Film: Midnight in Paris (2011)

Blu-Ray


Review: Probably my favorite Woody Allen movie now. It just sweeps you up so you share in Gil's enchantment with the city of Paris as he travels back and forth in time between the present and the 1920s. Gil is a successful Hollywood screenwriter visiting the city with his fiancee while struggling with a decision to abandon his profession and stay in Paris to finish his novel.

Quotes:
"Can you picture how drop dead gorgeous this city is in the rain? Imagine this town in the '20s. Paris in the '20s, in the rain. The artists and writers!"
"Why does every city have to be in the rain? What's wonderful about getting wet?"

"He's a pseudo-intellectual. Just a little bit."
"Ah, Gil, I hardly think he'd be lecturing at the Sorbonne if he's a pseudo-intellectual."

"Ah, now here's a superb Picasso. If I'm not mistaken, he painted this marvelous portrait of his French mistress, Medeline Brissou, in the 20's."
"Oh, Paul, I'm going to have to differ with you on this one."
"Really?"
"Gil, Gil, just pay attention. You might learn something."
"Okay, well, if I'm not mistaken, this was a failed attempt to capture a young French girl named Adriana, from Bordeaux, if my art history serves me, who came to Paris to study costume design for the theater. And I'm pretty sure she had an affair with Modigliani, then Braque, which is how Pablo met her. Picasso. Of course, what you don't get from this portrait is the subtlety in her beauty. She was just a knockout."
"What have you been smoking?"
"I'd hardly call this picture marvelous. It's more of a petit bourgeois statement on how Pablo sees her... saw her. He's distracted by the fact that she was an absolute volcano in the sack."

"I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion."
"I hate it."
"You haven't even read it yet."
"If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer."

"500 francs for a Matisse? Yeah I think that sounds fair! You know, I wonder if actually I can pick up 6 or 7?"

"You'll never write well if you fear dying. Do you?"
"Yeah, I do. I'd say probably, might be my greatest fear actually."
"It's something all men before you have done, all men will do."
"I know, I know."
"Have you ever made love to a truly great woman?"
"Actually, my fiancée is pretty sexy."
"And when you make love to her, do you feel true and beautiful passion? And do you for at least that moment, lose your fear of death?"
"No, that doesn't happen."

"Hemingway did have one plot suggestion. He doesn't quite believe that the protagonist doesn't see that his fiancée is having an affair right before his eyes."

"These people don't have any antibiotics!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Adriana, if you stay here though, and this becomes your present then pretty soon you'll start imagining another time was really your... You know, was really the golden time. Yeah, that's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life's a little unsatisfying."
"That's the problem with writers. You are so full of words."

5 out of 5 stars

Film: The Substitute (1996)

DVD: Full Screen and Non-Anamorphic Widescreen


Review: Of all the films in the broken inner city school genre, this is my favorite. Tom Berenger plays a ex-special forces soldier who poses as a substitute teacher after his teacher friend is hurt because she stood up to the leader of the school's most dangerous gang. This is more of an action revenge film as he confronts the school's drug dealers than an inspirational tale of a teacher trying to improve the lives of his students through unconventional learning methods.

Quotes:
"What were his exact words?"
"That if I didn't back off, I'd wish I did."
"That's terrible! But technically speaking, it doesn't constitute a direct threat."
"You mean he didn't say he was going to stab me with a kitchen knife at 4:15pm?"

"My name is Mr. Smith. I will be Miss Hetzko's substitute for the next few days."

"Hand over the ice pick?"
"What ice pick? I ain't got no ice pick."
"This is my class, Rodriguez. I know everything and I don't allow any weapons in here."
"This ain't your class, bitch. I'll carry what I want. You better take that Superman shit somewhere else. Ahh!"
"It's impolite to stick your finger in somebody's chest. Would you like it if I did that to you? All right, hand over the ice pick... please. Thank you."
"Motherfucker, you broke my hand!"
"I just bent it a little. I don't break them on the first offense... I am in charge of this class. I'm the warrior chief. I'm the merciless god of anything that stirs in my universe. You FUCK with me and you will suffer my wrath! Estiendes ustedes? Estoy claro?"

"You're late, Juan. That'll be one demerit."
"One demerit? What do I do, write 'I'm sorry' ten times on the blackboard?"
"No, you're going to write it one hundred times. Let's go... Life is a chess game, Juan. This is a crucial move. I want you to think it over."
"You're the one who should have thought it through, motherfucker."
"Oh, believe me, I have, Juan. I have."

"Why should you care?"
"I didn't, at first."
"Oh, but you do now?"
"The other day I was talking and just happened to glance back and the weirdest thing happened..."
"What?"
"They were listening. I don't know. I guess I felt like, you know..."
"Like you were actually teaching."
"Yeah."
"Oh, I remember that feeling."

