour ago."
"Oh well."

4 out of 5 Stars

TV: NewsRadio - 4th Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Glorious sunset of my heart was fading, soon the super karate monkey death car was parked in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans... and pants to match."

Review: This is the last season of the show with Phil Hartman. There were allot of great episodes, starting with "Jumper" and ending with "Sinking Ship", the funny Titanic parody. The two part episode where both Dave & Lisa compete to avoid being the boss of the station was genius.

"I'm not selfish and self-centered, am I?"
"I think you should keep in mind that you're asking an ex-boyfriend."
"No, I'm not. I'm asking an employee. "
"Well, then no."

"Lisa sets a fine example. Just because we don't all follow her example and sleep with Dave... I'm just horsing around."
"Maybe you could limit your horsing around to your news broadcast."
"Whoa! Is it getting chilly in here or are you wearing an anatomically correct bra?"
"I heard that and that is going in my report."
"Mine too."

"I have so many lawyers standing in line to sue me now, you'd think I have tobacco leaking out of my breast implants."

"Why did we go to Hawaii together?"
"That was a dream."
"Oh... Noooo, I'm pretty sure we went to Hawaii together."
"How was it?"
"Not that fun."
"I'm sorry."

"Members of the United States Senate, I stand before you today and say, I refuse to be censored. I refuse to let my gaping maw be shut. And to prove I do not stand here alone, I'd like to read a brief letter from the President. Dear Bill, I know these are trying times for you but I want you to remember one thing. Don't let those fat bastards in the Senate get you down."

"I promised I would try to get his job back."
"So what, I promised I'd personally take him with me on the space shuttle. Promises are made to be broken."
"Well not my promises. Matthew gave me his trust."
"And he gave me a $100 deposit on a space suit rental. Doesn't mean anything."

"Dude, that was a little harsh."
"What, so you want a piece of me? Is that it?"
"No... Not at all."
"Good."
-----
"I always knew she'd ask me that someday. I just didn't think it would be in that tone."

"Dave, there comes a time in every friendship where you have to say, 'I never liked you. Get lost!' And now that time has come."

"Oh God, Beth, he's crying."
"Big Whoop. I make men cry all the time."
"Yes, but this isn't closing time at T.G.I. Friday's. I shouldn't be yelling at him like that."

"This job, this job, I didn't know it was going to be so..."
"Bill-intensive?"
"No, no."
"Bill-centric?"
"No."
"Bill-icious? Bill-esque?"
"No. It's like... Bill-bastic!"
"I don't follow."
"DAVE, he's driving me CRAZY!"

"So you won't... even be boss again for me?"
"You're not even my girlfriend anymore."
"Well, what if I still wasn't your girlfriend, but I slept with you."
"Hmmm? Nah... But that's just because I've had you."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: NewsRadio - 3rd Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"Your confusing thesis has captured my attention. Tell me more."

Review: Another great season of NewsRadio that starts off with Dave and Lisa back together again. "Arcade" and "Airport" are two of the best episodes this season.

"Read it again!"
"Well... --Bill McNeal is adequate-- I'm sorry, Bill."
"Sorry! Sorry YOU weren't single out and deemed adequate?"
"I don't think adequate is quite the superlative you think it is."

"You know what, I won the costume contest last year. I won third place."
"Really! What was your costume?"
"Uh, Motorcycle Enthusiast."
"GAY Bikerrr!"
"The LABEL on the costume CLEARLY said Motorcycle Enthusiast."

"I have itchy red welts on my buttocks and I have every reason to believe that they are ant bites."
"Are you coming on to me?"

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm just nervous, it's awkward, you know, meeting your boyfriend's parents. What if I panic and just start... screaming obscenities or something?"
"Well then I'll explain that my girlfriend, Lisa, couldn't make it and you're some whore I picked up at the airport."

"Hey, what part of Africa are you from?"
"Shut up!"
"No seriously, say something in African."
"Shut the @$%&# up!"

"All right, I take the complaint box very seriously and I seem to be the only one who does."
"A complaint about the complaint box. Delicious!"

"You know, Bill, there's really nothing they can do about the fact that we are snowed in. So why don't we just sit down and wait patiently."
"Sorry my friend, I don't play that game."

"I just wish you could be here long enough to get the full Mid-Western experience."
"Maybe another time."
"That would be great, because I think a good hunting accident would really open up your mind."

"All I am saying is... inter-office dating just isn't a good idea."
"Oh, well look who's talking, at least we don't make whoopee in the booth like you and Dave."
"Dave and I do not make whoopee IN THE BOOTH."
"Ho, ho, hold on a second. What's the booth? How do... what are you talking about....... Oh, THAT booth! I thought it was a new thing."

"Don't try to confuse the issue with half-truths and gorilla dust."

"Back in the early days of radio, all they had were jungle drums, beating their rhythmic messages of traffic and weather from village to village. BUT did they complain?"

"I seriously doubt that, Sir, but this is America and I would die for your right to make outrageous claims."

"Are you sure you don't want me to handle this? Because, you know, when Bill and Lisa combine their energies their powers of persuasion go up five-fold?"
"Oh Dave, really, I appreciate your Dungeons & Dragons approach to office management, but I left my 12-sided dice at home so I'll just go tell them."
"All right. Godspeed, fair wizard."

"I'm... Well, I'm hurt... deep down inside.. where I'm soft like a woman."
"I understand and I'm sorry that I hurt you... deep down inside..."
"Where?"
"...where you are soft like a woman."
"Don't mock me, Dave. Don't be a hurter."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: NewsRadio - 1st & 2nd Seasons

DVD: 3 Discs


"This is Bill McNeill...on crack...I like..boys.."

"Don't confuse me with the facts."

Review: This is one of my favorite sitcoms ever. Phil Hartman was a genius and all the other characters worked so well together. I still remember the day Phil died. The show was still good the last season after he was gone, but the hole was just too big to fill. The chemistry was great between the Dave and Lisa characters and was the first thing that sold me on the show.

"You got what you wanted from Dave, right? And then you snapped your legs shut like a well-oiled bear trap."

"Hey Bill, I'm your friend."
"Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?"

"You see, it's like the old saying, "Everybody loves a cane."
"No, Bill. I think the old saying is "Everybody loves a clown." Which is what you look like with that thing."

"Wait a minute, Joe. If what you're saying is true, then... I still don't care."

"I really hate to say this, but it is the thought that counts."
"Yeah, and these are the result of a really cheap, crappy thought."

5 out of 5 Stars