TV: The Simpsons - 9th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake."

Review: The last great season. "The Cartridge Family", "Lisa the Skeptic", "Bart Carny", "Bart Star" & "Trash of the Titans" were some of the best episodes of the season.

"He lied about his name."
"His name doesn't matter. A Rose by any Other Name would Smell as Sweet."
"Not if you called them Stench Blossoms."
"Or Crap Weeds."
"I would sure not like to get a dozen Crap Weeds for Valentine's Day. I would rather have candy."
"Not if they were called Scum Drops."

"Oh my God! Every one's gone! Lil' Bart, Lil' Lisa, Lil' Marge... and the rest."

"Whoa, careful there, Annie Oakley."
"I don't need to be careful. I got a gun."
"Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit, the holster..."
"Oh, yeah."
"Bandoleer..."
"Oh, baby."
"Silencer..."
"Mmmm."
"Loudener..."
"Aaaah."
"Speed Cocker..."
"Ooooo, I like the sound of that."
"And this is for shooting down police helicopters."
"Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet."

"Good practice team. Okay, it's time for the easiest part of any coach's job, the cuts. Now while I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut allot of you. Wendel is cut. Rudy is cut. Annie, you're gone. Steven, I like your hustle. That's why it's so hard to cut you. Congratulations, the rest of you made the team... except you, you and you."

"I'm feeling kinda low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?"
"Such a product does not exist, Sir. I think you must have dreamed it."
"Oh, well then just get me a six-pack and a couple bags of Skittles."

"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Facts, Shmacks!"

"Ow! My heart!"

"Daddy, what do taxes pay for?"
"Why everything, policemen, trees, sunshine, and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God Bless Them."

"I'm Sir Loves-A-Lot, the Bear who Loves to Love."
"They didn't have Lord Huggington?"
"It's the same basic bear, Homie."
"I guess."

"Hey everybody! Vote for my dad, Homer Simpson. If you don't, he'll beat us."
"WHY YOU LITTLE... No one's going to beat you, son...... You're going to get such a beating."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 8th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Are you wearing a grocery bag?"
"I have misplaced my pants."

Review: "Mountain of Madness" is one of my favorite Mr. Burns' episodes. "You only Move Twice" is another classic episode along with "Bart after Dark". This is the second to last great season with a few below average episodes starting to sneak into the mix along with the great ones.

"When you work the door, the main things are to greet the visitors and toss out the troublemakers."
"Ah, the old greet 'n' toss. No problemo."

"What's with the glowing?"
"I'll field that question. A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow but left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner."

"How could you do this to someone you love?"
"How could I not? I saw you pouring your heart and soul into this business and getting nowhere. I saw you desperately trying to cram one more salty treat into America's already bloated snack-hole. So I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would do. I reached out to some violent mobsters."

"Teamwork is overrated."
"Waah?"
"Think about it. I mean what TEAM was Babe Ruth on? Who knows? Sharing is a bunch of bull too... and helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?"
"Hmmm! Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter."

"If I don't get to the top of the mountain real soon, I could get fired."
"We'll help you. I have a watch with a minute hand."
"Aaah! All right you can come. What time is it?"
"12:80. No, wait, wait. What comes after twelve?"
"One."
"No, after twelve!"
"Naaaah!"

"Okay, search party, before we set out, let's take a moment to humor the children. KIDS, YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE. Okay, everybody, put on your corpse handling gloves. We've got two frozen bodies buried somewhere in this mountain."
"Did you hear that, Lisa. Dad is going to be just fine."

"Hi, Mr. Meyers. I've been doing some thinking and I got some ideas to improve the show. I got it right here. One, Poochie needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine. Two, when ever Poochie is not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, 'Where's Poochie?' Three..."
"Great, great, just leave them right there on the floor on your way out."

"You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals FLAMING."

"Oh, Homer, please. Your embarrassing yourself."
"No, I'm not Marge. They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. They've turned the Navy into a floating joke and ruined all our best names, like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had. Now there just...?"
"Queer?"

"Demand? Who are you to demand anything. I run this town. Your just a bunch of low-income nobodies."
"Uh, election in November, election in November."
"What, AGAIN! This stupid country."

"I don't think we are talking about love here. We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N."
"Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 7th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!!"

Review: The Simpsons are still going strong this season with "King Size Homer" my favorite of this set.

"I'm not cut out to be a star."
"But Milhouse, being a star is every patriotic American's dream."

"How ironic. My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic, it could have spewed from the Powerbook of the laziest, Hollywood hack."

"I can't take this anymore, I want my soul and I want it NOW."
"Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe balls. 'Silence you fool, it could be ours...' RUN BOY, RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.... BOY!"

"Wait, wait, wait a minute. Lisa, honey. Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again. What about Bacon?"
"No."
"Ham?"
"No!"
"Porkchops?"
"DAD, those all come from the same animal."
"Ho-Ha-Ha. Ya right, Lisa. A wonderful, Maaagical animal. Hee-Hee-Hee!"

"I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. Gas, Brake, Honk! Gas, Brake, Honk! Honk, Honk, Punch! Gas, Gas, Gas!"

[Moe hooked up to a Lie Detector]
"Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?"
"No." - BUZZ
"All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him." - DING
"Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go."
"Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight." - BUZZ
"A date." - BUZZ
"Dinner with friends." - BUZZ
"Dinner alone." - BUZZ
"Watching TV alone." - BUZZ
"All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog." - BUZZ
"Sears catalog." - DING
"Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment." - BUZZ

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 6th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"All right, we're here. Let us never speak of the shortcut again."

