"Why did you cheat?"
"I'm sorry. It's just creative writing is hard. I can't do it."
"Can't? We don't live in Ameri-can't, Steve. We live in Ameri-ca. No, wait. We live in Ameri-can. No, wait. That's not right. We are American. Where... Where was I going with this?"
"Um, I said creative writing is hard."
"Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, perseverance, Steve. It's all about perseverance. And if I Ameri-can't teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will. Well, that sounded good. Had a bumpy start there, but I think I pulled it together."
Review: A hilarious series about a right-wing conservative who works for the CIA and his family which includes an alien. Any episode focusing on Stan and Roger are comedy gold. "Roger 'n' Me, "Lincoln Lover" and "Dungeons and Wagons" are classic episodes.
"When did you stop loving Mommy?"
"What?"
"Cause if you loved me, you wouldn't want me to have ugly hair. But do what makes you happy. I have to go put some ointment on that hideous cesarean scar I have because of you."
"But Hayley was the cesarean."
"Oh, that's right. With you, I just tore from my V to my A. Good night."
"Haley, what the hell is that?"
"My animal rights group rescued him from a product testing lab. These poor creatures are being shampooed up to 10 times a day!"
"Get it the hell out of here!"
"I can't. Everyone's counting on me to give it sanctuary until its hair loses its volume and luster."
"Stan, it's great the C.I.A. gave you that $20,000 bonus for 'Most Evasive Testimony to Congress'. But at this rate, it'll be gone in no time."
"Hey, if I don't buy all this crap, the terrorists win. And don't tell it's not a competition, because it so is."
"You got a best buddy? Can I be your second best buddy?"
"Let's see. How do I hang an air freshener on this? You are a total waste of space. I often dream of killing you... Ah, mountain pine."
"Stan might be an insensitive feelings hurter... but he'd never cheat on you."
"It's not Stan I'm worried about. It's the female 'entertainment' I don't trust. Men throw a little cash at 'em, they do anything. Then sometimes, when you're on the floor with another girl, guys will throw money, then pick it up and throw the same singles out there again. Like I'm an idiot! Like I don't have peripheral vision!"
"God, look at me, I'm hideous."
"Stan, you've been working out for three weeks. You look great."
"Great, as is great big fatso. You know, this is how it starts, Francine. First, you go soft in the belly. Then you go soft in defense. Next thing you know, you're wearing a towel on your head and using your left hand for toilet paper. Well, not in my America."
"We're coming from our gay Republican meeting."
"You're a Republican!"
"Honey, I can explain..."
"Oh, you didn't know? Oh, that's... that's funny. Gay couples lie to each other just like regular couples. Well, bye."
"All these years you been a Republican?"
"Listen, calm down. We'll go inside and..."
"I am not calming down. For God's sake, Republicans are the people who say we can't get married."
"And right now, I want to send them a big thank you basket from the Body Factory."
"Don't tell me you voted for 'He Who Shall Not Be Named'!"
"Look, the war was inevitable, freedom isn't free."
"Are you kidding me!!!!!"
5 out of 5 Stars
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