TV: Chris Rock - Bring the Pain (1996)

DVD: 1 Disc


"You know what's sad? Here's something wild, Martin Luther King stood for non-violence. Now what is Martin Luther King? A street. I don't give a fuck where you are in America, if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence going down. It ain't the safest place to be. And you can't call someone and tell them you are lost on MLK. 'Hey, I'm lost on Martin Luther King.' 'RUN! RUN! RUN!'"

Review: This is the stand-up routine that made me sit-up and recognize Chris Rock as a talented comedian instead of the annoying comic on Saturday Night Live with all the bad skits. This is probably the best stand-up comedy concert ever filmed, even better than Eddie's "Raw" and "Delirious". It is hilarious but also tackles taboo subjects with amazing deftness.

"They was interviewing a brother in there, they said now, 'Sir, when a new inmate comes in and he wants some drugs, how do you initiate him?' The guy goes, 'Well, the first thing I do is make him toss my salad.' The guy's like, 'Toss my salad? What's that?' The guy: 'Well, having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or with syrup. I prefer syrup.' I'm not making this up!"

"Men don't have platonic friends. Okay. We just have women we haven't fucked YET. As soon as I figure this out, I'm in there. I mean, I got some platonic friends, but they're all by accident. Every platonic friend I got is someone I was trying to fuck, made a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend zone."

"Women are trying to be good, but not too good. Sometimes, women have to ration out the pussy. They want men to think they got a good women, but they don't want them to think they got a freak. They got to ration out the pussy. Okay, I'll fuck him now, but I won't suck his dick for two weeks. All right, I'll suck his dick, but I won't lick his balls till next week. All right, I'll lick his balls, but I won't lick his ass till next year. See men, we got to use all our tricks right away, whatever we got, just give whatever. We can't hold nothing back. We don't know if there will be any return engagements. So we got to... go.. for... it."

"It's hard not to cheat. Women don't want to hear that shit. It's hard not to cheat. You know why it's hard not to cheat? Women like guys who are in a relationship. Guys know what I'm talking about. When you're single, nobody was thinking about your ugly ass. Then your women got a hold of you; cut your hair, washed you down, gave you a lifesaver, wiped all the crust out of your eye. Now everybody wants to fuck ya. When you were single, no one was calling your ass up. Now your phone is ringing off the hook. Crazy, freaky sex talk, like 'Hey, what are you doing? You know, me and my girlfriend are having a dick sucking contest and we thought you would be a good judge."

5 out of 5 Stars

Film: Open Range (2003)

DVD: Enhanced 16x9


"You know, folks in Fort Harmon country don't take to free grazers or free grazing. They hate them more than they used to hate the Indians."
"I expect by 'folks', you mean ranchers like yourself."
"There ain't no free-graze cattle gonna take the feed off my cattle on this range."
"Free graze is legal."
"Times change, Mr. Spearman. Most folks change with them. A few holdouts never do."

Review: The highlight of this film is the final shoot-out, one of the best ever. It is a long film, but the only time the pacing dragged was in the budding relationship between Kevin Costner and Annette Bening's characters. The last scene between them before the fight was redundant. Robert Duvall was great as ever and the cinematography was excellent.

"Way I figure it, we can leave the cattle and run, or you and me can go in the dark and stop them before they scatter the herd."
"You reckon them cows are worth getting killed over?"
"The cows are one thing. But one man telling another where he can go in this country's something else."

"You the one killed our friend?"
"That's right?"

4 out of 5 Stars

Film: Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

DVD: Anamorphic


"Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?"
"Well, tradition mostly."

Review: This film reveals a relatively unknown chapter of the Cold War, how a Congressman used his position to fund a covert operation to drive the Soviets out of Afghanistan. The excellent script by Aaron Sorkin is tight, funny & informative all at the same time. Mike Nichols got great performances out of Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

"Unless I am wrong, and that would be unusual for me, you sit at the intersection of the State Department, the Pentagon and the CIA. You meet in a soundproof room underneath the Capitol, and you preside over a secret and unlimited budget for the three agencies you would need to conduct a covert war. Isn't that right?"
"I also have seats at the Kennedy Center."

"I've been with the company for 24 years. I was posted in Greece for 15. Papandreou wins that election if I didn't help the junta take him prisoner. I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army. I've neutralized champions of Communism. I've spent the past three years learning Finnish! Which should come in handy here in Virginia!! And I'm never, ever, sick at sea. So I want to know why I'm not gonna be your Helsinki Station Chief."
"You're coarse."
"Excuse me?"
"For Helsinki, I need someone with diplomatic skills. You don't have them."
"Is that right?"
"That is right. And I don't know why the hell I didn't fire you when you broke my fucking window."

"How did it go?"
"Well, there were three of them. It was like getting slapped around by a Pakistani vaudeville team. You know you've pretty much hit rock bottom when you've been told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup."

4 1/2 out of 5 Stars