Review: Another great season with episodes like "Homer the Great", "Bart's Comet" & "Homie the Clown".

"Look at all this great stuff, Lisa. Cooool, personalized plates. Barclay, Barry, Bert, BORT! Ah, C'mon. Bort??"
"Mommy, Mommy, buy me a license plate!"
"No, come along, Bort!"
"Were you talking to me?"
"No, my son is also named Bort."

"Attention, Marge Simpson! Your son has been arrested."
"I would be terribly embarrassed if I was that boy's mother."
"Attention, Marge Simpson! We have also arrested your older, balder, fatter son."

"I can't believe it, Bart, I always thought Jessica was so sweet."
"She's like a Milk Dud, Lisa, sweet on the outside, poison on the inside."

"Lisa, if the bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such."

"No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was alot more fun than your half-assed overparenting."
"But I'm using my whole ass."

"Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks!"

"Now, to the top of Mount Springfield for the Coronation. Remove the Stone of Shame..."
"Woo-hoo!"
"...Attach the Stone of Triumph!"
"Ooooh!"

"With our utter annihilation eminent, our federal Government has snapped into action. We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United States Congress."
"...then it is unanimous, we are going to approve the bill to evacuate the town of Springfield in the great state of..."
"Wait a second, I want to tack on a rider to that bill. 30 million dollars of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts."
"All in favor of the amended Springfield/Pervert Bill?"
"Boooooooo!"
"Bill defeated."

"When will you Australians learn? In America, we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better. The streets are safe. Old people strut confidently in the darkest alleys. And the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free! Because, as the old saying goes, 'let your children run wild and free'."

"Try to be nice to my sisters, Homer. It is very hard on me to have you fighting all the time."
"Ooh, okay, Marge. I will get along with them, then I will hug some snakes. Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous SNAKES. Now that's sarcasm."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 5th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"No, Lisa, you're not a monster. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, and I call him GAMBLOR! We must save your mother from his neon claws!"

Review: Another great season, some of my favorites are "Cape Feare", "Rosebud", "$pringfield", and "Deep Space Homer"

"...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 4th Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?"

Review: This season might be the peak of all the seasons with too many amazing episodes too mention. "Homer the Heretic" where Homer decides to stay home form church is so well done. "Mr. Plow" is hilarious, I cried laughing when the billy goat fell down the mountain. "Last Exit to Springfield" has some of the most quotable lines of all the episodes.

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed - that's the American way."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 3rd Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible."
"Really? Where?"
"Eh, somewhere in the back."

Review: There isn't a bad episode in the bunch this season. "Radio Bart" is a classic with Bart getting trapped down a well. "Lisa's Pony", "Flaming Moe's" and "Colonel Homer" are classic Homer episodes.

"People like dogs, Mr. Burns."
"Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?"
"If YOU did it, sir?"

"Oh, Lisa. You and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that building thingy... where our beds and TV is."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 2nd Season

DVD: 4 Discs


"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie."

Review: "Simpson and Delilah" and "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Bluefish" are two of this season's best episodes. "Lisa's Substitute" is the best episode of any season of "The Simpsons" that centers on Lisa's character. The only episode that has ever made me tear up.

"This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."
"You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir."

5 out of 5 Stars

TV: The Simpsons - 1st Season

DVD: 3 Discs


"It's craptacular."

Review: I love "The Simpsons", but I have no real desire to watch these 1st season episodes. I have it more just to complete my collection. The writers and animators are still getting their feet under them in this 1st season and the show doesn't begin to develop into the show I enjoy until the 2nd season.

"Hand over all your money in a paper bag!"
"Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know."

3 1/2 out of 5 Stars

Film: The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

DVD: Double Sided - Enhanced 16x9 Widescreen


"This is an elegant crime, done by an elegant person. It's not about the money."
"So, who steals a Monet, just to not sell it?"
"A Monet lover."

Review: I swear this is a chick-flick disguised as a slick caper film to fool the guys. It works though as the film cleverly portrays two art thefts from the Met. Half of the fun though is watching the test of wills between the two main characters.

"Has it occurred to you that you have a problem with trust?"
"I trust myself implicitly."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)

DVD: Anamorphic


"You know what? I'm getting tired of this deaf shit. You mean to tell me you can't hear anything I say, even if I scream in your ear?"
"It seems crazy, after all these years, but I've never done that. I would like you to. Go ahead. Let's give it a try."
"I want you to HEAR ME. OKAY! SHAZAAM! CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
"Oh, WALLY. JESUS! I HEARD SOMETHING! I heard your voice!"
"Holy! You can hear me, Dave!"
"What?"
"You can hear me?!"
"NO, SCHMUCK! I'M DEAF! NOW DO YOU GET IT?"

Review: The plot in this movie of a deaf man and a blind man accused of murder they didn't commit is mostly used as a vehicle for Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder to joke with each other as they flee the cops and track down the real killers. They have great chemistry together and it makes for good laughs all through the film.

"Wait a second. Don't we get a last request?"
"What would you like?"
"Would you scratch my nose for me? Thank you."
"Mr. Carew, what would you like?"
"I suppose a fuck is out of the question."
"I'm afraid so."

4 out of 5 Stars