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

Blu-Ray


Review: This is my favorite of the Narnia books and I think they did a great job with the movie. Edmund and Lucy return to the magical world with their annoying cousin, Eustace, through a painting of a Narnian ship where they meet King Caspian as he sails across the sea to locate the seven exiled Lords of Telmar. I can see why they added a subplot about an evil mist emanating from the Dark Island to add an overarching enemy to the story since in the book they just sailed from island to island in the Dawn Treader encountering individual threats. I wish this film had the same higher budget as the first two films since the CGI in this one is a little weaker at times.

Quotes:
"Squirt? He barely has two years on me. I'm a king. I've fought wars and I've led armies."
"Not in this world."

"What's so fascinating about that picture, anyway? It's hideous."
"You won't see it from the other side of the door."
"Edmund, it looks like the water is actually moving."

"That giant rat thing just tried to claw my face off!"
"I was merely trying to expel the water from your lungs, sir."
"It talked! Did you see? Did anyone just hear that? It talked!"
"He always talks."
"Actually, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

"Since you left us, the Giants of the North surrendered unconditionally. Then we defeated the Calormen armies at the Great Desert. There is peace across all of Narnia."
"Peace?"
"In just three years."
"Hang on, if there are no wars to fight and no one is in trouble, then why are we here?"
"It's a good question. I've been asking myself the same thing."

"I'm not your subject."
"You've been waiting for this, haven't you? To challenge me? You doubt my leadership?"
"You doubt yourself."
"You're a child."
"And you're a spineless sap! I'm tired of playing second fiddle. First it was Peter and now it's you! You know I'm braver than both of you. Why do you get Peter's sword? I deserve a kingdom of my own. I deserve to rule."

"What was that? Is it a volcano?"
"Oh, no. That's no volcano. All hands on deck there. Archers, arm yourselves."

"Trouble sleeping? Now, now. All is not lost as it seems. I'll stay up with you if you wish... Keep you company. I'll wager you didn't even believe in dragons this morning. I could tell you one or two of my adventures if you like, to pass the time. Believe it or not, you're not the first dragon I've encountered. Many years ago, too many than I care to mention, I was with a band of pirates. I met another dragon, much fiercer than you..."

"So, what was it like... when Aslan changed you back?"
"No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it myself. Then he came towards me. It sort of hurt, but... it was a good pain. You know, like when you pull a thorn from your foot. Being a dragon wasn't all bad. I mean, I think I was a better dragon than I was a boy, really. I'm so sorry for being such a sop."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars

TV: Police Squad! - The Complete Series (1982)

DVD: 1 Disc


Review: The hilarious slapstick TV show that the Naked Gun movies were based, but it was cancelled after 6 episodes.

Quotes:
"Cigarette?"
"Yes, I know."

"My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad, a special division of the police force. I've just come from the stock yards. We've gotten reports of hundreds of cows had been senselessly slaughtered in the area, but I couldn't find any evidence. I stopped off for a hamburger and checked in with headquarters. There had been an apparent suicide. I went right to the scene. My boss was already there."

"Oh, poor Ralph. Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years?"
"No, I can't say that I do. I... did... live with a guy once, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos. They didn't understand. Ran him out of town like a common pygmy. Sure... he was a physical education major, but he had a mind... He could think. He wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. I told him she was wrong. And that younger boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. Can't go back."

"So Billy, the moisture in the air comes in contact with the cold pitcher and it forms water droplets, what we call condensation. Just like on your mother when she comes out of the shower, glistening with tiny little beads of... oh, hi Frank. That will be all for today, Billy. Next week we'll look into some interesting experiments with discard swimwear."
"Jeez, thanks, Mr. Olsen. Bye."

"Hey! What's the idea running my customer off?"
"We just want to have a little chat with you. You the new owner of this shop?"
"That's right. What can I do for you?"
"Nice place."
"Thank you."
"You know this is a rough neighborhood. Betcha you'd hate to see something happen to your little key store."
"What about my little keister?"
"Key store... You give us fifty bucks a week and we make sure your little place stays safe."
"I'm not interested."
"We hate to MAKE you interested."
"Get out of my shop! You get nothing from me."

"Answer the telephone. Pick it up."
"Hello."
"Hey Baby? Did you take care of that locksmith?
"You say what I tell you... Everything is taken care of."
"Everything is taken care of."
"That's my girl!"
"I'd sure like to see you."
"I'd sure like to see you."
"Sure thing, Baby. Do you still love me?"
"Of course I love you."
"Of course I love you."
"You don't sound like you mean it, lamikins."
"Of course I mean it, lamikins."
"Of course I mean it, lamikins."
"You really mean it, binki poo?"
"More than anything, schnooky lumps."
"More than anything, schnooky lumps."
"Schnooky lumps. Ooh, I like that. You never called me that before. What happened last night to bring this on?"
"When you held me in your manly arms and crushed me to your lips, I discovered what it meant to be a real women. When I think of your handsome face, your cruel lips, your strong chin, the way you touch, the way you smother me with..."
"Honey, I got to go. Meet me at my office tomorrow at three."
"All right, Darling."
"All right, Darling... What are you going to do now?"
"You and I are going down to headquarters."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars